👍 @takethetwoo Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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@poet0202

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@takethetwoo

7 months

gotta say I was not expecting that when they cut to the wide shot

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@takethetwoo

5 years

@jmrphy hooooooooo boy

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@takethetwoo

7 years

I have read "the cat person"- and would argue that although he loves lasagna and talks, biologically he remains a cat

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@takethetwoo

6 years

at trivia tonight there was a team called Trivia Newton-John and then a bunch of dudes joined halfway through and called their team Olivia Newton-Trivia

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@takethetwoo

6 years

smugly watching twitter beefs play out, secure in the knowledge that I am dumber than all involved

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@takethetwoo

6 years

Tik Tok is the best

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@takethetwoo

7 years

my review of Thelma and Louise

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@takethetwoo

5 years

six thousand people read this and thought “yes”

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@takethetwoo

3 years

Archduke Franz Ferdinand Has Been Shot - And People Are Low Key Shook About The Potential Ramifications

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@takethetwoo

6 years

its as simple as that. Off to Canberra now ✌️

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@takethetwoo

4 years

the AFL boss looks like a billionaire looking for his missing wife in the Himalayas

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@takethetwoo

4 months

very distasteful

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@takethetwoo

5 years

one of the greats

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@takethetwoo

3 years

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@takethetwoo

5 years

a very old guy at officeworks couldn’t seem to understand that they were only accepting card and was very confused, so I paid for his stuff. Anyway he rolled out of the car park in front of me in like a 2019 Mercedes Benz 👍

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@takethetwoo

2 years

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@takethetwoo

4 years

you want your spinner to be always asking questions

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@takethetwoo

5 years

You can have 7 people at a catch-up, and of course, 9 people to a shin-dig. You may have a lick of your best friends ice cream, but you may only have a sip of your cousins beer

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@takethetwoo

3 years

Daniel Cherny

@DanielCherny

3 years

Exclusive: Australian players were left shocked after coach Justin Langer and team manager Gavin Dovey became involved in heated exchanges with a Cricket Aus staffer in relation to a video posted on CA channels of a jubilant Bangladesh team last week.

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@takethetwoo

1 month

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@takethetwoo

6 years

fuck off pauline to the tune of come on eileen

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@takethetwoo

10 months

billion dollar idea - a pub where if you ask them to change the channel it doesnt require 9 staff members

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@takethetwoo

6 months

highly recommend watching NRL 360 on 0.5x speed

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@takethetwoo

1 year

Ben Jones

@benjonescricket

1 year

Australia haven't won a Test chasing this many against England since the invention of canned shaving cream

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@takethetwoo

1 year

It’s so funny that if you are a journalist your boss constantly emails you saying “remember - don’t think about anything ever. Stay as dumb as possible - no knowing stuff or forming thoughts. I am off to Israel (free!!🥰) see you in a month”

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@takethetwoo

6 years

umm people sharing images of that reindeer with the glowing red nose, please delete- reindeers only do that when they are being rejected by the herd

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@takethetwoo

1 year

Bazball is about playing the game with a child-like freedom, including wandering aimlessly out of your crease to look at bugs or talk to your friend etc

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@takethetwoo

5 years

I see Australia's smartest politician is in the news again

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@takethetwoo

2 years

Will Schofield

@WillSchofield

2 years

Didn’t expect anything less than the honesty JL gave in this one. See the full chat with Justin Langer on @backchat__ here:

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@takethetwoo

6 years

to those involved in student politics, have you considered instead maybe seeing a movie, or kicking a ball to one another etc

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@takethetwoo

6 years

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@takethetwoo

3 years

sorry to be a pedant but a French sub is called a baguette

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@takethetwoo

6 years

I work at Chatswood Coles and I am using scissors to undermine the structural integrity of all the plastic bags

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@takethetwoo

4 months

confirming that the Microsoft outage is not impacting Hubbl. Hubbl users can continue to enjoy the revolutionary and user friendly way to access streaming

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@takethetwoo

6 years

gonna be offline for a bit. getting choppered to Sentinel island to tell them about the cow

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@takethetwoo

6 years

Chris Kenny is genuinely one of the most stunningly stupid people online, and it’s a pleasure to watch him go about it. I’ll tell my grandkids about him in the same way people spoke about watching Bradman bat

