Sara K. Runnels @omgskr Twitter profile

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

You want me to get a husband???The thing that killed everyone on Dateline???

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Last Seen Profiles

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

6 days

Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

My date last night bought a New Yorker subscription in the middle of our date so he could read all my articles later, is this my husband now

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

My ideal summer body is one that I have complete control over

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

1 year

Have we thought about putting these three in a submersible

Jezebel

@Jezebel

1 year

Bad Man-Off! Andrew Tate Offers to Train Elon Musk for Cage Fight With Mark Zuckerberg

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

7 months

Reader, he was, in fact, my husband!! We’re getting married!!!!!!

Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

My date last night bought a New Yorker subscription in the middle of our date so he could read all my articles later, is this my husband now

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

1 year

I’m not gullible enough to be lured into a cult but I am nosy enough

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

4 years

Texas Me after 3 drinks on a first date 🤝 Opening up way too soon

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

My mom’s 60-something friend was set up with a 67-year-old guy who is “not looking for anything serious” in case you think that ever ends

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

My date last night bought a New Yorker subscription in the middle of our date so he could read all my articles later, is this my husband now

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

4 years

I know I’m hot, but I also know I’m not a full-time hot person. I’m hot when I wanna be. I choose my own hours. I make my own schedule. I do freelance hotness.

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

7 months

Please look at my aunt’s new sweater

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

4 years

New Year’s hottest club is...Staying the Fuck Home. This place has EVERYTHING! Cheap drinks. Heavy pours. Your favorite spot on the couch. No bathroom lines. No cover for ladies (masks & bras not required). VIP fridge access. Live performances by you staring at your phone & MORE!

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

7 months

I’d also like to note that I turn 40 in 6 weeks, so if you feel like it’s “never going to happen” for you, I need you to hang on to a tiny sliver of hope while you keep living your very best life ❤️

Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

7 months

Reader, he was, in fact, my husband!! We’re getting married!!!!!!

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 months

My next birthday’s theme will be The SNC (Sara National Convention) where all my friends get on stage & articulate why they love me and why I would make a terrible president

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

It’s the audacity for me

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

So many men are angry about the increase of women choosing singlehood over mediocre partnership, and by vilifying us for this & having these public tantrums, they have failed to realize they are literally just proving our point

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

9 months

What if the Tracy Chapman Luke Combs “Fast Car” performance heals our nation

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

Guy approaches me at my gate to ask if I’m Sara Runnels. I shoot him a “who wants to know?” face; he says he follows me on IG & loves my posts. We board & DM a bit while we’re delayed. He’s in 1st class & just sent champagne to my seat. Truly living in a Hallmark movie these days

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

Not to be incredibly profound but hanging out with an adorable toddler is very confusing because it’s like: I want this and also I don’t want this

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

Had to text a guy I kissed last week that I have Covid and he 👍-reacted to it so go ahead and take me, virus

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

OBSESSED with my local “are we dating the same guy?” FB group because girlies will be like “any tea on this man???” And 75 babes will be like “he broke my heart!!” And this is him

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

6 months

Tay blasting: “you left your typewriter at my apartment” My partner walking through the room: “well that one’s definitely not about Travis”

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

5 months

It’s Firework Girl Summer — make dramatic entrances, get a little lit, have a blast, scare a few people, end the night with a bang, look shitty in pics even though you are beautiful!!!!

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

8 months

Kate? You mean Lady Middleton of Photoshopshire? Princess Catherine of Gonegirlham? The Royal Highness of Secretbury?

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

"Photo dump" is actually French for "you can see why none of these deserved their own post"

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

@Sasha_Goebbels The small change is where they took my name off and put theirs

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

The gospel My dating app of jesus christ notifications 🤝 Messages from Matthew, Mark, Luke and John

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

Dating apps “wrapped” would be like - you swiped left 100,000x - you swiped right 25x - you shut the app in disgust a lot - you took 800 screenshots of comically bad profiles - you saw 50,000 unsolicited fish pics - you successfully eliminated every single man in a 90-mile radius

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

@KimCattrall @startrekeire @NASA I couldn’t help but wonder…if we gave Samantha the space she needed, would she go all the way?

