Tash @tashmitambo Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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@KAILUUN

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@LairLich

@larsenCSGO

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@Novartis

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@658Il

@pa__oO_

@looklove568

@CryptoWizard119

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@KianBoostani

Tash

@tashmitambo

2 years

Crime in Nairobi CBD is being overhyped with one goal:preparing for a massive cleanup of the streets. Once everyone is scared enough, street families will be the first to be kicked out, then the hawkers, then the bodas, and finally matatus. Be prepared.

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@tashmitambo

2 years

I officially start my stay in the UK today. Let me advise you Kenyans, when you come here have at least 2 jobs in a day, the first job will pay your bills, the next one will help you save. Ukipewa less than £1500 p.m,usichukue. Pia uitishe gari yako, it is in the constitution.

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@tashmitambo

1 year

@mwamiyes Noma sana. Kuna siku nilibuy trao ya soo tatu pale kwa kona karibu na Koja. Nikasema nilipe na mpesa huyo hawker akanishow niwithdraw, nikakataa akanipatia namba nitumie, jina ikatokea Uhuru Kenyatta, kumcheki kumbe ni yeye alikuwa amedunga Marvin na crocs!

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Tash

@tashmitambo

6 months

Meru to Nairobi is over 220km. Meru to Isiolo is about 38km. If miraa and muguka really needs to get to Wilson airport very fast why can’t they just use Isiolo airport instead of endangering lives on the road to Nairobi?

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Tash

@tashmitambo

4 years

Another Kenyan movie coming soon, MAN TO THE RESCUE. Cheki trailer safi.

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@tashmitambo

6 months

I once got a bungalow like this in a place called Mwimuto. Own compound,2 spacious bedrooms,tap water,backup tank 15k pm rent. I paid 3 months plus 1 month deposit. Moved into the house on a Friday evening,2 days later thugs paid me a visit and left with all electronics.

J.O.A.N.

@njeri_joan_

6 months

Nani anataka kuishi kwa hii three bedroom 20k, mnaandikiana na mwenyewe...she will fence before you rent na aweke madirisha. Less than 10 minutes to the southern bypass Mtu hataki kelele ya Nairobi

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@tashmitambo

3 years

A jobless young man gets a deal to dig a pit latrine. He decides to get his friends to work with him and they agree on a rate. They finish the job, he pays everyone his due and they part ways happily. Later the friends hear that the young man could have gotten more from the deal.

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Tash

@tashmitambo

3 years

Kikuyu concert posters have everyone's photo, including the audience.

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Tash

@tashmitambo

4 years

Imagine a Kenya where everyone speaks English. No tribes, no vernacular languages, just Kenyans united by one language.

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Tash

@tashmitambo

2 years

Reading the 72-page petition drawn by Paul Mwangi and I must admit that lawyers really have a talent in using too many words to say absolutely nothing.

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Tash

@tashmitambo

3 years

There is a guy who became popular through calling Maina and King'ang'i in the morning. His name is Wakanai Wakawaka. Apparently, he has conned lots of people hundreds of thousands promising to take them to USA. Anybody heard of this scam?

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@tashmitambo

5 years

Just to demonstrate how useless some of our traditions are, remember how a section of Kikuyu elders cursed SK Macharia of RMS because of choosing a different political path? They even slaughtered a goat. 2 years later SK is still doing better than all of them combined. 😂

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Tash

@tashmitambo

3 years

@Osama_otero @osir_osir_ Malaria is caused by female mosquitoes. Like their human counterparts, male mosquitoes are in Nairobi to work while their wives are in the village taking care of kids and spreading malaria.

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Tash

@tashmitambo

3 years

@ItsMose At 23 I stayed alive and that was major.

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@tashmitambo

3 years

The badly injured young man is found in the morning. Her mother is called. The young man sees his mom and gets some breath to name his attackers. He's rushed to the hospital but dies on arrival. He was buried in Ngong yesterday. The culprits are on the run. Who is a friend? 🤔

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Tash

@tashmitambo

3 years

I know a number of families that do not allow the househelp to eat with them. While the family is sitting at the table, the househelp eats alone, in the kitchen. Why do we treat people like that?

