DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army) @uppa_dla Twitter profile

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

5 months

The women from the Devenish greeting each other at the school gates this morning

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

5 months

Devenish management taking Hen Do bookings

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

5 months

‘Good night at the Devenish, luv’ ‘Shite, left early’

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

6 months

‘A second tout is texting Jamie Bryson about the meeting’

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

6 months

BREAKING: Marcus Rashford has been spotted leaving Benedicts with a 33-year-old grandmother of 5 from Sandy Row and heading towards Spuds. More as we get it…

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

4 months

Yer da on DAY 3 of the stag do looking at a round of Jägerbombs for breakfast

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

Belfast Da Circa 1988: * Had an Alsatian dog called Kaiser * Drank cans of Tennents with page 3 girls on them * Bought a car to fix, left it on bricks outside the house for 10 years, gave it away * Wore a black leather jacket and white Hi-tecs * Probably called Rab

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

Congratulations to former DLA prisoner @ColinMurray on becoming permanent @C4Countdown host.

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

4 months

Jamie Bryson getting ready for the emergency DUP meeting

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

4 months

I see there’s been a skiff of snow up the Mournes. That’s usually the cue for every ball beg with an Instagram account and a Berghaus fleece to go up, get lost and then airlifted to safety

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

A new mural has been unveiled in the Holylands dedicated towards promoting 'peace and quiet' among it's tonic wine swilling residents. It's one of a collection of new murals including 'Stick Yer Rock the Boat Up Yer Hole' and 'F**k Away Off Round Yer Own Door Ya Culchie Hoor Ye'.

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

8 months

Suella Braverman provides evidence of Orange Order's links to Gazza

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

5 months

‘Three bucked in this venue. Said yer man with the 14 inch welt done the damage’

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

5 months

When yer da is caught on video getting slapped across the bake with a Colin Caterpillar in the Devenish but he has a good job

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

Lots of questions remain after Sinn Fein's election win. The main one being did anyone save the poor b*stard in the runaway wheelchair?

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 months

Yer ma at the kitchen table when you crawl back in after a 3 day bender

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

Nicola Sturgeon is resigning to spend more time with her family. Our thoughts go out to her family at this time.

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

Belfast Ma Circa 1988: * Smoked 40 Silk Cut a day * Drank VAT19 & Coke * Had a sister that looked identical * Screamed her kids names at the door when their tea was ready * Threatened to stick knives in kids balls & said 'Fuck away off round yer own door' * Probably called Jean

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

5 months

Yer ma was in the Devenish last night is 2024’s sells Avon

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

The British public really are a forgiving bunch. You can vote against free school meals and preside over 1000s of care home deaths. But if you can eat a kangaroo dick without gagging then it's all water under the bridge #MattHanock #ImACelebrity

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

Now Belfast is out of the running, @Eurovision are considering the alternative NI cities of Lisburn, Bangor and Larne. The Larne tourist board has already given the idea three thumbs up

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

Taking the bird you pulled in Benedict’s down for a Spudz

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

These just arrived at DLA HQ ahead of the local elections at which our political representative Davy 'The Venezuelan' Taylor will be standing as a candidate for Castlereagh East. His aim is to bring Lisburn and Castlereagh Council down from within. But don't be telling anyone

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

5 months

BREAKING: The Pleasure Boys are to replace the Wolfe Tones at this year's Féile

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

11 months

The inmate returning to his cell after stabbing Ian Watkins

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

6 months

BREAKING: Marcus Rashford has been spotted leaving the Cock n’ Hens in a K Kabs with Chazzy Shankill…

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

I see Sudocrem is trending. Growing up in Northern Ireland, there was nothing Sudocrem couldn't heal. Punishment beating? Bit of Sudocrem will sort that. Plastic bullet wound? Bit of Sudocrem will sort that. Religious divide? Na, not even Sudocrem could heal that

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

Usuns and Themuns reading the Windsor Framework before a long night of slinging shite on the internet

