dnzele @vetusdeus112 Twitter profile

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

big things happening at home. our cat is pregnant and the whole family is certain that our neighbour's cat got her pregnant. Mom thinks that we should give the neighbour half of how many ever kittens she births, dad thinks that we should ask said neighbour to pay child support

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@vetusdeus112

7 months

Mom: "that boy has been roaming here and sight-adichifying our girl for months now" *looks to cat* "you're too young to do all this, you had a future...." Dad: "no point scolding her [mum's name], we need to go talk to [neighbour's name] least he can do is pay for food."

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

Dad is considering going and talking to neighbour in an hour or so about the child support. Will keep y'all updated.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

update 2: Mom is sitting with Guddu and wholeheartedly lecturing her about how all men are like this and that once they satisfy themselves, they won't bother about you or the child. Guddu is a cat.

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@vetusdeus112

7 months

we finna neuter her after her first litter and we're not just takin kittens away xD, once they're fully nursed and weaned neighbour will be feedin em until they adopted not dumb, not our first rodeo.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

update 1: Dad is practicing what to say to the neighbor, I keep hearing "hello [name] how are you doing? We need to talk about Guddu (our cat) and Kanna (his cat)" over and over again and he keeps stuttering also. I see where I get my social awkwardness from.

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@vetusdeus112

7 months

update 4: Parents tried to call my grandfather up and tell him that Guddu (our cat) is pregnant. Grandfather is 90+, hard of hearing and doesn't really know how to take phonecalls. He has not understood what they are trying to tell him. He thinks that I am pregnant.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

update 12: Guddu snuck away during the argument. Found Kanna humping Guddu under the neighbour's bed when we went looking for her. Neighbour has agreed to foster half the litter whenever they're born.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

p.s. - dad and neighbour are bonding by sharing woes ab their ungrateful children (Kanna in the neighbour's case, me and Guddu in my dad's case) The neighbour is closer in age to me btw, keep this in mind when you imagine a man defending his cat's honour.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

update 3: Neighbour is home, mom is advising dad to take Guddu along for dramatic effect, dad is weirdly protective. Dad: "what if she turns out not to be pregnant or if it's someone else's, we can't let them know we don't know who the father is" once again these are cats.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

update 5: parents are arguing, both are accusing the other of not paying enough attention to Guddu and her "behaviour". Mom: "you're never home, how you'll know what she does and where she goes? With that boy (me) also you were like this." idk why im catching strays.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

update 11: Dad and neighbour are having a full blown argument. Neighbour implied that Guddu (our cat) was a loose woman and my dad called Kanna (neighbour's cat) a "loafer". I'm convinced they'd be fully physically fighting each other if I wasn't here.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

update 8: Our neighbour is convinced that it cannot be Kanna that got her pregnant because a) Kanna isn't home right now. b) Kanna has been neutered. not a good look for us or Guddu.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

update 13 (possibly final): Dad and neighbour are now bonding by talking shit ab the vet who allegedly neutered Kanna but clearly failed. Grandfather just called me up to ask who Guddu was and why my mother is getting weirdly emotional.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

update 6: turns out my parents didn't bother clearing things up with my grandfather. He just called to ask me how I got pregnant/which girl I got pregnant. Told him it's the cat that's pregnant, not me or some non-existent lover and he hung up on me.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

yes we are going to have her spayed after she has this litter, this will be her only litter. no we are not going to DNA test the kittens because none of us are insane.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

update 10: Dad just raised his voice at the neighbour and asked him to prove to us all that Kanna is neutered. it's so over 😭

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

we figured out she was pregnant bc she's gotten rounder(?) over the past two weeks or so. Once again, she cannot read.

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@vetusdeus112

7 months

update 7: dad is taking Guddu to meet our neighbour and Kanna (neighbour's cat). Obviously I will be going along with him.