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@takethetwoo

6 years

George Calombaris can’t present food without looking like he has rubbed his balls on it

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@takethetwoo

6 years

this guy did a video about how someone works so hard that they didn't look out the window of a helicopter

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@takethetwoo

4 years

cooked freestyle tonight, no recipe- just going on instinct. fuckin disaster

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@takethetwoo

5 years

every single thing that happens in the AFL is reported like its the cuban missile crisis

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@takethetwoo

6 years

Tim Paine: shit shot mate Fox Sports: 😂😂😂 classic banter from the skipper! MUST WATCH (you might want to make sure your sound is on 📢) 😂😂😂

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@takethetwoo

5 years

I’m no movie buff but I believe my girlfriend has had too much morphine

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@takethetwoo

7 years

This is Cricket's JFK moment. The ball is JFK, Smith is Lee Harvey Oswald, I am the car, the road is integrity- the grassy knoll is a grassy knoll, and the CIA? Correct- they are the cartoon duck that walks across the screen sometimes

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@takethetwoo

7 years

imagining Lyle muttering all of this to himself on the bus but breaking into song for the John Farnham lyric

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@takethetwoo

4 years

those Bunnings employees keep their cool when being filmed and abused by some psycho but get them to film a tv ad and they go pale and say like “summers always is a time for being hot and jobs with the house”

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@takethetwoo

6 years

I work at Optus and we just received an all staffer saying we have to let (up to 6) people watch the soccer on our tellies at home if they can show a sim card at the door

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@takethetwoo

5 years

can @ShaneWarne auction off the Oakley hat he wore to Wimbledon the time that Steve Waugh made everyone wear their baggy greens like absolute freaks

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@takethetwoo

6 years

not a day goes past that I don't think about playing ressies footy against sydney university and our coach gave us a pre-game speech that included "these blokes sit around and do fuckin maths together all day!" and they flogged us by 80 points

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@takethetwoo

5 years

the guy ranting about elites? - his Dad was a Liberal MP -he went to one of Australia's richest schools, in inner-Brisbane - he went to Harvard

Andrew Laming

@AndLaming

5 years

For many inner-city elites, the May 18 result is something impossible to accept.

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@takethetwoo

2 years

this guy is all I can picture when people say The Ombudsman

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@takethetwoo

3 years

Fox Cricket

@FoxCricket

3 years

What do you make of this post? 🤔 Langer's cryptic message 👉

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@takethetwoo

5 years

good on Tim Wilson for attempting to carve out the most pathetic political career in Australia’s history

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@takethetwoo

1 year

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@takethetwoo

3 months

I was living my dream as an Olympic boxer when the unthinkable happened. I was punched in the face

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@takethetwoo

3 years

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@takethetwoo

6 years

when you’re dressed nice and catch your own reflection after a few schooners

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@takethetwoo

3 months

love seeing the new generation of Australian swimmers and trying to predict which ones Wikipedia will have a “Jetstar incident” subheading in 5-10 years

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@takethetwoo

6 months

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@takethetwoo

4 years

this is what James Bond movies would look like if they used realistic portrayals of British people

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@takethetwoo

5 years

the baboon thing won't be over until someone paints a shitty mural on the side of a pub that sells $12 schooners and closes at 11pm

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@takethetwoo

6 years

"I am just glad my son is okay"

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@takethetwoo

4 years

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@takethetwoo

6 months

How is anyone supposed to believe this guy actually holds a single belief?

Josh Butler

@JoshButler

6 months

PM Albanese on 3AW radio, asked about pro-Palestine uni protesters and "from the river to the sea" chant PM says "I reckon if you asked those people chanting it, heaps of them wouldn't have a clue, wouldn't be able to find the [river] Jordan on a map"

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5 months

The Australian

@australian

5 months

Welcome to ideas that reimagine outdated concepts and conjure new ones. Welcome to the contest of ideas.

