sophie kohn @thegreatsophini Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

“i refuse to disclose my vaccination status” hmm wow, wonder which it is, what a huge mystery

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

1 year

people describing lockdown: for years i was chained to a toilet. every morning the government came over to hold me down and staple a mask to my face reality: for a few months a piece of cloth with a whimsical dolphin pattern dangled around your mouth when you picked up thai food

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

6 years

europeans: I HAD SUCH A LONG DRIVE IT WAS 0.4 CENTIMETRES AND I WAS FORCED TO LISTEN TO AN ENTIRE EIGHTH OF A SONG canadians: I'VE BEEN DRIVING SINCE THE CD-ROM WAS INVENTED AND I'M ALMOST A NINETIETH OF THE WAY THERE

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

1 year

me: yes hi doctor's office, could you wear a fit-tested N95 and give me an appointment at dawn and accommodate my giant HEPA filter that i'll be plugging in 2 millimetres from my face my friends: so anyway after the beyoncé show we joined an indoor choir inside a rave

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

2 years

how is it that i, a person who went to school for creative writing, have to ask a pediatrician to put on an N95 instead of the blue surgical mask that’s ever so vaguely touching her face

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

recently learned i have an umbilical hernia from childbirth that needs fixing! do i just go to the LCBO or

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

1 year

i think this was my favourite part of recently quitting my job at CBC: CBC handbook: employees have the right to refuse unsafe work me: okay i refuse to return to the office during a wildly mismanaged airborne pandemic CBC: oh, no, that's somehow not an example

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

11 months

getting reeeeeal tired of handing an N95 to a literal medical doctor during an airborne pandemic and watching him gingerly handle it with a bewildered expression as though i've just given him a sentient cartoon eggplant that can recite the whole script of "titanic" from memory

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

11 months

lol COVID minimizers are the most melodramatic people ever?? they're like "look, you can either lock yourself in an ancient underground crypt and never see a living soul ever again OR you can get sick fifty-two times a week LIKE A REAL MAN. there's no in-between, sorry"

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

1 year

pediatrician: omg it's SooOOOOoo important for your toddler to socialize, go to daycare, and have 74 playdates every nine seconds me: cool, could you wear a mask so his world isn't a disease-ridden hellscape and we can actually leave our house? pediatrician: lol no

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

6 years

saw a 30-something woman cuddling a swaddled newborn so tenderly on a park bench and as i approached i realized it was actually a weird baguette and i can’t think of a better way to sum up my feelings about motherhood

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

1 year

masks are not required at this (checks notes) COVID remembrance parade to honour those we’ve lost to the virus

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

neat how “daddy issues” has become a dig at girls and women rather than the men who failed them

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

2 years

great work ontario! the solution to a catastrophic pandemic and the biggest climate crisis in human history is definitely a beer-scented megahighway

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

@msLAS TRUE BUT what about when the committee of younger daughters pitches the exact same solutions 3 years later and meets zero pushback and then is like “we honestly don’t get what was so hard about that”

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

what i learned from twitter: where to get vaxxed, when, how to think through the risks in my daily activities, what mask is safest, how to wear it, where to buy RATs, how to test what i learned from my government: there's a table somewhere? like everything's on it, on the table

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

5 years

@monaeltahawy i have a metal spine and it's physically painful to sit upright. i recline my seat on planes -- those few inches make a big difference in my pain level. last flight i was on, the man behind me sighed "jesus christ" at full volume about 512 times until we landed EIGHT HOURS LATER.

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

PROGRESS! toronto is now booking vaccines for people born in april of 1804. if you are two-hundred-and-seventeen years old, head to queen west and line up outside Manbün nightclub in the next 14 seconds. book an appointment through ICQ first!!

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

6 years

@BraveNewtWorld @sarahkendzior @gaslitnation i’m canadian and “gaslit nation” is the only show i can bear to watch or listen to for US political coverage, because everywhere else’s coverage is based on a premise that what’s happening is normal and fine

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

if the madness continues at this pace and the government doesn't step up to curb exponential growth, pretty soon we'll all personally know someone who plays wordle

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

11 months

healthy kids who missed a few months of school 3 years ago: OH NO THEY CAN'T WALK ANYMORE THEY'VE FORGOTTEN THE WORD FOR "FORK" THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT RED IS high-risk kids forced into isolation for 4 years now: meh!

