doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog @william_daw Twitter profile

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

8 years

@Ellis_Samizdat @gmpolice I say it's another, smaller bag

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

8 years

@ewaniverse @gmpolice I reckon it could be an impossibly long object like a rifle, or a jousting lance, like in a Bugs Bunny cartoon

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

3 years

@mnkywelldone

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

9 years

(In an Australian accent right to a pregnant woman's belly) got a baby in there have you mate?

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

6 years

Absolutely devastated to learn Gillian Anderson is going to play Thatcher meaning I’m in love with Thatcher

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

5 years

Calling my edgy stand up tour CANCELLED is causing some logistical problems

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

9 years

Nice winter coat idiot u look like a dropped wig http://t.co/r5Vy1q9bDb

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

8 years

Banksy you've done it again

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

5 years

Sly on Brian

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

7 years

Spinning Around by Kylie Minogue- easily one of the best songs written from the perspective of a person who is spinning around

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

7 years

Literally two pages apart

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

3 years

(fantasising about moving back to a city where I spent my 20s) it's got a lot going for it... such a good arts and music scene... a lot going on socially... no lower back pain

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

4 years

@clownesvanzandt “I’m going to become the Groke”

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

4 years

@gmpolice

Anthony Grainger: police misconduct case over shooting collapses

Charges dropped against former GMP assistant chief constable Steven Heywood

www.theguardian.com

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

8 years

@longwall26 @yomiadegoke Sean Smith's troubled past: the unemployed black man controversially beheaded during Pepsi incident earlier this month was no angel

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

4 years

@jonbernhardt seems likely it's the son of a recently deceased sculptor who made this exact piece a bunch of times and explicitly said he would like someone to put them in surprising locations after his death, can't even get mad at it for being marketing smh

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

8 years

1 like = 1 pic of a horse indoors

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

4 years

@Lewiswbt1 hell yeah I love rap

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

7 years

It's messed up that Busytown has a zoo for non-anthropomorphic animals

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

6 years

(Me forgetting to take my phone to the toilet) I'm taking a break from online

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

8 years

Cameron (well-rehearsed): those are my good friends Antonin and Declan. I know and love them. They live in the television and eat insects

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

5 years

2 PATHS

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

6 years

(Entire intro to Waiting Room) HE WAS A SKATER BOY

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

4 years

@campbellclaret @tortoise hiya mate remember when you were instrumental in hounding a scientist to suicide for whistleblowing

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

3 years

@Glorio @granitetide

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

4 years

@thedalstonyears @AndrewBartletta they’re also not actually doing the thing the SC told them to, which was to pay min wage for the whole shift, not just when they have a passenger

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

6 years

“Taking a Twitter break for Christmas but if you need to contact me I’ll be checking dms and replies and my timeline and posting”

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

4 years

Me sowing (getting obsessed with a 110 episode homoerotic space opera anime) hahaha! Fuck yeah!!! Yes!! Me reaping (trying to tell my disinterested wife about it every day) well this fucking sucks. what the fuck.

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

6 years

Playing a spooky halloween prank on myself by mentally running through the most disastrous possible outcome of every action

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

10 years

If you can't handle me at my worst (two hours late, high) you don't deserve me at my best (one hour late, high)

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

3 years

@FinessaFudges

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

6 years

@crispinbest TGI Fightdat

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

8 years

@No_More_Islam @HKesvani so you do vape then

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

4 years

@kathbarbadoro SAFDIES

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

9 years

WHAT DO WE WANT? PEOPLE STARTING LONG CONFUSING CHANTS AT PROTESTS! HOW DO WE WANT IT? ALSO WITH A SECOND PART THAT IS DIFFICULT TO MEMORIZE

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

5 years

@SzMarsupial There’s stuff inside embryonic seed cells that reacts to gravity, which makes seeds grown in zero g come out all fucked up

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

4 years

wife saw me typing in her family group chat and shouted NO down the stairs

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

12 years

"Have a bit of faith in yourself you fucking piece of shit" - a real thought I had

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

4 years

@Clipart1994bot for me the name SALESRAT.BMF is a big tip-off

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

8 years

Corbyn's greatest achievement is getting me so invested in the Labour party I am in a near-constant state of meltdown about it

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

8 years

Air: Sexy Boy plays as I am cleanly cut into vertical halves by an enormous bandsaw

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

5 years

Daughter is going through that classic three-year-old phase of being OBSESSED with the 1971 Carole King album Tapestry

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

9 years

*SEES SOMEONE POST A LINK TO SOMETHING I SAW LIKE TWO DAYS AGO* You idiot. You fucking Bitch idiot

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

7 years

There's a takeaway by mine called "7ate6". Absolutely does my head in every time I see it. Hate starting every day baffled and furious

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

9 years

@MatthewDoyle31 hiya mate could you please apologise to me personally for Anders Brevik. Hope u won't be mealy mouthed

