kate♡ @unimpresst Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

@mercyjepkoech14

@chihirosdiner

@ZazaLogik

@KHUNJKKJ

@MWafflz

@nsgcereal

@nutnitG

@mannek_sharmin

@MSUBobcatsTFXC

@bokeplokalmalam

@NekoPanVT

@socialistsunday

@xiaoxiaojiujiu

@rayamayvi

@ian_edgar

@virginhotelschi

@KingBlowback

@joseaardila

@rajeswara_rajan

@rayamayvi

@TopoPino3

@beeperbolts

@turbanlisever69

@ademetriadou3

@RacquCabert

@rayamayvi

@darli_luk

@IIP_Packaging

@ciaarrahhh2023

@Dir_Leung

@killer_sann22

@vivelescokiyett

@HeSoPressure

@itstovin

@_whiteflame_

kate♡

@unimpresst

6 months

“What a weird thing to say” is truly the best response to a stupid thing someone decides to says out loud

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kate♡

@unimpresst

8 months

I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little fucking paperwork.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

5 months

This is so fun. I love when people do whatever the fuck they want.

lily hoang-zhu 🍉

@liliuhms

5 months

yippee we painted the trim of our home :3

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kate♡

@unimpresst

8 months

Man, Jim Carrey REALLY looks like that lady comedian on tiktok who looks like Jim Carrey.

David Spade

@DavidSpade

8 months

Happy birthday to one of my favorite people. #jimcarrey . 🎈 .

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kate♡

@unimpresst

1 year

Time to unwind

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kate♡

@unimpresst

2 years

Girls only want one thing and it’s dirt cups

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kate♡

@unimpresst

2 years

Who decided teeth were luxury bones and not regular bones worthy of regular insurance

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kate♡

@unimpresst

6 months

When one of the homies has the cilantro gene

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kate♡

@unimpresst

10 months

At dinner tonight, my grandma slid me this note about a “brand new medicine” that she heard about on the news and wanted to make me aware of it lmao

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kate♡

@unimpresst

3 years

@baycheyann A giant fan of landlord zach

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kate♡

@unimpresst

3 years

POS: Point of Sale My two working brain cells no matter the context: Piece of SHIT

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kate♡

@unimpresst

6 months

Seven patient years…the perfect shade of pink.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

8 months

People have managed to stress themselves out, so hi, I cook professionally. This was a joke about garlic. Hope this helps!! 💜

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kate♡

@unimpresst

8 months

Excuse me farm dog I found hanging out with my chickens…I don’t have a farm dog

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kate♡

@unimpresst

1 year

The bay leaf in the bowl of soup that you forgot to remove earlier

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kate♡

@unimpresst

1 year

I won $30 from a “guess what time the baby will be born” game with astrology. I knew it would be before 5am on the induction date bc there’s ZERO chance that the baby born into this specific family could have been a Capricorn moon.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

2 years

@ohnoetry @chunkbardey Friend breakups are a thing too.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

7 months

One of my chickens lays the cutest speckled eggs. Like a tiny, starry sky.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

2 years

@KeenanBee You get absolutely no bitches

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kate♡

@unimpresst

10 months

It’s time to brine : )

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kate♡

@unimpresst

5 months

Sourdough, butter, heat.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

3 years

Why isn’t there a laundry machine that washes AND dries clothes…we must have the technology

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kate♡

@unimpresst

5 years

@kgt_stitchwitch “Glad you finally had something to post”

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kate♡

@unimpresst

3 years

I HAVE A DEGREE IN NUTRITION AND I LOVE MCDONALDS

Alyssa Leader

@alittleleader

3 years

I AM A LAWYER AND I DON’T READ EVERYTHING I SIGN

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kate♡

@unimpresst

3 years

Imagine your ENTIRE ancestral lineage fucking up SO badly, the Universe and compounding karma incarnates you as Bailey McPherson.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

5 months

It’s important to LET your grieving friends talk about their loved ones and simply exist with them in that moment. Let them tell stories without feeling the need to “awww💔” or pad your statements with gentle sentiments. Discussing the dead often has very little to do with death.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

2 years

@briggityboppity No meat OR beans.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

