Trouble @troubleinheels1 Twitter profile

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

12 days

Lincoln as a teenager being told to clean their room.

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@PopCrave

13 days

The head of Abraham Lincoln’s wax sculpture has melted off due to the heat wave in Washington, D.C.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

I named my vagina The Big Lebowski because that rug really pulls the whole thing together

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

22 days

@clhubes It is 55 gummy bears for a 4 year old. Agreed the OD-like talk is OTT,but I would be questioning the reasoning and the ability to say no when you should, of an adult who allowed that. And he was mad/worried. He wants to see good judgment from the person he entrusts his kid with.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

He was rare, like I hadn’t cooked him enough yet.

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@troubleinheels1

3 years

Don’t talk dirty to me. Talk clean to me. Tell me you’re going to vacuum my house and wash my dishes. Sploosh.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

I am officially petitioning to change “you” to “yiu” and “and” to “amd” or “ans”.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

Forget finding the clit, what about someone that can find the EXACT spot on your back that is itchy, that you cant reach? And they scratch it EXACTLY hard and fast enough? You find that person? Marry them. Now.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

Can’t sleep. Must be because I haven’t gotten to Brooklyn yet.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

laundry husband 🤝 didn’t i just do you last week?

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

I had Pfizer. I Pfeel Pfine. No side ePfPfects.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

How come when gods have sex with mortals none of the offspring ends up just being something like a really good accountant?

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

Dec 31, 2019: 2019: Best of luck! I was pretty tough on them. 2020: Oh It’s ok. They’ll get distracted by things like the US election. They’ll forget all about 2019. 2019: 😳 2020: yeah, I don’t think 2019 will be remembered for much *shakes hands with 2019* 2019: *coughs*

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@troubleinheels1

4 years

Me: Wow 2019 was a tough year. 2020: here, hold my bee- Me: No. Fuck you.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

My friend @BrokenDollMcGee needs positive people in her life. And nearly naked or naked body parts. Please share a pic of you or a body part. Cakes those haters can fuck off. ❤️

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

date: so what is your favourite food? me: dates. date: 😳 date: oh haha you mean the fruit. me: ... sure. Waiter! Can we get a bottle of Chianti?

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

Now I know why my tweets don’t go viral. I’m vaccinated. Its ok. I am happy with that choice.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

5 years

Why are men’s briefs not just called the ballroom?

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

Congratulations America! It’s a President.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

The Martian is my favourite movie about farming.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

Oh you got 6” of snow? Is that a real 6” or a man 6”? Which is really 4” with a good camera angle.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

Nerds are hot. Talk nerd or geek to me slowly bb 🤤 😘

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

5 years

I don’t normally brag but I’m proud of myself and also want to remember this feeling so I’m capable of avoiding bad choices in the future: I have just used the 7th hole on my belt. I have lived in the 3rd hole (4th for short periods) for more than 10 yrs. I feel fantastic.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

1 year

@ZunkMatt @girldrawsghosts @ADDiane Says the guy replying to someone on twitter trying to make some kind of stupid irrelevant point…? Go away.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

Sex with me is like a bag full of gasoline: highly explosive; it’s probably going to leak everywhere; and having it is a sign of a lack of good judgement on your part.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

1 year

Oh my god I just LOL and snorted at this euphemism on the @WhoresofYore website. Lol bravo. Sneezing in the Cabbage. Bahahahah

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

2 years

Aggressively pointing out I’m Gen X by using all the punctuation available to me (e.g., this).

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

I require maintenance. I am just not HIGH maintenance.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

Alright who had moon wobble in the global disaster bingo? I had murder hornets and pandemic.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

I was today years old when i realized i don’t have a clown’s-ass-clue how they make different cheese taste different. 😳

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

1 year

@That1teddygirl @Jteisele I think you know your kid best. I mean I was walking myself to school alone and crossing many streets without assistance at 6. But not everyone is the same.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

As soon as I figure out autocorrect it’s over for all you other batches

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

1 year

@Livinrentfree_ @sunnydaejones @RapStarchitect You guarantee…? Based on what? You should really be careful about guarantees based on a feeling.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

1 year

Ever feel completely replaceable? Like people are tired of you? Oh you stopped reading this already.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

1 year

@HTTP_Lovecraft @DefeyWik Oh that’s an even bigger ick than her doing it to you.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

2 years

@heyyoudeycraze @this_girl_rach @ZachWLambert Yeah that suggests she has to be pretty cold to everyone until someone decides “frigid bitch” is the kind of girl for them. 🤦‍♀️ I feel sick about some of the messages girls are fed in these cults.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

1 year

@ask_aubry Do people know they can decide to NOT have kids?

