Stefan Mohamed @stefmowords Twitter profile

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Stefan Mohamed

4 months

my weird little book of post-human poems is out today with @brokensleep ! it's been a really fun experiment and I very much hope people enjoy reading it. how can you read it? great question! you're just the kind of proactive switched-on reader I write for:

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Last Seen Profiles

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

can't really explain why but I love how shit the Metaverse looks. every screenshot and clip brings me genuine joy. billions and billions poured into it and this is the result. The Sims but worse, and with nothing below the torso. wonderful stuff

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

9 months

John to George when Ringo is out of earshot

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

8 months

my niece has received a toy Woody. she's delighted, but I can't share her joy because when you pull his string he says plot-specific phrases from Toy Story 4 😡 sorry but if you pull Woody's string he should only say the generic phrases Sheriff Woody dolls say in-universe 😡😡😡

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

1 month

"They were arrested after being on a zoom call discussing nonviolent civil resistance, which a Sun journalist infiltrated." s c u m b a g

Just Stop Oil

@JustStop_Oil

1 month

🚨 BREAKING: THE WHOLE TRUTH FIVE IMPRISONED FOR 4-5 YEARS ⛓️ Lucia, Cressie, Louise and Daniel have received 4 year prison sentences today, whilst Roger has received 5 years. ➡️ Stop jailing those telling the truth. Sign the petition —

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

I (28F) have always hated my husband's (30M) cruel miserly boss (60M) but this Christmas Day he just showed up at our house claiming to have been visited by three ghosts? and brought a turkey about ten times too big for our oven?? I didn't want to accept his gifts, AITA

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

edited for accuracy

Yorkshire Wildlife Trust

@YorksWildlife

2 years

Know your buzzy friends in this hot weather! 🐝

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

1 year

when you're having to attack Daniel Radcliffe, arguably the world's mildest guy, by insulting his pregnant girlfriend's looks, that's when you know your feminism is going really well! a sure sign that everything is rational and above board!

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

never before has 10.2 billion dollars looked so incredibly cheap

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

3 years

this took off a bit overnight. while you're here don't stan lame billionaires who would drive their Tesla straight over your fragile human body to get to Starbucks

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

in 'Pon de Replay', Rihanna exhorts the DJ to 'turn the music up', even though the DJ generally has very little control over the overall volume levels in the club. even the sound engineer, while they may be sympathetic, will have to follow local council regulations or risk a fine

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

5 months

everything is horrendous and bleak and upsetting, but at least I don't have to worry about the frogs. now to take a big sip of coffee and check Sky News

Sky News

@SkyNews

5 months

Frogs are screaming - we just can't hear them Read more ⬇️

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

11 months

Sycamore Gap tree: wh ... where am I Yggdrasil: you're in tree heaven mate L'Arbre du Ténéré, an acacia tree destroyed by a drunk driver in 1973: don't suppose you can play bass 'The Senator', a 3,500 year old cypress tree accidentally burned down by a meth addict in 2021: hey

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

@Matt_Severn what do you mean? every time I use Zoom I think "this would be so much better if none of us had legs"

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

I for one welcome our low res overlords

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

3 months

feel like there's some sort of symbolism here

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

1 year

you useless dickhead. you dumb prick. you stupid pointless clueless arsehole

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 months

Jeremy Corbyn: *gently picks up a bedraggled, injured kitten from the gutter and wraps it in a towel* normal, well-adjusted, level-headed centrists: look at this asshole. look at this villainous prick. hey Owen Jones is this piece of shit your boyfriend

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

4 months

I was sure "I miss Gordon Brown so much, so *fucking* much" was the funniest line, but now I'm wondering if it's actually "you won't print this - but fuck the Tories"

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

8 months

@sheikyerbouti_ there's not even a snake in his boot

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

6 months

actually cannot bear to listen to Rachel Reeves speak or read anything she has to say at this point. just seeing a picture of her is like injecting pure depression into my veins. she's kind of surpassed Starmer as the avatar of total political hopelessness. a vacuum, a human void

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

pathetic woke razors bouncing uselessly off my manly stubble and shattering into pieces

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

preoccupied trying to decide which of these lads is in more urgent need of a wedgie

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

4 months

pure Garth Merenghi "written more books than I've read" energy

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

8 months

gonna come out and say it. Scrooge's nephew and his wife? bad vibes. snide fuckers. two-faced. at least with Scrooge he'll be a prick to your face *and* behind your back. he won't invite you to Christmas with a smile, then have his mates round like 'yeah my uncle? vermin lmao'

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

6 months

thinking about the Poetry For Palestine event last year where we heard poems written by young Palestinian children, both of whom had been killed in the recent bombing. you could set every painting in Britain on fire and it would still be orders of magnitude less obscene than that

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

3 months

one of my most abiding, bitter resentments from becoming Labourpilled between 2015 and 2019 is having to know who this guy is. no normal person should be burdened with knowing who this guy is. but now normal people will know. they can suffer like we have suffered

Labour North

@LabourNorth

3 months

Congratulations to @lukeakehurst , Labour's candidate for North Durham!

