carmeb @therealcbrad Twitter profile

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carmeb

3 years

I had been working on a longer project but I’ve been having a hard time making creative space lately, so I decided to do something with part of the project. Every Saturday I will post two psarrow psalms on this thread. Here’s #1

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

22 days

I hope this email kills us both

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

3 years

Salt can’t be the only delicious rock. I’m going to eat rocks to find the good ones. I bet they’re trying to keep them from us

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

Me in winter: i don't do well with the lack of sun and cold Me in spring: I don't do well with allergies while things around me thrive Me in summer: I suffer in the heat and humidity like a dying hog Me for the two weeks of autumn: nice

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

Mad respect for the woman at the brewery last night who ordered the IPA her date recommended, tried a few sips, flagged down the bar tender and said "I'm sorry. This is disgusting. I can't." And asked for a michelob ultra instead

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

4 months

Once again advertised a perfect outfit only to realize it’s clothing for an infant

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

3 months

Dad’s response to me wishing him happy anniversary

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

5 months

Trying to frantically clean before my parents come over and my bf helpfully says “you could be honest with them about who you are” 😒

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

Siri how do i lead a sexy and ethical life

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

Cut my jorts into janties this is my last resort

ABC7 Eyewitness News

@ABC7

6 years

JANTIES: Will you make these part of your summer collection?

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

2 years

I had a dream where my bf broke up with me and said “breaking up is low key goated when i no longer love you is the vibe”

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

5 years

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

5 months

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

9 months

My Dr. office’s list of preferred languages goes crazy

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

9 months

Me trying to accept the things I cannot change

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

2 years

Dream about me

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

Breakfast in bed? More like every meal in bed! I have depression!

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

2 years

@JulieMannell @Katparty666 We are ageless

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

7 years

i'm gonna NUT Not Understand Things

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 months

I had a dream about “bud lite heavy” where it was bud light but 9% abv

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

4 years

Putting Ice T in SVU was the greatest choice in tv history

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

2 years

I love how in the Bible if you’re sad you get to tear your clothes and shave your head and throw dirt in the air. Like if you did that now ppl would be like “you’re spiraling”

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

I can never get lasik eye surgery wearing glasses is 50% of my personality and the other 50% is not being able to find them

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

2 years

Five of them

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

5 months

@i_need_eggs Exactly. They lived with me, they know. We’re all pretending

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

7 years

Things men have said would improve my art: -acid -reading more Kerouac -molly -heroin -weed -giving them a blow job -dropping out of college -not getting a masters degree -camping more Things that have improved my art: -eating men’s hearts for breakfast

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

You're telling me a honey nutted these cheerios?

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

2 months

I keep trying to figure out while I'm so depressed and at this point I think it's probably at least partly because I have depression

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

i want to be held and thanked and put gently into the trash

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

7 years

I hate book descriptions like 'she wore her hair gathered at the nape of her neck' like that's a pony tail my dude

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

2 years

Thinking about this @natalieshapero poem always

carmeb

@therealcbrad

2 years

Trying to figure out what I wanna be reincarnated as

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

Hi I'm CBRAD, the depressive episode KonMari. Hold this item. Does it flood you with nostalgia for the life you tried but failed to make? Toss it. Take this into your hands. Did you buy it out of hope of being better? In the trash. Curl up in your crumbs. This is you. This is it.

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

1 year

All I ever wanted all I ever needed here in my arms

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

2 years

They are slow dancing

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

Death cab for cutie was my favorite band as a teen, which is to say i thought 'attending the weddings of people you're secretly in love with' would be way more of an issue in my twenties

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

4 years

Poets love saying words three times in a row

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

not ugly enough to be ugly hot, not hot enough to be hot hot

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

1 year

whatever they do to maraschino cherries. I want that done to me.

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

2 years

My parents named my childhood dog Waco in 1990 because they had recently gone on a trip to Texas and thought it was a funny name and that worked really well for about 3 years

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

21 days

Everyone who liked this should give me 25¢

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

2 months

I have a Bluetooth tag on moon pie (when I first got him I was so scared he’d try to bolt, though that seems unlikely now) and now I get this dramatic notification when I go to work 🥺

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

9 years

grandma: you shouldn't wear your glasses me: why grandma: bc men seldom make passes at women who wear glasses me: http://t.co/ulzt9KPLmV

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

4 months

This would do it for me

Vincent Alexander

@NonsenseIsland

4 months

Howdy.