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Tash

@tashmitambo

5 years

@JobArtography I hear music is a universal language. I listen to rhumba na Lingala na mimi si Congolese, I also listen to more Luo than Kikuyu songs and I'm not Luo. Even most English songs I listen to I only hear like 10% of what they are saying but I pretend to like it. 🤣

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Tash

@tashmitambo

2 years

I don't know why Baba @RailaOdinga has decided to follow me but he is the first real bigwig to ever do so. I have followed back waiting for the next set of instructions. 😎😀

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@tashmitambo

3 years

Someone said that whatever happened to the Ndichu twins with cameras at the ready was not a spontaneous event but a well laid trap to discredit the twins. I believe that theory.

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Tash

@tashmitambo

5 years

@jamrick_m @kanini_mathei Don't shave. Put 5 drops of paraffin on the pubic area and apply evenly. Light a matchstick and pass it over gently until you see a flame. Let it burn until it goes out by itself. Scratch with a knife kama kichwa ya mbuzi before making soup. Wash and relax.

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Tash

@tashmitambo

6 months

@CExtraordinare Asante nishapoa ,that’s the last time I ever rented house in Kiambu county. When I told the owner she told me, “ukiona nikihama nyumba yangu mwenyewe naenda kurent,ni ile kusumbuliwa nimesumbuliwa”. She hadn’t mentioned that nikiingia.😂

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Tash

@tashmitambo

3 years

They now look for the young man. Since he apparently got more money than they thought he was getting, they now want more. He reminds them he owes them nothing as he had paid them the agreed amount. Furthermore, he has no more money because he has invested what he has...

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Tash

@tashmitambo

4 years

I'd like to know the designer who made this, whether hustler or not, this is quality design.

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Tash

@tashmitambo

3 years

..in a personal project. They lure him to a secluded place and start to torture him, binding him with barbed wire, driving nails through his legs, cutting his ankles, dragging him around with a motorbike. They later dump him in a ditch and disappear in the dark.....

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Tash

@tashmitambo

4 years

@yussufabdalla17 @BrodrickKits Hapa naona umepiga hesabu proper, one tissue roll per Unga.

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Tash

@tashmitambo

5 years

Who decided that Gîkûyû traditional wear should be brown bed sheets?

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Tash

@tashmitambo

6 months

@fredrickmaina95 @Son_of_Laikipia Hapo kwa cost then Isiolo is even closer. Kama ni kukausha miraa then they should even be slower and take more time on the road.

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Tash

@tashmitambo

5 months

A business idea with 100k. Buy a cow worth 100k. Start milking immediately. 20 litres daily. Sell at 60 bob per litre. That is 1200per day.36,000 pm. Hire a laborer to milk and feed the cow at 10k,other expenses 10k. Save 16k pm. The more the cows the higher the income.

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Tash

@tashmitambo

5 years

Igathe wronged us Nairobians by resigning as DG, what if God decides to visit us the way he visited our neighbour?

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Tash

@tashmitambo

4 years

Bishop is lying. She was in hospital for something else, not COVID-19. Other patients coming from ICU because of Corona cannot even use their limbs properly. Where did she get the energy?

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Tash

@tashmitambo

5 years

Leo niko na Hilux double cabin ya mzae nimetoka kudrop mzigo Kitale halafu kuna momo nimepatia lift sasa inatwerk hapa kwa kiti ya passenger na niko speed ya 150 na sijali, nakunywa Guinness yangu polepole nitadeal na yeye later. 🤣

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Tash

@tashmitambo

3 years

@MarvinGakunyi @Caradvicekenya Weh! Now imagine living with her in the same house. I pity her husband.

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Tash

@tashmitambo

9 months

Disrespecting leaders is not a flex.

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Tash

@tashmitambo

6 months

@SensationsKE Can you assume that I never went to school at all and just give me an answer?

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Tash

@tashmitambo

3 years

@NoContextEPL The ref is Peter Waweru Kamaku,a Kenyan PhD holder in mathematics and a lecturer at Kenyatta University. Running is a national pass time. We celebrate him.