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

1 year

Happy Independence Day to - all the women who are independent - all the honeys making money - all the mamas who profit dollars - all the ladies who truly feel me

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

4 years

Ladies, if he’s - hot - always playing games - wanting to “take things slowly” - showing thousands of red flags - waiting 3 days (& counting) to get back to you - keeping your attention until something more exciting comes along That 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 be your man, but also that’s NEVADA

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

7 months

@AGoldmund No. ❤️

Sara K. Runnels

Sara K. Runnels is Sara K. Runnels is a copywriter and humor writer living in Seattle, Washington. on The New Yorker. Read Sara K. Runnels's bio and get latest news stories and articles. Connect with...

www.newyorker.com

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

4 years

Thanks to masks, my bitch face can finally rest

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

Love how my writing desk makes it impossibly hard to actually write

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

@alissathing HEY GAL! We totally loved ripping you off, xoxo

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

4 years

Biden Me when I go administration out on a weekday 🤝 Did 100 million more shots than expected

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

11 months

I am proof dating apps work—in just ten years of being on them, you, too, can find the love of your life

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

If you send me a Word doc to edit, babe, you're getting a Goog doc back, it's 2021

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

4 years

@BrieSpangler @PeterNHess *Meloni section

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

7 years

Karen sitting like Kellyanne is EVERYTHING. #WillAndGrace

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

If he doesn’t have a favorite book, that’s an unread flag

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

If you’re not in a hometown bar convincing a boy you went to 8th grade dance with to go to therapy are you even back home

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

The trick to always being the smartest, hottest, funniest person in the room is to stay home

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

4 years

The vaccine rollout sounds like me after 7 cocktails

CNN

@CNN

4 years

The rollout of the Covid-19 vaccine is going to be messy, unfair and sometimes scary. People are going to have to deal with it, experts say.

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 months

The craziest thing about The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is that they’re making a lot of these wild decisions SOBER, I’d need at least five martinis to even start where they’re at

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

5 years

Things I am more likely to be than a Victoria’s Secret Angel: T.J. Maxx Cherub Target Fairy H&M Spiritual Being Amazon Prime Divine Messenger Old Navy Wood Nymph Forever 21 Tipsy Pixie Rite Aid Saint Ross Goblin

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

11 months

Internet trolls: good luck being single forever and living alone with your cats Every woman they’re trolling:

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

4 years

The worst thing about returning to bars will be getting a standard 5-ounce pour of wine instead of the 25 ounces my home-bar offers

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

So they deleted their identical post & haven’t replied beyond the HEY GAL garbage explaining their plagiarism “strategy.” But someone just sent me this!! I didn’t even think to dig through their archive to find more “spot the difference” games. Anyway, don’t support this page. ✨

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

5 years

Had the best date recently! -met on an app -upfront about our intentions -let me pick the place -looked like his pic -funny texts (“I’ve arrived”) -didn't care I was dressed like a "before" photo -greeted me with “it's yummy time” -handed me tacos -left -was Dave from UberEats

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

4 years

Congratulations to everyone who comes out of the pandemic hotter than ever! Don’t stand next to me, but congrats!

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

37 today! Thirsty seven? Flirty seven? Either way, please pay attention to me. 💕

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and it’s the only Tinder picture he’ll ever use.

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

4 years

Why am I still single? Um, because there’s an ongoing GLOBAL CRISIS of men not living up to the expectations I’ve created for them in my head

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

The VIP guest list for Hell is lit AF

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

I know I’m fun because when people make plans with me they say “ok but I can’t get too crazy”

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

Dating apps wrapped would be like - you swiped left 100,000x - you swiped right 25x - you shut the app in disgust a lot - you took 800 screenshots of hilariously bad profiles - you saw 50,000 unsolicited fish pics - you successfully eliminated every single man in a 3-mile radius

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

1 month

After years of being single, swiping through thousands of dating profiles, going on hundreds of dates, wondering when I'd find the person I couldn't live without, I’d like to officially announce: I am getting married in 18 days

Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

After years of being single, swiping through thousands of dating profiles, going on hundreds of dates, wondering when I'd find the person I couldn't live without, I’d like to officially announce: I am still doing all of this

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

THREE wise men? lol

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

5 years

If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

4 years

Ladies, no shade, but if he’s - bright - well-rounded - super fucking hot - punctual - universally worshipped - known for going down - generous with the D - intimidating to look at - distant - a ball of glowing gases - 5 billion years old That’s not your man, that is THE SUN

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

6 days

It only seemed right to have @JoshMankiewicz officiate! 🖤

Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

You want me to get a husband???The thing that killed everyone on Dateline???

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

NYE dress code: crossword pjs

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

Love when people hurl “And that’s why you’re still single!” at me as an insult, like lol no babe, I’m still single because I don’t have the time or tolerance to endure straight men doing the bare minimum, thank you so much

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

Just a quick announcement: you’ll notice a slight shift in content as I do a minor rebrand from ‘single AF’ to ‘in love AF’ and yes it sickens me as much as it does you

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

I am leaving my amazing full-time job to write what I want to write, and just as I was having an ounce of doubt during my last week of work, I got my 15th New Yorker acceptance! Way to show me, me!

