Uncle Drunky 🥃 @uncledrunky Twitter profile

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

My rapper alter ego is "lil green onion" because I'm a rapscallion

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

2 years

Weed isnt the gateway drug. Trauma is.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

No. No. No. No. No. No. The world lost a leader today. One we needed. One we wanted. I'm heart broken.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 months

Yuuuup

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

2 months

@meantomyself Maybe she had a big lunch

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

Did you reuse cool whip containers or did you not grow up poor?

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

7 months

Doctor told me I'm "morbidly a beast" today so I guess that's my best checkup yet.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

Who called it Mario Kart and not Mario Speedwagon?

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

12 years

There's nothing more suspicious than a clear browser history

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

I'd really like to know what situations "extra heavy duty mayo" will be needed in place of just heavy duty mayo.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

Y'all had hot girl summer, but now it's time for Fat Boy Fall and let me tell you.... I AM READY

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

Being in your 40s is a lot like driving a car with its check engine light on all the time.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

5 years

@dooz_er I look both ways at a roundabout... I sure as hell don't have the trust required to buy eggs blindly like that.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

I miss being able to make friends by knocking in their door and asking "wanna ride bikes?"

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

Eminem taking a knee was a strong move. ✊️

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

How many "one that got away" people do you have?

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

This is your annual reminder that dandelions are okay to have. Who cares if it isn't a perfect lawn for a bit? Feed the bees, baby.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

10 months

If I was a woman I would spend all day every day twirling in dresses. Looks so fun, tbh

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

I don't know who needs to hear this but you are not a burden.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

Can I fire someone for showing up to work knowing full well they think they have covid?

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

Fuck her like you're the government

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

Has anyone ever tried peanut butter whiskey? Any good?

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

View out my back porch. Ohio is stupid sometimes.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

Be honest ladies... having titties is hella fun right?

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

Lasagna is the plural of lasagna. Follow me for more lasagna facts

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

1990 was 31 years ago. Happy Saturday or whatever.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

Give her houseplants. Bitches love houseplants.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

Stop apologizing for having normal feelings.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

Larry King died, which is sad but not surprising because he has been 80 for 30 years.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

How dare you be hot AND nerdy.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

Can we take a moment to appreciate how amazing butter is?

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

I have boobs too. You aint special.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

2 years

Yep

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

What is your most controversial opinion?

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

Who called it a dog park and not a barking lot?

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

My dog is an entire slut for a good belly rub

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

10 months

Jingle all the way or don't fucking jingle at all

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

Be weird. Its okay.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

In response to Texas going maskless, I sent all of my Texan employees fifty N95 masks. Can't let someone make stupid decisions for you, folks.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

Manifesting a big booty girl to take my worries away.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

You can't do epic shit with basic people.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

2 years

Spooky season is just around the corner

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

I wish I was as good at anything as I am at not using bags of salad I purchased.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

It's okay to be a bit crazy. Even glow sticks don't shine until they've snapped.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

You either have an unopened bag of m&ms or and empty bag of m&ms. There is no in-between.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

The biggest thing I've learned from twitter is that women can be creeps too

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

Big facts

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

What is the most petty reason you blocked someone?

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

I don't know if anyone else does this but I prep my coffee for the week and store it in an old coffee container. Makes mornings so easy.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

I know a few people who need to hear this today: You're good enough.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

I'm not fat, I'm hard to kidnap

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

I thought you were hot until you didn't put your cart in the corral at the grocery store

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

Thank god Pornhub hasn't taken after Netflix by asking "Still Masturbating?"

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

You can't taste colors? Okay explain these

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

The only thing tougher than calculus is making friends as an adult

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

If you ever donated blood there's a good chance you blood was in someones boner. Anyhow, have great weekend.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

This is 42 and I'm pretty okay with it.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

I may say "I love you" or I may say "Text me when you get home so I know you're safe". They mean the same thing.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

I'm 42 and still unsure how to pronounce Ferrero Rocher

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

Its my birthday and today I want you to do something nice for another twitterer. Nothing significant... just be nice. Thanks y'all

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

Give her orgasms. Bitches love orgasms.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

Sure I came in 4 minutes. But it was doggy style, so thats like 28 minutes.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

Oh so its sexy when a girl wears a shirt showing underboob but when I do it I'm not allowed in Kroger anymore.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

Do you pronounce it Caribbean or Caribbean?

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

Clark Griswold was the most relatable movie character of all movies.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

My family believes in random acts of passive aggressiveness.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

My mom bought us a turkey for my family of four to eat. Its THIRTY FOUR POUNDS, you guys.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

I think I made a new friend

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

2 years

Never once has a guy said, "She's cute but I wish her eyelashes would be so big they'd weigh down her eyelids"

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

Unpopular opinion: Father's day isn't about you, single moms.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

I'm generally a friendly person, but this was a lot for a morning DM from a new follower.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

The cool thing about Twitter is that I can be awkward from the comfort of my couch

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

My only fans is just me kissing your forehead and asking how you want your coffee this morning.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

You're not ugly, you're rustic.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

What do people who write "you" as "u" do with all their extra time?

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

2 years

You guys I just made a strawberry lemonade pie and I'm not going to lie, it may be one of the best things ever to come from my kitchen.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

I just found out a serving size of oreos is not an entire row and I'm pissed.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

It never hurts to hype someone up. Spread the love baby

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

Snickers are a great snack if you like food with dick veins

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

Cooper came to work with me today. Pretty stoked to have my buddy with me.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

I hope both sides of your pillow are warm forever

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

Dont send her flowers, order her a pizza.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

BRB. On my way to forcefully gay marry republicans.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

I heard on a podcast today that brownies are just one brownie until you decide to cut it to share. Blew my mind.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

Girls don't tell you they like you they just start talking to you more

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

2 years

Trump is in DC and I have cleared my calendar for the morning just in case its something juicy

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

MILF isn't a term you should assign yourself

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

Listen, if I'm going to be big spoon, I'm going to grab your boob and/or belly. Thems the rules

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

Fuck flowers. Send her cheese.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

Thing I hate about Twitter is how you get to know people and then they disappear and you never know what happened.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

What bad movie do you love?

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

Gonna run away and start over. Who's riding shotgun?

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

Holy shit I love making this yard look pretty

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

Hi I miss hugs

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

3 years

I'm not actually hitting on you. I'm saying funny things and you think I'm attractive.

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Uncle Drunky 🥃

@uncledrunky

4 years

For every like I get on this tweet, I will give my dog one pat on the head.

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