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

A new mural has been unveiled in the Holylands dedicated towards promoting 'peace and quiet' among its GAA jersey clad tonic wine swilling residents. 'Will You F**k Up Too' is one of a collection of new murals which also includes 'Stick Yer Rock the Boat Up Yer Hole'

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

6 months

CCTV footage from Avoniel Leisure Centre as Sammy Wilson accuses Nigel Dodds of wearing a wire

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

Thank you for the inspiration @J_Donaldson_MP

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

6 months

DEADLINE DAY: Sammy Wilson joins the TUV on a free transfer and Peter Odemwingie has been spotted in the car park outside the DUP's Dundela Avenue HQ. Meanwhile, Harry Redknapp is in talks to become the new Sinn Fein leader if Michelle O'Neill joins OnlyFans

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

4 months

Everyone in East Belfast trying to sleep at 8.48am Harbour Estate fire alarm

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

9 months

Never ceases to amaze how usuns & themuns see what's happening in Israel/Palestine as an opportunity to turn it into an Orange & Green debate. Especially when 99% of them think the Gaza Strip is a Rangers kit from 1996

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

3 months

Temperatures are expected to soar above 12 degrees this weekend. Prepare for the following:

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

6 months

STORM ISHA LATEST: MET Offices say if winds pick up another 3mph toilet paper will be limited to 3 rolls per person and the Ice Bowl will be turned into a makeshift morgue. Also, Big Sandra in the Belfast Live comments section is demanding: ‘cLoSe tHE sCHoOls’. More to follow…

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

5 months

BREAKING: Stormont has collapsed for a 3rd time after the DUP and Sinn Fein couldn't agree on whether this man was called 'Aitch' or 'Haitch'. MLAs will remain of full pay until a settlement is reached

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

Boils my piss when I read ‘Garry Gliter had sex with a girl under 13’. He didn’t. He raped her.

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

Belfast Ma Circa 2000: * Drives a Turquoise Vauxhall Tigra * Has a Tweety Pie tattoo on her left arm * Smokes the menthol fegs cos they help her chest * Prefers the lie down sunbeds to the stand ups * Wears dresses over jeans * Drinks Smirnoff Mules * Probably called Jo-Jo

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

4 months

It's funny how Sean Combs has evolved over time. First it was Puff Daddy. Then P Diddy. Now P dophile.

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

4 months

The struggle is real

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

5 months

Yer da spotting yer ma getting tea bagged on stage

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

Co-worker who contaminated butter with their burnt toast crumbs kneecapped

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

Breaking: There are reports a balloon was shot down over Stormont by the UDA. The Ballybeen Rocket Team remains on standby. More as we get it...

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

Counting has started & Davy is quietly confident after threatening voters on their way into polling stations last night. Davy reminded a voter it was he who had an access ramp built outside the man’s house. To be fair, it was Davy who put him in the wheelchair, but still #LE23

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

Belfast Granda Circa 1988 * Drank cans of Bass Export Ale * Wore white leather slip-on shoes with the wee gold strap on them * Had a nicked feg behind one ear and a bookie pen behind the other * Gutted out turnips with a bent butter knife at Halloween * Probably called Geordie

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

If we learnt anything today, it's that Chris Rock can take a slap better than Will Smith can take a joke

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

You can just imagine when WW3 breaks out and chemical weapons are being dropped on us, someone's ma will be ranting on Facebook about how's she exempt from wearing a gas mask because of her anxiety

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

When you fart in your gimp suit #Brits2023

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

4 months

Checking your bank balance after parking in Victoria Square

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

I can smell the stale feg smoke just looking at this photo. The good ol' 188. At least the journey to school was little more subdued as the passengers were still half-asleep. The return journey can only be described as some adolescent road version of Con-Air.

