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Ric Swartzlander Profile
Ric Swartzlander

@ricswartzlander

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614
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17,734
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Writer sometimes. #BLM #Resist

Los Angeles, CA
Joined August 2011
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
3 years
A very dear friend passed away today. We didn’t see each other as often as we should have and I feel all the poorer for it. We had a drink three months ago and left saying “Let’s not wait so long this time.” We waited. Make the effort to see people you love.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
3 years
If donald trump really wants to take down Coca-Cola he should buy the company and run it for a couple of years.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
1 year
HO LY SHIT
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 months
I had the displeasure of working with this insufferable prick a few years ago. Now the Secret Service is crawling up his ass and I couldn’t be happier.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
1 year
Santos: “I can chew and walk gum at the same time.” 😂😂🤣
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
1 year
@mommadukes10704 @krisalteyespy I think you speak for all of us.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 months
Holy crap.
@RonFilipkowski
Ron Filipkowski
@RonFilipkowski
7 months
Ron Desantis says shorter life spans will help save Social Security, which certainly explains his policies during the pandemic.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 years
@JoyAnnReid The world now fears us like we fear a crazy uncle showing up to a BBQ with his new gf, a bottle of Cuervo and a gun he traded his boat for.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
8 months
Robert Card is dead. Good. But please remember, the last two days in Maine we’re brought to you by Republican lawmakers.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 years
@FoxNews @Paula_White @POTUS Amazing how these people can convince themselves of something against all evidence to the contrary. But I guess that’s religion in a nutshell.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
2 years
There was a shooting in an Alabama church tonight, Louie. 2 dead, 1 injured. Were these innocent churchgoers not praying hard enough?
@replouiegohmert
Louie Gohmert
@replouiegohmert
2 years
Before prayers were eliminated in schools, we didn’t have these kinds of mass shootings. #GohmertHour
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
3 years
The only people who ever argue that a teenager is actually an adult is a cop who just shot one or a Republican who just f*cked one.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
1 year
@TamikoBrooks I know! That cracked me up!
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
1 year
Nice start, MAGAs, but to really drive home your point you should buy twice as much Bud Light tomorrow and do it again. If that doesn’t teach Anheuser-Busch a lesson buy three times as much for the next day!
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
4 years
My daughter’s college graduation picture. I feel for her and the whole class of 2020. But she’s not wrong. She’s got this.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
1 year
@charliekirk11 It wasn’t. trump lost. How long are you people planning to whine and cry about this?
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Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
6 years
@OwenBenjamin @davidhogg111 I realize Owen might seem like a shitty human being but as one of the few people who’s ever hired him as an actor I can tell you he also sucks at that.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
2 years
Laura Ingraham is very upset with the RNC but I’m sure My Pillow Guy will fix it.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
4 years
Is it me, or is 2020 just phoning it in now?
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
1 year
@Jackie_chihuas Usually you see people who embrace one or two of the craziest ideas but draw the line at others - "Oh, no. I don't believe the James Woods thing, that's nuts" - but no, this dude is all in on every bit of every conspiracy!
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 years
@chrislhayes "Much of our history took place in the past. Many people don't know that."
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
1 year
This guy sounds like he’s been tricked more than once by a man in a woman’s swimsuit and now he’s mad.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
3 years
@koan4u trump tunneling his way back onto Twitter.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
6 years
@sethmoulton How about we stick with the woman who’s the most qualified, talented and well respected and whose name, as a bonus, makes all Republicans sh*t themselves.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 years
@FoxNews This may be the dumbest statement made about this whole tragedy.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 years
@NBCNews So the forecast is right. The worst is yet to come.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
11 months
@MrGabriel_0 My favorite is the kid who finally gets off the boat at :51 thinking the danger's moving away from him, then takes himself out by diving off the pier at 1:04 when he realizes he was mistaken.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 months
@jhicks50 I hope so. I’d hate to think my distaste for the man went unrequited.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
1 year
Finally! Also investigate the connection between breakfast and people dying. Noticing a lot of people who die had breakfast that same day.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 years
@ddale8 Trump always speaks like he's the last second-grader in the world's longest game of telephone.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
2 years
@HSdoucos @ChessSheila That's immediately what I thought too. You never hear about Dems living there.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 years
@EdanClay "How did we go from the brightest, most optimistic period in our recent history into this hellscape." This is my 1st thought every morning.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
4 years
@MiaRubee @realDonaldTrump Time to face the hard truth. Doctors are smarter than fake billionaire game show hosts.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
6 years
@TheLoveBel0w @jimmykimmel You know what they say. “If you can’t get laid at a coal rally...”
