corn @normal_food Twitter profile

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corn

@normal_food

5 years

i took a faulkner class in college. the professor had spent most of his life teaching faulkner, and had written two books about his work. at some point a student asked if faulkner was his favorite author and he said, “no”

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@normal_food

5 months

sometimes you chop one onion and put it in a pan and think, this simply won’t do. so you chop another onion and put it in the pan, and now you have the amount of onions a clown would eat, at the circus

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@normal_food

4 years

everyone sharing the square state map, but the real barn burner is the one with states redrawn to have equal population

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@normal_food

2 years

not sure why we don’t use this thing more often

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@normal_food

2 years

finally

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@normal_food

2 years

me in the club while john wick kills a bunch of guys

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@normal_food

8 months

millennials are such a joke man. ill be deep into a bottle of whiskey staring glassy-eyed off into the middle distance listening to clap your hands say yeah

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@normal_food

1 year

32oz deli container with lid

Big Shake Back

@REALSHITZO

1 year

First thing you think of when you see this.

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@normal_food

1 year

gimme your feet boys, let's see those soles im getting a deal on some baby clothes it passed away

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corn

@normal_food

3 years

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corn

@normal_food

4 years

source: . funny part is it’s an exercise designed to preserve the electoral college

Electoral college reform (fifty states with equal population)

proposal to reform the electoral college by reorganizing the US into states of equal sizes

fakeisthenewreal.org

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corn

@normal_food

1 year

client asked me to water down the product by a third and also to "strengthen the flavor." so i'll just do that. i'll just strengthen the flavor. i'll add water, and give the flavor more strength

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@normal_food

1 year

@shrimp_delight this is the dumbest thing ive ever seen. possibly the worst tool available to juice a lemon

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@normal_food

3 years

sometimes you get a garlic head that’s like 75 skinny boys all bunched together. that’s some fucking horseshit

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@normal_food

4 years

what if this guy killed you

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corn

@normal_food

10 months

if im king edward vii im thinking, “i need a new chalcedony rat RIGHT NOW”

WikiVictorian

@wikivictorian

10 months

Rat in grey chalcedony with rose cut diamond eyes, its tails and ears set in silver, by Fabergé, 1907. Royal Collection. Commissioned by King Edward VII, 1907 (the Sandringham Commission)

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corn

@normal_food

3 years

do you guys remember the powerful beefscapes thing the beef board put out in 2008

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corn

@normal_food

5 months

hey hey, my my boeing killed another guy

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corn

@normal_food

4 years

inspiring to see people from all over the country react very negatively to this picture

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corn

@normal_food

5 years

mirri has a cat grass planter she likes to sit in, but she won’t wait for the grass to grow first

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@normal_food

1 year

a midwestern classic. don’t miss out on this exclusive milwaukee delicacy, a flavor you can only find in the central US: a dill pickle

Serious Eats

@seriouseats

1 year

Refrigerator pickles made with a vinegar brine flavored with dill, garlic, and onion are a Midwestern classic.

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corn

@normal_food

4 years

i miss going to a bar, staring at my phone for 2 hours, and leaving

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corn

@normal_food

1 year

@shrimp_delight staring for 20 minutes at my knife in one hand and a lemon in the other: there is simply no way

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corn

@normal_food

1 year

“the letter X is très bart simpson.” no it isn’t. you lack credibility

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corn

@normal_food

5 years

you ever click through to a recipe and the recipe is right there at the top of the page. it’s jarring man what about ur son’s IBS

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corn

@normal_food

4 months

@therealcbrad the level of frantically clean i make my place is a pretty good display of my strengths and weaknesses

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corn

@normal_food

8 months

guys you can definitely kill fungus in a way that matters. it matters a lot. for like canned beans and shit

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corn

@normal_food

3 years

this pink celery turns into a pastel dreamscape when chopped

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corn

@normal_food

1 year

Beverage ☕️

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@normal_food

6 months

first thought is lmao at a nissan sentra being a historic vehicle, but then i think back on my own life and the historic milestones of my young adulthood that involved a nissan sentra