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Tash

@tashmitambo

2 years

@Osama_otero SGR iko sawa, what I fail to understand is why the seats have to face each other. Traveling for 6 hours while looking at the faces of strangers is very uncomfortable.

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@tashmitambo

3 years

@Son_of_Laikipia Wah, hiyo si Cham, hiyo ni mkorogo. Satchet size ya Eno hutoa 20 litres, ikipitishwa ratio hata na 1 teaspoon munaenda kwa baba.

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Tash

@tashmitambo

2 years

I have known Jalas since the first day he landed in Nairobi. He came with nothing but high hopes and determination to succeed. No one can stop him or dim his star. Biggest mistake his party can make is to throw him to the wolves, he'll come back commanding them.

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@tashmitambo

3 years

@oremforever 500k-car 500k-land 250k-1 bedroom semi-permanent house 200k-Mahari 50k-sherehe.

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Tash

@tashmitambo

3 years

@_LeratoMabuza This breed is known as Kenyan shepherd.

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@tashmitambo

4 years

I now believe Gîkûyû men are naturally polygamous. Anyone who has only one woman is just broke.

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@tashmitambo

4 years

@Shirley_Sein Blessed souls. I also had such a landlord once. They had a lovely daughter they used to send to bring me food. When it was time to move it was a difficult decision. The best I could do was to tell them to keep my deposit. They still invite me to their family events.

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Tash

@tashmitambo

3 years

Parents, give your school-going kids using PSV enough fare to pay for a seat. I vowed never to volunteer to hold them again the day ndeerire kîhîî kînjikarîre, gîatua gûcuka gîgîtiga gîathurîria, ndatindire ngînunga thegere mûthenya mûgima.

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@tashmitambo

5 years

Amidst the #NdindiNyoro shenanigans, one hero arose:This young man, @citizentvkenya reporter Victor Kinuthia, is a beacon of hope for all those who dare to believe they can conquer all fears. He speaks English better than the English speak our language. #VictorKinuthia

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@tashmitambo

5 years

Ever since I quit whatsapp groups and deactivated my Facebook account, I am more at peace with myself and other people. Those 2 apps can start wars.

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Tash

@tashmitambo

2 years

@sparta_mitch Yeah man. It has been too deliberate not to notice that there is a script being followed.

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@tashmitambo

4 years

My neighbour is a single lady with one 5 year old son. The son is my friend. Yesterday the son, out of nowhere told me, "mum alisema, ati nikuambie utuletee mtoto mwingine". What is the next course of action from here? 🤔

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Tash

@tashmitambo

5 years

In the next election ONLY voters in the following places should be allowed to vote : 1.Kibra Constituency. 2.Kakamega County. 3.Makueni County.

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@tashmitambo

4 years

There is a Kikuyu greeting that most people don't about. If someone tells you, "YES", you are supposed to reply, "YAH!" and that is the end of that greeting.

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Tash

@tashmitambo

3 years

@gidikariuki Not entirely true. Competition was stiff and only the best got picked. Also, online comedy is different from live stand up comedy. Even today, your top favourite online comedians cannot make the cut in stand up. It is a different ball game.

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Tash

@tashmitambo

5 years

Most guys who have died of COVID-19 say it is like drowning. Let us sanitize, wear masks, and if you can, stay home. #covid19impactke

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@tashmitambo

5 years

If men are dogs, wanawake ni mbiginji. 😂 #KOTLoyals

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Tash

@tashmitambo

6 months

@johnny_mwaura They should have at least cargo planes for the miraa,the product is readily available.

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@tashmitambo

4 years

Did you know: 1. A Kikuyu woman's house was the most sacred place in the homestead and important family rituals were done there? 2. A woman could only have sex in her house and not any other place? 3. Sex during the day was forbidden? 3. Sex while food was cooking was forbidden?

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Tash

@tashmitambo

5 years

@NgugiMuthoni Exact thing that happened to me in Nyamasaria, a town on your way to Kisumu from Ahero. A gentleman stopped me, apologized for doing so then explained he works in construction but had not had a job for 2 weeks and no meal for 3 days, he only wanted food, we did some shopping.

