RAB FLORENCE @robertflorence Twitter profile

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RAB FLORENCE

4 days

As you relax on your Sunday, get yourself or your ma or your da tickets for this ESSENTIAL live comedy performance in November. It will be FESTIVE. Burnistoun’s Favourite Son guarantees it!

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RAB FLORENCE

@robertflorence

11 days

Jailing people trying to save the planet and letting actual Nazis run about the streets. A true dystopia.

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@robertflorence

5 years

Last year people on Twitter were beautifully kind when I spoke about my partner and I losing our baby. So I wanted to share with those same people our gorgeous wee baby twins. Lark Win Florence and Winter Glad Florence, born on the 7th. The universe is good.

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@robertflorence

5 years

This is why I don’t like London. Imagine wanting to go to your work THIS badly. In Glesga we’d just be like “I cannae come in. There’s a cunt on the roof of the train.” Straight back to bed.

Holly Mahon (Collins)

@HollyJoMahon

5 years

Commuters now physically dragging protestors from the roof of the train. @itvlondon

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@robertflorence

3 years

England, I know you’re excited to go back to nightclubs, but that energy would be better spent toppling your government.

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@robertflorence

4 years

Hey @HamillHimself - look out. Sith Training is complete.

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@robertflorence

3 years

David Marshall will surely be reflecting on his positioning when he’s in his bed tonight, lying at the bottom of his garden.

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@robertflorence

8 years

That's you on the right, celebrating the end of 2016, thinking it's all over.

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@robertflorence

5 years

Somebody tell the internet that the woman out of Misery who kidnapped the author of her favourite book and tortured him until he changed the ending was actually the baddie. She was the baddie.

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@robertflorence

5 years

With the new Batman film shooting in Glasgow, it’s a good time to once again share my poem “Batman’s Aff His Nut”.

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@robertflorence

6 years

My third daughter would have been due to arrive today, the first day of 2019. I’m sure she would have been brilliant. In her memory I move forward attempting to be more brave, more adventurous, more gentle, more giving, more kind. My love to everyone who felt 2018’s rough edges.

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@robertflorence

4 years

Clubs angry that football leagues are having to be wrapped up early should, going forward, future-proof themselves against things of this nature happening again by trying to be less shite at football.

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@robertflorence

6 years

@kanyewest

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@robertflorence

9 years

It's a bad week to be a confederate-flag wearing homophobe who wanted to play Arkham Knight on PC.

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@robertflorence

5 years

The money spent on his fucking wedding could have sent every child in the UK on holiday for a fortnite.

TMZ

@TMZ

5 years

Prince Harry Calls for Fortnite Ban in UK

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@robertflorence

5 years

The baby boxes the Scottish government send out are just amazing. Every single baby gets one, full of excellent, essential stuff. We got two because our twins are coming. Every wee baby matters. MAKES YE PROUD TO BE SCOTTISH.

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RAB FLORENCE

@robertflorence

5 years

Nailed it! #bottlecapchallenge

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RAB FLORENCE

@robertflorence

5 years

Posting this here because Twitter people were so kind when we lost our little daughter last year. We’ve got twins on the way and all is going well so far! Amazing to think three people are sitting there. Life is beautifully unpredictable and I love it. My best to y’all.

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@robertflorence

4 years

Forgive me this one tweet, but I’ve always wanted to say it: I’m getting married in the morning.

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RAB FLORENCE

@robertflorence

5 years

I AM ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED. THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER.

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RAB FLORENCE

@robertflorence

4 years

Politics Today with Lark Florence.

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RAB FLORENCE

@robertflorence

4 years

Trump, in a rage, pushes the nuclear button tonight. Discovers, that for the past four years, it has actually been a Tunnock’s Tea Cake.

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@robertflorence

4 years

Cannae believe there are people complaining about NHS workers getting 500 quid after this bastard of a year. People are the worst.

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RAB FLORENCE

@robertflorence

2 months

A wee message for the Scotland team tonight!!

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@robertflorence

4 years

Fuck ‘em.

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@robertflorence

6 years

Listen. If you stand beside Tommy Robinson, in real life or online, then you're a baddie. A bad person. An actual bad person. The opposite of a good human. A bad and wrong human. Gifted with compassion, and unwilling to feel it. A failure.

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@robertflorence

2 years

Ukraine knows its comedy.