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@vetusdeus112

7 months

update 9: Dad and neighbour have argued for ab fifteen minutes. Neighbour standing his ground that Kanna could not have gotten Guddu pregnant, dad growing increasingly frustrated.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

FINAL UPDATE: WE WENT TO THE VET, GUDDU IS OVERWEIGHT NOT PREGNANT. HER DIET HAS CHANGED EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY AND WE'RE WONDERING HOW TO APOLOGISE TO KANNA AND HIS OWNER.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

These are two other unrelated kittens we adopted recently. One is named Thesis, the other is named Antithesis. They are the Synthesis Brothers.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

@BeingEncrypted That ship has sailed.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

there are grown men with Ranbir Kapoor profile pictures trying to slutshame my cat....

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

the only person who truly deserves justice in this entire situation is my grandfather I think.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

I live in India, I'm Indian. We're South Indian all of us (including Guddu and Kanna). Sight-adichifying is Tamil slang for ogling/hitting on.

tyler

@mrijbol

7 months

White people problems

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

very specific kinda person/people taking great pride in telling me im dumb/stupid/irresponsible while also trying to be louder than the other people who aren't doing that. there's a pattern here and it's got a very light colour if you catch my drift 🥴🥴🥴🥴

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

important.

dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

FINAL UPDATE: WE WENT TO THE VET, GUDDU IS OVERWEIGHT NOT PREGNANT. HER DIET HAS CHANGED EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY AND WE'RE WONDERING HOW TO APOLOGISE TO KANNA AND HIS OWNER.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

@ot7mikrokosm

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

not how I saw myself getting attention from one of my favourite authors for my writing but I'll take it.

Shiv Ramdas Buk Riter

@nameshiv

7 months

Now, this is how you livetweet an event

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

god the white ppl have woken up and are unable to read past two subtweets and keep harassing me about not spaying Guddu.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

look I'd have LOVED kittens too but the angry white people in my mentions did have a point. Guddu is my baby as much as she is my mum and dad's. Her happiness and health is paramount. We're going to make sure she loses weight healthily and maintains it. Hell, I'll try too.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

she cannot read

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

@Bigotedechivo @lacontrera_ you are using reddit speak as part of your common parlance, already I am not taking you seriously.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

someone just called me an "unethical cat owner" and this shit isn't even making me mad bruh I wanna put this on a tee.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

1 month

*sitting for online interview for this copywriting job* "sir aapka LGBT kya hai?" what the fu....mera what? "sir LGBT! AAPKA LGBT KE BAARE MEIN KUCH BOLIYE" OH ELIGIBILITY

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

Guddu has been bumped up to favourite cat because of this.

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@vetusdeus112

7 months

@ms_o_prostol the plan yeah, I've said it about 123456789 other times since yesterday that we intend to spay her post her first litter but given the complications a litter might bring it's better to spay her asap. Vet doesn't seem to have any qualms about a fat cat being spayed.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

@AGirlOfHerWords We intend to get her spayed really soon, this will be her first and last litter.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

This is a fella we rescued a few years ago and he's the orangest of all orange cats. We found him roaming the streets with his head stuck in a pipe on the day we rescued him and he routinely gets bullied by the Synthesis Brothers. His name is Joey Cata$$ (pronounced Hotsauce).

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

6 months

we're in Mysore rn for a funeral and I stepped out for a smoke a few hours ago. At smoke shop I saw the prettiest woman I'd ever laid eyes on also smoking a cigarette. Under guise of asking for lighter , I struck up a conversation. Turns out we're cousins. Excuse me while I die.

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@vetusdeus112

7 months

@Abortion_Squad did the cat tell you that

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

@c00chiesavior69 we can all call them whatever we want to but my mother is still going to call them something like kutta and putta.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

2 months

"you matter as a person, just not to me" has to be one of the coldest takedowns I've ever witnessed on this platform.

Shiv Ramdas Buk Riter

@nameshiv

2 months

@CommonSenseThx I started reading that response but it was so fucking stupid I stopped after half a sentence and decided to keep living my life but remember, you matter as a person, just not to me

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

hi new X (the app formerly known as Twitter) friends, I use this app like a personal diary. Please be warned.

