jp @excesstential Twitter profile

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jp

@excesstential

5 years

POV: you’re on a first date where the guy thinks his music taste is a little too good

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@lavelybakshi

jp

@excesstential

5 years

once i took a girl on a date and she said “wow, i love how polite you are to the employees” and then i went home and found her twitter and she tweeted “date someone who is polite to food service employees” and then she had the audacity to get a boyfriend that wasnt me

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jp

@excesstential

5 years

My dad can get into “dad-mode” sometimes. He’s a doctor who is worried about the virus, and told me, his 24 year old son, in a 5 min rant that this isn’t the time to be trying to have a lot of “play-dates”. So if you were trying to play after school im sorry my dad said we cant

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@excesstential

4 years

how it started how it’s going

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@excesstential

6 years

Getting touched during heads up seven up was the last time i felt something

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jp

@excesstential

6 years

Do airpods Not have wires Because we are scared Of connection? - Rupi Kaur

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jp

@excesstential

2 months

oh im sorry, is a mango’s juice too sweet? is the summer’s breeze too refreshing?

Sandra Loam 🪹

@horrible_bug

2 months

this bird is way too red

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jp

@excesstential

11 days

life as a liberal for me is so nice 6:30 AM - Wake up, Land Acknowledgment 8:00 AM - Vegan breakfast 10:00 AM - 6:00 PM - Welfare Leeching 7:00 PM - voter fraud 9:00 PM - 11:00 PM - job at weather machine (at night for secrecy) 12:00 am - 6:30 am - nesting with poly clan

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jp

@excesstential

8 months

how it feels to go on a little walk after being on your phone all day

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jp

@excesstential

4 years

forgive me for making one of these

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jp

@excesstential

4 years

reject modernity embrace bionicle

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jp

@excesstential

8 months

credit to these two legends seeing madame web in imax tonight

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@excesstential

2 years

i am an enemy of the second amendment

NRA

@NRA

2 years

If you want to ban AR-15s, you are an enemy of the Second Amendment. That’s it. That’s the tweet.

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jp

@excesstential

3 months

it’s interesting how so much of online leftism eschews the tenets of leftism and instead opts to blame the individual instead of the system. ok so you think some midwestern 60 year olds are ontologically evil. what now

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@excesstential

4 years

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jp

@excesstential

1 year

as someone who contains multitudes its so annoying talking to someone who contains a single tude. u can tell right away

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jp

@excesstential

5 years

for the needlessly salty: she didn’t do anything wrong she doesn’t owe me anything, it’s just funny.

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jp

@excesstential

5 years

Child education majors be like damn i have a coloring book due on friday

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jp

@excesstential

5 years

1. she found this tweet lol 2. please vote for candidates that do not deny science and are trying to ensure economic rights 3. pls be patient w me

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jp

@excesstential

5 years

we have so many movies about falling in love but why is there only one movie about stealing the Declaration of Independence

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jp

@excesstential

1 year

i made these conservative coded leftist memes a few years ago and a few conservative facebook friends were like “wow! i didnt know you were so patriotic!”

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jp

@excesstential

4 years

am i wrong or do i remember that in the hunger games Peta could camouflage himself because he was really good at frosting cakes or something lmaoo

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jp

@excesstential

5 years

@JacobStyle_xxx yeah that’s exactly my point yes great going

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@excesstential

5 years

I attended a very small, sanitary, fake graduation for a few people who were sad they wouldn’t have a ceremony and the music was a high point

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jp

@excesstential

3 months

me, the one person who bravely chooses not to be susceptible to propaganda: i think we should throw the people who dumbly choose to be susceptible to propaganda in camps

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jp

@excesstential

24 days

anyone know of any good thoughts to start out with with for someone just getting into thinking

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jp

@excesstential

7 months

hold on. im just getting word that “we are so back.”

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@excesstential

4 years

“i agree” - uh, ok - boring - low effort “so true bestie” - reinforces friendship - makes an epistemological claim about truth - endorphin rush in the brain

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@excesstential

6 years

The most POWERFUL Mormons in the world rankings: 3. The 14 year old Eagle Scouts 2. Bishops who declare “ladies first” for refreshments And of course 1. Those who carry FOUR (4)!! chairs at a time cleaning up after stake conference

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@excesstential

4 years

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jp

@excesstential

5 years

communism in practice is redistributing the songs your exes showed you to your new love interests

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@excesstential

5 years

What do you think the dude wearing an American Flag hat had to say about nuking the Japanese civillians in my philosophy class. Just take a wild guess. Just take a guess. Just gueeeess.