Jen Stout

@jm_stout

2 years

'You're from Scotland? Ah, like - "ELEVEN"!!' Wasn't expecting this in a bunker in Kharkiv tbh, completely made my day

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@robertflorence

1 year

Andrew Tate

@Cobratate

1 year

You have 3 minutes to convince us to become the third Tate brother. Instantly gain access to our life, network, money - everything. What do you say?

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@robertflorence

4 years

It’s all bad news at the minute, but just to shine a wee bit of positive stuff out there - my twin babies slept straight through the night last night.

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@robertflorence

6 years

Speeding into action to track down whoever it was who leaked the info that Burnistoun is BACK. Me and big stretch @IainConnell are filming NOW. #BURNISTOUN

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@robertflorence

4 years

A sharp reminder today, again, that the Tories are the enemy. They aren’t just bearers of a difference of opinion. They are the enemy.

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@robertflorence

4 years

The pandemic has taught us that conspiracy theorists won’t accept a fact even if it’s sitting inside their actual lungs.

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RAB FLORENCE

@robertflorence

4 years

Thank goodness Burnistoun City Council kept their coronavirus slogan simple...

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RAB FLORENCE

@robertflorence

4 years

Merrit. The best day. Cheers for the nice messages, pals.

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@robertflorence

5 years

Does anybody know where I can buy this limited edition Chewbacca & Gordon Strachan figure set?

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@robertflorence

3 years

CHILDHOOD RUINED.

Nintendo Life

@nintendolife

3 years

Channel 4's GamesMaster Reboot Has Found Its Presenter #News

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RAB FLORENCE

@robertflorence

4 years

Very pleased to tell you that our recent pilot The Scotts will be coming back for a full series this year. It wouldn’t have happened if so many of you hadn’t watched it, so thanks for that! We’ll knock our pans in to try and deliver what we hope will be your new favourite sitcom.

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@robertflorence

4 years

With that Prince Charles news, finally the Royal Family has contributed something to Scotland: a killer virus.

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@robertflorence

5 years

A workie in Queen Street Station there just said “Are you the wee guy aff the telly that does the patter?” And you know what? I am.

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@robertflorence

4 years

Love to my English friends, who are today abandoned by their government and left to navigate the pandemic alone. Focus your anger when the time comes.

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RAB FLORENCE

@robertflorence

8 years

People calling Andy Murray Scotland's greatest ever sportsman have short memories.

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@robertflorence

4 years

The cultural devastation of the dismantling of the BBC would be felt for many generations. Don’t fall for another Tory trick. Duck your telly license fee if you like, but don’t believe for a minute that the BBC isn’t worth every penny.

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@robertflorence

4 years

No government should survive this.

Sky News

@SkyNews

4 years

BREAKING: NHS are preparing to ask doctors and nurses to work without full-length gowns and to reuse single-use gowns when treating #COVID19 patients, as hospitals across England are set to run out of supplies within hours. Live updates:

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@robertflorence

5 years

Passed my driving test yesterday, at the age of 42, meaning I will no longer be hanging out the passenger side of my best friend’s ride, trying to holler at anybody.

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@robertflorence

4 years

Mandatory face coverings in shops in Scotland from next week. Thank you @NicolaSturgeon . Scottish government has been really playing a blinder in recent stages of the pandemic. Very happy and relieved.

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@robertflorence

6 years

The political analysis on Twitter is dynamite. Corbyn: “No biscuit for me, thanks.” Corbyn Supporter: “A political masterstroke.” Corbyn: “On second thoughts, I might have a biscuit.” Corbyn Supporter: “A political masterstroke.”

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@robertflorence

6 years

Sharing once again my poem “Batman’s Aff His Nut” for #NationalPoetryDay #poetryandswearingvolumeone

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@robertflorence

5 years

And love to our #NHS , who helped us navigate through last year and this year, with compassion, care and great skill.

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@robertflorence

5 years

Hadn’t heard of Laurence Fox before last week. The anti-woke grift is truly the last resort of the creatively bankrupt. But man, what a lucrative one.

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RAB FLORENCE

@robertflorence

5 years

In 1988 I was 11 and had a brand new Celtic trackie and we had just won the league in the centenary year and the manager was a nice big guy and my da told me he was the man who won the big cup and it was brilliant and my da was alive and the sun was shining. RIP Billy McNeill.

