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Jess Strachan🌻 Profile
Jess Strachan🌻

@mud_and_stars

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2,030
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935
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Autistic. ADHD. Bisexual. Christian. Reader. Poet. Jellycat fan. 1D stan. Unapologetically myself! 🥰

London, England
Joined April 2012
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@mud_and_stars
Jess Strachan🌻
2 years
Baby Watermelon Puff vibing to her favourite song 🍉 #LoveOnTourWembley
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
I wish there were silent retreats for autistic people. Where we could go and just recover from the world. Does anyone know if this is a thing?
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@mud_and_stars
Jess Strachan🌻
8 months
“Why do you need a diagnosis?” Because I am struggling & I need help. I find basic daily tasks like cooking, cleaning, laundry etc overwhelming & sometimes impossible. I live in a state of chaos, clutter & mess that I can’t ever get on top of. I’m a hoarder & compulsive shopper.
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Does anybody else feel like they’re in a constant state of burnout, and that sometimes the burnout becomes milder, but you never fully come out of it? I have no idea how to recover, and there’s never enough time and space to do so. Life is exhausting.
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
I wish everyone could be as honest and direct as autistic people. It sometimes blows my mind how anyone could think that WE are the ones with the “communication skills deficit” 🤯🤯🤯
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@mud_and_stars
Jess Strachan🌻
2 years
Executive dysfunction is so weird. Why do I have the spoons to walk to Pret in the rain to buy a sandwich, yet I do not have the spoons to walk to my fridge and MAKE a sandwich?
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Jess Strachan🌻
2 years
If you’ve always dismissed the idea that you might be autistic because you’re a social chameleon who pretends to be a different person in every situation, I have news for you…
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Don’t get me wrong, I am proud to be autistic, & I wouldn’t want to change who I am, but sometimes I really hate how exhausted & overwhelmed I get from things that come naturally to other people, & it gets me so down that I am going to feel this way for the rest of my life. 😞
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@mud_and_stars
Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Being autistic is a lifetime of being misunderstood. Ppl reading things in my tone that aren’t there, or my words coming across as empty, my tone unempathetic. Anxiety & sadness being mistaken for anger & hostility, friendliness for flirting. It makes me want to not speak at all.
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Jess Strachan🌻
8 months
I am really struggling to process my ADHD diagnosis. Keep ranging between celebrating & weeping. I’m so happy to have an answer but so sad for all the years spent hating myself, thinking I am lazy & disgusting & careless & useless - I don’t know how I begin to undo those beliefs.
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Jess Strachan🌻
2 years
Autistic burnout really sneaks up on you. You think you’re functioning well until all of a sudden you can barely function at all. And it’s so difficult because we all know the key to recovery is doing as little as possible, but that’s rarely realistic. So the cycle continues.
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
It’s official... I am #ActuallyAutistic 🎉🎉 Can’t believe it took 30 (v difficult) years for someone to pick it up, but it feels like a huge relief to finally understand myself! I actually cried with happiness hearing the words “without a shadow of a doubt, you are autistic.” ❤️
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@mud_and_stars
Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
How do people work AND look after themselves? How do people just get up and do it day after day? How do people remember all the shit they have to do and how to do it? How do people fall asleep at night? How do people have clear minds and not feel sick with anxiety ALL the time?
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@mud_and_stars
Jess Strachan🌻
2 years
@ autistic friends, do you also feel like you are not the main character in your life? I wanna see something
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Jess Strachan🌻
6 months
Neurotypicalism is so overdiagnosed these days 🙄 They can’t ALL be neurotypical. They just want attention & an excuse for why they’re able to go about their daily lives without having regular breakdowns over regular things! In my day we didn’t have all these “normal” people! /S
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Jess Strachan🌻
8 months
This is why I am going for an ADHD assessment. Because if there is a chance that I can get medication & advice that will help me with this stuff then I am desperate for it!
