shilpa @shilpa_poppadom Twitter profile

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 months

i’m going to spend more time on the blue app. follow me my @ is just shilpa on there

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

Hi, Indian here! I’ve grown up with a lot of hot summers so here’s my top tips for surviving the hot weather (🧵)

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

1. Make a pact with pezazu, the demon of the darkness and trade your first born children for more melanin

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

2. eat curry. a shit ton of spicy as fuck steaming hot curry. i don’t know if this helps but at least when you’ve died of heatstroke you would have had a nice meal

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

3. write some diaspora poetry about how the heat of british summer reminds you of the mangoes of your motherland. use the gcse eng lot syllabus money to be an air conditioning unit

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

5. Watch a bollywood film starring Salman Khan. It will be so mind numbingly bad your brain will work at 10% capacity and therefore you will preserve energy. This is how we do in India

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

4. Go to your local Hindu priest and ask him to find out which of your past lives is responsible for the karma that’s led to this heat. Then, after haggling of course, arrange for an exorcism to remove the haunting of this cursed previous life

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

7. If you’re a woman, wax every single inch of hair on your body (not on your head or eyebrows), scientifically this will make you warmer. but no one wants to be exposed to your gross arm hair in a patriarchal society. if you’re a man: don’t do anything this is your world.

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

6. Denounce western “science” and embrace eastern medicine. This isn’t being caused by climate change, this is being caused by Indra, the Lord of the Sun, mad at you because you ate a big mac. Indra is a mad fan of cows

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

thanks for reading! remember to leave an ice cream out for your bin men tonight folks and mum if you’re reading: this is all a joke. i’m truly grateful for the exorcism!

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

8. (this is genuine advice i have been giving in india) to avert the risk of malaria: eat lots of raw green chillies with your meals. the strain of mosquito that carries malaria is put off by the taste of spicy blood.

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

(yes. i’m still mad that i had to wax my arms aged 14 during 35 degree weather)

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

4 years

Don’t think i’ve seen anyone mention it yet, but in the interests of “saving Christmas”, the government has cancelled Diwali for the English Hindu and Sikh communities, showing how disposable BAME communities are (Eid has already been cancelled)

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

5 years

i am crying that obama watches fleabag and has now watched a posh british woman wank over him

Barack Obama

@BarackObama

5 years

Next up are my favorite movies and TV shows of 2019. Of course, there’s also American Factory, a film from our own production company, Higher Ground, that was recently shortlisted for an Oscar. Here’s the full list:

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

@carbdiem make sure you cover every inch of your body in clothing! it may be hot but that isn’t an excuse to tempt men to assault you!

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

18 days

@hansmollman i would fully be like “sir are you asking to see my vagina to confirm because if you insist you will be known as the school nonce forever and mrs safeguarding is going to be hyped to get some more paperwork”

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

4 years

cannot get my head around the bbc having drama with emily maitlis and naga munchetty after years of allowing jeremy paxman's bullying and jeremy clarkson's racism and bullying as a character brand. wonder what's different this time HMMMMMMMMM

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

3 years

twitter is linkedin for journalists. linkedin is facebook for recruiters. facebook is linkedin for pyramid scheme moms

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

3 years

i ordered a pcr test off a company listed on the official gov list of recommended suppliers and it’s a scam. the government has scammed me. no idea how to get the money back or tell the government they’re sending people to a scam

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

3 years

in personal news, my dad just called me to say it is “not funny” that i’m saying sadiq khan is my dad and my mum in the background shouted “your father worked very hard to raise you!” decided not to explain the concept of shitposting

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

5 years

just joined a whatsapp group for covid19 volunteering in stoke newington and someone has offered their skill of “social media management”

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

how to get younger people to vote? stop putting the voting booths in places we don’t go to (churches, schools, town halls) and put them where we do go (nft lectures, bottomless brunch cafes, rowans)

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

i haven't stopped thinking about this since last night, but i really don't understand why he's being referred to as a "domestic servant" - he was a slave. he couldn't escape that family for years.

BBC Breaking News

@BBCBreaking

2 years

Olympic gold medallist Sir Mo Farah reveals he was trafficked to UK as child, given new name and forced to work as domestic servant

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

the bbc is obsessed with finding “two sides of the debate” on things that aren’t debates (eg climate change), yet has completely ignored this impartiality stuff with the royals - when there are genuine debates going on rn about legacy, colonialism, republicanism. bit sus

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

6 years

POC: Hi guys, erm, sorry to bother you but can you please stop shouting paki at us and beating us up? Columnist: Snowflake culture will be the death of millennials POC: haha gammon memes! How funny Columnist: 4000 words explaining why left wingers are the REAL racists

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

@dharmesh_rajput was genuinely thinking this is perfect weather to sun roast some garam masala hahah

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

joe lycett did a whole prime time tv show on the bin crisis. he’s done more serious political activism and commentary than the vast majority of political commentators and analysts in the uk.

