shannon. 🇵🇸 @ohheyitsshanaj Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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@RylanHurst

shannon. 🇵🇸

@ohheyitsshanaj

9 months

“Who THE FUCK closed last night??” - me to myself in my own apartment because I went to bed without doing the dishes

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@ohheyitsshanaj

7 months

I don’t believe in dating apps, I’m going to find someone the old fashioned way (ruining my friend group)

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@ohheyitsshanaj

1 year

we went to his moms and I watched the way she made rice so I could make sure I was doing it “right” next time. Reader, he had never eaten rice that wasn’t Minute rice.

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@ohheyitsshanaj

1 year

My husband complained for years that I “didn’t make rice correctly” and it drove me insane. I tried every way to prep it. Extra washes, extra soaking, longer and shorter cook times, longer and shorter grains, etc. nothing was “right.” FOR YEARS

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@ohheyitsshanaj

5 months

@safialatif My child is in the 10th percentile for weight. She’s always been considered small and “thin” for a baby. And her legs are chunky. This is barbaric

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@ohheyitsshanaj

1 year

I think non-lawyers have absolutely no grasp of how unserious the law is 90% of the time

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@ohheyitsshanaj

2 years

After having it happen to me one too many times, I’m going to start asserting my dominance by asking every old white man attorney who walks into the courtroom “Are you the court reporter?”

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@ohheyitsshanaj

8 months

Work from home is deeply unserious because why am I arguing with the FBI in my underwear

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@ohheyitsshanaj

11 months

@emilykmay Toddlers will terrorize you every minute of the day and then like randomly grab your hand and say they love you and you just forget about it

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@ohheyitsshanaj

3 months

Does playing in the sprinkler count as a bath for a feral toddler or nah?

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@ohheyitsshanaj

2 years

This tweet was dirty deleted but I need #lawtwitter to continue to drag her so I’m reposting it

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@ohheyitsshanaj

1 year

“Adults don’t ask their friends to pick them up from the airport” “adults don’t ask their friends to bring food to a party” Y’all are some fake fucking friends. My friends could call me to pick them up from a bar at 2 AM and I’d roast them but I’d go.

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@ohheyitsshanaj

4 months

Shoutout to the absolute Karen who shouted at me and my two year old for using a bubble machine in the common field area of my apartment complex. Who then was aghast when I told her she could fuck right off

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@ohheyitsshanaj

10 months

@seconds_0 The solution can’t be genocide, let’s start with that

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@ohheyitsshanaj

1 year

I am BEGGING y’all to realize that this is a red flag 🚩

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@ohheyitsshanaj

7 months

@shutupmikeginn All of the recommended threads on my Instagram are pro Israel 🤮

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@ohheyitsshanaj

6 months

Every popular clothing brand’s “wear to work” page is curated by a 19 year old intern who has never worked in an office in their entire life because why are there crop tops on this page 😭

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@ohheyitsshanaj

4 months

Passing the bar is cool and everything but I’d argue that you really become a lawyer the day you spill coffee on a document that you really should not have spilled coffee on

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@ohheyitsshanaj

3 years

I am once again asking lawyers to say their callback numbers on voicemail twice

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@ohheyitsshanaj

5 months

@safialatif Avery Jane says “free Palestine” 🇵🇸

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@ohheyitsshanaj

3 years

Saw an ad for a lawyer position where they wanted 3-5 years legal experience but STILL required applicants to submit documentation of their class rank in law school. 🚩🚩🚩🚩 how embarrassing for the profession

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@ohheyitsshanaj

2 years

I don’t think I’ll ever recover from the fact that “dad bods” are more socially acceptable than “mom bods” even though the mom LITERALLY GROWS THE BABY AND SQUISHES ALL HER ORGANS

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@ohheyitsshanaj

1 year

What’s it called when you procrastinate by doing a task that’s still necessary and productive but not actually the more urgent task you should be doing? Asking for a friend

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@ohheyitsshanaj

5 months

When lawyers get a “how have you been?!” Facebook message from someone they haven’t talked to in 15 years

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@ohheyitsshanaj

6 months

“He’s probably buying her some fruity little drink because she can’t shoot whisky” OR maybe because taking straight shots on a date is INSANE BEHAVIOR, Carrie

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@ohheyitsshanaj

3 years

@RosannaPansino @GabbieHanna @JoeyGraceffa @MisterPreda I have ADHD and can confidently say that I’ve never referred to someone just doing their job as a “dumb c*nt” because that’s ✨not a symptom of ADHD✨