5 months

Apparently my family has a terrible time with gag reflexes. Over dinner recently, we were laughing about how no one can use them, except for me, and my grandma looks at my boyfriend and says “well good for you” 💀

kate♡

@unimpresst

9 months

The only things I’ve bought for Christmas gifts/stocking stuffers are tongue scrapers. I discovered them this year and now everyone in my family’s gonna too lol

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kate♡

@unimpresst

8 months

@TPPratt “Garlic adjacent” is better than none in my book lol

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kate♡

@unimpresst

4 years

17 Again with Zac Efron is on Netflix. Ah, a crumb of serotonin. 🤌🏼💋

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kate♡

@unimpresst

7 months

Why is this so funny to me

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kate♡

@unimpresst

2 years

The first time I tried an oyster, it viciously slurped down my throat by its own volition, causing me to gasp in shock. This caused me to choke, sending the oyster glob back UP and OUT of my mouth, off the side of a cliff in France, down into the ocean where it belongs.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

5 months

Shiny guy

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kate♡

@unimpresst

2 years

Treat me like a rotisserie chicken.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

2 years

Why stop at bread bowls? What other household items can we create with bread?

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kate♡

@unimpresst

6 months

Although pretty, if I had access to a gigantic slice of tree, I simply would not use it as a headboard.

Hilarion

@cheriofhilarion

6 months

Whoa! 🤩

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kate♡

@unimpresst

10 months

Cold veggie pizza on sweet Hawaiian crescent roll dough is my favorite holiday appetizer. It’s like the love child of a veggie tray and a bagel with cream cheese.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

11 months

Cropping ears and docking tails makes you a bad stupid pet owner

💫AstralWingz💫

@Zhane_Star

11 months

Opinions about pets/pet owners that’ll have you like this

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kate♡

@unimpresst

10 months

The man made a homemade cream of mushroom soup for the green bean casserole. Knocked it out of the park.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

5 years

@EMJanusz I’ve been praying and checking your page all day. This internet stranger sends her love. Your son is an angel. 💕

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kate♡

@unimpresst

2 years

I’m so sick of seeing that swollen hotdog “crying” on my TL.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

3 years

I got shamed by an internet friend on the night my dad died because she was upset because she had to find out about it on Twitter?

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kate♡

@unimpresst

10 months

It’s so funny to me how some people are intentionally restrictive with their social media “likes.” As if their stamp of approval is reserved only for Real Tweets. A high value currency, not to be wasted. Not me, like like likeity like all day.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

8 days

Went outside to smoke a joint under the Big Dipper and there was a special guest

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kate♡

@unimpresst

1 year

Imagine being named Meg and having to tell people it’s actually short for Pomegranate.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

8 months

@dizzyjudge Absolutely a garlic skin paper thin line

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kate♡

@unimpresst

1 year

Me: *doesn’t engage on Twitter* Also me: Why am I never in anyone’s little circles of friends

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kate♡

@unimpresst

10 months

We did it ✨

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kate♡

@unimpresst

5 months

Time to brine : )

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kate♡

@unimpresst

6 months

@savvyn_t Okay I love this one

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kate♡

@unimpresst

14 days

The first time I took shrooms, I was at a cabin and we were having a fire on the beach. At one point I had to run inside and I climbed this EXACT staircase under a glittery, starlit sky. Imagine my face the next morning when I saw that it was, in fact, just 13-15 steps.

phage

@clubmoss_

14 days

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kate♡

@unimpresst

10 months

I set out to make everything I was craving from a Chinese buffet. Homemade egg rolls, honey walnut shrimp, salt & pepper pork, chicken & broccoli, stir fried everything. Cheers to two years dad.🕊️

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kate♡

@unimpresst

14 days

The classic but make it homemade and homegrown

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kate♡

@unimpresst

2 years

I still can’t believe my chickens are laying again!

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kate♡

@unimpresst

10 months

Culver’s I want your babies

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kate♡

@unimpresst

15 days

Oh my god

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kate♡

@unimpresst

6 months

@hankgreen This was also our pacing

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kate♡

@unimpresst

8 months

It is so important to have friends who inspire you to be better.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

1 year

She was scheduled to have a c-section later in the day bc baby was breech. Her water broke at 3am, fast tracking the process. I was the only one who stood firm that she’d go into labor on her own lol I love the moon

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kate♡

@unimpresst

4 months

Thinking about this chocolate cake I made earlier this year. Salted caramel buttercream is my favorite.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

6 months

I watch this in its entirety every time it circulates.

