Ja Ja @ummyberger Twitter profile

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

2 months

You’re in Madrid for pride, I’m in PA listening to my homophobic cousins praise Trump on the 4th of July. We are not the same.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

1 year

@emonormie They don’t, they have an intensely intimate rendezvous, appendage grazes appendage moment shared forever

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

5 years

@TomZohar @Variety

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

4 years

@ihatejoelkim What if we made all statues wifi hotspots and wireless charging locations; that way those creepy Alice in Wonderland statues in Central Park start doing their part instead of having frivolous tea parties.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

I go to the gym, I do my stupid little exercises and my stupid little stretches, and my body still looks like one of those skinny organic chicken tenders from Whole Foods

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

5 months

@werewolfblake Out of all of them, he’s truly a first responder.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

10 months

@ihatejoelkim @justinAB_SF What type of gay hunger games was this dinner party??

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

Here’s to that drunk white girl who took our picture the night we met two years ago. Love you, Manny ❤️

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

Growing up I spent a lot of time thinking who in my massive conservative family was the gay one and it turned out to be me, the youngest of 40 grandchildren. And you say God doesn’t exist?

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

2 years

Guys that take their clothes off in airplane bathrooms are wild. Not once have I stepped into those tiny, poorly lit death traps and been like, “this is sexy”

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

4 years

I also want to acknowledge my growth these past three months. I’ve gone from 10 to 32 Twitter friends, and that’s honestly more impressive than anything I’ve done in grad school thus far

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

I want to be done with grad school so I can have a job and buy more stupid little tattoos to make me feel alive

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

9 months

@BlackLanterrn Zara has a few styles that do…that

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

I wish the porn bots that followed me would at least like my tweets. Do the bare minimum, @69420dtf

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

4 years

I would love to go back to a time where I don’t feel immense pressure to respond to text messages. Give me a postman on a horse and three months to respond.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

2 years

Interviews are wild. What do you mean what is my top goal?? My top goal is to not be poor and finally get a physical after two years

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

1 month

Gym membership guy asked me if I was cutting, little does he know this snatched waste is brought to you by multiple colds and international travel.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

4 months

@thereidfeed Well damn, not your mom offering you up to be a couple’s third

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

2 years

The way Starbucks iced coffees are over $5 and the way I don’t have a job since graduating with my MA makes me sick

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

Officiated my sister’s wedding and can say the power has gone to my head. Who wants to get married? I got this on loan.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

My role in the family is the quiet, moody girl always on her phone.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

2 years

That b*tch Allergy Season is back and she’s angry

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

Thanks for the self-esteem boost this morning 😌

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

2 months

One cousin has now asserted that ticks are bioweapons from papa gov

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

20 days

Every day I am thankful that I left my small hometown and met people who lived different experiences and believed things that challenged my minuscule worldview because how awful it must be to limit oneself to hate and bigotry and think that’s all there is to this huge universe.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

7 months

It better be Barbra Jean and I’m not messing around

Pop Base

@PopBase

7 months

A new Reba McEntire sitcom is in the works at NBC. It will be about Reba inheriting her father’s restaurant and becoming less than thrilled to discover she has a new business partner in the half-sister she never knew she had.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

14 days

Ever just look at your work computer and think, what the f is any of this?

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

@khloecoulee Jesus, take the donkey reins 🙏🏻

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

This ❤️‍🔥

JP

@jpbrammer

3 years

though a monster, he could be charming 😈 Geryon & Heracles. drawing by me

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

5 months

Why is my Duolingo owl double-cheeked up on the good Lord’s day?

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

How does anyone ever recognize someone off Twitter? It’s literally selfies from 2013 and euphoria memes

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

4 months

All divas

Science girl

@gunsnrosesgirl3

4 months

A variety of birds 📹 gourmetbiologist

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

2 years

@postgym All about perceived power dynamics and probably throw in some outdated gender roles 😍

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

10 months

Y’all just leave those gay little Pokémon alone and tend to your own booty short and ugly harness wearing selves

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

Thanks for following me, but I’m mostly honored that so many porn bots signed up for what will be a disappointing parade of bad tweets about, most likely, Chipotle

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

2 years

@thereidfeed She said, you can pay for my student loans, but how dare you ask me to pay for yours!

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

5 months

Damn I’m the uncle that falls asleep on the couch watching kids TV

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

2 years

@ChefJonKung The Stormlight Archive by Brandon Sanderson! Great world building, interesting mix of characters and development, and reads quick

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

Took an hour nap and now feel even more tired

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

2 years

Gonna strive to be a baby faced bitch forever

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

Night one of dogsitting: the dog has found the squeaky toy at 3:30am.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

It’s the monthly run for me

Black Job Enterprise

@postgym

3 years

Guys I just literally run into Bernie Sanders on my monthly run!!