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@excesstential

3 years

imagine being an Englishman, watching your team lose, and then fixing yourself a plate of this for dinner

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@excesstential

5 years

@ashleynicoo

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@excesstential

1 year

L + ratio + you say cringe unironically + you’ve lost all sense of childlike wonder + you don’t know to say something true and beautiful + your sense of right and wrong is purely aesthetic + in the midst of winter, you ignored within you the invincible summer

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@excesstential

5 years

My second grade teacher would get a paddle and give people birthday spankings on their birthday, bending them over in front of the class. One time she bent over a chubbier boy, rubbed his buttocks with the paddle, and made the joke “that’s a whole lotta jelly”

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@excesstential

4 years

RIP Rene Descartes you would have been

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jp

@excesstential

3 years

im straight but this is incredible

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@excesstential

5 years

my friend: I had a dream i was dating my crush! my dreams:

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@excesstential

5 years

The results are in!!! Thank you to everyone who participated and voted in this years’ Best Twitter User of 2019!! and a SPECIAL congratulations to the winner!!

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@excesstential

3 years

@emilio__oilime ive never seen a cake made out of CHEETO before 😆

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@excesstential

3 years

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@excesstential

5 years

When you just finished watching The Land Before Time and those tree stars are looking mighty tasty 👁👁🥵🥵🥵😩😩👌

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jp

@excesstential

5 years

When i was a child, i saw a bee get stuck in a spider’s web. I took a stick and cut the bee free. The bee immediately flew up to my neck, stung me, and flew away. Moral of the story is don’t help anyone. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

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jp

@excesstential

4 years

The plan? To appropriate patriotic boomer Facebook memes to get people to agree with leftist policy

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@excesstential

6 years

Bachelorette of Provo except it’s all Provo all stars who have done summer sales and one 18 year old girl who has already decided on serving a mission

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jp

@excesstential

3 years

the chad salvador dali “i am drugs” vs the virgin machine gun kelly “i am weed”

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jp

@excesstential

10 days

@moosethedoxin le epic win of a response !! 💯

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@excesstential

1 year

me and whoing so hard i pull a hamstring

ᥫ᭡Elise ♱🍒

@bunnylarper

1 year

My favourite genre of art is men laying in their woman's lap

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jp

@excesstential

5 years

Some of u really need to work on communication skills. Sometimes, me liking your tweet means i like your tweet. Sometimes it means dm me, you’re cute. Sometimes it means i’m just saying hi and staying supportive. Sometimes it’s an accident. Grow up and learn the difference.

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jp

@excesstential

6 years

A friend with benefits but actual benefits like healthcare and a 401k

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@excesstential

5 years

@bocxtop @dianelyssa exactly. the point is she can PROVE she’s a progressive is she supports the progressive candidate. that’s the whole point. I want to root for her

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@excesstential

10 months

happy jan 6 ❤️

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@excesstential

5 years

@okaishawty i will text you “thank you for saving my puppy” at exactly 7:09 PM. be ready, phone facing up on the table

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@excesstential

3 years

People get so mad on here when people demonstrate the slightest hit of sincerity and optimism. Two absolute kings

THE CATMAN (2022)

@JUSTcatmeme

3 years

This is the most depressing shit I’ve ever seen

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@excesstential

1 month

hinge isnt working, going to barnes and noble to act confused in the fairy smut section

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@excesstential

1 year

the humble onion! what a concept👍

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@excesstential

4 years

Mental health on LOCK baby 😎 !⃝ 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺 𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗽𝘂𝘁𝗲𝗱

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@excesstential

5 years

before: dummy who did’t even know who Bernie was after: ready to fight for healthcare for all #hotboysforbernie

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@excesstential

3 months

in the name of Marx, Engels, and the Hegel Geist, I accept my calling as one of the Predestined Socialists

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@excesstential

4 years

my plans: 2020:

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jp

@excesstential

5 years

Mormons who think they are edgy for swearing are cringier than the mormons who prefer not to swear

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@excesstential

5 years

@onlineryn he did it!