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

3 years

@Meat__Hook can't remember who it was who said if they had as much money as him they wouldn't even have a phone, let alone a Twitter account, and ... yeah

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

3 years

The CAPTCHA in the Rye

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

properly brain boiling how we could fairly straightforwardly have a nice country where everything works properly and people aren't struggling constantly, but we just don't. one of those incredibly obvious things that makes me feel like I'm losing my mind when I think about it

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

people on here will announce a "spicy take" and it will either be "pasta is generally better with sauce" or "certain specific genocides were arguably justified" and nothing inbetween

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

4 months

the only thing I hate more than the Compare the Meerkat extended universe is the idea that there might be people out there who feel a level of investment in it. who see there's a new ad and are excited to see if a new horrid CGI rodent has been introduced. people who do the voice

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

a second tofu-eating wokerati has hit Suella Braverman

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

5 months

there should be a pub where only me and my friends can go in

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

10 months

love the salute emoji. love him. this little guy 🫡 has gone above and beyond for me since he came on the scene

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

1 year

does this still from The Wrong Trousers count as a piece of visual art

Rob Palk

@robpalkwriter

1 year

There isn't really a piece of visual art that destroys me every time

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

3 months

based on my - admittedly limited - understanding of parliamentary procedure, constitutional precedent and electoral law, what happens is, I would laugh so hard I gave myself an aneurysm

kate flood 🇵🇸

@KateFlood

3 months

Genuine question: what happens if Labour win the election but Starmer loses his seat ?

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

11 months

feel like promoting Madeley beyond his usual beat - interviewing someone whose dog looks like the queen, or the grower of Britain's largest turnip - was a mistake

Saul Staniforth

@SaulStaniforth

11 months

Richard Madeley asks British Palestinian MP Layla Moran if she or her family knew about Hamas's attack before it happened #GMB

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

11 months

"if you haven't heard from us after 8 weeks assume it's a no" or maybe take 10 seconds out of those eight weeks to send an email saying it's a no? or set up some sort of automated system for sending out a no? or anything that doesn't involve leaving people hanging for months? 🤷‍♂️

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

3 months

throwing a milkshake, to me, takes a special kind of courage, because I love a milkshake. it's one of my favourite things. if I have one, I want more than anything else in the world to keep hold of it. can't imagine letting go of one. these times show us what we're made of

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

1 month

🚨 SCOOP 🚨 Green Party anti-professional concert level cellist crisis deepens - leaked WhatsApp messages show party activists saying "it's just a massive violin ... it looks stupid"

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

1 month

it's time for the Green Party to admit that it has a problem with professional concert level cellists

Denis MacShane

@DenisMacShane

1 month

I campaigned in Bristol and saw the vicious below belt Green campaign to oust the only professional concert level cellist Labour MP.

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

1 year

god the political landscape in this country is so bleak. an utterly barren intellectual wasteland, anti-creative, anti-inspiration, anti-hope. no space for new ideas. gleefully small minded, vacuous, morally bankrupt, zealously policed from all angles. it's absolutely suffocating

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

the four horsemen of lowered expectations, Disappointment, Timidity, Self-Flagellation and Restraint, riding into town to assure you they won't be making any promises they can't keep, or any promises at all for that matter

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

my partner: what are you laughing at me: Bastani from Novara called my mutual "Archimbaldo" a snivelling little shit, and the Bootstrap Cook's mum's roast potatoes got- my partner, to our son: come on, get your stuff, we're staying in a hotel tonight

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

9 months

this is about a stuffed toy on a BBC quiz show

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

1 year

looking forward to some real fucked up sausage rolls from this place

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

1 year

congratulations on wading into a "growing row" that doesn't actually exist. you complete and total bell end

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 months

just took my 1,000,000-year-old nan to vote, she's physically blind but her inner eye can see the whole of linear time occurring at once. "which box to vote the Tories out," she asked. I didn't answer. she was alone in a dusty ruin, thousands of years from now. no one cheered

