gnome "read my book please" chompsky @nihilists4jesus Twitter profile

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

23 days

hey would guys like to buy what one author (me) is calling the greatest space opera novel ever written?

Corsair

www.amazon.com

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

1 month

I am lazy

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist

@drjenwolkin

1 month

You are NOT lazy. You are exhausted from the grief and trauma you’ve endured. Also, one very real response to trauma is shutting down - according to polyvagal theory this is called dorsal vagal shut-down. Its when you freeze and maybe even dissociate, have little energy, and feel

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

7 months

wrong

𝕸𝖎𝖑𝖊𝖘 𝕸𝖆𝖈𝖆𝖇𝖗𝖊 𝕸𝖔𝖗𝖆𝖑𝖊𝖘 🕷

@th3m1lesm0rales

7 months

Jesus is neither Republican nor Democrat. Jesus is the Christ.

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

8 months

she didn’t like jihad. and I was fucking muad’dib.

i hate you joe biden

@sonyashea3

2 years

i don’t like this.

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

3 months

one of the funniest conversations I have had is when my sister in law started talking to us about how byu was going woke and I was like "oh great here we go with the gays again" and she was starts "did you know they're teaching evolution in byu biology classes???"

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

6 months

I keep telling my kids that if they can avoid the temptation to use AI to do their homework for them, in 10 years they will be able to intellectually dominate their entire generation

jj

@melodramateur

6 months

maybe an unpopular opinion but if you need to cheat to pass college you probably shouldn’t be there

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

8 months

Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. It’s Arrested Dunevelopment.

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

5 months

a shrimp can’t even fry rice anymore. because of wok.

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

3 months

even my parents in law were like uhhhhhhhh yeah they taught that at byu when we there fifty years ago

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

2 months

@rodeoman an instinct triggers in their brains when they hit adulthood and causes them all to migrate to a single location

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

7 months

à lot of reactionaries have rallied against the new Utah flag design, with many calling it a woke design that erodes Utah's traditional values. as a certified vexillologist I'm going to walk you through these elements so you understand the truth behind America's third gayest flag

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

7 months

I have been watching old episodes of arrested development and am once again absolutely blown away by how incredible of a comedic actress jessica walter was. just perfect in every word and expression. a genuine genius. we were blessed to have her in our lives.

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

8 months

I keep seeing embittered replies and quote tweets about how much regret people have that they ever supported Romney. guys Romney didn't change, you did. you all lost your fucking minds.

Republican Voters Against Trump

@AccountableGOP

8 months

Mitt Romney: “I will not be voting for former President Trump. I must admit that I find sexual assault to be a line I will not cross in the people I select to be my president.”

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

6 months

the only “ick” I have ever felt toward a woman is “respickt” (new zealand English for respect)

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

8 months

you can always tell when a Mormon or exmo didn’t start swearing until adulthood. something off about the syntax like a non native speaker of English. uncanny valley swearing.

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

9 months

what exactly is preventing you from moving to Orem, Utah

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

7 months

god uses byu sports almost exclusively to chastise his people

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

3 months

@x_hems dastardly gays

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

6 months

thirsty gremlin

@embaer

6 months

Quick question- how the FUCK do you have a wedding for less than $70k?

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

2 months

oh wait we’re still doing old school November 2001 style straight up Islamophobic fear mongering? you’re going to do this in the state that was founded by a religious minority fleeing persecution by rabid ignorant bigots? fuck off.

Trevor Lee

@VoteTrevorLee

2 months

In the small town of Taylorsville Utah.

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

2 months

large religious family in the Boston suburbs? dumb enough to have a baby in an apocalypse? mom is the most beautiful woman on earth and dad works for the CIA? welcome to the official unofficial fictional Mormon character canon, abbot family

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

4 months

would Madame like to try our house white, a classic robust red, or mayhaps something a bit fruitier?

