Writing, performing, other stuff. Personal account. Views representative of my deteriorating mental state only.
New poems out now with Broken Sleep!
He/him
my weird little book of post-human poems is out today with
@brokensleep
! it's been a really fun experiment and I very much hope people enjoy reading it. how can you read it? great question! you're just the kind of proactive switched-on reader I write for:
can't really explain why but I love how shit the Metaverse looks. every screenshot and clip brings me genuine joy. billions and billions poured into it and this is the result. The Sims but worse, and with nothing below the torso. wonderful stuff
my niece has received a toy Woody. she's delighted, but I can't share her joy because when you pull his string he says plot-specific phrases from Toy Story 4 😡 sorry but if you pull Woody's string he should only say the generic phrases Sheriff Woody dolls say in-universe 😡😡😡
🚨 BREAKING: THE WHOLE TRUTH FIVE IMPRISONED FOR 4-5 YEARS
⛓️ Lucia, Cressie, Louise and Daniel have received 4 year prison sentences today, whilst Roger has received 5 years.
➡️ Stop jailing those telling the truth. Sign the petition —
I (28F) have always hated my husband's (30M) cruel miserly boss (60M) but this Christmas Day he just showed up at our house claiming to have been visited by three ghosts? and brought a turkey about ten times too big for our oven?? I didn't want to accept his gifts, AITA
when you're having to attack Daniel Radcliffe, arguably the world's mildest guy, by insulting his pregnant girlfriend's looks, that's when you know your feminism is going really well! a sure sign that everything is rational and above board!
this took off a bit overnight. while you're here don't stan lame billionaires who would drive their Tesla straight over your fragile human body to get to Starbucks
in 'Pon de Replay', Rihanna exhorts the DJ to 'turn the music up', even though the DJ generally has very little control over the overall volume levels in the club. even the sound engineer, while they may be sympathetic, will have to follow local council regulations or risk a fine
everything is horrendous and bleak and upsetting, but at least I don't have to worry about the frogs. now to take a big sip of coffee and check Sky News
Sycamore Gap tree: wh ... where am I
Yggdrasil: you're in tree heaven mate
L'Arbre du Ténéré, an acacia tree destroyed by a drunk driver in 1973: don't suppose you can play bass
'The Senator', a 3,500 year old cypress tree accidentally burned down by a meth addict in 2021: hey
Jeremy Corbyn: *gently picks up a bedraggled, injured kitten from the gutter and wraps it in a towel*
normal, well-adjusted, level-headed centrists: look at this asshole. look at this villainous prick. hey Owen Jones is this piece of shit your boyfriend
I was sure "I miss Gordon Brown so much, so *fucking* much" was the funniest line, but now I'm wondering if it's actually "you won't print this - but fuck the Tories"
actually cannot bear to listen to Rachel Reeves speak or read anything she has to say at this point. just seeing a picture of her is like injecting pure depression into my veins. she's kind of surpassed Starmer as the avatar of total political hopelessness. a vacuum, a human void
gonna come out and say it. Scrooge's nephew and his wife? bad vibes. snide fuckers. two-faced. at least with Scrooge he'll be a prick to your face *and* behind your back. he won't invite you to Christmas with a smile, then have his mates round like 'yeah my uncle? vermin lmao'
thinking about the Poetry For Palestine event last year where we heard poems written by young Palestinian children, both of whom had been killed in the recent bombing. you could set every painting in Britain on fire and it would still be orders of magnitude less obscene than that
one of my most abiding, bitter resentments from becoming Labourpilled between 2015 and 2019 is having to know who this guy is. no normal person should be burdened with knowing who this guy is. but now normal people will know. they can suffer like we have suffered
@Meat__Hook
can't remember who it was who said if they had as much money as him they wouldn't even have a phone, let alone a Twitter account, and ... yeah
properly brain boiling how we could fairly straightforwardly have a nice country where everything works properly and people aren't struggling constantly, but we just don't. one of those incredibly obvious things that makes me feel like I'm losing my mind when I think about it
people on here will announce a "spicy take" and it will either be "pasta is generally better with sauce" or "certain specific genocides were arguably justified" and nothing inbetween
the only thing I hate more than the Compare the Meerkat extended universe is the idea that there might be people out there who feel a level of investment in it. who see there's a new ad and are excited to see if a new horrid CGI rodent has been introduced. people who do the voice