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

3 months

starting to worry that Aaron Bastani, leading light of the new UK left media ecosystem, might be a complete charlatan

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 months

the way the transphobic moral panic has snowballed, radicalising and warping minds, freeing people to publicly spout the most vile, violent rhetoric, and metastasizing into government policy, has been utterly horrifying to witness. solidarity with trans people everywhere

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

1 year

ngl, as a millennial, a member of S Club 7 dying really feels like staring mortality directly in the face

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

the leader of the Labour Party snidely dismissing 'fringe interests' in the UK's most transphobic paper, in the week of a trans teen's murder - a murder he hasn't tweeted anything about - certainly sends a message doesn't it

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

Keir Starmer noting historic levels of distrust in the institution of the police and settling on "police hubs in every neighbourhood" as Labour's official response is absolutely chef's kiss. flawless performance. no notes

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

11 months

oh my god

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

4 months

genuinely curious as to who this is actually for? are your bog standard everyday conservative types raving about 'sick note culture'? or is this just desperate flailing for the benefit of handful of deranged pensioners and that wanker from Pimlico Plumbers

Metro

@MetroUK

4 months

GP’s will soon be stripped of the ability to sign people off work as part of a major government inititive to crack down on ‘sick note culture’ Rishi Sunak says people should stop 'over-medicalising the everyday challenges and worries of life'

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

1 year

I'm bored of saying I hate this man. you're bored of me saying I hate this man. we're all bored of saying we hate this man. but god I hate this man

ITV News Politics

@ITVNewsPolitics

1 year

'The police need powers to deal with Just Stop Oil and some of their tactics' @Keir_Starmer explains why Labour would not repeal a controversial new law which saw a number of people wrongly arrested on coronation Saturday

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

3 years

*looking at Boris Johnson, a man who could not be more of a product of England, a pure manifestation of the raging entitled useless id of this specific country* this stinks of Russia

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

6 months

I'm not a painter, but I write novels. I know first hand how long it takes, the investment of mental energy, physical energy, the hours, the care. so I think I can say with some level of insight that in the context of protesting genocide, it doesn't matter at all, not one iota

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

I didn't personally know Dawn Foster, but seeing Guardian journalists lining up to seal clap a Telegraph hack getting a job with British Fox News really makes me feel her absence as a media voice

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

hoping the fact that there are more Joyces here than Fayes means that the latter is selling bette, but this arrangement still gives me the ick, as if we're just casually exploring two sides of a neutral issue

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

3 years

Luke Akehurst. Conceptual James. Paul Embery. Darren Grimes. Ian Dunt. Femi. Jeff Samuels QC. that necrophilia guy. The Dark Prince. Russ in Cheshire. Rubie. all these guys we would never have heard of if we didn't spend our lives on this website. guys that never needed inventing

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

6 months

partner took the wee lad to bed a little while ago, sounded very quiet so I assumed he was asleep. then I just heard my partner, in a very tired voice, saying "well some people believe there was a really big explosion and that everything came from that..."

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

1 year

*balding mid-50s guy in every documentary about the rise of dance music* you see, for us it was more than just a scene, you know? or a job. it was a way of life, right? it was a movement. the music, the parties, the people, the attitude. we wanted to change the world, you know?

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

3 years

tired: Die Hard is a Christmas movie wired: Home Alone is a Die Hard movie

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

odd how being a patriotic party that loves this country never seems to translate into making this country a functional, pleasant place to live

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

@bartlebooth45 according to @MickeyMarxClub - who I have no reason to doubt - it's the latter

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

6 months

love good faith political debate from our impeccably impartial public service broadcaster

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

"Deano", "LadBaby", "Matty Healy", sometimes being on here is like being parachuted into issue 4,500 of some incredibly intricate, incredibly stupid comic book

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

3 months

please, my place names, they're very real

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

@tom_usher_ the eyes of a predator

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

this is your brain on transphobia

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

1 year

you wake up. it's dinner time. cold grey beef. your stepdad Keir Starmer is droning on about protesters. your stepmum Rachel Reeves nods along, occasionally commenting in a voice like a Windows error message. your step brother Wes Streeting smiles as he kicks you under the table

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 months

bitterly amusing that one of the most obvious counters to the "Starmer is fundamentally decent" narrative is his staggeringly dishonourable and spiteful treatment of Jeremy Corbyn, but it doesn't matter cos when it comes to Corbyn all the usual norms of civility are suspended

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

1 year

I would obviously rather eat fistfuls of wasps than re-litigate a theoretical Corbyn government, but saying he would have handled the pandemic worse than Johnson is just ... very silly, isn't it? one values human lives whoever they happen to be, the other demonstrably does not

Philip Collins

@PhilipJCollins1

1 year

Just to calm down all those of you who seem to be a bit steamed up: yes, Corbyn was worse than Johnson. This is consistent with Johnson being an egregious immoral liability.