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

1 year

@LannyBrown78 I was raped wearing a T-shirt and jeans that were absolutely filthy. With all due respect: Fuck you Lanny. you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. The only person that needs to do better is you “man”.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

2 years

What do you call this knot? I call it: “Jesus Christ I almost peed myself.”

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

5 years

OK talk to text fuck you. I do not say “a boat” I say about. Talk to text is anti-Canadian

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

I love when I find accounts that were noob accounts that I joked around with and supported with RTs who almost never returned the favour and now they’ve unfollowed me because I guess I don’t fit in the <500 follows compared to their > 30k followers. 🤦‍♀️ selfishness is unattractive

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

I went to the Army Surplus store and they didn’t have a single extra soldier for sale. Come on. False advertising much? Old Navy can take a flying leap too.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

My type is 12 pt Helvetica.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

2 years

@Saturnist @JaskierOfRivia The writing has been pretty weak all along imho. The show survived on HC’s chops and charisma for me for one season.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

1 year

@treatysix @pandaman8080 Wow why do some people just automatically think “different than me = rapey” wtf

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

My new normal getting annoyed for not having any privacy but also missing human contact at the same time.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

Why is juicy a desirable ass quality? If my ass is leaking fluids that’s a sphincter problem. That’s not sexy.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

2020: Earth is renamed Karen.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

I have a joke about colanders but it doesn’t hold water.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

I think I found my perfect gif to describe me - except I would burst out laughing at the end. And also maybe not quite so hot. What’s your perfect gif to describe you?

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

11 months

@Univers99618787 @fuckyouiquit A company that won’t up my salary as a manager of a Junior person who is making more than me by $40k is not a company I would ever work for again.

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@troubleinheels1

4 years

Guys ... send me the positive vibes please. 11:50 am EST could be a game changer for me.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

The walk of shame, but it’s just me eating leftover KFC, wearing a night shirt, illuminated by the light of the fridge.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

5 years

Get in idiot. We’re taking the scenic route to hell.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

Ever make a pun that you think is clever but people don't react to it so you are left wondering if it isn't funny or did they just not get it?

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

When this lockdown is over I am going to Vegas for hookers and blow. IDGAF if i don’t want either one. I’m having them.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

1 year

I don’t normally let fuckheads get on my nerves but this one has pissed me off. I tried to be open and replied to this tweet to tell him he’s wrong. But he doubled down. He tried to tell me my rape must’ve not been too bad because i shared about it. I guess I’m stronger than him.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

You know more guys should keep their unsolicited dick pics to themselves and remain peenonymous.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

I just deleted a whole whack of DMs from my list of people I really wish were my friends but whom I think, don’t give me a second thought. If i don’t reach out we don’t talk. I had hoped it would feel cathartic. Instead it just hurts to know I won’t ever hear from them.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

I grind my teeth at night so I don’t kill people during the day. You’re welcome.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

1 year

I need to get back to joke twitter. Did you see which way it went? Tag someone (or many someone’s) that you find funny!

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

1 year

Underwater boats >> above water boats. A sub tweet.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

Twitter is like high school with worse coping mechanisms and more wine and weed.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

Can you imaging if everybody WAS Kung Fu fighting? EVERYBODY? My grandmother Kung Fu fighting would be amazing.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

I just referred to cutting my own hair during the quarantine as banging myself. 👀 🤷‍♀️ i said what i said.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

My cleavage is where Doritos go to die. It’s like Valhalla for chips.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

5 years

Yes I am the idiot going to the mall, the bank, the liquor store on the last Saturday before Christmas. It’s been nice knowing you all. I’ll most likely die or be in jail by the end of today.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

You are worthy. Yes, you.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

5 years

@SladeWentworth @BeardedRambles Grab the melons for me would you?

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

I became a homeowner solely so I could set the temperature in my house at whatever fucking temperature I want. “Yes I DO want to heat the outside DAD!”

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

A good woman (after having mind blowing sex with you) Man: Omg i am hungry. Woman: What can i make you? ... The best woman (after having sex with you) Man: omg i am hun... WHERE DID THIS HOAGIE COME FROM?!?