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
2 years
@JDVance1 @DonaldJTrumpJr I've seen more enthusiasm in line at the DMV.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
4 years
Face it, dude. YOU'RE the face of the pandemic!
@realDonaldTrump
Donald J. Trump
@realDonaldTrump
4 years
As I watch the Pandemic spread its ugly face all across the world, including the tremendous damage it has done to the USA, I become more and more angry at China. People can see it, and I can feel it!
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Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
6 years
@RVAwonk Who wants to bet Emmet Flood doesn’t even take his hat off before he says “Fuck all y’all” and walks away?
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 years
Hey, pedophiles. If you’ve been shopping for a political party, the Republicans have recently expanded their tent. Check ‘em out! #GOP #RoyMooreChildMolestor
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
2 years
@PubityIG @RandomKiwiNZ Every parent with every kid in every restaurant ever.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
1 year
How dumb do you have to be to tweet something like this and think it's smart?
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
6 years
@RealMuckmaker Wearing pink and showing a little nip like Ivanka still won’t get him any love from dad though.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 months
@DebRN1953 You seem very sweet. Merry Christmas!
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Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
3 years
Joe to Jill: “A flower for you, my love.” donald to Melania: “Pssst. Hold my gum.”
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
1 year
One thing that isn’t getting the attention it should is just how ridiculously tacky Mar-a-Lago is.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
3 years
@FOXLA @alifuckingburns Do not give this to Fox News. Give it to real news.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
1 year
End her, Joy Reid!
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
1 year
So tough. Dude looks like a 4th grader who’s coming off a thirty year bender.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
3 years
I’d like to wish Dominion Voting Systems the best of luck in all their lawsuits.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
6 years
@Amy_Siskind In this short video Trump represents only his toxic narcissistic ego and Melania represents the American people.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 years
@FoxNews @benshapiro Trump couldn’t last a full year before needing to lawyer up along with most of his staff. Keep being you, Fox News!
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 years
@Kris_Sacrebleu @SMShow @WSJ I think it's awesome that in 2017 Kellyanne Conway has finally proven that a woman can be just as big a contemptible shitweasel as any man.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
6 years
@RawStory Aw... Don’t be such a drama queen, Russia. He was always yours.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
5 years
Sick of everyone dragging Mueller. He’s 74, responding to rapid-fire questions, had to look up what they were referring to - he didn’t memorize the fucking report! Then edit his answers on the fly so he didn’t step in shit DOJ warned him to avoid. Fuck everyone. He’s a hero.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
4 years
If trump eventually tests positive, do you think we’ll be told? Will he admit it?
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
5 years
@MatthewJshow @realDonaldTrump @FoxNews @BillHemmer Just yours, actually.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
3 years
We made the jump this afternoon from #Att to @Verizon because because fuck @att .
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
2 years
What’s more shocking to you? The fact that trump was lying about his taxes always being audited, or the fact that the IRS wasn’t *actually* up his financial ass every year because he’s so obviously a lying, cheating piece of sh*t?
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
2 years
@JackPosobiec @BetteMidler I’m sure this photo was taken because he reminds her so much of her dad.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
4 years
@kayleighmcenany @realDonaldTrump The smart one that listens to scientists.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 years
@thehill "Proof of my involvement with Russia doesn't exist but where it *really* doesn't exist is in my personal finances." Good cover, dude.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
8 months
I don’t own a Biden 2024 hat or shirt, wouldn’t know where to buy one and will not search for one. I don’t need to see him speak in person because I know what he stands for. And as a proud non-member of the Biden non-Cult I will absolutely be voting for Joe Biden next November.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
6 years
@realDonaldTrump So you don’t know anything about climate change. You’re not good at casinos or universities. You stink at foreign and domestic policy, the Constitution, finding “all the best people” and paying off women who have the stomach to fuck you. What exactly are you good at?
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 years
@FoxNews @IvankaTrump Try hiring some.
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Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
2 years
@atrupar I always appreciate it when trump gives us a heads up that something fun’s about to happen.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
1 year
@RonnyJacksonTX Counterargument: Rihanna spray painting “F*** Donald Trump” on a car at the Cadillac Ranch in Amarillo, is the reason she SHOULD be the halftime entertainment.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
3 years
@mtgreenee @JoeBiden Thanks to Republican inaction on Covid for the past year we actually have space for 530,000 new people in the country. So maybe it isn’t a crisis, Marge.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
6 years
@thehill “Oh, father, you’ll adore him! He’s wonderfully corrupt and lies nearly as often as you do! Plus he has the most dreamy dead eyes!” — Ivanka to Trump at some point in 2007
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 years
@AP_Planner I don’t know who sets the International calendar but their timing couldn’t fucking be worse.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
3 years
@mcmahon_esq @LanceUSA70 Knowing the backstory doesn’t make the guy behind the kid less of an asshole.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 years
@MikeSington Jared: "I love your daughter, sir, but she won't make love to me." Trump: "Ya gotta change the hair, kid. It's all in the hair."
