Nate @thenatewolf Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

Nate

4 months

There was a moth on my computer screen so I googled “what eats moths?” and found a picture of a bat. I moved the picture around the screen to try and simulate flying. The moth was undisturbed but my experiments continue.

58

5K

75K

Last Seen Profiles

@unobi_tech

@MEXC_Official

@stw_ibu2

@luviszoo

@BeatdownGaming

@Dedy15318851

@A3DGhost

@BeatdownGaming

@iieioe

@dryitelad

@tmac3419

@PasutriJoss1

@renjunhuasg

@BDSMC_Slave

@sorca_ca

@AgentInTheEast

@LeBigSmoke

@senseprotocol

@s9s_1

@BPravee21489473

@Houssem01039814

@MysticMomentsUK

@dytmng

@KickoStocks

@FUTBALLARENA

@Bluehart007

@la_dz_rit

@Turficidal

@schloeffeler

@mizutamasha

@35Ventures

@Daniel_Beyer30

@MyDear_TRAIN

@noda_elaina

@badrafss

@lymmd7340821917

Nate

@thenatewolf

18 days

One time someone broke up with me 26 hours after getting their first pair of glasses.

107

2K

66K

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn't any demon stuff.

35

3K

40K

Nate

@thenatewolf

3 months

Me: Imagine if every tear was an egg and every time you started crying there was 10-50 broken eggs on you. You leave a funeral and it’s like “crunch crunch crunch” (if the person was beloved). Genie: That's your wish? Me: No, we're just talking. Just being Friends right now.

27

3K

41K

Nate

@thenatewolf

4 months

During one of the darkest times in my life I invented a way of cooking hotdogs called "garlic water" where I would put some garlic in some boiling water and then boil the hot dogs in the garlic water. You never really know what people are going through in private.

85

1K

27K

Nate

@thenatewolf

3 months

ME: I know you from somewhere JESUS: I get that a lot ME: No I’m sure JESUS: Just one of those faces ME: [holding my arms out] Go like this

7

910

12K

Nate

@thenatewolf

7 months

I've got some really great news for people who were wondering what Joe Pesci was wearing behind the scenes of Home Alone (1990)

24

339

5K

Nate

@thenatewolf

4 months

@mmodaisy currently making wing-flapping noises into the back of a fan. The moth is displaying more fortitude than expected.

1

22

2K

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

You never see Kermit showing up in stuff without bringing along a few of the other muppets. If Kermit's eating the boys are eating.

7

141

1K

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

Beanbag chairs are fun and comfortable but you should never buy one because one day you'll get some really bad news and you'll have to roll off the side and onto the floor before standing up to comfort your partner.

8

165

1K

Nate

@thenatewolf

2 months

Just added some of this to the humidifier. About to start GROWING, bro.

4

32

999

Nate

@thenatewolf

3 months

@colleen_eileen like, you got some other place to be right now? Can I come?

3

717

Nate

@thenatewolf

11 months

You think you’re smart until a little kid asks you something like “do bugs have ears?” and you have no choice but to face your own ignorance.

3

74

673

Nate

@thenatewolf

18 days

@Tommytoughstuff baby elephant walk as I trudge away.

1

0

639

Nate

@thenatewolf

6 months

My life’s goal is to marry Florence Pugh and if that doesn’t work out I’ll probably just eat as many hotdogs as I can with the time I’m allotted and then go gentle.

1

31

632

Nate

@thenatewolf

5 months

Rock props up Scissors so they don't fall into some sticky sap. Paper wraps Rock in a hug for being so kind. Scissors keeps Paper gently pressed against Rock so the wind can't blow them away. Only humans look upon these brothers and see weapons of war.

2

82

630

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

Reading Charles Dickens kinda ruined other writers for me. Now when I read a story with a normal-sized Tim I can't help but feel like the author is doing too much.