based on my - admittedly limited - understanding of parliamentary procedure, constitutional precedent and electoral law, what happens is, I would laugh so hard I gave myself an aneurysm
feel like promoting Madeley beyond his usual beat - interviewing someone whose dog looks like the queen, or the grower of Britain's largest turnip - was a mistake
"if you haven't heard from us after 8 weeks assume it's a no"
or maybe take 10 seconds out of those eight weeks to send an email saying it's a no? or set up some sort of automated system for sending out a no? or anything that doesn't involve leaving people hanging for months? 🤷♂️
throwing a milkshake, to me, takes a special kind of courage, because I love a milkshake. it's one of my favourite things. if I have one, I want more than anything else in the world to keep hold of it. can't imagine letting go of one. these times show us what we're made of
🚨 SCOOP 🚨 Green Party anti-professional concert level cellist crisis deepens - leaked WhatsApp messages show party activists saying "it's just a massive violin ... it looks stupid"
god the political landscape in this country is so bleak. an utterly barren intellectual wasteland, anti-creative, anti-inspiration, anti-hope. no space for new ideas. gleefully small minded, vacuous, morally bankrupt, zealously policed from all angles. it's absolutely suffocating
the four horsemen of lowered expectations, Disappointment, Timidity, Self-Flagellation and Restraint, riding into town to assure you they won't be making any promises they can't keep, or any promises at all for that matter
my partner: what are you laughing at
me: Bastani from Novara called my mutual "Archimbaldo" a snivelling little shit, and the Bootstrap Cook's mum's roast potatoes got-
my partner, to our son: come on, get your stuff, we're staying in a hotel tonight
just took my 1,000,000-year-old nan to vote, she's physically blind but her inner eye can see the whole of linear time occurring at once. "which box to vote the Tories out," she asked. I didn't answer. she was alone in a dusty ruin, thousands of years from now. no one cheered
the way the transphobic moral panic has snowballed, radicalising and warping minds, freeing people to publicly spout the most vile, violent rhetoric, and metastasizing into government policy, has been utterly horrifying to witness. solidarity with trans people everywhere
the leader of the Labour Party snidely dismissing 'fringe interests' in the UK's most transphobic paper, in the week of a trans teen's murder - a murder he hasn't tweeted anything about - certainly sends a message doesn't it
Keir Starmer noting historic levels of distrust in the institution of the police and settling on "police hubs in every neighbourhood" as Labour's official response is absolutely chef's kiss. flawless performance. no notes
genuinely curious as to who this is actually for? are your bog standard everyday conservative types raving about 'sick note culture'? or is this just desperate flailing for the benefit of handful of deranged pensioners and that wanker from Pimlico Plumbers
GP’s will soon be stripped of the ability to sign people off work as part of a major government inititive to crack down on ‘sick note culture’
Rishi Sunak says people should stop 'over-medicalising the everyday challenges and worries of life'
'The police need powers to deal with Just Stop Oil and some of their tactics'
@Keir_Starmer
explains why Labour would not repeal a controversial new law which saw a number of people wrongly arrested on coronation Saturday
*looking at Boris Johnson, a man who could not be more of a product of England, a pure manifestation of the raging entitled useless id of this specific country*
this stinks of Russia
I'm not a painter, but I write novels. I know first hand how long it takes, the investment of mental energy, physical energy, the hours, the care. so I think I can say with some level of insight that in the context of protesting genocide, it doesn't matter at all, not one iota
I didn't personally know Dawn Foster, but seeing Guardian journalists lining up to seal clap a Telegraph hack getting a job with British Fox News really makes me feel her absence as a media voice
hoping the fact that there are more Joyces here than Fayes means that the latter is selling bette, but this arrangement still gives me the ick, as if we're just casually exploring two sides of a neutral issue
Luke Akehurst. Conceptual James. Paul Embery. Darren Grimes. Ian Dunt. Femi. Jeff Samuels QC. that necrophilia guy. The Dark Prince. Russ in Cheshire. Rubie. all these guys we would never have heard of if we didn't spend our lives on this website. guys that never needed inventing
partner took the wee lad to bed a little while ago, sounded very quiet so I assumed he was asleep. then I just heard my partner, in a very tired voice, saying "well some people believe there was a really big explosion and that everything came from that..."