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

Any money for Halloween and the prisoner's wives? #VoteDLA

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

When your colleagues called a strike and you can't shit stir @StephenNolan #LE23

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

5 months

Trump on Casement Park

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

Belfast Da Circa 2000: * Has a tattoo of the Tasmanian Devil waving a Union Flag on his calf * Spent 13 months in Maghaberry playing Tekken on the PS1 * His Alsatian wears a Glasgow Rangers t-shirt * Partial to a nice sovereign ring * Probably called Bazza

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

5 months

BREAKING: After the Trident missile test fails for a second time in a row, the Ballybeen Rocket Team has offered the Royal Navy its services

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

3 months

Timmy Mallett visited The Devenish Complex in either South or West Belfast. When Timmy noticed the sign outside was missing a letter, he asked: ‘What happened to the D?’, to which a 70yr old woman replied: ‘Oh, you get that later’, with a wink.

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

Portrush the day

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

There was no clearer indication that your da was on the bru than having yella pack crisps in your lunchbox. That, and having diluted orange juice in an old Smak Cola bottle. For this reason, we consider Big Jim a legitimate target for a de-begging

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

500 followers 🤩 500 more & I release naked pics of @Tim_Mc_Garry

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

It's an open secret @frank_broadcast is an active member of the DLA and has been involved in clandestine operations against Lisburn. One high profile informant claims it was Frank who shut down the Lagan Valley Leisureplex when he took a dump in the Lazy River. Lamh Dearg APoo.

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

3 months

Nationalists after seeing 1,600 mattresses being delivered to Craigyhill

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

UTV have bowed to the public’s insatiable demand for shows about imbeciles riding each other by commissioning a new show called ‘Buck Island’. ‘Buck Island’ is similar to Love Island, except it drops the façade the show has anything to do with love’, explained a UTV spokesperson

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

𝙅𝙖𝙢𝙚𝙨 𝘾𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙚𝙣 𝙞𝙨 𝙗𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙅𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙨 𝙠𝙚𝙗𝙖𝙗 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙥 𝙞𝙣 𝘿𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡𝙙. He abused staff, stole a charity collection box & took a bite out of another customer's baby. Mr Corden was escorted off the premises and barred for his performance in Cats

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

7 months

When something bad happens in December, why do NI folk say 'Ach Jaysus, right before Xmas too'. Like it's ok to be hit by an Ulster Bus any other time of year? 'Sorry to hear about yer da getting squashed by that Goldliner in July, Sandra'... 'F the aul B, he got the good weather

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

In the new modernised version of Roald Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, 'bedridden' Grandpa Joe gets done for benefit fraud and Willy Wonka is investigated by Operation Yewtree

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

A Belfast man will appear on a special edition of Nolan Live to talk about his recovery from a bout of Monkeypox. 47-year-old Herbie Henderson claims he caught the disease while ‘swinging’ and developed a lumpy rash. ‘I’d a cock on me like a Lion Bar’, Herbie told Nolan.

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

5 months

It's funny how times change. Four years ago you couldn't get into a bar without 2 vaccine shots and a face mask but now it's dead on to 69 a stripper

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

8 months

FOR SALE: 1x LIMITED EDITION CAPT TOM LAY-Z-SPA BOUGHT IT DURING LOCKDOWN WITH EMBEZZLED CHARITY MONEY. BARELY USED. £800K ONO. NO REFUNDS. #captaintom

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

Breaking: Michaella McCollum has been arrested at Jorge Chávez International Airport for trying to smuggle 11kg of Lurpak into Peru. More as we get it…

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

Between the cost of petrol and the weather, I'm not expecting much of the riots this summer. I remember when I could get nine meat wagons to the gallon. Those were the days.