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@robertflorence

7 years

I want to tell you about what it was like to be a teenager in the 90s. We were all REALLY HORRIFIED to hear people say racist words.

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@robertflorence

4 years

First dance at our garden wedding. Jenn Celine designed and made her own dress (and the bridesmaids and flower girl and our baby twins’ dresses!!) and she’s just a genius. What an amazing day, and what an amazing wife. (Note @LouiseStewart ’s socially distanced dancing)

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@robertflorence

4 years

@CelticFC

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@robertflorence

5 years

Legend.

The New York Times

@nytimes

5 years

Greta Thunberg speaks at the UN climate summit: "You all come to us young people for hope? How dare you!" Read more:

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@robertflorence

3 years

People invested in this Piers Morgan nonsense should watch more wrestling, to better understand the concept of a “work” and the cyclical nature of face and heel turns to keep a character fresh.

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@robertflorence

6 years

It would be nice if, just when #Kavanaugh got confirmed, an alarm went off and he got slowly lowered through a hidden shredder.

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@robertflorence

4 years

Animal Crossing: New Horizons will now always be the pandemic game. It’ll be remembered by a generation as our escape from a grim reality. A pocket paradise. When we most needed them, Nintendo delivered.

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@robertflorence

2 years

The Eurovision decision is incomprehensible. Sure, Liverpool has The Beatles. But Glasgow has that old guy with the wee cats that play the drums.

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@robertflorence

5 years

Lewis Capaldi vs Noel Gallagher is the total no-contest domination that is the Scotland vs England patterwar made flesh.

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@robertflorence

3 years

A week today we start filming a full series of The Scotts, which we piloted before the pandemic. Should be on later this year. Six episodes, kinda like a reality show, about a family from Glasgow. Phase 2 of the Burnistoun Cinematic Universe.

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@robertflorence

6 years

Hey! It’s the entire Burnistoun core cast reunited for the first time in years! Me and Connell, @LouiseStewart @KIRSTYSTRAIN @GerryMcLaughlin and our returning golden boy @RikRankin ! This one is gonna be SPECIAL! #BURNISTOUNTUNESIN ONLY ON @BBCScotland

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@robertflorence

4 years

A lot of my English friends will have a relaxed lockdown situation from tomorrow and I just want to say that, in my opinion, all it means is that your government is ready for you to get sick or die. If you can stay home, do it. If you can keep your kids home, do it. Stay well.

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@robertflorence

4 years

Good morning from quarantine! Hope you and yours stay safe this weekend!

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@robertflorence

4 years

Getting married three weeks tomorrow. I am very excited. I feel at peace. A new chapter. Sending love out to everybody. Have a beautiful weekend. Twitter can be a horribly negative place these days, but there’s good people everywhere. Stay positive. Stay hopeful!

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@robertflorence

4 years

Right 2020. Up eh road.

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@robertflorence

6 years

Midnight marks 3 years since my ma died. The dementia she suffered in the years before that left me unable to properly process her departure. It was like watching a carnival leave town. Wagons shuttered to me. Only the faintest echo of the music I once could hear so clearly.

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@robertflorence

5 years

I wish Say You Will by Kanye West was about 80 minutes long. I could listen to that boom boom boop badoom-badoom boop forever.

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@robertflorence

5 years

Fucking dying laughing at this. If me and @IainConnell ever did a sitcom about sports telly pundits, this scene could be in it.

James Felton

@JimMFelton

5 years

We need about three hours of post-match analysis for whatever the fuck is going on in this clip

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@robertflorence

4 years

As a neutral, congratulations to Celtic FC on 10 in a row. (This challenging season, under unprecedented circumstances, counts double.)

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@robertflorence

5 years

. @CelticFC #Burnistoun

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@robertflorence

6 years

I know social media can make you think people are awful, but I've experienced a huge amount of compassion from friends and strangers alike this past couple of weeks as we dealt with losing our unborn daughter. Most of life - and this is easily forgotten - is good.

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@robertflorence

3 years

Neil Oliver’s career has gone from Coast to toast.

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@robertflorence

2 years

If Glasgow City Centre follows recent form, the big Cineworld will get converted into a ten story vape shop.