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corn

@normal_food

2 years

heard about your boyfriend

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corn

@normal_food

5 years

@rachelmillman i drove like a half mile down a winding cobble-stone walking mall in north italy thinking it was the road before i dead-ended at all this open bistro seating and had to reverse all the way back

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@normal_food

6 years

sometimes twitter snitches on my friends by showing the thirst traps they liked but im always unphased bc theyre my dudes, theyre horny & i respect them for that

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corn

@normal_food

5 months

i put on my new t-shirt, along with my 5in inseam shorts and my favorite hat. and my wife said i looked like a little boy. but then i turned my hat backwards and my wife said i looked like geena davis in a league of their own. so basically im the ideal man

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@normal_food

6 years

my friend was on jeopardy last week. it won’t air til april & he’s not allowed to tell us if he won at all. but he also asked if my wife & i would like tickets to see weird al w/ the denver philharmonic this summer at red rocks as a honeymoon present. so now i just know

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corn

@normal_food

2 years

in honor of it being my birthday i have decided to turn 35

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@normal_food

1 year

if deliverance you desire thai boys in the cave is fire if it’s schadenfreude and laughter submarine is what you’re after

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corn

@normal_food

5 months

did you guys notice how throat coat had marshmallow root in it for a while, but recently they switched back to slippery elm? that was a prudent move; the other shit didn't work

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corn

@normal_food

2 years

kid acquired

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@normal_food

2 years

i deserve this. in fact, i earned this

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@normal_food

6 months

i have learned the reason why most canned or bottled cold brew sucks

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corn

@normal_food

2 years

niece is having me play sleepover. i had to lie down on the bed and then she said “goodnight!” and walked out of the room and as she closed the door she whispered, “im going to kill you bc you’re bad”

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@normal_food

5 months

im sick of sowing. i wanna reap!

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corn

@normal_food

1 year

have you ever seen anything so beautiful in your life

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corn

@normal_food

4 years

moving a dry dish in the drying rack slightly so you can fit a wet dish instead putting the dry dish away. baller move

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corn

@normal_food

9 years

still laughing about the time when i hung out w/ a 16yo & he was all: you gotta hear this fucken song. and he played sublime's "summertime"

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corn

@normal_food

13 years

"Here's looking at you, kid." - me, showing my goat a picture of me looking at him.

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corn

@normal_food

3 months

@BBW_BFF the key grip on a fish called wanda was 78 when he died. rip king

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@normal_food

4 years

merguez sliders on sourdough with cheetoh mac n cheese and arugula salad with orange crush vinaigrette

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corn

@normal_food

9 years

college radio dj just played two tracks from rushmore & said "what a great indie comedy. i havent seen it yet"

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corn

@normal_food

2 years

women only want one thing. to have their hip flexors obliterated by massage

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corn

@normal_food

2 years

hand pulled noodles with cumin beef

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corn

@normal_food

4 months

i have two days to create the product that will change the face of vegan cheese forever

corn

@normal_food

5 months

basically i have two weeks to create the product that will change the face of vegan cheese forever

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corn

@normal_food

4 years

@Superfluously

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corn

@normal_food

2 years

bringing the best possible dinner party contribution: two unmarked 2-liters of dubious amber liquid

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corn

@normal_food

2 years

keep forgetting that im perfect in my oneness with the divine. almost got stressed that i wasn't getting in enough steps

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corn

@normal_food

5 years

every member of chicago twitter goes to the same bar every night and stares at their phone the whole time

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corn

@normal_food

4 years

suck my dick and choke on it i yield my time fuck you

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corn

@normal_food

3 years

leland palmer appearance on star trek

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corn

@normal_food

7 years

is it counterrevolutionary to keep fresh parsley, chives & tarragon in my home

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corn

@normal_food

4 years

this is true, but the new yorker is not allowed to say it

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corn

@normal_food

11 months

in honor of it being my birthday, i have decided to turn 36

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@normal_food

4 months

getting allergies as an adult even though im a good person. it's basically worse than everything that happened to job combined