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
4 years
Matt Schlapp is a smug, disingenuous, lying prick. Periodically, for some reason, MSNBC needs to remind us of that.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
1 year
@DC_Draino He lied. He knows he lied, his owner admitted he lied and the only reason you don’t know he lied is because you watch fox “news.” carlson is a liar.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
2 years
@lawindsor Someone needs to explain to me why a hypothetical but unproven abuse of power in the FBI justifies “defund the FBI” but numerous documented and videotaped murders of people of color by cops doesn’t justify “defunding the police.”
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
1 year
🤣🤣🤣
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 years
@ABC Goldman Sachs-hole has more than enough $ to pay for a jet but his first thought is "I think the American people should cover this."
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 years
@jonfavs It’s getting to the point I can’t even remember what I was outraged about yesterday.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 years
@AP Technically this “good guy with a gun” did take out the gunman. Not sure how to score this one.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
8 months
It’s taken nearly four decades but I’ve finally decided none of these women know how to play guitar.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
1 year
@fi_virginia Happy Loving Day.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
1 year
@JackPosobiec Most of America is celebrating tucker carlson being fired.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
1 year
Keep beloved rock icon Pat Benatar’s name out your fucking mouth!
@highbrow_nobrow
The Intellectualist
@highbrow_nobrow
1 year
Ted Cruz: “I don’t think Senate Democrats, if you had video of Joe Biden murdering children dressed as the devil under a full moon while singing Pat Benatar, they still wouldn’t vote to convict.”
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Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
3 years
@StaceyCKs1 Hospital immediately. I heard of a man in my home town who was bit on the nuts by a brown recluse and it didn’t end well. Not sure how it happened but in my head it was baggie shorts, no underwear and one of these.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
6 years
@FoxNews So you’re saying if on the 4th of July we’re still discussing the Trump administration handing our democracy over to Russia, we would be politicizing Independence Day?
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
6 years
@newtgingrich @realDonaldTrump Which episode did you see? I only saw the one where everyone laughed at him.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
2 years
@JennaEllisEsq You’re kind of an expert on losing, aren’t you Jenna? Didn’t you lose like 60 of your “Big Lie” court cases?
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
2 years
@GovStitt Somehow I doubt that public schools in Oklahoma (of all places) is teaching graduate level theory to third graders.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
3 years
Governor Bill Lee announces Tennessee students will no longer be taught history.
@GovBillLee
Gov. Bill Lee
@GovBillLee
3 years
In TN, our students will be taught unapologetic American exceptionalism.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
1 year
@BlueWaverAgain @mommadukes10704 @krisalteyespy He was struggling!
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
2 years
trump is 76, Biden is 80. Can you even imagine donald trump pulling off this pose without his FUPA dragging the floor as the Secret Service helps him to his feet?
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
3 years
I got the second dose of the Pfizer vaccine today. So far my only side effect has been not worrying anymore about dying alone on a ventilator.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
9 months
He’s such a petulant prick.
@RonFilipkowski
Ron Filipkowski
@RonFilipkowski
9 months
After angrily storming out of the courtroom after the judge denied a motion to dismiss, Trump walks out because he can’t get his way.
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Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 years
@Cooperisherenow @realcrusher1234 @CNN Exactly. It's his "Free Bird."
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
3 years
There have been four presidential impeachments in our country’s history and two of them belong to donald trump. Incredible.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
4 years
Can I just say that @DanRather is kind of killing it on Twitter?
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 years
@ProudResister Rand Paul isn’t even well liked in his cul-de-sac.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
7 months
GOP voters hate Hollywood but love Donald trump, a character created for a tv show by a tv producer.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
2 years
@FoxNews No one can undo progress and a growing economy as fast as trump. We’ve seen him do it.
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Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
10 months
@GregAbbott_TX “We love Hispanic people! Just ignore the murder buoys, drowning nets and saw blades.” — Greg Abbott
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
1 year
Then you should clear his plate and bring him his check.
@ksorbs
Kevin Sorbo
@ksorbs
1 year
Bill Gates is done.
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@ricswartzlander
Ric Swartzlander
@ricswartzlander
3 years
I’m concerned Democrats are so happy trump is finally gone and Biden is fulfilling his promise to get people vaccinated that we aren’t noticing Republicans are doing everything they can to guarantee we never win another election.
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