Telling the judge you don’t know where your co-counsel is and that “it’s not my day to watch her” doesn’t seem like the best strategic move, but you do you, dude.
Practice tip: If you're my opposing counsel and you send an email that my co-counsel is "unpleasant," "a bitch," and acting in bad faith, there is a 💯chance that I'm forwarding her that email before I even finish reading it.
Associates/staff shouldn’t have to work on Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. Firms should check who billed yesterday and have an intervention with the partners they work with.
Attorney: Your Honor, this case is just like Smith v. Jones because…
Judge: Counsel, as you may or may not have noticed, I wrote Smith v. Jones. Are you SURE you want to finish that sentence?
DEAD ☠️
I once had a client who thought when he forwarded my emails to an adverse witness, the witness would be bound by privilege and confidentiality and couldn’t testify against the client. 🤦♂️
Judge: I order you to testify at a hearing.
LLC: ABCDEFU and the Court and whatever you support. And your clerk and your order and your GD court reporter. FU and your gavel you can watch me come unraveled. While your “order” sure seems precious, imma keep my ass in Texas.
At my first deposition opposing counsel (very experienced) asked if I would agree to the “usual stipulations.” I asked what they were and he couldn’t explain them. I asked why any lawyer would agree to something they didn’t know or understand. 🤷♂️
One of the hardest parts of supervising other lawyers is accepting that just because they do something differently than I would have doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
We told Eleven that she couldn’t buy a dress today. So her friend bought her the dress and she bought her friend lunch. She’s basically discovered money laundering.
Had an opposing counsel who refused to consent to move a trial date to accommodate a family funeral. They made us file an opposed motion, which the court granted two minutes after they filed their opposition.
My 2L summer I went to lunch multiple times a week with one particular partner (World Cup 2006 and games were on over lunch). Lunch was usually chicken Caesar salads and 3-4 double scotches. The bartender was his mistress. But free lunches and scotches for me!
Be careful with nicknames. Once had an adverse party who claimed to hold an officer rank in a foreign military. Co-counsel colloquially referred to him internally as Colonel Mustard. Which was kinda funny until she accidentally said it during a hearing. The court was NOT amused.
Every legal market has *that* firm. Their lawyers are convinced they are smarter. More pure. Who say the firm name with an inflection as if they were announcing themselves as French royalty. While all the other local lawyers roll their eyes and think, “This fucking guy again!”
Just spoke with a fairly senior lawyer who was very excited because his new iPhone “even has a camera!” Which makes me afraid of what his last phone was.
Why do lawyers insist on creating defined terms for self-defined names? There’s no need for “Plaintiff John Smith (“Smith”)” where there’s no other Smith.
So as an update, the lawyer sent a letter to the judge this morning, just before the letter opinion was issued. In the letter, he acknowledges that Delaware counsel REFUSED to sign the motion in question because of “substantive” and other issues. Rock on Delaware counsel!
Because I can’t leave well enough alone sometimes, I dug up the transcript. The judge struck the “Israeli money launderer” part that immediately preceded my objection. Judges, don’t be like this.
In my first hearing ever, the judge threatened to hold me in contempt and throw me in jail because I asked him to stop calling my client “the Israeli money launderer.” (Which he wasn’t).
What's the most off-brand thing you do?
I'm a cardiologist. I eat healthily, I exercise, am slim, don't smoke etc. But. I don't spread butter on toast, I hold the entire block in my hand and apply it like a pritt stick until the toast is practically transparent. Paratha style.
Scene - A high end hotel bar.
Eccentric billionaire: I’ll pay you $1,000,000 for one night with your wife.
Me: [thinks] How will you pay? Cash? Will you 1099 me? If so, there really should be some sort of true-up…
EB: [moves to dude on next stool] I’ll pay you $1,000,000…
Have you or your client ever called a judge a prick? Here’s a good example of why not to do it in writing: sometimes it finds its way to the judge and into an opinion…
In my first hearing ever, the judge threatened to hold me in contempt and throw me in jail because I asked him to stop calling my client “the Israeli money launderer.” (Which he wasn’t).