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@tashmitambo

2 years

What would Kiûnjûri say? Inegene rîa ndore rîtimomoraga kîoro!

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@tashmitambo

2 years

@TaitaTweeps The Didiwi/Lukumbinyi also exists in Kikuyu traditional homes, it is called "Nyunjurî".

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@tashmitambo

3 years

@jamrick_ Kunona uso is maturity, signifies you are officially a mumama.

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@tashmitambo

2 years

@jamrick_ Kweli. A rider once also gave me a tip ya kujua a safe rider, alinishow unaweza angalia side mirror za bike, ati ukiona moja haina ama imecrack then huyo most likely ni reckless rider.

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Tash

@tashmitambo

3 years

@Sam_K_Mwangi Poverty is an expensive habit to maintain.

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@tashmitambo

2 years

Seen this on Anyang Nyong'os page. A milestone. Pure chang'aa bottled at the source.

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@tashmitambo

4 years

In a matatu, a heavily pregnant lady brushed my face with her stomach when moving to her seat, the baby kicked my face.

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@tashmitambo

2 years

@8sixty4 @gidikariuki Sasa imagine Gidi ako hadi na salary kando na side hustles na yeye ni student, je wewe ukikam kufanya kazi 24/7,si utakuwa millionaire in one month?

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@tashmitambo

2 years

Actors in the best Kenyan movie ever were paid 1600/- per day. Although it was meant to be a project for some students, nobody reviewed the terms when it became a hit and made good sales. Lets pay actors well in our local projects. Fame without money is harmful to health.

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@tashmitambo

4 years

@JILLKUI Even in religious events, people are advised to lock the doors and close their car windows and not leave any valuables easily visible. This deters vandals.

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@tashmitambo

3 years

@Gitz__ "Nîndîrabatara aaria a Gîkûyû ngûthi na me igweta nî tondû wa nyûmba ya ûmemerekia ya rûthiomi rûu îkirie gûka ica ikuhî. Rehei mawoni manyu, mûandîkani nîararûmîrîra macokio." 😀

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@tashmitambo

5 years

Nairobi looks like it has just come from a war or it is in a war. Garbage everywhere, trenches on roads, potholes, dilapidated buildings, fallen electricity poles, angry people, dented vehicles, street people in every corner, criminals everywhere, depressed masses!

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@tashmitambo

1 year

Never understood this saying. Is it "adding insult to injury" or "adding salt to injury" ?

Andrew Kibe

@kibeandy

1 year

Adding insult to injury...

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@tashmitambo

3 years

@samkyril @SamNato Only an old school gentleman would think of walking on the side of the road to "protect" the lady. A modern gentleman respects the lady's right to equality and so not give unsolicited protection. In case of danger, it is everyone for themselves.

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@tashmitambo

4 years

@mutuku I don't know about other countries but there was a time I travelled to Rongai and it was working there, they even had mpesa shops.

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@tashmitambo

6 months

@Jarnner Bora wasikuumize ni sawa wakibeba tu kitu wanataka. Wale wa Kabete I was told they can be ruthless especially ukianza kukimbiza madame locals,wakikutembelea wanaweza kuharibu uso na acid ndiyo usipendeke.

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@tashmitambo

3 years

@Benluttah @_fels1 Ben, kama huyo mtu ndiye alikupeleka huko, na hukununua, na wewe hupitia hapo unaona bado iko, wewe hupitia hapo ukienda wapi?

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@tashmitambo

3 years

People who live alone, if you disappeared, how many days would it take before people realized that you were missing?

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@tashmitambo

3 years

My take on CBC. It places the responsibility of raising up children on the parents. In 8.4.4,the parents dumped kids at school and left their parenting work to the teacher. Now, courtesy of CBC, people will raise their own children and most are not happy about that.

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@tashmitambo

4 years

@RobertAlai Kilimani ni balaa. Yule jamaa mwingine mwenye walitokea na Steve pale Dusit na bunduki kubwa kubwa alipatikana ama alipotea kabisa?