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

2 months

Y’all should do the mini credit card pic challenge instead

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

2 months

Spent some money on a chair, so I’m gonna have to sit on that for a while and not my couch to make it worth it.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

So, real appreciative of the love, but I can’t live a lie. That’s my sister’s dog. I’m sorry.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

2 years

@ohastroboy Girl, date a straight man

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

2 years

@postgym We’re doing a shit job; we got no money

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

I want this for me and basic girls everywhere ❤️

Mitra🌞

@persianmama111

3 years

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

2 months

@BlackLanterrn It’s every time I’m somewhere new. There needs to be research done. And I think it’s to do with hot men.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

@thereidfeed Imagine basing your entire culture off a plastic potato.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

9 months

Introduced my four year old niece to Brandy as Cinderella. My job as guncle is done for the year.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

2 months

Gonna be looking like Biden after this NYC Pride weekend

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

Watching Luca alone is a crime

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

If my joints are right, and I suspect they are, humans were not made to run. Sample size is 1, but I’m working on collecting testimonials

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

Can’t wait for fleets to be gone. I have that stupid need to click through stories and I can’t be wasting time doing that on both Instagram and Twitter

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

2 years

I give way too many thumbs ups and considering getting them removed

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

Based purely on Twitter, I’m pretty sure that there is only one house on Fire Island and it’s the one with the Marky Mark picture in the bathroom

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 months

Ok and where is mine?

SAY CHEESE! 👄🧀

@SaycheeseDGTL

3 months

Biden Administration cancels an additional $7.7 billion in student loans for a total of 160,000 borrowers.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

😎

Black Job Enterprise

@postgym

3 years

All these bright lights, they got me going blind!!

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

@swiftiec13 Girl, tik tok sends you where you need to be, not where you want to be

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

Going to an outside, conservative wedding today, so you know I’m gonna be sweating like a sinner in church

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

Got those post-run-post-shower sweats

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

6 months

Zendaya is the type of woman, as a gay man, I would rally my legions and go to war for. Period.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

5 months

In Chicago to be Irish this weekend.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

I get dogs need to be taken out to go to the bathroom, but what if they didn’t wake me up at 7am and took themselves out?

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

15 days

Season two finale of house of the dragon was prime season 2 quality. No theatrical or climatic moments, but a powerful display in constraint for the sake of character and story development. Y’all complained when season 7/8 were rushed, so let them bake.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

In line at Starbucks looking at the TL, and of course the gays did it once again. Old ass lady behind me audibly gasped at, honestly, everything. Morning, Linda 😘

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

All I want is this weird Instagram brand t-shirt

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

18 days

Girl, if the evangelicals are there, it’s not heaven

Mason Mennenga

@masonmennenga

21 days

evangelicals when they see LGBTQ people in heaven too:

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

2 years

@andr3w31a5h Oh bitch I’m that demographic 😍

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

15 days

I can’t wait to see how republicans try to dehumanize Waltz, a fellow white man from a social background very similar to most white middle class men.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

Went to a straight bar. Probably not gonna repeat any time soon.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

Spent my night drinking wine and hanging out at a dog park until 1am. Y’all don’t even know how to be as bad as me.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

8 months

Leave it to Americans to gaslight the universe into believing English is 55 different languages.

d;

@loversinmoon

8 months

thinking about when nasa recorded greetings to the universe in 55 different languages attached to the voyager spacecraft as it journeyed through the interstellar space

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

The gym trainer asked me my goals, and I went with “I wanna get thicc, yeah, thicc with two c’s” He wrote it down.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

Hey everybody, just your friendly reminder to wash your hands after cutting up a jalapeño. Definitely don’t scratch your beans and stalk.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

Yes. Why?

VERSY

@Versiris

3 years

Why is it #BidoofDay

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

Dog knocked my $6 iced latte over. Do I send venmo charge to sister?

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

The whole demon twink dialogue and all of gay Twitter culture has reached its pinnacle with this piece of art.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

4 years

@thereidfeed All day, all year long

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

14 days

Still haven’t figured out what type of market Chicago is having this weekend. Not once have I seen fresh produce, art, handcrafted goods, etc. Suspiciously, there is always a lot of men and that’s a red flag for sure.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

The real reason I moved to the city is how much easier it is to walk out my door and get an iced coffee. I am incredibly lazy, yes.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

2 years

@andr3w31a5h Did you wear them hoochy shorts?

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

What have I done since getting back to the states and finishing my first year of grad school? Absolutely nothing and it’s glorious.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

@hello_itsnotbi @postgym

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

@thereidfeed You forgot that one Marky Mark picture in that one bathroom with the 70s porn aesthetic

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

9 months

The fact that taxpayer money paid for that raw ass turkey should be a federal crime

Marjorie Taylor Greene Press Release (Parody)

@MTGrepp

9 months

Sorry PETA, we are eating good today Who wants to come join us ?

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

2 years

@postgym How nervous were you that you would miss this?

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

2 months

After pride weekend, I’m handing in my gay card. It’s too much work.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

This bird forgot it is no longer a dinosaur

an angry opossum 🐀

@AnAngryOpossum

3 years

Wtf bro

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

Really digging the micro wooloo look in @PokemonGoApp but trying to catch it shouldn’t send me to space, right?

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

4 years

Why is she literally perfect?

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

3 years

If you’re still getting upset by superheroes being 💅🏼that’s on you for being a sack of balls. Doesn’t make ‘em less queer. They wear costumes to fight crime for goodness’ sake.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

4 years

What’s nice about break is I have so many ideas on how I want to relax (e.g. play my switch, read, binge netflix, do a face-mask), but I end up lying in my bed for half the day and that’s okay.

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Ja Ja

@ummyberger

4 years

I get why people don’t work out. It’s just so much easier.

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