Fortunately this is not my BigLaw experience. As a junior associate at a 500+ lawyer firm, I told my colleagues that my family was a priority. How did the partners respond? They encouraged me to work my schedule around my kids’/family events. Choose to work with better people.
Last year, my 6-year-old had a school play. I summoned the courage to ask the Big Law partners for permission to attend. One gave me a lecture about how he worked while his wife was giving birth and another responded, okay, and then promptly removed me from the deal I was working
So here's the thing. You can only violate people's legal rights and your own word so far before they lawyer up and come after you.
I really do hope Musk changes his mind and does the right thing - the employees deserve that. But it'll be fun as hell if he doesn't.
@dieworkwear
Just had my firm’s “cocktail attire” holiday party. Half the men were in khakis and several were just wearing casual tops. I know “cocktail attire” can be broad, but that felt like a bridge too far.
Saddened to learn of the passing of past Chancellor of the Court of Chancery William T. Allen, an exceptional jurist who framed so many corporate law issues. I understand he was as good a person as he was a jurist. He will be sadly missed.
Ended up as an extended fight with the judge about what was a material fact. Judge showed incredible patience and spent a lot of time explaining legal principles and applying them. In the end, summary judgment granted for defendant.
By way of background, the court is inquiring into who the real party in interest is. Really questionable stuff from the entity plaintiff. Full submission here: . Full coverage from my friends at the blog.
Hey
#lawtwitter
. Anyone ever have a case where you remove to federal court but the state court…thinks it still has the case and insists on holding proceedings?
If you’re a lawyer who feels neglected because you don’t get enough email, try entering an appearance in a patent litigation case. Every single IP services and litigation funding vendor on earth will find you.
BigLaw gets a lot of grief (some deserved), but the network a large firm provides is outstanding. A friend has a problem with real estate she inherited in Spain. I asked internally for referrals and within five minutes, nine of my colleagues had responded with good leads.
A few years ago when we watched Frozen a lot, my wife told me she loved me and my daughter (five at the time) leaned over to her and whispered, “You’re a princess; you don’t have to settle.”
The point Ames is making here is spot on. But I don’t know any first year PDs, prosecutors, or anyone else in state government service (or legal aid) making $75K. More often $50-60K. We need to pay public service better.
First-year public defenders earn roughly a third of their BigLaw peers — before bonus. And no matter their years of service a line federal prosecutor will never make more than a first-year associate.
Some mornings are really productive. Other mornings you have an earthquake and find out one of your early mentors is charged with manufacturing child pornography. I don’t make the rules.
For any law students seeing this post, I absolutely DO NOT endorse doing this today. It was a very different time and situation. Don’t jeopardize your offer!
My 2L summer I went to lunch multiple times a week with one particular partner (World Cup 2006 and games were on over lunch). Lunch was usually chicken Caesar salads and 3-4 double scotches. The bartender was his mistress. But free lunches and scotches for me!
I can neither confirm nor deny whether we have discussed some or all of these ideas and the name suggestions in the comments except I can and of course we have.
If Troutman Pepper and Locke Lord do merge, I hope they go with “TroutLord” because the fish motif possibilities are endless.
Partners = sharks
Associates = minnows
Managing partner = Megalodon
Recruitment = fishing season.
Found out today that one of my colleagues has been diagnosed with MS and another is losing her fight with cancer and going on hospice. Both are 47 years old with teenage kids. Be grateful for everything you have.
Saw the title “managing associate” on a firm’s website today and it made me wonder about the hierarchy. Is it:
Managing Associate > Coping Associate > Drowning Associate > First-Year-Fresh-Faced Associate.
Congratulations to plaintiffs’ counsel in the Dell stockholders’ litigation, to whom Vice Chancellor Laster awarded a $266,700,000 fee. That is NOT a typo. $266.7 MILLION.
When I joined my town’s planning commission, I thought it would be fun to help set zoning policy and the overall direction of our little hamlet. Today I am drafting an ordinance establishing building standards for chicken coops. Look Ma, I made it!