0

70

615

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

Cool how my internal monologue is either "What is the point of living if we all eventually turn to dust?" or "Po-ta-toes, po-ta-toes, when I get home I'll eat some po-ta-toes"

7

105

535

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

I've been feeling great lately (in brain) but I also just made this at 2:09am so I'm gonna keep an eye on it.

3

47

467

Nate

@thenatewolf

4 months

@COL_NateV_07 So watery... and yet a smack of ham.

0

2

423

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

One of the most pleasing things the human eye can see is someone who doesn’t look like they’d be good at skateboarding being good at skateboarding.

4

26

412

Nate

@thenatewolf

4 months

Guy who isn't usually awake this early but is trying to blend in: How's it going, guys? Eat any good eggs lately?

1

23

410

Nate

@thenatewolf

7 months

So crazy that these two guys are from the same family

8

36

390

Nate

@thenatewolf

7 months

My headphones have been pausing to say "battery low" every 2 minutes for the past hour. This is how music is meant to be enjoyed.

1

12

318

Nate

@thenatewolf

5 months

We are lucky a mind this malevolent has chosen cartoons as the medium to perform his wicked works. Ideas so evil they were surely whispered to him by Satan himself.

CLASSIC COMIC STRIPS

@ClassicStrips

5 months

FROM THE FAR SIDE FILES Gary Larson 1990

5

116

1K

3

16

319

Nate

@thenatewolf

4 months

Me (whispering to Cinnamon): You’re such a good horse. So well behaved, unlike that petulant sister of yours. We hear the unmistakable snap of straw. Sugarplum emerges from the shadows at the back of the barn. I try to run but her hooves find me.

4

23

294

Nate

@thenatewolf

3 months

My henchmen are acting weird ever since I opened the secret trap door. They keep stepping softly and positioning themselves next to the walls. Fellas, I got trap doors there too, you need to forget what you saw or hench for someone else.

3

31

293

Nate

@thenatewolf

6 months

Young me: I swear, when I get older, I will never underestimate my opponent, no matter how powerful I get. Old me: [stumbling backward with a sword stuck in my belly] Impossible!

1

37

295

Nate

@thenatewolf

9 months

The last few days has easily set the record for Most Bad Takes on this website. Unhinged antisemitism, unhinged islamophobia, people I once believed were kind and thoughtful desperately attempting to drape hateful beliefs in righteousness. It's heartbreaking and disgusting.

3

28

290

Nate

@thenatewolf

3 months

God invented a bug that eats houses. He does not like us.

5

14

286

Nate

@thenatewolf

7 months

Me and the boys heading out knowing the twitter menswear guy is going to puke when he sees how good we look.

1

11

271

Nate

@thenatewolf

13 days

Very embarrassed by how I acted when I got my first sword. I was buttering bread and pressing buttons on the washing machine. I didn’t realize how silly I looked until I saw pictures. It was the first of many ways the blade has humbled me.

3

25

274

Nate

@thenatewolf

9 months

12th is so much more pleasing to read than twelfth. Eleventh is fine. Thirteenth is great. Twelfth makes me feel like my socks are wet.

9

15

265

Nate

@thenatewolf

4 months

@colleen_eileen Nice to finally get this off my chest.

0

261

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

"Suck a butt" is so much funnier than "suck a dick". It sounds better and you can really catch some butt-suckers off guard if you say it.

4

24

251

Nate

@thenatewolf

2 years

When something terrible happens bad leaders look for someone to blame and good leaders immediately start looking for solutions. If the democratic party is too insecure to elevate AOC to a position of power they need to at least learn from her superior ability to communicate.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

@AOC

2 years

Here’s how Dems can + must do more than wait for an election. Let’s start w/ why: - 7 of the 9 justices were appointed by a party that hasn’t won a popular vote more than once in 30 years - 1 of those seats was stolen - Several lied to Congress to secure their appointment…

6K

39K

201K

1

24

246

Nate

@thenatewolf

9 months

I know I’m not the only person who would enjoy a timelapse of someone cleaning this thing. Sudsy bean. That’s the kind of thing I’m into.