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

7 years

When you're getting proposed to, but there's something rly good on Twitter. #90DayFiance

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

5 years

Ladies, if he’s -cute af -a good listener -down to get dirty -a bit thirsty -a grower AND a show-er -pot-obsessed -got “love ‘em & leave ‘em” vibes -honestly capable of dying any day That’s not your man, that’s the little houseplant you’ve fallen in love with during quarantine

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

5 years

I stopped telling friends about all my first dates because weeks later they’ll be like, “how is Joe?” or “what’s up with Nick?” or “when do we see Kevin again?” and I’m like, I have no fucking clue who any of those men are except maybe the Jonas brothers

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

Leave women’s rights alone, ban men’s wrongs

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

The guy I’m dating and I were in a bookstore and he was pointing out books he had read and I was pointing out authors who follow me on Twitter

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

I’m doing Dry January! I’ll still be drinking—but more of my jokes will be delivered without any emotion

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

I relate to fireworks because I’ve also been known to - make a dramatic entrance - get lit quickly - have a blast - command attention - scare a few people - end the night with a bang

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

6 months

Somehow I turned 40 years old (!!) this weekend, please clap 🥳

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

5 years

Me checking the Uber’s license plate to make sure this is in fact my Toyota Burrata

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

Honestly? The best thing about bein' a woman? Is the prerogative to have a little fun

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

Therapists should be free to break confidentiality to match you with cute & single clients who have compatible issues

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

I love being the care-free, fun single aunt, but I also wonder if motherhood is still in my future, even in my late 30s. I explored this uncertainty in an essay I hope you’ll read. 🖤

The Uncertainty of Motherhood When You’re the 37-Year-Old Fun Single Aunt

Oscillating between two universes

humanparts.medium.com

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

4 years

On International Women’s Day, a big shoutout to - girls who run the world - girls who power walk the world - girls who casually stroll the world - girls who Uber the world

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

4 years

“What are your plans after getting the vaccine?”

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

5 years

Ladies, if he’s - well-rounded - super fucking hot - punctual - universally worshipped - incapable of throwing shade - known for going down - intimidating to look at - distant - a ball of glowing gases - 5 billion years old He’s not your man, he is THE SUN

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

Sorry I came to your party after limited socialization and sat in the corner, drank all your wine, napped on the couch, tweeted 17 times about the vibe, wondered aloud how my plants at home were doing, asked your dog on a date & left 29 minutes later

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

6 months

Taylor Swift remembers every feeling she’s ever had, every middle-of-the-night thought and every word a man has uttered to her and I can't even remember if I took one or two melatonin

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

4 years

Does anyone want to do Dry July with me? We still drink but our jokes are delivered without any emotion

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

Covid is like the ex you *just* got over who is standing outside your place right now screaming ‘I swear I’ve changed, babe’ and HE HAS! for the worse

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

@richardmarx I’ll be right here waiting for you

Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

4 years

New Year’s hottest club is...Staying the Fuck Home. This place has EVERYTHING! Cheap drinks. Heavy pours. Your favorite spot on the couch. No bathroom lines. No cover for ladies (masks & bras not required). VIP fridge access. Live performances by you staring at your phone & MORE!

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

4 years

Hi! Still wanna meet in the park today? I know we made loose plans so no pressure or anything! I’m still down if you are. If not, no worries, I could go either way. It’s so nice out! But also a 3% chance of rain, so 🤔. Would love to see you tho! But fine not seeing you too. LMK!

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

I’ve been seeing posts that encourage men to go to places like Target and HomeGoods if they want to meet women, and I would just like to say if you approach me while I’m peacefully smelling candles or looking at a discounted pillow, I will scream

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

Not looking for a boyfriend, but would be open to someone drinking with me, sleeping with me and being obsessed with me on my terms

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

6 months

When Taylor said, “And my friends all smell like weed or little babies,” every 30something nodded in unison

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

4 years

If we’re hiking in the fall, I‘ll dress in colors & styles ideal for a nature photoshoot. If we’re hiking in the winter, I’ll be wearing a weighted blanket on the couch & you can text me how your hike went. My latest (v on-brand) piece for the @NewYorker !

A Non-Hiker’s Terms and Conditions for Hiking

This is a legally binding agreement entered into by the Friend Who Hikes Often (you) and the Friend Whose iPhone Autocorrects “Hike” to “Joke” (me).

www.newyorker.com

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

More women than ever are single because they’ve watched enough true-crime shows to know it’s safer to just stay home and send memes about being single to your friends

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

4 years

Types of thirst traps: Mostly cleavage? Booby trap A little cheesy? Mouse trap Posing in a sweater? Lint trap Sporty vibe? Jocks trap Overhyped? Tourist trap Catches you off guard? Venus flytrap Body to die for? Death trap

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

3 years

Halloween cocktails? You mean EVIL SPIRITS?

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Sara K. Runnels

@omgskr

2 years

I put a link you can’t click in my Tinder bio to see if men will 1. Make the effort to find & read it, 2. Realize I’m the author. Most of the time, they do neither. This is one man’s story