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@vetusdeus112

1 month

it is very important to disappoint your parents in your teens itself, either through one major fuckup or a series of tiny fuckups. This is the only way you'll be able to have a tolerable relationship with them in your 20s.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

4 years

@itsgavinbryce @discostang Best selling doesn't mean shit lol crack was the best selling drug in the 90s, doesn't mean it cured diabetes.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

2 months

"you will have to answer to your Gods for all the divisiveness you spread, and they will not be as merciful as us"

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

2 years

Wordle 225 1/6 I AM SCREAMING I WAS FUCKING AROUND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THIS WAS A WORD WHEN I DID IT 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

@Miss_Shah094 "Gudduva ippo Gundu kupidnon" (We need to change her name from Guddu to fatass).

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

I will never believe the "oh I was too drunk to know better" excuse bc i routinely get blackout viking level drunk but u don't see me harassing women.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

3 years

@insaneppltweets I do this because I know the celebrity won't reply and the chat serves as an easily accessible journal of sorts

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

2 months

@peeleraja diverse representation in Parliament is a good outcome. What would you rather have them do?

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@vetusdeus112

3 months

zaafirah🍉🇧🇩

@appl3muncher

3 months

bengaluru man is equivalent to florida man imo

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

he seems like a fine fellow, very distinguished.

Stacy Jo Rost

@StacyRost

7 months

My parents had to put their dog down two years ago and it’s been really hard on them. Unfortunately my stepdad, Rick, has found the worst way to cope: feeding a one-year old raccoon and letting him live on their porch. His name is Little Rick aka Rickoon. And by “feeding” him,

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

5 months

i know quickest way from Koramangala to Kammanahalli, shortest route from Shantinagar to Shivajinagar and all the gullies that will get you to Chikpete from Cheemasandra. I am a Roads Scholar.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

im one situationship away from becoming a nun

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

6 months

*opens instamart* Instamart: HEY MAN IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY YOU WANT CONDOMS OR CHOCOLATE OR CHOCOLATE FLAVOURED CONDOMS OR MAYBE YOU'RE LOOKING FOR CONDOM FLAVOURED CHOCOLATE DID YOU KNOW I SELL CONDOMS PLEASE BUY CONDOMS......ey lmao wait this loser wants cigarettes.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

the goal is to seem so androgynous that I look like a man and a woman had a child.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

something about drunkenly eating fried chicken outside church while actively avoiding the service feels so blasphemous

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

4 years

idk who needs to hear this but watching Suits is not a reason to decide to get a degree in Law.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

@Similar89 Fat.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

this account is not a safe space for Zionists or conservatives of any kind.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

6 months

not a bad thing at all though, have found the cool smoker cousin now.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

He routinely has to be picked up and have his face pushed into his bowl for him to understand that it is his food bowl.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

this toddler has been following me around saying "DADA" for the past half an hour or so and her parents seem so embarrassed bc every time they try taking her away she starts crying.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

4 years

Bangaloreans be like "I know a spot" and then get stuck in traffic for 4 hours.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

2 months

I just idk man i kind of understand when a lot of people here talk about how it's impossible to converse with family members about politics, especially when they're conservative. The left also needs to come out of its little bubble where they think "standing up" is gonna fix shit

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

no it's not fair I deserve to have been born w the resources to become a theorist at Sorbonne or a poet at the Heaney Centre or something, instead I have to hear this dude bring a cow outside my house at exactly 6am every morning and blow that godforsaken nadaswaram.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

4 years

Arctic monkeys or something idk I don’t listen to them.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

you are truly missing the point of reading Camus, Kafka and Dostoevsky if you're suddenly upset about reading them given their sudden surge in appeal. Find your own meaning within the absurd dickwad, don't obsess over someone else's.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

26 days

someone on Instagram called me a misogynist for this thread and I still don't fully understand what they mean by that

dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

big things happening at home. our cat is pregnant and the whole family is certain that our neighbour's cat got her pregnant. Mom thinks that we should give the neighbour half of how many ever kittens she births, dad thinks that we should ask said neighbour to pay child support

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

2 years

@TunafishNchips @fine_apple_anan The word 'along' is a preposition, never begin sentences with prepositions. "you need english also" is a poorly constructed sentence. Ideally it'd be "you need to learn English as well" After "along with math" there needs to be an Oxford comma. Let he who is without sin...