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@ohheyitsshanaj

6 months

Idk what lawyer needs to hear this but filing a motion to compel less than a week after serving interrogatories is insane behavior, especially when you didn’t even attempt to get a status update over email/phone

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@ohheyitsshanaj

8 months

Hey guys maybe instead of making law jobs the stress Olympics, we could instead use our collective power for advocacy to make meaningful change in the legal profession to improve our stress. Like idk establishing a 4 day work week or higher pay for PI/gov lawyers?? Just a thought

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@ohheyitsshanaj

2 years

I have to start drafting an important document today and my attention span is zero. I am burned out from just life as an American at this point

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@ohheyitsshanaj

8 months

@WEschenbach Do you think it HELPS your case that the man held for months with no charge or indictment was dying from cancer with no medical treatment?

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@ohheyitsshanaj

1 year

When a man is arrogantly mansplaining to me I like to say “you have the confidence of a much taller man” to really ruin his day

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@ohheyitsshanaj

1 year

@fall0nxx It’s giving Diva Starz with the shoes

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@ohheyitsshanaj

10 months

@seconds_0 Maybe use their infinite money glitch to track down the people who are actually responsible ???

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@ohheyitsshanaj

1 year

It’s wild how someone on lawtwitter literally murdered someone and they’re not even the most hated lawtwitter person on the timeline right now

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@ohheyitsshanaj

2 years

Trying to convince my family member, who hasn’t paid for daycare in ~30 years, that $350/month + supplies is almost criminally cheap. Boomers have no idea what the state of the economy is.

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@ohheyitsshanaj

1 year

Shoutout to the girl at CVS who gave me her number last night. Vanessa, I’m sure you are lovely but I am hetero. dunno if it was the pixie cut, the feminist tshirt, the doc martens, the fact that I was wearing my keys on a carabiner on my belt loop that made you think I was 💅 or

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@ohheyitsshanaj

9 months

Y’all are scared to double text? Couldn’t be me. Ding ding it’s me again bitch

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@ohheyitsshanaj

2 years

@ashleyvh16 @yasmineisokay @R0vil @J_Dot_J Someone asked me “did you have a nice vacation?” when I came back to work 9 weeks postpartum 🫠

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@ohheyitsshanaj

2 years

@rae_muk @midwestbarbiee Tbh that’s less offensive than half the Disney adult caps I saw at graduation

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@ohheyitsshanaj

2 years

@DietCoke_Esq One of my classmates was caught by a vigilante “to catch a predator” group trying to meet a 14 year old girl. He wore a law school shirt to the meeting which was broadcast on Facebook live. Now he’s a SoundCloud rapper

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@ohheyitsshanaj

5 months

Marked safe from Andrew Tate

Tate News

@TateNews_

5 months

I don’t sleep with vaccinated women.

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@ohheyitsshanaj

2 years

@Tiny97246820 @themultiplemom

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@ohheyitsshanaj

1 year

The “sexuality is a choice” crowd still existing in 2023 is wild af to me. I’m telling you right now that if you chose your sexual orientation there would not be a single straight woman on God’s green earth

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@ohheyitsshanaj

2 years

@annetbyrd @GeorgeJetsonII @LizSzabo I once helped an elderly woman in the grocery store checkout because she was short and putting back food for her but keeping her dog food. Broke my heart. I covered her little frozen meals for like $20. Best money I’ve ever spent

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@ohheyitsshanaj

3 months

Weird how it’s never a drag queen

𝐁𝐞𝐤𝐬

@antifaoperative

3 months

Texas evangelical pastor, Ronnie Killingsworth, has been found guilty of raping 3 young girls who attended his church.

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@ohheyitsshanaj

1 month

I don’t know what lawyer needs to hear this but leaving 6 voicemails over 3 days for a non-urgent issue is psychotic behavior

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@ohheyitsshanaj

2 years

There is NOTHING WRONG with being a court reporter!!! There is something wrong with assuming every young woman in a suit in a courtroom is a court reporter. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk

shannon. 🇵🇸

@ohheyitsshanaj

2 years

After having it happen to me one too many times, I’m going to start asserting my dominance by asking every old white man attorney who walks into the courtroom “Are you the court reporter?”