10

8

231

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

The lady at Tim Horton's said I was her most polite customer which is as close to Knighthood as you can get in Canada.

3

17

221

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

Shout out to all of us who have the same red broom. If your broom isn’t red, I’m sorry, you’re not a part of this, but I’m sure you’re a decent person who is doing their best. Have a good day. Now that the losers are gone, I love you, red broom champions.

7

13

222

Nate

@thenatewolf

2 years

Respectfully, Ma’am, awooga.

0

27

220

Nate

@thenatewolf

11 months

At the end of Oppenheimer do they do a freeze-frame montage of all the scientists with text on the screen explaining what happened to them after their big day? If the answer is no I will not be seeing it.

4

7

217

Nate

@thenatewolf

9 months

My friend, who I once described as a “firecracker” just heard me refer to another person as a “firecracker” and I can tell they are upset. They really thought they were the only firecracker in my life. Vanity is so ugly.

3

10

214

Nate

@thenatewolf

2 months

Nobody wants to go on the boat with me ever since I said a boat is a good place to do a murder. I’m not saying I’m going to do it, I’m just saying it’s a good place!

7

15

211

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

If you type "omw" it autocompletes to On My Way! No. Get that exclamation point out of there. I'm never excited to be going anywhere.

6

12

197

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

My girl said I gotta stop talking like Shakespeare or she's going to leave me. I said ok. Did you think I was going to respond with some Shakespeare words like this is all a big joke? No, dog, I love her.

2

15

188

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

Rich friends come over and ask why your hand soap is so watery. Because we live very different lives, Lawrence.

1

17

188

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 month

Very disappointed to see my Hand Smushing Machine™ used this way. Unfortunately, I have no control over how they are used once they leave the factory.

Ticker History 🗞

@TickerHistory

1 month

How the @internetarchive digitizes millions of books without cutting the binder off.

79

444

4K

1

10

187

Nate

@thenatewolf

7 months

I don't like how this looks, and I wouldn't want to spend any time here, but I also deeply relate to getting a fun little idea and having it snowball into something that consumes your entire life.

Ichigo Niggasake

@SomaKazima

7 months

This is what hell looks like

2K

4K

42K

3

5

186

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

A wallet with the same lettering as the BAD MOTHER FUCKER wallet from Pulp Fiction but instead it says NICE YOUNG MAN

3

12

180

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

Love to get lost in a good book. Who’s this guy? The guy from before?

2

21

164

Nate

@thenatewolf

3 months

“I finally figured out how to be stoic. I’m going to be completely stoic from now on.” TEN MINUTES LATER “I have been moved to tears by puppets yet again…”

0

13

162

Nate

@thenatewolf

11 months

It's actually crazy how much houses cost and you don't even get to sleep over for a couple nights before you buy one to make sure it's not full of ghosts.

0

7

149

Nate

@thenatewolf

5 months

My friends used to make fun of me for being polite to their dads but eventually those dads retired and gave me their old tools and now I got 28 Robertson screwdrivers and my friends all have improperly hung doors that honk when you open and close them.

2

6

153

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 month

Picard: what's that smell? Data: my sensors are picking up smoke from earth cigarettes, outlawed in the year 2049, very similar to the package I detected in Janitor Nate’s quarters earlier today. Me: [cleaning a bucket of space goo] really, Data? After I taught you how to kiss?

0

10

152

Nate

@thenatewolf

3 months

I found nine artifacts on my first day as an archeologist and then the other archeologists kicked the shit out of me because we get paid by the hour.

2

10

148

Nate

@thenatewolf

5 months

Me: Jonathan Hamburgers. Jon Hamm: pardon? Me: that’s you. That’s your name.

1

13

148

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

There comes a time in every child’s life where they learn that the name Richard can be shortened to Dick and you just have to pretend that’s fine and do your best to act normal.