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Jess Strachan🌻
8 months
My memory is shit, I’m constantly losing important things or buying multiple of things bc I forget the existence of the things I already have. It takes me months to do 5 minute tasks for example the whole year it took me to unpack my box of Christmas presents…
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Jess Strachan🌻
8 months
I’m unable to achieve basically anything unless I hyperfocus and spend hours doing a million things and completely burn myself out. It is all or nothing. I am unable to stick to any habit that I start or have any kind of routine.
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@mud_and_stars
Jess Strachan🌻
8 months
I have a brain which never shuts up & has constant music & thoughts & anxieties whirring rapidly around it so I struggle to concentrate on anything, even fun things like TV, & I struggle to sleep at night.
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Since my diagnosis, everything feels heightened, because I'm not pretending any more. Loud noises seem ten times louder, & I'm struggling. I think maybe I'm just extra overwhelmed at the moment as I'm going through so many emotions. Anyone else experience this? #ActuallyAutistic
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@mud_and_stars
Jess Strachan🌻
8 months
I am constantly late for everything, & am always running everywhere in a sweaty mess. I have no impulse control & I self medicate my emotions (which I’m unable to regulate) with binge eating & binge drinking…
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@mud_and_stars
Jess Strachan🌻
8 months
@helllojojo How did I know what music video this was just from the Hollywood sign 😂
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Jess Strachan🌻
8 months
Officially diagnosed with combined type ADHD (inattentive & hyperactive)! Feeling extremely validated & completely exhausted 😅 also finally had my non clinical autism diagnosis confirmed clinically by a psychiatrist! Goodbye imposter syndrome, I don’t need you any more! 🎉🎉🎉
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Jess Strachan🌻
2 years
I’m grateful the autistic community exists. In the outside world I feel like I’m either too autistic or not autistic enough, & my voice isn’t loud or confident enough to advocate for us. I can never find the right words, & nobody wants to hear them. Here I feel heard & validated.
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Saw a post from Miranda Hart on Facebook about being a Highly Sensitive Person, and there are so many comments saying stuff like “Wow, everything makes sense now, I must be HSP”, and I’m resisting the urge to diagnose everyone with autism but it’s hard, y’know. 😂😂😂
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Since my diagnosis, researching autism is becoming my new special interest & I’m letting myself embrace it. I’ve spent so long telling myself it’s weird/bad to be obsessed with things, but it’s time to be kind to myself & indulge in stuff that makes me happy! ☀️ #ActuallyAutistic
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Every time I see some shitty take on here about “curing” autism, it feels like being punched in the stomach. There are so many people out there who want to get rid of their child’s autism, or who think it would be better if autistic people were never even born. 💔 1/
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
I’ve always felt the need to take long loo breaks or “pop outside for fresh air” during family gatherings. Now I know I’m autistic I feel less guilty about it because I know I’m looking after myself rather than being rude. People are loud, even though you love them dearly! 😂❤️
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
I think one of the most difficult things about the “autistic people lack empathy” narrative is that people assume “lacking empathy” and “not caring” are the same thing. 1/
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Today is World Mental Health day, and I am going to be honest with you, my mental health is trash right now. 🧵⬇️
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
An autistic cycle: -Want others to like me so I burn myself out giving all of myself away. -Have nothing left to give & become depressed blob & difficult to be around. -Recover but fear of becoming that person again & not being liked makes me repeat the above all over again 😭
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Jess Strachan🌻
2 years
Tomorrow is the 1 year anniversary of my autism diagnosis 🎂 I am going to celebrate by eating pizza and not talking to anybody ✌️👌😂
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Jess Strachan🌻
4 months
Why is being obsessed with trains an autism stereotype when trains are autistic hell? They’re hot, dirty, noisy, uncomfortable, filled to the brim with people, and change their plans last minute all the goddamn time 😭😭😭
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
The mental health system in this country is a joke, but one which is seriously unfunny and needs to be rewritten.