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@ohheyitsshanaj

8 months

Did you know that segmented toddler plates are perfect for your dipping sauce and chili crisp for your dumplings? 🥟

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@ohheyitsshanaj

1 year

@punished_cait One time I pregamed a concert in college by drinking everclear mixed with koolaid and so basically I spent $100 on a concert ticket and have no memory of the concert

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@ohheyitsshanaj

10 months

When I actually have to wear a suit to my lawyer job

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@ohheyitsshanaj

1 year

Wow, I really genuinely hope that Dr. Larry Nassar pulls through after this horrific stabbing attack… So he can be stabbed again at a later date

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@ohheyitsshanaj

1 year

My fav pic of me and my dad is from my wedding. The photographer captured the exact moment he realized our dance was to a Bob Dylan song he sang around the house all the time. I didn’t tell him ahead of time

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@ohheyitsshanaj

2 years

Work just informed us that an Italian food truck is posting up outside the office today. I’m wearing a white sweater. Do I risk it all on some ravioli?

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@ohheyitsshanaj

5 months

Non-lawyer friend’s response to me bitching about incredibly annoying opposing counsel: “block him” I have been laughing at the mental image of blocking OC for 15 minutes

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@ohheyitsshanaj

4 months

We’re in a tornado watch so i am preparing by purchasing garlic bread and alcohol

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@ohheyitsshanaj

8 months

Do you ever have a craving for a food that is objectively not that good that you have a weird sentimental attachment to?

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@ohheyitsshanaj

8 months

Opening a new doll with all the damn zip ties while a two year old screams at you to open it is how dismantling a bomb must feel

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@ohheyitsshanaj

4 years

@realDonaldTrump They’re not FINDING them, they’re COUNTING them.

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@ohheyitsshanaj

7 years

@hellopignoli @jackieaina YESS! If there was any evidence that he had changed or felt bad at all it'd be a different story but he's still doing the same old same

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@ohheyitsshanaj

1 year

@itsMatthewCook When people asked me to cover up when I was nursing in public, I would hand them a blanket and say they were more than welcome to cover up so they didn’t have to see me

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@ohheyitsshanaj

1 year

If you are charging $2k an hour to argue in front of the Supreme Court in favor of child labor, you are a shitty person. Full stop. A bad person. That’s it. That’s the take. I’ll tell you to your fucking face, too

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@ohheyitsshanaj

4 months

Kind of fucked to live in a Christo-fascist dystopian state (Oklahoma) and not even get Good Friday off as a state employee??

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@ohheyitsshanaj

2 years

It’s so weird to me that people brag about having unmedicated childbirth like it’s some kind of badge of honor. I, for one, would get another epidural right now if someone offered it to me. Shit was fabulous.

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@ohheyitsshanaj

3 years

@fuckyeahshana @jessismiles__ Tell me you didn’t watch the video without telling me you didn’t watch the video

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@ohheyitsshanaj

2 years

Women are not born with an innate ability to calm an infant. Parenting is a learned skill, and any messaging to the contrary perpetuates misogyny and weaponized incompetence. Women are just ✨forced to learn✨ because moms are still the default parent no matter what.

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@ohheyitsshanaj

2 years

Santa came and brought me a beautiful set of low bowls for pasta 😍

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@ohheyitsshanaj

1 year

@cen271 Easily the “show me your permit” lady from NYC who keeps doubling down like an absolute cunt trumpet

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@ohheyitsshanaj

11 months

@SaeedDiCaprio Elephants have similar lifespans to humans. They literally killed a toddler

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@ohheyitsshanaj

2 years

@JustinETharp She is stunning!!! Congratulations

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@ohheyitsshanaj

11 months

I’m learning a lot about employment law today in this CLE but mostly that I don’t ever want to be an employment lawyer

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@ohheyitsshanaj

1 year

The lawyerly urge to consume levels of caffeine high enough to be considered self-harm

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@ohheyitsshanaj

5 months

The second amendment is under attack

Barstool Florida

@UFBarstool

5 months

Add 3 legged bear to the Florida bingo card

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@ohheyitsshanaj

10 months

Don’t feed her after midnight

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@ohheyitsshanaj

10 months

Dude friends are RUTHLESS. Posted this fit on Instagram and got hit with “it’s giving divorced Mrs Claus”

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@ohheyitsshanaj

2 years

@drizzy__dree

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@ohheyitsshanaj

5 months

@caitatlaw “I will manage to find the time when i am back in the office”

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@ohheyitsshanaj

6 months

You ever see a man and it’s so painfully obvious that no one has ever told him to shut the fuck up in his entire life?