0

13

137

Nate

@thenatewolf

4 months

I saw this old guy and I thought his arms were tatted up with cool abstract tattoos but then I looked closer and realized it was just really long dark arm hair scattered in one of god’s beautiful patterns.

4

11

138

Nate

@thenatewolf

10 months

I punch the devil in the face and he goes down in a heap. Nobody ever tried it before. Now I’m the king of hell and my girlfriend is a vampire.

1

18

136

Nate

@thenatewolf

8 months

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma I'm not gonna fight with you.

5

19

134

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

My confidence in my ability to spell is so low that if I go too many sentences without seeing a red line, I do a typo on purpose just to make sure spellcheck is working.

2

9

131

Nate

@thenatewolf

3 months

@colleen_eileen You want my wishes? 1. I wish you would chill for a second. 2. I wish you would tell me what's going on with you. 3. I wish we hung out more.

1

3

128

Nate

@thenatewolf

10 months

Nobody cares if your kid is named after a famous literary character unless your kid’s name is The Scorpion King.

2

14

126

Nate

@thenatewolf

2 years

Hugs ranked by PSI: 1. Heimlich 2. Acquittal 3. Young men finally make trick shot 4. Rescued from cave 5. Lover’s farewell (train station) 6. Frodo + Gandalf (Fellowship) 7. Comeback win (fans) 8. Comeback win (players) 9. Successful rocket launch 10. End of SNL (sexy host)

2

15

125

Nate

@thenatewolf

6 months

When I was five my parents swore they would never let us get a Nintendo Entertainment System but then I had open-heart surgery so my gran jumped the ropes, threw a double clothesline, and marched into the hospital with the console above her head like a championship belt.

3

118

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

I think there's a lot of complicated factors contributing to my lack of faith but also if god was real ciggies would be good for you.

2

16

117

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

I appreciate it when people start a sentence by saying “rest assured”. Thank you. My rest is very important to me. You are an empath.

0

4

117

Nate

@thenatewolf

6 months

Me and the boys, dying on a mountainside. Me: don’t you eat me, boys! The boys: weeee won’t… We all start laughing cuz it’s obvious they’re gonna.

1

2

116

Nate

@thenatewolf

2 years

People do the wildest shit to be remembered by history but pretty much the only hope you have of being interesting to anyone 5000 years from now is falling in some tar.

2

14

112

Nate

@thenatewolf

4 months

I know this one lady who would have made an INCREDIBLE saloon keeper during the Klondike gold rush, but I’m too scared to tell her because of the exact personality traits that would make her so good at it.

1

11

113

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

Me: You know, legally speaking, every boat needs a captain. The Other Person In The Canoe: No.

0

8

111

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

I see a cute girl on the bus. I unzip my hoodie to reveal a t-shirt that says, “I love holy matrimony”. She pats on the open seat beside her.

3

15

109

Nate

@thenatewolf

10 months

The only part of science that I refuse to believe is that bumps on wax + needle = Fleetwood Mac.

1

9

112

Nate

@thenatewolf

6 months

Shout out to me (for being hot) but also shout out to you (for bearing your ugliness with such grace).

2

13

112

Nate

@thenatewolf

10 months

I haven’t watched SNL since Lorne banned Smash Mouth for ripping that picture of Shrek at the end of their set.

0

9

108

Nate

@thenatewolf

4 months

90's trope of needing your "heart pills" and being instantly cured the minute you swallow the pill except it's me in 2024 and it's a Tums.

5

8

108

Nate

@thenatewolf

2 years

For sale: baby shoes, never worn. Baby came out way too big for these tiny things. Powerful sperm also for sale.

0

6

106

Nate

@thenatewolf

7 months

I don't know what you call this art style (Where's Waldoian?) but it's my favourite kind that we ever invented.

2

106

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

When you accidentally click "inspect" on a webpage.