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

When your ma wants to get 2 years out of your new school uniform #JustinBieber #GRAMMYs

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

BREAKING… exclusive picture of Prince Andrew’s lateral flow test

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

"Just here to fit a prepayment meter, luv"

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

Even though Ed Sheeran has won his High Court copyright battle over 'Shape of You', I'm still hoping he gets life imprisonment for 'Galway Girl'

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

Davy Taylor only gives speeches on blue bins because he cares about the environment more than a nationalist during bonfire season

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

Fortnite developer Epic Games are releasing a new season of the hit online video game aimed specifically at the PUL community in NI. When players land at various sectarian interface areas, they must scavenge for weapons, alcohol and hijack vehicles while trying to stay alive

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

The Glengormley-native told viewers to brace themselves for some incredibly shite weather that will invariably ruin any future plans. ‘Between the shite weather, security alerts and the cost of living, I wouldn't bother my hole leaving the house til be honest with ye’.

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

Big thank you to everyone at @gohbelfast and @sodabreadshows as well as the amazing actors for making Vote DLA a big success! And a big thank you to everyone who came along to see the show last week 👏

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

Saw this at the bonfire and want to say these words do not represent everyone in Ballybeen. Some of us don’t like chow mein #SinnFein

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

Tim has always been very vocal in his opposition to Lisburn rule in Dundonald

Tim Mc Garry

@Tim_Mc_Garry

2 years

Just when you thought Twitter couldn't sink any lower the DLA arrive! Not for the faint hearted but well worth a follow @uppa_dla

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

5 months

A riot started at Belfast's Ann Summers when two women 'trailed the clean wigs aff' each other over the store's last 50ml cannister of Bubblegum Flavoured Cock Lick. Riot police dispersed the crowd by firing vibrating bullets. One woman has been treated at the scene for syphilis.

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

3 months

Me hearing the 73rd storm of 2024 is on its way

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

'I once spent £200,000 of tax payer's money, despite earning £5m the previous year, to produce a 50-page dossier which claimed I didn't know the piss-up I'd organised in my own house was in deed a piss-up or that it broke any rules, despite being the person who made the rules'

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

6 months

Roofers phoning each other this morning

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

If there's any silver lining to a teacher's strike on Pancake Day it's that we won't be forced to eat those sweaty malformed pancakes the kids normally bring home. I had to lick the dog's hole to get the taste out of my mouth last year.

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

If Martin Lewis is so fucking brilliant with money, how come he's 50 and still working?

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

Davy visited the polling stations around Dundonald tonight meeting voters

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

That face you make when you're being escorted off the premises by Portstewart doormen

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

Parents these days ring the peelers when their kids watch a 10 second video of Huggy Wuggy. In the 80s, I wrote a letter to Jimmy Savile asking to meet Rolf Harris and my da stuck 5 1st class stamps on the envelope. Stop mollycoddling these snowflakes.

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

3 months

7. Bastards on Facebook asking if B&M has any paddling pools left

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

Every drunken ball beg American in Belfast tonight

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

1 year

This is wrong. Mahon’s Way is both informative and entertaining.

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

4 months

Big Jean from Belfast on Facebook: 'What are England fans getting on like? It's only a flag' Aye dead on, Jean. We'd have burnt out 10 buses and organised a protest at City Hall by now

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

4 months

When you realise your Facebook account hasn't been hacked by some fucker in Malaysia flogging counterfeit Ray Bans for the 3rd time and it's probably just a Russian cyber attack

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

Can't believe people are wanting to cancel Phillip Schofield for skipping a queue but turned a blind a eye when he fisted Gordon the Gopher for 2-years in the late 80s

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

3 months

4. Bastards in your street will cut their grass resulting in a spate of copycat lawnmowings

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

2 years

Counting is well underway and we’d just like to wish Davy ‘The Venezuelan’ Taylor, head of the DLA’s political wing, the People’s Independence Party (PIP), the best of luck.

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DLA (Dundonald Liberation Army)

@uppa_dla

10 months

Co-worker who contaminated butter with burnt toast crumbs kneecapped

A selfish bastard of a co-worker who contaminated a communal tub of butter with burnt toast crumbs has been the victim of a paramilitary-style punishment shooting. 41-year-old Dundonald woman Marge…

dundonaldliberationarmy.wordpress.com

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