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

1 year

@Johnm_iu @KevinMKruse i get it! i buried my dad over zoom in 2020. doesn’t change the fact that this hysterical rewriting of history to turn the most privileged people in the world into victims is so endlessly entitled

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

5 years

@ShelleyBFarmer “i spent nine hours lovingly making this thoughtful meal from scratch using all organic ingredients and it got a ‘not bad’ from Hubby!!!!!!!!!!!! 😍😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰”

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

1 year

one day i'll be able to describe the total abandonment i've felt as someone who had a baby during COVID and watched the world shrug and choose brunch and taylor swift shows over his safety. until that day, thank god for this piece.

The Long Haul Symptoms of Being a Covid-Era Mom

Male pundits urge us to "go back to normal," but those of us who've endured the grief and isolation of new motherhood during the pandemic know better.

www.jezebel.com

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

2 years

@haggetha @ohnevermiiiind @KoloheMama uh, from-scratch is also about a million times better for your health

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

2 years

@Rushzilla LOL imagine just being like "we're out of cake"

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

@nytimes yikes. this is so bleak. glorifying capitalist grind culture is killing people.

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

hmmmmmm looks like human health and capitalism are incompatible. wonder if we should try to change the immutable realities of biology or the completely made-up rules about money

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

@DineenMa yeah, thing is it’s not private when it’s a massively contagious disease

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

2 years

@haggetha @ohnevermiiiind @KoloheMama probs depends a bit on the context. like as a parent i feel a moral obligation to provide food i know isn’t detrimental to my kid’s health

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

the government: if people have to spend ONE MORE NANOSECOND in MASKS they will LOSE THEIR MINDS with RAGE literally everyone i know: i will happily continue masking as i am an adult person who understands science

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

2 years

@joeolivermd it’s been a fun little full-time job, 5 stars, super-relaxing

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

4 years

a super-normal thing that's happened to me this week is i wrote a humour piece for The New Yorker and it's just been adapted into this hilarious video voiced by JUST JON HAMM??????

A Father’s Newfound Feminism

www.newyorker.com

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

5 years

@CBSNews wow there's twitter in 1975?!

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

5 years

@FantasySavvy @DrJenGunter imagine claiming you're upset about dehumanization and then writing an entire tweet about a fetus that somehow contains zero mention of the woman who's growing it in her body

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

1 year

if you’re COVID and climate awake, if you’re resisting, if you’re opting out of the status quo even when it’s unpopular, uncomfortable, lonely and thankless work, i've started a newsletter for you called Louder.

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

5 years

@ShelleyBFarmer “Rick won’t eat anything unless it’s been punched inside a Chef Boyardee can and then deep-fried in Hi-Performance Oil, so you can probably imagine kale was a bit of a hard sell!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣”

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

2 years

@alyssaharad @scottdagostino thank you for articulating my exact feelings so perfectly. the longer this goes on, the bigger the chasm gets between me and the Over It crowd, and the less energy and effort i feel like expending to explain myself, and thus the more isolated i feel

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

2 years

@lisa_iannattone it was real great to have a baby in 2020 just in time to witness how absolutely little our society cares about the emotional or physical or medical wellbeing of children

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

6 years

mind-blowing truth from @ProfessorCrunk on @TheTakeaway : "when you are white or male, your feelings get treated as facts, and when you are female or black or brown, your facts get treated as mere feelings"

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

11 months

canada’s vaccine messaging is like “covid is under control! it is, however, raging out of control. don’t take precautions, yet get vaccinated, yet we’ve rebuilt our entire country to serve anti-vaxxers. the shot is from nine variants ago. choose either XX7.6.5.2.5 or ZBB.4.4.9qM”

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

2 years

health ministers in this country were like "there will be some changes to our COVID response in that we won't help you stay safe in literally any way however there will be zero changes to our salaries for some reason"

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

5 years

@MeredithIreland once i was cuddling a friend's 5-year-old in a hammock and having what i thought was a nice peaceful moment and she looked up at me and whispered "i want to chop your face into little tiny pieces and make a necklace out of it" and then laughed maniacally for 49 seconds

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

5 years

@anne_theriault THE FRENCH INCH

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

11 months

@WHOWPRO good lord. covid is airborne. washing your hands is not going to help.