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Jess Strachan🌻
1 year
I just got a call from the community mental health team to see how I am. I was in tears telling them I’ve been spending 5 hours a day doing compulsions & I have covid on my birthday & they were like I’m sorry to hear that, try to have a big smile & be grateful it’s your birthday
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
“Aren’t we all on the spectrum?” “But you seem normal” “X person’s Autism is more severe” “Your Autism is the cause of X mental health problem” Mannnn I’m tired and it’s only been a week! Solidarity to people who have been dealing with comments like this their whole lives.
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Jess Strachan🌻
2 years
Happy Autversary to me! 🎂 One year ago today I was late-diagnosed as #ActuallyAutistic and it changed my life! 🎉 Please enjoy a celebratory plushie family portrait! 🥰 (This legit took me 3 hours! 😅) I may be 31 but I still line up my toys! 😂😂😂
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Jess Strachan🌻
2 years
@hi_its_annaleah Omg yes! When different groups of friends meet each other, it’s so anxiety inducing 😂🙈
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
TW: binge eating, ED For the first time in months, I’ve made it through to Friday without eating a takeaway or bingeing! I made salmon, jacket potato & salad for dinner. Really struggling with the emotional void I normally fill with Dominos pizza, but feeling proud of myself. ❤️
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Me: Tells my electric fan to “shut up” & turns it off because it’s being extremely noisy & I’m losing my mind Also me: Apologises to my electric fan in case I’ve hurt its feelings 😭 The fact it took 30 years for anyone to realise I was autistic blows my mind sometimes 🤯😂😂
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Jess Strachan🌻
6 months
I don't currently claim PIP but autism/ADHD & comorbid MH problems (OCD, PMDD) means I have to spend £50 a week on therapy, £30+ a month on meds: anti depressants, supplements & HRT (soon to increase bc I will have to pay privately for ADHD meds), at least £40 a week on takeout
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Not quite there with embracing body positivity yet but I’m doing my best with body neutrality, and I love my new dress so 🥰
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Jess Strachan🌻
11 months
TW: suicidal ideation I wish it was easier to talk about suicidal feelings without scaring/upsetting people and making them think you’re in immediate danger.
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Omg we just got engaged!!!! @Sourin401 ❤️🥰💍🥂🎉💕
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Spent about 5 hours of my day conducting a “plushie census”, & I’m still only about 1/3 of the way through my collection. I’m cataloging name, type of animal, brand, & where I got them, in an excel spreadsheet. Is this… the most autistic thing I’ve ever done? 🤔😂🥰
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Them: autistic people have no empathy Me: literally cries every time I see a stranger’s social media post about their pet passing away 💔 😭😭😭
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Do any other autistic people find it hard to switch off from work? I’m bad at resting, & always check emails on my days off even tho I don’t have to. I think it’s bc I can’t deal with uncertainty - I have to know what’s going on all the time, & feel anxious when I can’t. 🙈
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Jess Strachan🌻
2 years
If you want to be an “equal opportunities employer”, please don’t write “Being adaptable and unflappable is essential” in your job description. Personally, as an autistic person with mental health problems, this makes the job sound inaccessible to me.
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
In order to be well, I need a much gentler life, but I can’t afford to live the gentle life I need, because I wouldn’t make enough money to survive.
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Jess Strachan🌻
7 months
The internet doesn’t forget how you hounded Caroline Flack until she took her own life. YOU have no shame.
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Dan Wootton
7 months
You have no shame. But the internet doesn’t forget. Free Kate from what? Just disgusting and attention seeking, as I warned you last week.
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Jess Strachan🌻
8 months
I don’t know who needs to hear this but feeling suicidal is NOT a choice, & it is NOT selfish to feel a feeling you have no control over/would give anything NOT to feel. I am so grateful to my dad (a Samaritans volunteer) for reminding me of this when I needed to hear it most.
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Jess Strachan🌻
2 years
@hassaan97 Yes and also like it’s kind of happening to you but you don’t have full control of it bc you don’t fully understand it, And you wish you had full control but you don’t xx
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
The good thing about being autistic on Christmas Day is that I own ten of the same comfy black vest top, so when I inevitably spill gravy down one of them, I have nine understudies waiting in the wings 😂
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
I’m so jealous of creatures who hibernate, I would give anything to be able to sleep for several months and not have to deal with my brain and intrusive thoughts and anxiety during that time.
