Shitheadsteve @shitheadsteve__ Twitter profile

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

The DMV employee looking at me after I forgot to bring my 2nd grade report card

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

10 year old me preparing to tell my mom at 9pm I need glue and construction paper for my project due tomorrow.

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

Please be sure to check your kid’s candy this year - I just found the entire state of Ohio in a Snickers bar

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

No water will ever be colder or more refreshing than this

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

5 years

4th grade me coming back to school from my doctors appointment

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

8 years

When ur at a Pitbull concert and a dude tries to grab ur girls ass

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

8 years

Zoom in on Nicholas Cage's forehead

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

Holy shit they made bear grills into a real thing

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

“Mom, I frew up”

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

Cyclists when you suggest they ride in the bike lane instead of the middle of the road

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

When you give them free will and they use it to live in Portland

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

Scientists at MIT have reconstructed this 3D model of how Adam, the first human being created by God, might have looked

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

8 years

Here's a picture of the super moon in case you miss it

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

What religion is this

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

“Do you know why I pulled you over today?”

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

Year 6 of 2 weeks to flatten the curve

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@shitheadsteve__

2 years

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

No one: Brands in June:

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

“5 tickets to Cocaine Bear please”

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

5 years

Metal fans be like this is my favorite band

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

A soldier’s face before and after four years of war (1941-1945)

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

Your dog making eye contact with you while it's taking a shit

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

4 years

32 year olds trying to figure out how they’ve been alive in 5 different decades

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

“Send me to Afghanistan and I’ll have it solved in 2 weeks”

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

5 years

I just took a DNA test turns out I’m 33.3% Live 33.3% Laugh 33.3% Love

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@shitheadsteve__

3 years

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@shitheadsteve__

3 years

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

1st day of new employee orientation at Waffle House

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

I sent this prank puzzle to my grandpa who loves Trump and he finally started it today

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

Every ER in America this weekend

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

finally some non-vegan mouthwash

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@shitheadsteve__

2 years

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

5 years

Boomers leaving church on a Sunday to go fuck up a retail employee’s life

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

Dads: *brag about waking up at 5:30am every day* Also dads after 3 minutes of sitting on the couch:

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

WHY'D YOU LEAVE THE KEYS UPON THE JABLE

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

4 years

British people be like “ah yew avin a laff, mate?”

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

I guess I have to throw this out now??

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@shitheadsteve__

2 years

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@shitheadsteve__

2 years

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@shitheadsteve__

3 years

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@shitheadsteve__

3 years

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

9 years

When your dealer is at work but you need weed

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

During labor, the pain is so great that a woman can almost imagine what a man feels like when he has a tummy ache

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

8 years

When ur life has been spiraling out of control and you get more bad news

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

People over 25 the morning after having one beer

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

POV: you’re the hotdogs on the rollers at 7-Eleven

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

Jaden smith in kindergarten seeing the kids talk about Pokémon cards instead of the growing socioeconomic disparity in America

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

Elon needs to buy Altoids and bring these back

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

5 years

“COVID-19 symptoms include having a lack of taste” People that watch Friends:

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

The chances of being killed by Barney are low, but never zero

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

Johnny Depp looks like that cool aunt who bought you your first beer

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

all the anime profile pictures deactivating their twitter accounts

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

7 years

"I'm sticking with beer tonight nothing crazy" 4 hours later:

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

Kanye getting ready to shit in Pete Davidson’s car when he’s over at Kim’s house

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@shitheadsteve__

2 years

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@shitheadsteve__

2 years

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

Become amphibious

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

me now that they lifted the mask mandate on airplanes

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

8 years

Calculators in 2017 will now have stories

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

1 year

Me after 1 Popeyes biscuit with no drink

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

4 years

“The modern day genius doesn’t exis-“

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

Astrology girls after causing a multi-car pileup on the highway

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

5 years

When a guy named Joe Exotic offers you tigers and free drugs

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 months

Olympic Athlete: *makes a tiny mistake* Me: “pathetic”

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

Where’s the lie

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

Me returning to the function after throwing up in a bush outside

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

Pondering my Morb

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

When you show up to thanksgiving dinner and they’re serving turkey instead of gabagool

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

@chinesegon The official shirt can be found on our website, we were the original creators of it

Court Ordered Anger Management | T Shirt | SHS |

Our unisex Court Ordered Anger Management T Shirt is 100% comb-spun cotton - cotton fibers are spun and combed to remove impurities and create a noticeably finer and more luxurious quality Designed...

shitheadsteve.com

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

How to get in shape for a trip to Italy

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

5 years

Once you defeat all the other Karens, this is the final boss

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

People really used to walk into a dealership and go “yep this is the car I want to finance for the next 5 years”

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

My family at my funeral: “Heaven just gained another angel 🙏💔👼” Me in hell fighting the mf who invented coleslaw:

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

Trust nobody not even yourself

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

8 years

Me too Dylan

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

ATTENTION PARENTS: please be sure to check your children’s candy this Halloween! I just found a copy of The Communist Manifesto hidden in my kid’s bag under a KitKat

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

Influencers after posting about a political issue that they already know all their followers are going to agree with them on

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

When you’re over the age of 25 and do anything at all

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

Don’t have a bookmark? Try using a rotisserie chicken instead

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

POV: you are about to receive none of the food you ordered

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

When Creed said “kern yer terk meeeh highyaaa” I felt that

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@shitheadsteve__

2 years

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

9 years

When the drunkest guy at the wedding starts telling stories of the groom eatin a strippers ass at the bachelor party

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

1 year

They turned New York into Breaking Bad Mexico

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

will you megan fox take a sip of my monster energy?

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

4 years

If your lawyer’s hair looks like this, you’re going to jail

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

Mom found out I ate the leftovers

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

Batman fans when ‘Something In The Way’ by Nirvana plays

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

Sorry ladies, the jelmet stays on during sex

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

8 years

When you drop some chocolate and ur dog tries to eat it

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

6 years

The only diss track I care about

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

3 years

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Shitheadsteve

@shitheadsteve__

2 years

This thin yellow line represents your local Waffle House employees. Bravely dodging chairs and fighting off meth heads at 2 a.m. just so they help us cure our hangovers with chili & cheese covered hashbrowns. 🫡

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