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

7 years

dating tip: ask a guy his views on consent in gdpr to work out what his views are on consent in general. if he feels like consent is only through active opt in, he’s a keeper. if he’s never heard of gdpr you gotta let him go

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

why has this man got tapas written on his tit in hindi

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

3 years

hate that we’ve got 100s of bottomless brunch restaurants to have mimosas with the gurls but not 1 hotel breakfast buffet themed restaurant where you can go alone and eat 7 plates of bread cheese and eggs until you die.

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

3 months

@marcusjdl you’ll love indian traveller foodie instagram, which includes a lot of “undiscovered british gem….pret a manger”

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

1 year

@LouisStaples not just a weddding guest, the union jack handbag - she’s specifically a tory wedding guest. i love her

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

3 months

a really overlooked part of why britain has gotten so shit: specifically the rise of private equity. you’ve got a good restaurant? private equity will turn up and make it in to a chain with factory food. need a vet? great, a private equity firm monopolised all local options

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

6 years

If you’re bcc’d into an email in gmail you can’t see visibly that it says “to bcc: dawn foster”, unless it’s in your sent folder 👀

The Poisonous Euros Atmosphere Fan

@DawnHFoster

6 years

Absolutely get fucked

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

3 years

After 3 visits to the hospital and 4 doctors investigating a breast lump to see if I have cancer it has been confirmed I…lift. The lump was pecs, I bench pressed myself in to a cancer scare. My medical diagnosis is “hell yeah you lift.” Scenes.

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

5 years

Probably the most London thing I’ve ever heard is a mob beating up a protestor because the collective will of the mob was......passionate about getting to work on time.

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

7 years

I WENT TO A HOUSE OWNED BY A DOLL COLLECTOR IN CANADA AND SHE HAD A BABY DOLL IN THIS SERIES I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE'S ANOTHER ONE

Amanda Mancino-Williams

@Manda_like_wine

7 years

My 7yo had £3 pocket money and decided that, more than anything in the world, she wanted to buy this secondhand doll. This sick, green doll. This nightmare doll, which is now affectionately named "Baby Ben." If I am dead by morning, you know why.

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

5 years

why is the paddington twitter account hitting on florence pugh on main

Paddington

@paddingtonbear

5 years

If I had made 8 jars of marmalade last night I'd have one for each day of the week and a spare to share with a friend. @Florence_Pugh

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

5 years

shout out to the doctor who tried to booty call me last night using the argument do it "for the nhs". god bless our brave bois.

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

3 months

white community leaders must do more to stop radicalisation within their places of worship. the silence from dishoom is deafening.

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

6 years

today’s hot take: fbpe is basically just another internet fandom. they have more in common with bronies than they do with historic political movements

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

6 years

Imagine seeing Grenfell, not just on the news but physically seeing it as you drive by, and still thinking “oh yeah poppy, im voting tory again they’re good on the bin collection”

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

4 years

immediately now muting this before i get a culture war about poppies vs samosas break out in my replies sorry live your best lives x

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

i bought smart light bulbs and set my alexa to hindi and i called my mum to show her how i can voice control my lighting in hindi and she just blinked and said "kavya please get a boyfriend"

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

6 years

h a r d b r e x i t N O W

The New European - Think Without Borders

@TheNewEuropean

6 years

Mrs Brown’s Boys creator says Brexit could impact the show

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

does anyone know how i can find out which curry keir starmer ate? i think it will speak volumes about how engaged he is with the south asian community and would explain how labour lost harrow.

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

3 years

“i’m not mad, i’m not mad” i say as i privatise an entire cultural and economic institution because they once said something about my dad

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

conspiracy theory: johnny depps legal team is shelling out $$$ to make social media platforms overwhelmingly filled with pro depp media. i’ve seen so many pro depp clips and tweets on tiktok and twitter and…it seems a bit fishy

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

1 year

this is the second prime minister in a row who’s a swifty. swifties must do more to address and attack extremism within their own communities.

J.D. Capelouto

@jdcapelouto

1 year

Rishi Sunak apparently went to a Taylor Swift-themed SoulCycle class in Santa Monica ?

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

3 years

have been told i should put this on tinder as the most perfect representation of who i am: employed, very lonely sad cat lady, look good, great chat.

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

3 years

honestly who needs an $800 chanel calendar when pippa crerar is the queen of advent

Pippa Crerar

@PippaCrerar

3 years

EXCLUSIVE: Extraordinary image of raucous Christmas party thrown by Tory aides at party HQ during coronavirus restrictions last year. Party hats, drinks, an entire buffet - while we were all banned from meeting just one other person socially indoors.