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

6 months

@kathleen_writr I feel like you shouldn’t hold the person asking this question to a particularly high standard

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

1 month

Cafe Rio is the closest thing that exists to an ethnic Mormon restaurant

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

6 months

@Snake_With_Feet no it isn't

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

7 months

you probably think this is a hexagon representing Utah's six founding counties but it's actually a hidden DEI Easter egg representing the six black people living in Utah county

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

7 months

finally we have the beehive, a classic symbol of mormon pioneers and their industriousness, right? well what if i told you the bees are gay? that's right it's a gay beehive you dumb bitch (a technical term).

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

6 months

what if we called the new hockey team the utah latter day skates

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

6 months

you wouldn’t survive an hour in the asylum where they raised me

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

1 month

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

1 month

cult members beat your ass in your own stadium lol

SMU Barstool(Back2Back Equestrian National Champs)

@StoolSMU

1 month

The cult members have arrived

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

8 months

being a missionary in the age before you had regular internet access was wild, one time I was walking down the street in Luxembourg and this guy was like oh you’re American what do you think about everything going on with hurricane Katrina and we were like…Hurricane what now?

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

4 days

@excesstential jp you need to get more sleep but I don’t see anything here you can cut

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

1 month

god grant me the strength not to send that video of Tim Ballard becoming a born again to every Mormon I know who told me I had to watch that sex criminal whitewash of a movie last summer

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

4 months

if you were mormon you'd be an eagle scout and you would have built this into a nice log cabin or teepee style fire that would have burned far more efficiently. pathetic.

A. Westgate

@a_westgate

4 months

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

7 months

finally we have crimson here, which represents the university of Utah, which is also Utah's gayest university, but in the way we used the word back in the 90s

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

10 months

about to caramelize some onions, sure hope no one has any strong opinions about this!

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

3 months

anyway the wasatch front is one of the most beautiful places you can live in America and it is genuinely tragic that it was ceded to developers to fill with strip malls and cheaply built vinyl housing

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@nihilists4jesus

7 months

let's start with the blue stripe. the blue used ihere is identical to the blue used by BYU, Utah's gayest university

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

3 months

gonna be a really good day on Twitter now, which is the most important thing

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

8 months

as near as I can tell there's two kinds of Mormons who grew up in the nineties: those who were allowed to watch the Simpsons and those who weren't.

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

7 months

who amongst us has not, seeing a ship hit a bridge in a freak accident, immediately blamed black people

The Salt Lake Tribune

@sltrib

7 months

“It was not our best moment,” Lyman told The Tribune of his X post blaming diversity efforts for the Baltimore bridge collapse. “The post was a knee-jerk reaction to some of the things others were putting out there.”

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

7 months

CAMILLE PAGLIA STAN ✨ FAN ACCOUNT

@Provokatov

7 months

Parents. Stop bringing your annoying shithead kids to the supermarket.

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

7 months

this star represents the five points of the gay cabal, L, G, B, T, and plus

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

7 months

the middle white stripe represents Utah's LGBT community which, unlike the rest of the state's population, is overwhelmingly white

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

5 months

happy pride month from America’s gayest city

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

6 months

I’m officially adding Gabe from the office to my canon of unofficially Mormon characters, there’s just an overwhelming “exmo BYU grad who went on a mission to Japan vibe” there. calling it. into the canon he goes.

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

10 months

there’s already an alcohol free space for queer people with no friends to meet each other it’s called Brigham young university

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

5 months

don’t care what you think about friberg this painting is dope af

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

7 months

think that's the beautiful Wasatch range that graces much of Utah's vistas? well you're wrong. a trained vexillologist recognizes instantly that those are several big old dongs (a technical term).

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

7 months

someone pointed out that I forgot the canyon beneath the hexagon. I didn’t forget I just didn��t want to say it because it’s too vulgar and I’m God fearing

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

7 months

well I hope this was helpful in shedding some light on why this new flag is so controversial. please follow me for more relatable vexillology tweets.