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

Ok fuck those circles of friends. I follow and RT everyone. I interact with peoples tweets. I have lots of rooms and friends. Seriously I am never in them? Wtf. Is it because people don’t reply to my stuff (which I rarely tweet). Fuck the circles. Seriously.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

Hear me out, naked sushi model but given my body type substitute in burgers, pizza and fries... 🍕 🍔 🍟

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

2 years

@adamgreattweet Yeah except you’re the good guy. The hero that Gotham deserves.

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@troubleinheels1

3 years

Things you can say about your car but not your wife: Wow she really handles like a boat.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

1 year

People who work in healthcare, please answer: if a patient who you’ve seen 5 days/week for 4 weeks brought coffee and donuts for you and your fellow nurses/techs/admin to thank you for your work and kindness would it be weird?

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

Normalize just fucking relaxing a little bit and not taking offense at every little thing.

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@troubleinheels1

4 years

Guys guys guys. Don’t worry the movie will be better.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

I just punched myself in the throat when my hand slipped off of my hoodie that i was putting on. This shall now be known as a 2020. I shall now be taking questions.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

2 years

How old are you when you take enough pills and supplements daily that each morning is a game of “did I take this already? Or was that yesterday?” The answer is AF I’m old AF.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

[Alternate universe] The lava is floor.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

Fuck it. Its only calories. We’re not getting out of 2020 unscathed anyway.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

Last time I asked you peeps for good vibes i didnt get the part lol This time its an interview for a day job big time career opportunity- so just send me a whole lotta fuck you vibes that i can use to fuel my “no fuck YOU, i got this” fire. And i will know its truly you being ❤️

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

Thank you twitter for fixing unbroken follow buttons. So now when I am following someone, I think I am not. And when I’m not, i think I am. W.T.F.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

I reinstalled Twitter. Nearly burned out my retinas with Day mode. Is that even a thing anymore?

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

1 year

@fesshole Hope you also grew up and realized that “dating a grandmother” isn’t something to be horrified about. Heck she was dating an ageist and she’s still there.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

I live in Canada we don’t have sayings for it being too hot. We just go around saying. “Thank you.”

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

Ad for 2020: Hey at least its not 1929

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

If you live with me and i see something sprayed all over the toaster and mutter to myself “What the fuck is all over the toaster?” And you answer “Yeah i saw that. I don’t know.” ...you’d better not fall asleep MF.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

I have lost more than 3 weeks of my life searching for shit in my purse.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

⭐⭐🐫 TWEET CALL 🐫⭐⭐ Wednesday Hump Day - Bump Day Come bump an old tweet in need of another airing. Share an old classic or one that deserves some more love. Can be yours, someone else's funny, filthy, inspirational whatever. No theme. One per person. RT's for all!

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

Sticks and stones may break my bones… OW... NO SERIOUSLY BRENDA FUCK OFF!

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@troubleinheels1

3 years

If I see you being mean on the TL even vaguely I will mute you. I don’t need negativity. Can we just be nice to each other. Please.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

3 years

I just got a text from my mom saying “you’re a 🍑”. And then a follow up “I mean a peach. Not a bum. Cause it kind of looks like a bum. Albeit a pointy one”. Hehe my mom just discovered emojis. ❤️ It’s so cute when they grow up.

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@troubleinheels1

5 years

@LawrWard I’m part Scottish and I love the kitties. I respectfully submit to the cat leaders that surely they’d want to invade Nepal so they could change the name of Kathmandu to Catmandont? But yes if they attacked Scotland the Scots are screwed. Especially the ones in kilts!

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@troubleinheels1

3 years

Note to self: don’t ignore your gut.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

I was suspended yesterday for what can only be described as spamming. Since I don’t do that i’ve had to reevaluate and i can safely say, yes i do kinda feel like chewed up and reconstituted meat goo right about now to be honest.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

Why is no one ever a Monkey’s aunt?

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

11 months

@emma_jaclyn @nonbinarybooty @LoveAndyC Broccoli, rice, and sorry but bread isn’t the devil if you don’t eat a ton of it. And this is about folks choosing to eat or not eat based on food and money availability near them. Don’t judge people who don’t have a lot of options.

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@troubleinheels1

3 years

You’d think, theoretically, cat woman could take care of it herself. I mean she shouldn’t have to. But she could.

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Trouble

@troubleinheels1

4 years

I would get more cooking done if i could stop with the sudden solo karaoke and dance party break outs.

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@troubleinheels1

3 years

Be classy, tilt the box of wine forward for her when she’s trying to get the last of it in her red solo cup.

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