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

4 years

everyone in my family who does shift work normally works on christmas because we celebrate diwali instead, not sure what the appeal is now without a diwali celebration tbh

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

1 year

god forbid women have hobbies

nathan ma

@nthnashma

1 year

A female lion is on the loose on the southern side of Berlin. Residents are advised to stay indoors, and to keep their pets nearby. No one knows where the lion came from either:

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

4 years

oh fuck i’m going to get all those flags in my mentions now aren’t i

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

6 years

what i really love is that theresa may’s new immigration policy is going to leave british people doing low skilled jobs and only giving senior level roles to immigrants. it’s gandhi’s revenge getting the british to be assistants to indian imported vps

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

3 years

mortified. staying at my parents house while they’re away and have been sneaking in deliveroos for breakfast lunch and dinner as a shameful secret. my mum just called to say she’s been getting video recordings of each delivery guy via the ring app and has seen my shame chats

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

8 months

obsessed with this expose as everyone from north west london knows this lmao. he literally went to qe??? he's been famous for years as a local grifter, and everyone i know is super proud of him for using his fake origin story to dupe white people who love ethnic mysticism

John McDermott

@mcdermott

8 months

Last year, Esquire assigned me to write a profile about Jay Shetty, the ultra-famous self-help influencer and guru to the stars. At first, I thought Shetty was smarmy but ultimately harmless. But as I began my background research, I found Shetty had committed rampant plagiarism

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

omg emily thornberry uncovered who’s liz truss’s botox lady!! what an absolute legend i was trying to foi the government for this and emzo just dropped the reveal. wonder how far ahead they’re booked

Emily Thornberry

@EmilyThornberry

2 years

How did the Foreign Office manage to spend £4,333.30 on two trips to the hairdresser? Why has their spending via government procurement cards shot up 45% since last September? And why won’t they answer these and dozens more related questions? Read all about it in my letter:

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

18 days

@hansmollman mr nonce would adore to find his way inside to confirm it’s your first period (the school rumours that would immediately spread if period pain was ever questioned)

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

5 years

i don’t tweet politics because i don’t have a death wish but i am not convinced by the whole “bme working class people supported corbyn” argument seeing the swings in indian seats. indians have been moving blue for years and swings in leicester, harrow, and southall support that

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

5 years

this guy is 100% the most important and engaging person on the news. i was in awe of his guns. he lifts, he commands. give him the throne

Alan White

@aljwhite

5 years

this guy only stood at the lectern for three seconds but I'd already trust him to deliver Brexit

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

6 years

publishers will literally publish a completely empty book written by a bloke but bame stories are unrelatable and unprofitable ok m8

James O'Brien

@mrjamesob

6 years

This is worth a look. Seriously.

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

3 years

geronimo is both queer (an alpaca) and a poc (an alpaca) and that’s why you all don’t like him

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

6 years

Hello! I have been asked to tweet out my GDPR knowledge of the TIG/Labour data breach. TLDR: Labour are liable for the breach, not the MPs. Users consent to Labour's privacy policy as Labour chose to centralise compliance to not leave onus on local party mem secs.

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

heyyy, the sun overheating and destroying the world reminded me that you destroyed my world when you left me babe. climate change makes me want to create a climUS change and bring the heat back to when we were together…?

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

3 years

reeling from the morning after a shitpost turned into a 5 hour serious climate change discussion. thank you everyone who listened in to #binspaces and more importantly the incredible speakers. i’ll be back next week with another show

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

2 years

i’d be more than happy to write this if anyone wants me to and it’s something i’ve been commenting on for years. as a country we just no longer really understand the type of south asian diaspora in the uk, they’re not liberal in any sense of the term and neither is india

Sam Freedman

@Samfr

2 years

I'd like someone to do a long read on the Hindu vote shifting Tory (e.g. Harrow yesterday) and whether it's more to do with integration (the Jewish vote also became more Tory over time) or specific factors like Kashmir and Johnson's support for Modi.

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

1 year

over the past 10 years there have been so many protests with substantially more people in attendance brushed off by the press as a fringe issue. blm, palestine, migrant rights. nothing has had the same amount of coverage as *check notes* ulez uncles

Peter Walker

@peterwalker99

1 year

Rarely in human history has a protest which involved maybe 250 people maximum attracted such media attention (in some quarters).

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

3 months

@youngvulgarian i think there's a really fascinating bubble around this that isn't spoken about. every tech, business and senior leadership circle i'm in is talking about ai constantly, using it and singing its praises. whereas people with platforms are talking about it more spectically

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

4 years

so fascinated by people who seem to have only just clocked on the police are not good. jean charles de menezes. mark duggan. rashan charles. a summer of protests following george floyd’s death. and now, suddenly now, seeing a video of women being attacked they’re bad

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

5 years

priti patel’s career is genuinely inspiring to me, as a young bme woman, that i too can be released by the barriers of race and also fail upwards, like the rest of the tory cabinet

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

6 years

@Shoequeeny @smarvellous @GraziaUK i am obsessed with this bird and want to go for wine and take aways with her because i guess she buys the whole round and pays for everyone's meal. what a friend

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shilpa

@shilpa_poppadom

5 years

Cannot get my head around why no one at Disney thought it would be a good idea to contact their Bollywood office instead of ask.....the director of Snatch.

Russell

@RussellFalcon

5 years

Guy Ritchie is proof you can be married to Madonna for 8 years and come out not knowing how to direct a musical performance

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