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

8 months

I'm putting together a team

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

2 months

imagine being this wrong about two things

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

7 months

would be sooooooooooooo crazy if there were a scripture out there about a person's honoring god with their lips but their hearts being far from him. probably impossible to know, though!!!!!

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

9 months

the sixth and final indiana jones movie should be about how indy reconnects with the faith of his childhood and serves as a senior missionary in rural missouri only to discover ancient lamanite secrets buried in the mounds

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

1 month

I have the concept of a flan

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

7 months

I finally watched this thinking there would something horrifically cringe and it’s just…two guys being dudes. having the time of their fucken lives. good reminder how many twitter users are just warped broken people who want the same for everyone else.

THE CATMAN (2022)

@JUSTcatmeme

7 months

This kid is going to grow up and resent his father for this

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

4 months

I am a big tent mormon. expansive tent. I try hard to defer from judgment or criticism. I'm happy just to see people at church. but so help me God when I see a fully grown adult man, a father, a husband, a priesthood holder, wearing a short sleeve dress shirt I just about lose it

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@nihilists4jesus

6 months

watched Napoleon Dynamite tonight with my kids. I know it became kind of a cliche and we all got tired of the “vote for Pedro” shirts but honestly I still think it’s an incredible film that captured a certain moment in a bottle, kind of a perfect time capsule of a bygone era.

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

2 months

In the small town of Taylorsville Utah.

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

9 months

can’t believe the 100 billion dollar corporation run by image-hyperconscious religious technocrats didn’t vet their new managing director of communications’ personal social media to ensure that he hated gay people at a level sufficient to appease its angriest members

Eric Moutsos

@realericmoutsos

9 months

The LDS Church's New Managing Director for Communications is a He/Him.

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

3 months

à lot of people are accusing Mike of being compromised or a Russian agent but I think the most likely explanation for most of his behavior is that he's a spineless midwit with no principles or morals.

Mike Lee

@SenMikeLee

3 months

NATO is supposed to protect its members and prevent war—not bring us closer to it. If Ukraine is in, America should be out.

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

5 months

@gantisdant this is the midwestern version of Bob’s burgers and morts mortuary

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

9 months

a charismatic Mormon with iconic facial hair leading a team from Missouri to the promised land in the Great Basin. time is a flat circle.

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

8 months

btw this is the byu equivalent of shotgunning a beer

Mitch Harper

@Mitch_Harper

8 months

Kid gets on the big screen and starts stuffing his face with a CougarTail. Hero.

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

9 months

a good reminder that you don't need to store butter in the fridge you can store it on the counter or in a bog

FOX 13 News Utah

@fox13

8 years

2,000-year-old lump of butter found in Irish bog is, technically, still edible

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

7 months

BYU freshman/BYU senior

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

3 months

pray better

Spencer Cox

@SpencerJCox

3 months

Last Sunday I was feeling incredibly discouraged about our nation. After much prayer and searching about how to help heal our divides, I felt I needed to write former President Trump. I’m hopeful I can help in some small way.

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

6 months

provo isn't even the worst city in central utah county

MEDPROS Center of Excellence

@Asst_to_the_RM

6 months

Concur? Discuss.

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

9 months

greg olsen looks like he could be on the cover of a 1980s mormon pamphlet about the dangers of not paying tithing

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

7 months

Mormons really be like here for a long time not for a good time

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

3 months

explaining the plan of salvation to non mormons

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

7 months

one of the really wild things about provo, utah is that even back when it was a barren wasteland of chain restaurants it possessed and continues to possess one of the hands down best indian restaurant's on god's green earth and I think about it and miss it a lot.

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

8 months

one time when driving cross country with my father in law we stopped at a McDonald’s in independence, Missouri and my father in law, a retired institute teacher, asked the teenage cashier “do you know what independence is famous for?” and she goes “uhhhhhhhhhh meth?”