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

1 year

@DogPlayingPiano how about i am still one of those parents in 2023 because the rest of you yahoos won’t mask

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

6 years

last night a woman in my building saw my cat and asked "did you adopt her?" i assume because she was curious about the process but instead of being remotely helpful my mouth instead decided on "no she is clearly my biological cat"

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

having a little kid is great because you can say to people “sorry we’re 43 minutes late, we saw a stick” and they have to be like “totally legit”

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

ONTARIO GO GO HURRY IF YOU DO A TRIPLE-BACKFLIP ACROSS THE DON RIVER TOMORROW AT 5:12 AM YOU CAN GET A VACCINE THAT WILL BE IMMEDIATELY RECALLED 9 SECONDS AFTER IT ENTERS YOUR BLOODSTREAM‼️‼️‼️‼️

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

5 years

i was just talking to someone in new york who asked if we "have the Me Too movement up in canada" and it's like oh my god america, how is it that i can tell you the name of the 43rd deputy mayor of miami but you're unsure if canada contains men

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

5 years

@jose602x @monaeltahawy ugh i totally get that. it's tough when your physical pain is invisible. wishing you an empty row on your next flight!!

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

1 year

@megmackaycomedy HAHA PRETTY MUCH EXACTLY THIS

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

2 years

@missmulrooney i told my toddler i was going to put little bit of toothpaste on his toothbrush and he said "no i want a LOTTLE BIT"

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

@sarahradz_ are we seriously having this fucking conversation again in the year 2021

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

1 year

@RonChusid you are a rare and much appreciated kind 🙏🏼

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

2 years

@aaronhoyland for fuck's sake your 👏 period👏 starts👏 when👏 you👏 are👏a 👏child 👏

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

1 year

@jdruva41 @SimeonTheFool i am extremely clever, it’s true!

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

5 years

@TorontoStar BREAKING: Person Hugely Capable Of Doing Two Things

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

4 years

@anne_theriault i’m 2 weeks in and these photos helped me so much tonight. i’m imagining a fortress of women throughout history, surrounding me, sitting with me in these weird quiet hours of uncertainty. so soothing. thank you for posting this!!!

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

5 years

@marknutter @TheDaveIsReal @morgdestiny @emrazz it is always, always white guys who say this

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

11 months

@i_petersen @brownecfm what exactly is the point of repeating this 72 times? fatalism might be *your* belief system and *your* anxiety but that doesn’t mean the rest of us have to volunteer to carry it for you. it’s not rocket science to avoid covid. tons of us figured out how long ago.

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

11 months

hey i'm DanSaysFreedom and i refuse to let COVID control my LIFE. for example, while you've been locked in your house researching air purifiers, i've been locked in my house typing abusive comments about masking for fifteen months straight

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

i’m sorry, i’m still laughing at how doug ford was like “guys i need the most lethal mutating virus in recent history wrapped up now so you’re not mad at me for the election okay”

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

"the thing that had catastrophic consequences the first five times will probably work this time" -ancient ontarian proverb

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

“careful on the slide”, i warn my toddler, “we don’t have a functioning healthcare system”

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

11 months

@nik_kolb @i_petersen @brownecfm lol imagine thinking “joy” is how much you can participate in capitalism and how adamantly you can refuse to care about your fellow human beings

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

5 years

@anne_theriault good mothers are always described as “selfless” as though the more you literally erase your self the better

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

sorry for the delayed response! i’ve been p̶a̶r̶a̶l̶y̶z̶e̶d̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶f̶e̶a̶r̶ ̶w̶a̶t̶c̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶p̶e̶c̶t̶a̶c̶u̶l̶a̶r̶ ̶c̶o̶l̶l̶a̶p̶s̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶o̶c̶i̶a̶l̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶t̶r̶a̶c̶t̶ a little under the weather

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

4 years

@taylorgarron *hurries in*

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

good morning are grown adults still honking at a virus because they don’t feel like wearing a mask for 7 minutes at new york fries

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

5 years

@voiceovercanada @splicelink11 @iLOVEnewyork83 @Nicole_Cliffe @leathebooth @mcdonoldt @jannymarie it's really good you pointed this out. the people commenting on a thread about sacrifices their families have made are probably not aware that having a family involves making sacrifices.