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

6 years

Nice void you got here... be a shame if someone were to... howl into it

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

8 years

Well you heard wrong, pal

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

9 years

Shout out to next door's cat who is currently eating a massive seagull

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

8 years

I don't believe it

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

8 years

I'm going to cuck this plumbing supply centre

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

9 years

Ah that enduring classic of childhood "the big book of messed up transparent horror apes" http://t.co/2XbRu1Ico8

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

6 years

I’m trying to listen to a Dexys Midnight Runners album while cleaning up and Spotify thinks it’s being cute by playing four different versions of Come On Eileen in a row but guess what motherfucker

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

3 years

@ByYourLogic

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

3 years

@Mc_Heckin_Duff @lukemcgee @aylwyn_scally @katheder "I am not a centrist, I sincerely have no personal politics" is an absolute all-timer

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

2 years

@ArcheryContest @iggigg the only reason I could ever imagine needing to piss is if I had too much orange juice the day before

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

9 years

might get business cards that just say I'M SORRY, I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M LIKE THIS to hand out during conversations

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

9 years

I wish someone would tell me. Took a big swig of water like ten hours ago and it's still in my mouth because as yet I've nothing to react to

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

4 years

@angryaboutbikes @bat020 I really wish a UKIP of the left was possible but imo it’s not because UKIP only succeeded due to institutional complicity across our awful media and political culture

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

6 years

@robwhisman Now that’s what I call a children’s day

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

7 years

“OK” 😉

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

7 years

@alexqarbuckle @2dAmMuslim lol Bicentennial Man is so high

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

6 years

In my quest to become a more positive person, I’m gonna start using ‘cba’ for CAN be arsed. It’s going to be super confusing

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

6 years

Pleased to announce my daughter is now old enough to enjoy pop punk, and one year off being too old to enjoy pop punk

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

8 years

Check it out lol it's a road sign about the Lemonheads song "It's A Shame About Ray"

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

7 years

My Swedish-made wanking tower finally arrived

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

8 years

Don't block my gate off I never know when I might need to ride my dirt bike down the stairs and out the front door

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

7 years

No room in my life for toxic people or people who cause elemental damage or stun effects

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

8 years

I had my bottom rib removed so I could suck my own bottom rib

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

11 years

[thumps podium] and to my critics who say i am easily confused by mirrors like a budgie i say [suddenly distracted] who's this handsome boy

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

6 years

Wallace Coming Out Of His Well To Obtain Cheese

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

6 years

(Werewolves of London voice) uwu

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

8 years

Ok people time to roll up our sleeves and begin the hard work of having an hour-long anxiety meltdown in a toilet cubicle at work

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

5 years

I’d assumed this was for halloween but I guess it’s a permanent rebrand

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

9 years

Uhh privilege much http://t.co/W8WGUYmyuz

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

6 years

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: YOUTH SQUANDERED

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

10 years

REASON FOR DISMISSAL: Third formal warning for sleeping in a hammock wearing a nightcap and gown

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

8 years

Am I a great ally? Yes. Does everyone owe me sex for it? Again the answer is yes

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

9 years

From now on call me:

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

4 years

getting into ccgs

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

4 years

@JacotheNorth @sitainshort is it cool when children profit massively from and still control the social order because of the crimes of their grandparents though

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

9 years

Wish I could get as excited about anything as an adult as I used to get as a child about the thought of a car going up a ramp

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

4 years

just remembering how when I was a teenager my first gf asked which fork was the right one for dishing up cat food and I pretended we had a specific one but really we were just using our forks. kept this charade up for the whole relationship

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

9 years

Just nearly got ran over by this car, which also has a 3D smiling face on the front

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

8 years

It's not all bad news lads, I've found part of a sausage between some pallets at work #sausage

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

5 years

Daughter: how do babies start growing inside someone? Me: well, Daughter (immediately interrupting to clarify): does the skeleton grow first

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

6 years

Wow looks like I'm going to have to make a sightseeing diversion later

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

6 years

Twitter is easily the best app for becoming overwhelmed with anger towards Graham Linehan

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

9 years

Today I told an Australian tourist that one English nickname for police is "the toilet boys"

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

10 years

"time is a flat circle" that's a clock idiot you're thinking of a clock

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

5 years

Lol

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

12 years

@hell_homer why did my ex ferry my soul to the land of the dead across the river styx. why did you do that charon

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

9 years

These jalapeño poppers are hardly relaxing my arse at all

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

9 years

Me, within one minute of meeting my newborn baby: this seems like a smart baby

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

4 years

taking the rest of the day off as my phone ran out of battery while I was on the toilet forcing me to experience my own unmediated thoughts for nearly four minutes

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw

4 years

soothing Mary Anne Hobbs voice: that’s actually Barack Obama’s favourite track on To Pimp A Butterfly

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doing tight lipped coworker smile at dog

@william_daw