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@normal_food

6 months

someone should cut off jared kushner’s head with a sword

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corn

@normal_food

5 months

this week’s loaf. rye and honey. didn’t get the oven spring i wanted, but the crumb is nice

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corn

@normal_food

2 years

making green chile

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corn

@normal_food

4 years

look, some utensils go in the utensil jar and some go in the drawer. it’s arbitrary but you have to know which ones go where or i will get upset

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corn

@normal_food

3 years

the kitten seeds i planted finally matured!!!

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corn

@normal_food

7 months

@rush_less a wedge of delice de bourgogne and a box of triscuits

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@normal_food

4 years

i mean i guess he would know

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corn

@normal_food

3 years

my ex gf once had a meltdown in a beach superstore bc she put on a bikini and said it made her look like one of the hippos from fantasia. i don’t remember what i said to comfort her then but what ive come to know now is that those hippos were hot

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corn

@normal_food

1 year

if you pour a bunch of lime juice in your ear can you cook your brain like ceviche

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corn

@normal_food

1 year

i saw the reformulated pink sauce the other day and it looks so fucking bad dude

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corn

@normal_food

4 years

every time someone gets mad at someone on here and then finds out they’re a writer from new york i think about those pace picante cowboys going “new york city?!”

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corn

@normal_food

2 years

the washing machine was making a weird noise so we took it all the way apart. think we found the reason. mods are asleep, post smooth dime

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@normal_food

4 years

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@normal_food

3 years

made dinner in a fit of rage and you can taste it. it sucks

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corn

@normal_food

6 months

they have risen. maybe a bit too much tbh

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corn

@normal_food

2 years

oh christ can’t you guys watch something else. i wanted to be online tonight

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corn

@normal_food

9 years

i like that led zeppelin song where he talks about all the car parts he wants to fuck

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corn

@normal_food

1 year

baby is sick. just want y’all to know that i would sacrifice each and every one of you and harvest your blood and organs if it meant it would make her better

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corn

@normal_food

2 years

rigged a spit to the grill. making pastor

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corn

@normal_food

10 years

was very much hoping this would be a metaphorical account of key battles of WWII, but it really is just chess http://t.co/iaruCDyFBX

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corn

@normal_food

4 years

remembering this guy i met when i was 23 who told me he was so self-aware he could feel what each nutrient was doing in his body after he ate food. and i was like, yeah i smoke weed too man

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corn

@normal_food

6 months

beyond dipo, any canned coffee is retorted, basically pressure cooked to an internal temperature of 250F. which gives it the dull wet cardboard flavor and smell you get from most canned goods

corn

@normal_food

6 months

@doaknet dipotassium phosphate. cold brew naturally acidifies itself over time. dipo is an alkaline salt that buffers it to retain flavor over time, but you then lose all the character of the coffee. often they'll add coffee flavor back in

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@normal_food

9 months

happy friday my dudes

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@normal_food

2 years

@merrittk the bawls sticker on the monitor is how you know it's legit

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corn

@normal_food

2 years

does anyone want various cans of beverage. this one is m flavored

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corn

@normal_food

2 years

straight people really kiss each other and say, “i love you. have a good day at work” 🤮🤮

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corn

@normal_food

1 year

a second plane has hit different 😔

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corn

@normal_food

2 years

before computers you could go days or even weeks without knowing something. and it took half a day to ride a horse into the city. you could just be on a horse with your head completely empty

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corn

@normal_food

3 years

in honor of it being my birthday i have decided to turn 34

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@normal_food

13 years

I'm sorry, the correct answer is Moops Like Jagger. Moops.

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@normal_food

11 years

a hologram of Idris Elba in his boxers that saunters around my apartment when I'm not at home & impresses my neighbors

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