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@robertflorence

4 years

If the season gets ended and the title awarded to Celtic, surely this title is worth extra considering it was won while the world suffered through an unprecedented global crisis? Isn’t it worth about three leagues? In all seriousness, shouldn’t it be considered 11-in-a-row? 🤔

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@robertflorence

6 years

Nicholas is 1 and 0. The streak begins. #wrestlemania

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@robertflorence

5 years

Found out on Thursday, to my delight, that our new twins are both girls. Another two daughters for me. That’s four now. Celebrated that by booking Lana Del Rey tickets for next year, to fully and gratefully sink into my all-women universe.

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@robertflorence

4 years

We’ll need to shoot a vaccine dart into these thick cunts with a blowpipe.

Andy Gill

@MerseyHack

4 years

Residents in Grappenhall near #Warrington keep to #coronavirus rules by performing socially distanced conga to celebrate #VEDay75 . More in @BBCNWT 6.40

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@robertflorence

6 years

James McAvoy is Burnistoun born and bred. Pass it on.

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@robertflorence

2 months

A magical moment. Heroes! My niece is a WWE world tag champ! We love you @IslaDawn , and you @wwe_alba you warrior.

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@robertflorence

3 years

Always funny to see Rangers fans giving it “We are the people! But just to clarify - we’re not THOSE people.”

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@robertflorence

5 years

Cannae believe I’m making another show with this guy. What a team.

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@robertflorence

5 years

The restraint of Scott Brown after that guy said that, by the way. Heroic restraint.

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@robertflorence

4 years

So the secret to the success of the Scotland football team is revealed at last - get the Tartan Army tae fuck.

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@robertflorence

3 years

The callousness of Neil Oliver, sitting on telly saying “I think the pandemic is over, I really do” while people have loved ones on ventilators all across the country. It’s cold in Scotland. All those wintry walks must have numbed his brain and his heart.

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@robertflorence

4 years

My wife Jenn Celine just delivered our marriage schedule to the council building. Great start to the week with my wife, who is my wife. My wife. #MyWife

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@robertflorence

3 years

Not trying to spread rumours but just saw Jose Mourinho viewing a flat in Shettleston.

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@robertflorence

3 years

Sean Lock made one of the hardest jobs in the world look easy.

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@robertflorence

5 years

Don’t remember doing this.

ITV Press Centre

@itvpresscentre

5 years

Confirmed: Psychopath with Piers Morgan, broadcasts Thursday 27 June at 9pm on ITV. @piersmorgan ventures behind bars for an extraordinary encounter with diagnosed psychopath Paris Bennett - a man with a genius level IQ.

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@robertflorence

3 years

My amazingly talented wife Jenn Celine made Sadie Frost’s iconic costume from Bram Stoker’s Dracula and totally KILLED IT for Halloween last night. (1/2) #Halloween

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@robertflorence

5 years

Mate @IainConnell

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@robertflorence

5 years

Emilia Clarke has been amazing in Game of Thrones. What an actor. An absolute soldier anaw. She’ll have a long and amazing career.

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@robertflorence

5 years

The fucking king. More laughs in this minute and a half than in 500 Netflix comedy specials.

John Lees

@johnlees927

5 years

Anyone else watching Frankie Boyle’s Tour of Scotland on BBC2? I had to stop and rewatch this scene three times, it had me laughing so much.

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@robertflorence

4 years

The disruption at George Square just needs to be calmed down by a bit of fun. Maybe a visit from a celebrity or something like that? Maybe, just spitballing here, Celtic captain Scott Brown?

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@robertflorence

4 years

REVEALED: The dark secret behind the official Burnistoun United hat.

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@robertflorence

6 years

To the many many people who suggested yesterday that I didn't support Tommy Robinson's right to free speech - I absolutely do. And I'm glad he expresses it so fully. It's how I learned that he and his supporters are disgusting fucking bigots.

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@robertflorence

4 years

The Scottish government are now ENCOURAGING face coverings in public, but here’s the problem - Scotland isn’t an encouragement country, it’s a boot up the arse country.

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@robertflorence

5 years

I fucking love being Scottish.

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@robertflorence

4 years

Get Prince Philip out scrubbing the fucking toilet pans PRONTO.

The Hummingbird 🐦

@SaysHummingbird

4 years

WOW. I. HAVE. NO. WORDS. 😭 Sweden's Princess Sofia has announced she's reducing her Royal duties so she can volunteer at local hospital. She has already completed intensive training to prepare for it. In her new role, she'll be disinfecting, cleaning, & working in the kitchen.