I Think You Should Leave memes 💦🥩

@ITYSL_memes

6 months

art imitates life

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kate♡

@unimpresst

9 months

Got high and made chili mac lol

kate♡

@unimpresst

9 months

All I want is a chili cheese burrito from Taco Bell.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

2 years

I wish I could remove my brain from my head like an avocado pit

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kate♡

@unimpresst

2 years

@MyAnvilCracked @eggshellfriend out here gala fuckin vanting

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kate♡

@unimpresst

6 months

It’s “women support women” until postpartum mental health issues enter the conversation. Then it’s “those feelings shouldn’t be normalized or relatable.” No fucking shit. You’re showing your entire ass bc it’s making you uncomfortable. You’re complaining about THE WRONG THING!

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kate♡

@unimpresst

20 days

kate♡

@unimpresst

20 days

I made Red Lobster inspired cheddar bay biscuits with shredded zucchini fresh from the garden

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kate♡

@unimpresst

7 months

This Chinese place never misses

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kate♡

@unimpresst

5 months

Since April 26th is my birthday AND national pretzel day, I think it’s time to bring back pretzel parties.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

7 months

Impromptu chocolate cake with salted caramel buttercream and pecans

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kate♡

@unimpresst

4 months

Drama

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kate♡

@unimpresst

1 month

Having a moment here

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kate♡

@unimpresst

29 days

I love you

kate♡

@unimpresst

29 days

I cannnnot get over how good this focaccia is

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kate♡

@unimpresst

10 months

Went outside to pot, now we pie

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kate♡

@unimpresst

7 months

My mom works at a bank and puts jokes on the digital board outside. Today she got an email from a guy who absolutely loved a certain days joke, forgot it, and asked if they could provide him with some of the recent jokes so he could tell his coworkers.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

21 days

I love seeing commercial kitchen equipment in people’s houses!

sorrel

@Sorrelish

21 days

If I won the lottery I wouldn’t tell anyone but there would be signs:

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kate♡

@unimpresst

3 years

This morning I am just three large coffees stacked on top of each other under a trench coat.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

11 months

Holy shit so I’m reading on my phone and Fajita’s been dozing in/out of sleep for 30-40 min. I was thirsty and he was kind of stirring around, so I turned to ask if he’d hand me the water bottle. HE WAS HOLDING IT OUT FOR ME. Eyes closed chilling, just waiting for me take it.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

4 months

I can always take or leave chicken alfredo, but chicken alfredo GARLIC BREAD??? I love you.

𝒞𝒶𝓇𝓉𝒾𝑒𝓇 𝒢𝒾𝓇𝓁

@IssaLiyah__

4 months

Chicken Alfredo garlic bread and wings.. Smash or Pass?

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kate♡

@unimpresst

1 year

Can’t a girl writhe in peace

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kate♡

@unimpresst

5 months

I love sourdough bc even when you think a batch is messed up, you can turn it into something incredible. Accidentally failing upwards.

kate♡

@unimpresst

5 months

Okay wow

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kate♡

@unimpresst

1 year

I’ll never be too good for a hotdog

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kate♡

@unimpresst

2 months

For my hairdresser

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kate♡

@unimpresst

4 years

I know I’m just dropping another common complaint into the void, but a $600 stimulus check is downright offensive.

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kate♡

@unimpresst

1 year

I used to love reading “real” accounts of spooky paranormal experiences, but after helping my partner through a total psychotic break earlier this year, it really seems like more people experience psychosis than I realized lol

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kate♡

@unimpresst

8 months

@crosspuzzler This is such a great scene. Thank you for putting me it in it lol

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kate♡

@unimpresst

6 months

Got this giant cast iron yesterday

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kate♡

@unimpresst

2 months

I said KATIE 💀

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kate♡

@unimpresst

1 year

It’s my birthday, time to be a fuckhead

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kate♡

@unimpresst

11 months

I didn’t realize I had a bowl 💨 downstairs near the kitchen and one of the construction guys packed it up for me and handed it over with a huge grin. God I love stoners lmao

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kate♡

@unimpresst

3 years

Millennial friendships are basically just a series of long, introspective texts, each ended with lol

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kate♡

@unimpresst