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@excesstential

7 months

@rodeoman “so much potential wasted in a Roy”

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@excesstential

3 years

Happy 4th 🇺🇸💪

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@excesstential

4 years

!⃝ 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗹𝗮 𝗺 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗲𝗱

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@excesstential

1 year

me: i promise i won’t become the stunning vistas of autumnal foliage that cause the mind the reflect on impermanence and the very soul itself tonight me three drinks later:

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@excesstential

3 months

@stacycay i think it’s an intertwined set of forces thats more complicated than the original tweet i was responding to was implying. but i don’t think it means allowing hate or bigotry to thrive or to handwave it away. I’m truly sorry for what you went through with republican family

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@excesstential

5 years

We IRRITATING 🤭

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@excesstential

5 years

Me abandoning absolutely any task in order to go say hi to a dog i see

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@excesstential

2 years

no she’s spitting. as someone who has watched and played sports since i was a child this is basically what i do to this day

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@excesstential

5 years

keep liking my tweets and im showin up to your door like this

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@excesstential

10 days

@nihilists4jesus if anything i need to be spending more time at the weather machine for election season

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@excesstential

6 years

I will never forget the time i watched Zootopia with a girl and i said “wow that was a huge allegory for racism” and she said “no, i don’t think so”

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@excesstential

3 months

@polypocketknife actually i don’t think it’s “merely” that! i think there are a few factors, but it goes far beyond the initial framing of “just choosing to do it to themselves”

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@excesstential

4 years

Very depressing meme but good news tho: Humans aren’t inherently a scourge on the earth and we CAN solve this mess if we figure out how to change our systems of being and coexist with eachother and nature, utilizing technology for GOOD. Check out what Murray Bookchin had to say:

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@excesstential

4 years

@sushipregnancy @JordanUhl republicans: let’s capture the youth demographic with young passionate leaders and PragerU propaganda democrats: we need to get O̶̥̐́͑͐̐̆̕L̷͇̥̯̺̆̈́̒̍̀̓̈́͜͠Ḑ̸̨̨̻̣̭͙̗̍̄̀̇͜É̵̡͎̬̗̟̤̥̼͔͙̉̈̐̆̈́͑̾R̶͉͖̝̹͕̼͇͚͎̝̾̔̄̍͆́̕̚͝

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@excesstential

5 years

LMAO people really study accounting? “Look at me! 1 money 2 money 3 money!!” just grow up already

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@excesstential

6 years

. End your Snapchat streaks and free yourself from the clutches of passive social commitment .

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@excesstential

5 years

@ihatethiskid there are so many thirst comments here no one is going to notice me saying i peed my pants in the second grade and told my friend it was because my mom forgot to put my clothes in the dryer

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@excesstential

5 years

me: cuffing season is a meaningless social construct where in reality nothing about our inclination to find a partner changes *first snow falls* me: nvm

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@excesstential

4 years

does anyone else cringe when remembering that we used to stand up as a class and do the pledge of allegiance

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@excesstential

3 years

remembering the time i posted this on my story on 4/20 and this girl screenshotted it. Later i was hanging out with her and found out it wasn’t because it was funny but because she thought it was actually a beautiful thing to say lol

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@excesstential

5 years

If you exaggerated how high you were in your wisdom teeth videos because you knew it would be posted on social media then you can’t go to heaven :(

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@excesstential

5 years

When you are walking to class listening to Beach House and you emotionally crumble

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@excesstential

4 years

@EGirlsPostingLs people who don’t get the joke posting their L’s Online

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@excesstential

5 years

im gonna tell my kids i love them

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@excesstential

5 years

lol some people really study statistics? ooo high number bigger than small number yeah we know just grow the hell up

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@excesstential

5 years

Nobody: Eighth Graders: I’m so glad I’m not a sevie anymore

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@excesstential

4 years

I'm having way too much fun making these

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@excesstential

6 years

Do you ever meet someone at a BYU school so strange you know the font they were baptized in was comic sans

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@excesstential

5 years

Im about to “hello how are you” my way into some platonic friendship

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@excesstential

5 years

daylight savings js messed up bc i know Kacey Musgraves didn’t intend Golden Hour to be about 3:30 PM

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@excesstential

5 years

yoooooooo mind if i drop some baddies on the TL?🙈 congrats ladies 🥵👍👏👏👏

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@excesstential

5 years

*deep inhale* 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺*deep inhale*🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

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@excesstential

5 years

i can say boomer, my grandpa is boomer so i’m actually a quarter boomer

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@excesstential

5 years

do you guys think in 200 years society will have moved past absolutely worshipping attractive people for the sake of being attractive or are we doomed to be stuck on that until the end of time

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@excesstential

4 years

well he should probably practice some more this doesnt slap at all

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@excesstential

6 years

Me: *typing in Snapchat messenger* The other person’s Bitmoji watching me type:

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@excesstential

5 years

If someone tries to establish dominance over you by saying “hey bud”, do not fret, but reply with “hey sport”. If they persist with an ill-advised, “hey big guy”, then respond with a swift “hey champ” and you are now the alpha.

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