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@takethetwoo

3 years

every time he says it’s a stunning day in Melbourne he uses a pic from Google images

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@takethetwoo

6 years

I just want a Jurassic Park movie that is 2 and a half hours of the theme park running smoothly, no breaches etc

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@takethetwoo

2 years

*AFL guy standing beneath the aurora borealis* these things are the Gary Ablett Jr of the sky

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@takethetwoo

6 years

masterful

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@takethetwoo

6 years

*Bari Weiss eating a bluebottle off the beach* The local delicacy is disgusting, and it hurts. But it somehow makes sense

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@takethetwoo

3 years

Haydos has his baggy green on and is standing on the roof of CA headquarters holding a bat and reciting from the bible. Hoping for a good outcome here 🙏🙏🙏

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@takethetwoo

4 years

did anyone else see this guy on the ABC spend a good 3 minutes or so asking the host if it looked like he was holding the opera house in his hand? Excruciating to watch

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@takethetwoo

6 years

toney has the same stance/posture of one of those robots that can do parkour

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@takethetwoo

6 years

sitting backwards on the train and extending my arm and looking over my shoulder like I’m reversing a trailer the entire way

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@takethetwoo

6 years

in my experience, former police colleagues I haven’t spoken to in 20 years calling in huge favours is because they know about many good and legal things I did in my past

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@takethetwoo

7 years

ahem seems parliament is a Crowded House Thanks

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@takethetwoo

6 years

(every post on LinkedIn) life is not a game of Monopoly, there is no "get out of Jail free" card................................ 44.5k Likes | 135k Comments _________________________________ Mark Bouris : Love this Jeff "Jeff the Sales Doctor" Geoff : truly this is right

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@takethetwoo

3 years

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@takethetwoo

8 years

pretty cool that every australian basketballer once managed a Video Ezy

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@takethetwoo

3 years

I remember when the Doherty report just meant Xavier had taken 1/43 in a one dayer that I didn’t know was on

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@takethetwoo

3 years

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@takethetwoo

3 years

I'm in that classic situation where the mayor promised you he was tabling a motion to get the footy posts put back up at the park near your apartment, but was then removed as mayor at that same meeting and you don't know how to ask him how the posts thing went

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@takethetwoo

2 years

chin up @TimWilsonMP . You achieved nothing and look like a haunted garden gnome

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@takethetwoo

6 years

Commercial radio guy: and finally Bill, are you a folder or a scruncher!!? Shorten, panicking trying to remember what the focus group results suggested: I don’t wipe

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@takethetwoo

6 years

@sunriseon7 @kochie_online @PaulineHansonOz ask her how she gets on telly all the time to air those policies Kochie

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@takethetwoo

4 years

lol Joe once made someone take down a TikTok that poked the mildest fun at him 🥴

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@takethetwoo

2 years

Phil Gould to improve things at the Bulldogs

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@takethetwoo

10 months

75 likes on this has made me more patriotic than anything in my life

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@takethetwoo

1 year

Kerr goal one of the best sporting moments I’ve watched live. Remember - the happy side tonight are still English, an ailment you wouldn’t wish upon anyone

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@takethetwoo

4 years

the grand final winning captains speech

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@takethetwoo

6 years

this big strong boy will galvanise the nation one day

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@takethetwoo

7 years

I knew the Barnaby Joyce story all along. Why didn't I publish it? I won Solitaire and could not stop the cards that bounce all over the screen

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@takethetwoo

6 years

@ScottMorrisonMP Scott my bible group and I have listened to the song in its entirety and Jeremy has fainted. How much holy water should we feed him

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@takethetwoo

6 years

Just met @Mesut_Ausil at Manuka Oval, and he showed me the exact spot he saw Latho in the dirty polo. Goosebumps

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@takethetwoo

5 years

true crime podcast about an RSL magician who defrauded pensioners for 20 years

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@takethetwoo

6 years

me watching the queer eye guys rifling through my wardrobe and fridge

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@takethetwoo

6 years

time to become an australian cartoonist

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@takethetwoo

6 years

Can we just have our ball back please it won’t happen again promise

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@takethetwoo

6 years

. @JarrodBleijieMP I am a teacher at a primary school , and I forbid my students from standing up during the anthem, and we all do the armpit fart sound for the duration of it. They go hog wild for the fart song. DMs are open

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@takethetwoo

7 months

why do the employees of Linkt always choose the worst cafes for the exchange of the cash you owe for unpaid tolls 😂😂

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@takethetwoo

3 years

retiring players lap on grand final day in the back of a ute

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