Rolling Stone

@RollingStone

6 months

A newly-elected Oklahoma lawmaker wants to criminalize porn and sexting outside of marriage. He also wants to end no-fault divorce, and supports “public shaming for those who are at fault in divorce.” Meet Dusty Deevers:

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@ohheyitsshanaj

9 months

I stress baked a pumpkin pie last night which means i got to eat a cold pumpkin pie slice for breakfast, AKA the god tier breakfast meal

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@ohheyitsshanaj

9 months

Not to brag, but I made dis

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@ohheyitsshanaj

1 year

My sister is frustrated because her first grader fights homework for an hour every day. My question is why the fuck do they give homework to first graders? Is 7 hours of school not enough???

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@ohheyitsshanaj

6 months

My child’s daycare alone is $750 a month and that is AFFORDABLE

Texas T

@tonemacaveli

6 months

@PeterPan1056 @MrsJellySantos Y’all can cap on this app all you want. But no normal person is spending $500 in expenses per child, per month.

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@ohheyitsshanaj

8 months

I don’t know what non-parent needs to hear this but do not, under any circumstances, buy the child in your life Slime as a Christmas present

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@ohheyitsshanaj

2 years

@RawBeautyKristi I did homeschool in 9th and half of 10th grade. It led to a lack of motivation, depression, and limited social interaction. I wouldn’t recommend it to others, at least not during teen years

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@ohheyitsshanaj

6 months

@SulFilo49 @IbaraEleven Literally yes

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@ohheyitsshanaj

3 years

@hasanthehun

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@ohheyitsshanaj

3 years

@EcoSexuality @kenklippenstein I literally can’t get vaccines without dying in most cases. Not everyone who isn’t getting vaccinated is anti-science and doesn’t “deserve to mix” with people

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@ohheyitsshanaj

8 months

Merry Christmas from me and my mini

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@ohheyitsshanaj

2 years

My intern starts today. I’ve never had an intern before. Any tips from #lawtwitter on how to make him feel welcome?

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@ohheyitsshanaj

11 months

@ayomjdee @WillCrop @SaeedDiCaprio Brandon, I’m not going to drag you too hard because you look to be about 16 in your pfp but WHAT THE FUCK do you think a marriage is?

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@ohheyitsshanaj

3 years

@fieldtrialer09 @thehill “Is it ready fair to find a cure for cancer when other people have already died from cancer?”

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@ohheyitsshanaj

9 months

My conservative family trying to decide whether to congratulate me for being the family lawyer or criticize me for being a single mom

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@ohheyitsshanaj

11 months

🥳 birthday girl

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@ohheyitsshanaj

3 years

@yagirltoomuch Why…. Would you ever bring a whole ass delegation to a blind date…?

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@ohheyitsshanaj

6 months

No one warned me when I had a baby that one day I’d have to put her in a tiny black dress for a funeral and how immensely wrong that would feel

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@ohheyitsshanaj

6 months

In law school I had a professor who insisted everyone call him Professor Dan which quickly turned into Lieutenant Dan behind his back. Guess who accidentally said it to his face one time? ✋🏻

James Levine

@JamesHSLevine

6 months

Be careful with nicknames. Once had an adverse party who claimed to hold an officer rank in a foreign military. Co-counsel colloquially referred to him internally as Colonel Mustard. Which was kinda funny until she accidentally said it during a hearing. The court was NOT amused.

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@ohheyitsshanaj

1 year

When my sister got her autism diagnosis as an adult, my dad (who can’t go anywhere without shoes and literally does not remove them until the second he is laying down for bed) said “where could that have come from?”

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@ohheyitsshanaj

2 years

@Gihrahteena @JustATaco5 @BadMedicalTakes This made me cackle

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@ohheyitsshanaj

6 months

I am saddened by the IVF implications playing out in Alabama, but the irony is not lost on me that a significant percentage of “pro-lifers” have used/use IVF to have kids and now suddenly don’t like their health choices being questioned

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@ohheyitsshanaj

2 years

@J_Dot_J Why do people think non-gunner means you sat in silence? 🥴 I talked, but just like… when I had something to say that added value. Not to play devil’s advocate with 2 minutes left in a lecture.

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@ohheyitsshanaj

8 months

Shit people who have never met a toddler say

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