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

2 years

@fine_apple_anan girl it literally tells you how much you'll save, why are you doing math? 😭

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

waking up this sunday and doing my cute morning routine with drinking coconut water and skincare as if it'll cancel out the 30 beers i slammed last night.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

they'll invent man milking machines but my mom and ex partners were routinely told that "just getting married" would fix their PCOD 🤨

World of Engineering

@engineers_feed

7 months

Sperm extractor machine

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

2 years

the only way to stop Kanye now is to let him date Kangana.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

3 months

For the Student Who Used AI to Write a Paper what the fuck bro? you and i both know that you don't write like this you even left in the bit where the thing says "certainly, I can help you with that".

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

this bar im in rn is playing some cover of party in the USA i love them we're in the middle of Chikmagalur

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

@Biodun_OG @shutup_gajju Ronaldo is not going to have sex with you (consensually)

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

4 years

lOoK aT mE i'M sPeCiAL i LiStEn To ArTiStS fRoM tHe 90s AnD uSe iT aS aN eXcUsE tO sHiT oN pEoPLe WiTh DiFfErEnT tAsTeS tHaT dOn'T aLiGn WiTh WhAt My OpInIoN oF GoOd mUsIc Is I aM sO sPeCiAL aNd OnLy My gAtEkEePiNg AsS dEsErVeS tO bE tAkEn SeRiOuSLY.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

@Bigotedechivo @lacontrera_ "now hush and go spay your fucking cats pal"

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

2 months

conservative men: *says something derogatory about a woman's appearance* leftist men (unprompted): bro I'd FUCK that person SO HARD, you have NO idea how HARD I'm OBJECTIFYING HER rn

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

this shower that is so hot that you can see steam emanating from my body is surely going to fix me.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

4 years

If any of you buy into this #MaskSeAzaadi campaign I will find out where you live and beat you to death with my bare hands.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

woke up and said happy new year to everyone then asked someone what today's date was when filling up a form.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

4 years

taking a shit during online classes hits different like "hahah bich I remember the day u told me I couldn't go to the washroom when I asked you LOOK AT ME NOW" (I mean don't look at me look at me, but you get what I mean)

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

8 months

Bangaloreans when someone asks them when they wake up.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

5 months

happy women's day to all women it's so incredible and cool that all of y'all were born on the same day

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

4 years

Sees more than three SJC students tweeting about similar topics "Ah yes, EJP assignment"

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

@chief_immhi currently, I intend to go to bed because we've got an early day tomorrow. Have to take Guddu to the vet and get her fully checked out and then figure out if there are any specific diet changes or meds she may need. After that I don't know, will probably shitpost more.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

4 years

NRIs who are highkey way more privileged also enjoy heavy seat reservation in many Indian educational institutions but SC/ST students who suffer from an actual lack of representation being given reservation is what makes you mad????

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@vetusdeus112

3 years

how in the fuck did i suffer and recover from severe alcoholism before i even turned 21

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

but see, you're not a fig tree. You're a beautiful person and any life you live will have been a life worth living. Do what makes you happy, i love you.

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

4 years

@MRX_on_steroids if that happens a RW brain takes a screenshot

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

I am an actual writer, but it's nothing like you've read here. I write poetry and disgustingly painful poetic prose. You can find that here.

Home

My thoughts keep leaking out of this gaping hole in my head.

mybloodinthecut.wordpress.com

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

4 years

yeah bitch I got HIV H - homies I - in V - Vishakapatnam

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dnzele

@vetusdeus112

7 months

Suhana could be Dev, but Sharhrukh could never be Veronica.

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@vetusdeus112

2 months

we need not be surprised about how it's going in Karnataka. Our people have a long and strange history of voting differently at the State level and the Central level.

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@vetusdeus112

4 years

you like all my tweets, when will you like me?

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