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

9 years

I've literally never gotten over anything in my entire life

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

2 years

LET THE BODIES KEEP THE SCORE LET THE BODIES KEEP THE SCORE LET THE BODIES KEEP THE SCORE THE THE BODIES KEEP THE SCOOOOOORE

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

AND YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF GOOGLING "BEST OAT MILK BRAND"

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

5 years

therapist: and what do we do when we feel like this? me: unfortunately not go to a therapist, because rural areas frequently lack all health resources, but mental health access is particularly scarce therapist: *doesn't exist within 70 mile radius*

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

I bet JD Salinger would have been insufferable on this website

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

7 years

person w/depression: i haven't had the confidence to get out of bed in days & my whole body feels wrong stranger: sweetie just go jogging!😘

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

5 years

i'm all panic and absolutely no disco

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

I asked my boyfriend if he thought doing dishes by hand for an eternity would be purgatory or hell and he said he doesn't think about things in those terms

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

5 years

No one asked but it always amazes me how EVERYONE in the US is raised believing they're middle class, from extremely low income to families with two houses. Like the words DOn'T match the disparity and Idk how that can be addressed systematically

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

5 years

i hate BOOB Being Out Of Bed love titties tho

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

3 years

Imagine giving Abraham Lincoln sour gummy worms

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

I had my first ever NYE kiss last night at 27, and my boyf and I were called adorable by two elderly couples, and told by another that we had great hair, and I wasn't the girl puking and crying in the VFW bathroom, so I think we're really coming up this year

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

im always either laying down or complaining that i'm not laying down

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

5 months

There’s free cake in the break room but to get to it I have to say “congratulations on your retirement !“ to someone I never introduced myself to despite being here almost 3 years

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

2 years

When Mary Oliver said you do not have to walk through the desert on your knees repenting she meant except me. I definitely must.

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 months

Taking -10 psychological damage from this text from mom this morning. BRB gotta go run with tears in my eyes

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

The amount of fruits and veggies you buy when you're briefly committed to being a better person is called "an optimism of produce"

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

temporarily deactivating social media is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

9 years

yes I'd like to cancel my subscription to these thoughts

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

7 years

the relatable-ness of the 'piece of shit' episode of bojack makes me wonder if i should start therapy again

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

in high school a really hot girl jokingly called me babygirl all the time because i told her i hated it and she thought that was funny and here is my confession i LOVED it Catholic priest: i think you're confused about what a confession both is

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

7 years

TREAT UR DEPRESSION WITH THIS ONE WEIRD TRICK: have health insurance so you can work with a doctor and therapist to find a good treatment

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

7 years

🎶cut my pants into pieces, these are my summer jorts🎶

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

7 years

coming out of my cage and i've been doing just bi

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

We need a Disney princess who accidentally forgot her ssris two days in a row

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

wow smashmouth was really on to something when they said "well the years start coming and they don't stop coming"

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

Coffee shop scene: Middle-aged man: I like your outfit. 2-year old in pink tutu and cowboy boots, screaming directly in his face: YES

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

8 years

Started tearing up because I smelled pancakes and thought 'we never had pancakes together' and I'm not sure who I even mean

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

7 years

as the old saying i just made up goes, 'if i'm already cozy, i will not goesy'

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

I just thought 'I miss water' and then i remembered: 1. I have water and 2. That's the original meaning of being 'thirsty'

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

7 years

just found out that there are ppl who can stop eating when they feel full instead of when they're in physical pain? seems fake but ok

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

Me: the version of self care commonly embraced and espoused by social media is just an excuse for self indulgent capitalism and 0 growth. Real care takes work Also me: time to fix all my problems by putting on a mud mask, stretching for 10 min, and watching the sad horse show

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

4 years

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

3 years

Thigh gaps are over ladies we are now obsessed with the gap between the person we thought we’d be and the failure staring back in the mirror

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

Thinking about why I had so many "friends" as a young party girl and realizing there was no charm to me, only the primal sport of others cheering on wild destruction that doesn't impact them. I was the gladiator & the lion, baby. And from that pit, every cheer feels like love

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

why do people hate form rejections? Do you want like, a really personal rejection? Do you enjoy to have your feelings hurt? I like my writing rejections like I like my life rejections: impersonal and generic.

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

7 years

had a dream i got arrested for buying a fedora

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

Me @ 22 vs me @ 27

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

In fifth grade during recess sometimes I'd tell my friends I needed alone time and I'd sit under the broken basketball hoop and sing 'I'm with you' by Avril Lavigne to myself

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

7 years

struggling w depression on TV: crying in a clean well made bed struggling w depression irl: eating cold rice w your hands staring at a wall

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

3 months

Cathedrals everywhere

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

7 years

i'm sad that my entire personality is just 'walking fast' and 'getting upset easily'

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

2 years

This dude just put his head on the table at the craft brewery and was like “I want coors lights”

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

7 years

can someone come ruin my life but like in a hot way

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

9 months

4 of these just in this screenshot are extinct languages. But sure I can show up and recite a bit of Chaucer in Middle English if that’s what you’re into

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

i love it when normal things feel holy & i want to kiss you silly on the most normal day of the year

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

I'm really ugly and gassy in 2019. You can't stop me.

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

23-25: all your friends get married 25-27: all your friends get divorced 27-???: rehab and yoga posts

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

6 years

Me @ 18: I REFUSE to EVER lead a mundane life. There will be no quiet desperation for ME Me at 26: oh god applying for this loan for a used camry is the most terrifying and exciting thing i have ever done

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

2 years

I told my psychiatrist my dog died and he was like “yeah that’s hard. I got a tortoise so I know he’ll outlive me probably by 50 years. I can’t deal with pets dying” Helpful

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

2 years

This is impossible he’s not really online and this would rightfully be word salad to him so I want even mad when I woke up

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carmeb

@therealcbrad

7 years