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@tashmitambo

3 years

It is very windy nowadays no Ngai o ûrîa ûtûmaga rûhuho rûkahumbûria nguo cia aka, nowe ûtûmaga rûkûngû rûingîre maitho ma arûme matikone!

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@tashmitambo

1 year

@freddyholysan @_itstitus One day the guy who makes me doors and windows brought some things to the site then he called me aside to advise me, "hata ukiwa na pesa, usikimbize mjengo sana, kuna watu wa wivu sana wanaweza kuumiza ." He is from Western Kenya.

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@tashmitambo

3 years

@JMutinda_snr 😢Too much evil in the world. Surprisingly you will find most people who treat others like this are the religious type with privileges in their places of worship.

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@tashmitambo

5 years

@pyscholowkey @Langat_collins_ Ngoja siku moja utapata 84 inch TV haiko kwa nyumba halafu wochi akuambie, "ndiyo kuna mtu alikuja akaingia na akatoa TV, lakini kweli kuna mtu anaweza kuja na gari, na ameweka mafuta, afungue nyumba na abebe TV na si yake?"

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@tashmitambo

2 years

We wrongly call this "battery acid". This is just de-ionized water. You can even drink it and safely quench your thirst.

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@tashmitambo

2 years

@gummy___bearbee Do you know the exact date when this crime was committed? Location? There are thousands of these videos online from all over the world, not just Nairobi.

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@tashmitambo

2 years

Boni has been involved in these small small accidents several times that I don't believe they are accidents anymore. He should be vigilant and avoid driving at night and lonely roads.

The People’s Watchman

@bonifacemwangi

2 years

A drunk man driving a Subaru, registration KBN 466J has hit us and driven off. I stopped recording when l thought he had stopped to see the damage and then he drove off. Please help me unmask him. @Ma3Route @NPSOfficial_KE

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@tashmitambo

2 years

I used to say Kenya is the best place to live in if you have money, until I ventured out for a bit and realized that he who travels not, thinks his mother is the best cook.

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@tashmitambo

3 years

Mimi tangu nione avocado zikipakwa rangi ati ndiyo zikae export quality siwezi tetea wakenya sana. Very few are honest in their dealings. Until we are trustworthy, we will continue being treated like the frauds we are.

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@tashmitambo

3 years

That rapper who was shot is another reminder that once you start doing something good with your life, it is time to get out of your hood.

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@tashmitambo

2 years

@QueenGathoni Is there an actor courageous enough to ask, "why am I being called to replace the other actor? What were the issues? Were they addressed?"?

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@tashmitambo

5 years

@Commonmundu @MrJemedari @DaviesKinanga There is no film industry in Kenya. The government works very hard to kill whatever tries to rear its head in that sector.

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@tashmitambo

3 years

@Amj0seh Whaaat! It seems he has perfected it. When you report to DCI, they take your statement, then they even have his number so they just call him, have a chat, then they promise to get into the matter. That is usually the end. Ukifuata pesa zako anakwambia huwezi mpeleka popote!

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@tashmitambo

4 years

@Jontae254 Poleni jo lakini a creative mind is like a well, the more you fetch water from it, the more it flows, wachaneni na Chep amalize content akitaka, ni yake na hata akianza kupost hakuwa ameomba ruhusa ya mtu.

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@tashmitambo

4 years

@OwuorMichael @kabue_muriithi If you see a Toyota in this position, 2 things are possible :It is either being delivered to the owner.....or it is being taken away from the owner by auctioneers. I'll go with auctioneers for this.

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@tashmitambo

5 years

@_MrAbraham @doctah254 The parents are doing their job but their priorities are different from teaching the kids names of birds. Maybe these kids are busy acquiring other more important skill. How has learning types of flies and how many legs a spider has helped you in your present life?

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@tashmitambo

4 years

My crush texted me, "happy birthday nugu". I asked her why call me that, she then sent lots of laughing emojis saying she meant ndugu. I wish she just meant nugu, I don't want to be in her ndugu zone. 😁

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@tashmitambo

2 years

Wezi wengine ni wajinga sana. Unatoroka na equipment mahali umetoka kupigwa picha? All thieves must be vetted before getting into the industry, wengine wanaharibia wizi jina! 😁

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