2

11

105

Nate

@thenatewolf

8 months

Little kid: if you pee in the pool it turns blue Me, an adult who is actually brave enough to do the science themselves: that’s a myth

1

2

102

Nate

@thenatewolf

4 months

One time I got in a fight with my partner about eating noodles with a spoon. Anyways, they’re gone and I’m still spoonin’ noods. The universe has a plan for you.

3

10

103

Nate

@thenatewolf

4 months

Promised my partner I was done with whaling but she heard me lustfully whispering "ambergris..." in my sleep and now she's removing her teas from the tea drawer.

0

3

100

Nate

@thenatewolf

2 years

A big problem in our society is that there are dozens of ways to describe unhappiness but only one way to describe making love (smashing pumpkins).

2

11

102

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

People who like savoury snacks should call their loved ones pretzel and potato chip instead of honey and sweetie.

3

10

98

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 month

Me: they should never have made you shave, you beautiful, logical stallion. Her: wake up, you're dreaming about bearded Spock again. Me: [very defensive] NO I WASN'T

1

8

99

Nate

@thenatewolf

5 months

Women are very attracted to intelligence so when you pick her up leave a calculator on the seat and pretend you forgot it was there (you use it for work)

4

11

98

Nate

@thenatewolf

2 years

I had such high hopes for the new A League of Their Own and it has exceeded my expectations in every way. The writing is fantastic. The cast is outstanding. The art design and costumes are incredible. I love baseball and kissing so I'm extremely biased but it's a perfect show.

2

8

97

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

I leave the Dragon's Den studio in tears. I crumple up a piece of paper that says "Pig Milk" and throw it in the trash. 9 years wasted.

1

9

95

Nate

@thenatewolf

5 months

I’m so glad Jason Momoa exists. It’s just nice to know we got some big boys kicking around in case of mummies or whatever.

0

9

94

Nate

@thenatewolf

10 months

As a fan of the cinema here are a few scenes I haven’t been able to shake since I first saw them: -The steak in Twister -The steak in The Matrix -The steak in Miss Congeniality -The tomato sauce from Goodfellas -When the critic eats the rat at the end of Ratatouille

2

4

91

Nate

@thenatewolf

10 months

Me: I hate it when actors change their voice for a role. Tom Hardy [sounding like an old Jewish man who is also a chimney sweep]: yew wut, bubbeleh?

1

3

91

Nate

@thenatewolf

4 months

People say they have a “dark sense of humour” and then I’ll say something like, “As dark as the shadow cast by the grave of your one true love?” and find out they meant Succession.

1

10

87

Nate

@thenatewolf

9 months

It's not easy to be cool every second of your entire life but somehow I've done it.

2

1

87

Nate

@thenatewolf

4 months

The hardest part of a breakup is the lingering feelings associated with the music you shared together. Years have passed and I still can’t listen to the Dr. Zaius song without the tears finding purchase.

1

7

88

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 year

Mint used to be so spicy. Not anymore. Now I'm a man.

0

3

89

Nate

@thenatewolf

5 months

It is kinda funny people spend years getting PHDs in Political Science and after all that studying their political beliefs are either “The Lorax” or “Guy who chops down all the trees in The Lorax”

1

10

87

Nate

@thenatewolf

3 months

Advertisers have been tracking exactly how much soup and noodles I've eaten over the last 20 years and are still somehow convinced that I can afford a Lexus.

0

6

88

Nate

@thenatewolf

1 month

Decided I wasn't going to cut my hair until I got my life together but I didn't change any of my behaviours so now I'm just a failure with really long beautiful hair.

3

7

86

Nate

@thenatewolf

3 months

If you ever need a quick comeback just say, “I bet you’re the kind of person who gets weird bruises.” 99% hit rate.

1

10

88

Nate

@thenatewolf

3 months

I have incredible eyesight. I can see what kind of screwdriver I need in the house when I’m standing in the garage. I can see what your mother said to you when you were young that made you turn out this way. I can see a bug frown.

4

10

85