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

11 months

I know it's sad about the tree but this is the only way I can engage with anything anymore

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

1 year

round of applause for every useful idiot 'just asking questions' pseudo-liberal who helped legitimise and mainstream the transphobic moral panic and paved the way for this new schools guidance. my heart goes out to every kid who's going to be affected, and to sympathetic teachers

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

11 months

lol. lmao

Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

11 months

"whatever your opinion of Rupert Murdoch or his personal politics, you can't deny the scope of his ambition or the seismic impact that he has had on news media over the past few decades" - some eye-gougingly tedious centrist bore right now, probably

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

3 months

you can't even write an article in a national newspaper about how a popular young actress is fat and ugly anymore. because of

Clara Hill 🇵🇸🇵🇸

@clara_ish

3 months

The telegraph is a newspaper for posh crybabies

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

me: uh-oh, looks like there's been some fresh Supertanskii drama on the tl!! my partner: we're going to go and stay at my mum's for a few days

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 months

Trump hanging up the phone like "who the fuck was that"

LINA

@agirlcalledlina

2 months

Jesus wept

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 months

when a highly paid journalist is pretending not to understand something

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

4 months

ok fellas, what's *your* biggest ick? mine is seeing the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked, dragging themselves through the streets at dawn looking for an angry fix, angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

3 years

I'm honestly not sure you could invent a better policy to sum up the vibe of Starmer's Labour

Mirror Politics

@MirrorPolitics

3 years

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Labour pledge to replace Universal Credit with new name to end the 'stigma' - but don't promise to reverse £20-a-week cut

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

Will Smith physically assaulting Chris Rock at the Oscars is a perfect microcosm of Brexit #rejoin #FBPE

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

3 years

seems like something that shouldn't happen quietly. imagine if there was a second political party - an "opposition", if you will, perhaps led by a prominent human rights lawyer - who could call the government up on stuff like this

The Guardian

@guardian

3 years

New bill quietly gives powers to remove British citizenship without notice

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

enjoying Sandman a lot, though I can't shake the feeling that Tom Sturridge kind of looks like he's starring in a gritty reboot of Black Books

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

4 months

they actually printed it, the absolute madmen

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

1 year

the size of what

Insider Paper

@TheInsiderPaper

1 year

NEW 🚨 A massive asteroid the size of almost 69 American alligators is set to pass by the Earth on Tuesday, according to NASA's asteroid tracker. - The Jerusalem Post

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

huge congratulations to Rowling, Linehan, Joyce and all the other selfless heroes in the GC movement. a charity has had to limit the services it provides to vulnerable children because of "intolerable abuse". what a win for young people! and for feminism!

Mermaids

@Mermaids_Gender

2 years

Due to intolerable abuse, we have made the decision to close the helpline and webchat services for the rest of today and tomorrow. Next week, to enable us to take all volunteers off the rota, we will reduce hours to 9am to 6pm only.

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

10 months

as Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself behind the wheel of a large automobile

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

barely worth commenting on these things tbh but I am just having a moment over the dissonance between "BASTARD ENVIRONMENTAL PROTESTERS MAKING PEOPLE 10 MINUTES LATE FOR WORK" and "well of course medical procedures and other funerals should be cancelled for the Queen's funeral"

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 months

that's funny cos I remember an election where multiple Labour canvassers in their 70s and 80s were assaulted, at least one was hospitalised, and a 'no solo canvassing in this area' rule had to be introduced for personal safety. but that was five whole years ago so

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

8 months

he didn't like intercity discos and I was the fucking Vengabus

i hate you joe biden

@sonyashea3

2 years

i don’t like this.

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

2 years

what is going on at The Times

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Stefan Mohamed

@stefmowords

9 months

when a major figure dies, no matter how utterly repugnant they were, there's always holier than thou scolds lecturing people about celebrating. if we'd had Twitter when Hitler offed himself they'd have been popping up saying "oh I thought you lefties cared about mental health 🙄"

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