*balding mid-50s guy in every documentary about the rise of dance music*
you see, for us it was more than just a scene, you know? or a job. it was a way of life, right? it was a movement. the music, the parties, the people, the attitude. we wanted to change the world, you know?
"Deano", "LadBaby", "Matty Healy", sometimes being on here is like being parachuted into issue 4,500 of some incredibly intricate, incredibly stupid comic book
you wake up. it's dinner time. cold grey beef. your stepdad Keir Starmer is droning on about protesters. your stepmum Rachel Reeves nods along, occasionally commenting in a voice like a Windows error message. your step brother Wes Streeting smiles as he kicks you under the table
bitterly amusing that one of the most obvious counters to the "Starmer is fundamentally decent" narrative is his staggeringly dishonourable and spiteful treatment of Jeremy Corbyn, but it doesn't matter cos when it comes to Corbyn all the usual norms of civility are suspended
I would obviously rather eat fistfuls of wasps than re-litigate a theoretical Corbyn government, but saying he would have handled the pandemic worse than Johnson is just ... very silly, isn't it? one values human lives whoever they happen to be, the other demonstrably does not
Just to calm down all those of you who seem to be a bit steamed up: yes, Corbyn was worse than Johnson. This is consistent with Johnson being an egregious immoral liability.
round of applause for every useful idiot 'just asking questions' pseudo-liberal who helped legitimise and mainstream the transphobic moral panic and paved the way for this new schools guidance. my heart goes out to every kid who's going to be affected, and to sympathetic teachers
"whatever your opinion of Rupert Murdoch or his personal politics, you can't deny the scope of his ambition or the seismic impact that he has had on news media over the past few decades" - some eye-gougingly tedious centrist bore right now, probably
ok fellas, what's *your* biggest ick? mine is seeing the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked, dragging themselves through the streets at dawn looking for an angry fix, angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the
seems like something that shouldn't happen quietly. imagine if there was a second political party - an "opposition", if you will, perhaps led by a prominent human rights lawyer - who could call the government up on stuff like this
NEW 🚨 A massive asteroid the size of almost 69 American alligators is set to pass by the Earth on Tuesday, according to NASA's asteroid tracker. - The Jerusalem Post
huge congratulations to Rowling, Linehan, Joyce and all the other selfless heroes in the GC movement. a charity has had to limit the services it provides to vulnerable children because of "intolerable abuse". what a win for young people! and for feminism!
Due to intolerable abuse, we have made the decision to close the helpline and webchat services for the rest of today and tomorrow. Next week, to enable us to take all volunteers off the rota, we will reduce hours to 9am to 6pm only.
barely worth commenting on these things tbh but I am just having a moment over the dissonance between "BASTARD ENVIRONMENTAL PROTESTERS MAKING PEOPLE 10 MINUTES LATE FOR WORK" and "well of course medical procedures and other funerals should be cancelled for the Queen's funeral"
that's funny cos I remember an election where multiple Labour canvassers in their 70s and 80s were assaulted, at least one was hospitalised, and a 'no solo canvassing in this area' rule had to be introduced for personal safety. but that was five whole years ago so
when a major figure dies, no matter how utterly repugnant they were, there's always holier than thou scolds lecturing people about celebrating. if we'd had Twitter when Hitler offed himself they'd have been popping up saying "oh I thought you lefties cared about mental health 🙄"