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

2 months

hearing from inside sources that President Nelson is pushing to get BYU’s med school set up within his lifetime so they can award him an honorary MD and he can achieve his lifelong dream of renouncing his godless UofU education and get to the highest tier of the celestial kingdom

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

6 months

oh you hate kids? wait until you hear about adults.

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

6 months

imagine riding a chariot pulled by four of these bad boys to war

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

3 months

when I was in Indiana there was this 19 yo kid who was just starting to come back to church and he would show up every week with his girlfriend in a hoodie and ratty jeans with a big gulp and it would always make me so mad that I did not also have a big gulp

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

1 month

what the Bible doesn’t tell you is that the real reason Eve ate the apple is so she could get the hell out of Missouri

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

6 months

you can disagree with the protesters’ motivations if you want, but if you are Mormon and you think something is immoral because it’s illegal and the correct response is overwhelming state violence, you need to get it the fuck together

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

3 months

Joseph Smith praying to know if he should be a Presbyterian or a Methodist and seeing God

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

8 months

what if the titanic sunk because jack and rose had pre marital sex

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

1 month

prude, virginal, no fun at parties, cuts herself to avoid shotgunning a beer instead of telling her friends it’s against her religion, and, of course, right about everything, please welcome Barb to the official unofficial Mormon character canon

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

1 month

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

HerOwO

@HeroStar_

1 month

curious, what are some examples of this

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

8 months

this is the most relatable new yorker cartoon

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

6 months

Isabel🌻

@isabelunraveled

6 months

question for men: what are your favourite things to do with other men?

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

8 months

I can't remember who made this sorry

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

8 months

America First Mormons are so funny, man, like your entire religion was born and shaped out of the state trying to put you to the sword via the literal and ideological ancestors of the America First movement and now you’re licking their boots? okay. could never be me.

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@nihilists4jesus

2 months

I know it isn’t very Christlike of me but seeing how mad this makes certain people just makes me so happy. if only there were a word for that feeling.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

@Ch_JesusChrist

2 months

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has provided more than US$ 1.6 million to help 40,000 migrants by working closely with the Seventh-day Adventist Church relief agency, ADRA. These funds will provide hygiene kits, water, emotional support and financial education and

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

7 months

there needs to be an easy way to tell the person cutting your hair that you don't want to talk to them but also you still value them as a human being

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@nihilists4jesus

5 months

it is telling that with all the problems within the U.S. justice system, none of these people actually give a shit until they perceive that it affects their billionaire corrupt, degenerate, sex criminal political idol. extremely telling about where their priorities lie.

Connor Boyack 📚

@cboyack

5 months

So the Book of Mormon tells a tale of when, just prior to Christ's coming, corrupt judges conspired with lawyers and others in power to persecute people unjustly and let their evil buddies off the hook for crimes committed, creating a "secret combination" of lawfare to the worst

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

9 months

being mormon has saved me an incredible amount of money on alcohol that I have been able to spend instead on caffeine

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

9 months

Nephi: so we’re gonna go camp on the Red Sea coast for a few years while we build the first boat we’ve ever built to sail out into the ocean to a new promised land btw I just beheaded your boss Zoram:

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gnome "read my book please" chompsky

@nihilists4jesus

2 months

"we're still mormon whether you like it or not" their stake presidency has the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever

Tamarra Kemsley

@tamarranicole

2 months

The cast of #secretlivesofmormonwives has heard the criticism. And it would like a word.

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@nihilists4jesus

7 months

after I finished grad school we showed up in DC with two tiny kids and $500 in our checking account, unsure if we'd be able to pay rent, totally alone. the EQ showing up to move us in was one of the greatest blessings I have ever experienced I really mean it.

The Stake Clerk Emeritus

@TheStakeClerk

7 months

Not sure when members are going to realize that the EQ isn’t a moving service. I’ve never been a fan of this, especially after I was EQP years ago when a member who asked for help later yelled at me because an unprofessional mover from the EQ broke something while serving them.

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@nihilists4jesus

1 month

we reluctantly cede him to you