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

1 year

@Underwoodforyou @HighnessOphelia don't worry everyone, jonathan is here to tell us what it's like to be a woman

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

5 years

@meenaharris @djrothkopf coulda ended your sentence after "woman" tbh

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

9 years

look. nominate me for a pulitzer or don't: all i'm saying is the word "bed" is shaped like a little tiny bed.

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

7 years

ALL I'M SAYING IS I'M ON A HUNGER STRIKE 'TIL WE HAVE A RESTAURANT CALLED "THAI HARD" & I'D ALSO BE OPEN TO "THAI HARD 2" ACROSS THE STREET

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

4 years

@BrightcrystalX @CP24 @china maybe one day during a crisis people will learn to ask "what can i do?" instead of "who can i blame?"

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

2 years

@ChristyCeeCK so just to recap, it’s a child’s choice to wear a mask even though they’re too young to wear a mask? great, so helpful

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

8 years

checking it twice??? a man who proofreads his shit before submitting it??? SANTA ARE YOU SINGLE

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

11 months

@aka_George8 well they should probs find another field of work if they're not willing to protect their patients' health during a worldwide catastrophe! that's literally their only job.

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

@RantingOwl it literally starts in infancy with the insane “cry it out” tactic. just so needlessly cruel.

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

2 years

@DRTomlinsonEP @lisa_iannattone and now i ask for the 37th trillion time this pandemic, what exactly are babies and toddlers supposed to do

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

6 years

@brookeperrin whoops, my hand slipped and i signed him up for several feminist newsletters

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

i bow down before the 6-year-old girl at the playground who convinced the boy she was playing with to confess their crushes in unison on the count of 3 and then went “1, 2, 3, my crush is myself”

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

2 years

@TorontoStar have they considered not asking people to risk their lives to donate blood

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

10 years

. @strombo randomly came across these red chairs in the B.C. wilderness. we knew what to do. http://t.co/FQSuOOqCGB

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

@MelissaJeanSays @KerriLendo why do people do this?! like, congrats on your different experience!

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

2 years

sold my first children’s book 💥

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

so i'm the daughter of scientists and growing up they were like "YES, the grant i applied for 6 years ago got approved so now i can start my research project that MIGHT be done in a decade if i'm being wildly optimistic" but yes kim from yoga, you totally "did your own research"

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

1 year

@MisterGreen024 guess what so is covid

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

2 years

@MeetJess YES. my 2-year-old has never been inside a store in his entire life because he can’t mask and no one else will. yay “freedom”! wow! he’s just so free!

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

the ttc is like “after two years of careful consideration, brainstorming, and discussion, we will be opening the shitty bus window”

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

2 years

@MeetJess quick PSA i am not recommending water for the raging fire in my kitchen, i think i’ll just stand here and continue to monitor the situation closely

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

ontario. i don’t understand how there’s anything else. there is only this.

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

11 months

@StashColTV we did a similar thing. completely upended our life and rebuilt it to be COVID-safe and sustainable. a radical situation required a radical response.

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

1 year

oil and gas execs should have to spend 10 consecutive brutally hot summer days entertaining a toddler in a small house with no AC because it’s too smoky to play outside

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

@Jillian_nSmith HAHA how did you find a bar located in 1952

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

5 years

@LWaler did you try going to the right store, like one that sells beer

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

7 years

@anne_theriault totally agree. a really thought-provoking essay from a while back: "It’s interesting that no one cares very much about women doing anything 'naturally' until it involves their being in excruciating pain."

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

3 years

@DFisman still waiting for anyone in charge to even mention kids under 5 or the reality their parents have been trapped in since march 2020

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sophie kohn

@thegreatsophini

2 years

@ChristyCeeCK i've seen a significant threat to children and i think he just gave a press conference

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