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
I don’t know who needs to hear this tonight, but you are NOT a problem that needs to be fixed. You are not lesser because you are not neurotypical. You do not have to force yourself to become neurotypical. You are wonderful as you are. (I needed to hear this.) ❤️
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Any other autistic ppl find mindfulness exercises like body scans stressful? Like I’m already aware of every discomfort in every part of my body @ all times, & now you want me to intensely focus on each part 1 by 1 & “notice” how uncomfortable it feels? Sure, sounds “relaxing” 🙃
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Jess Strachan🌻
1 year
Several people have told me not to disclose the fact I’m autistic to potential employers in case they discriminate, but as the last (current) job on my CV is facilitating a mental health peer support group for autistic people, I’m not really sure how I can hide it?!
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Jess Strachan🌻
1 year
Does anyone else have music continuously going round and round in their head all day and night? It’s so difficult to sleep sometimes because of it, it’s like an all night disco in my brain and I can’t switch it off.
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
My laptop sticker says it all today.
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Jess Strachan🌻
6 months
@laurenancona This happened to me several times at school, so the paranoia is deeply ingrained!
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Taking an autistic breather from Christmas! Can’t believe a year ago I didn’t know the reason why I’ve always needed these! 😂 Diagnosis makes me feel a lot less guilty for taking time out to recharge. ❤️🐷😴
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Does anyone know where I can buy a mask that reads “stay the fuck away from me, I wish to remain alive, and I have no desire to kill my family members” so I don’t have to verbally communicate with people who believe the pandemic is ending tomorrow? 😷
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
This has been such a weird day. On one hand, I’ve had some great conversations with people in the autistic community and have felt really understood and connected ❤️ on the other hand, my eyes have been opened to how many assholes there are on Twitter who hate people like us 😢
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
How do I explain meltdowns to loved ones who don’t experience them? I’ve been a sobbing, gasping for breath, mess for the past hour and I don’t know how to put it into words they’ll understand 😭 I feel so alone and my head is just full of screaming 😩 #ActuallyAutistic
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Rest in peace, Grandma ❤️ I love you.
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
PSA that the little knitted hats they sometimes have on Innocent Smoothie bottles are the perfect size for Jellycat baby octopuses 🐙❄️🥰
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Autism isn’t an illness, it is literally a part of my make-up, and defines the structure of my brain. If I had different genes, I would be a completely different person, therefore you cannot erase autism without erasing ME. 2/
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Getting the train at school let-out time was a mistake 🙃 kids are so LOUD. How did I ever survive school and not combust from sensory overload?! 🙉
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
@CherryShyGuy Definitely relate to this! And I’m also envious of other people’s energy levels - how they can just do things like socialising without having to decompress and not speak to anyone/do anything for the next few days!
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Jess Strachan🌻
8 months
The tiktokification of ADHD isn’t inherently negative bc it can help ppl who are struggling finally realise why, but it’s shit how it makes NT ppl disbelieve it’s a real diagnosis that severely impacts your life 😭 Like maybe consider that content isn’t 4 you & go about your day?
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
My depression coping mechanism is buying Jellycat octopuses 🐙
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
In case anyone was wondering ho many octopuses I actually own… I know one of them is a jellyfish, shhhh! 😂🐙💕
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Jess Strachan🌻
1 year
I’m so sorry to anyone who has been hurt by a person I considered to be a close friend. I am disgusted by every screenshot I’ve read, ever experience I’ve listened to.
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Jess Strachan🌻
4 months
An unexpected thought just popped into my mind. Not an intrusive one, a nice one. It suddenly occurred to me: I don’t hate life any more. I don’t wake up every morning filled with dread. Six months ago, I wanted to un-alive. Now, I am happy to BE alive. ☀️
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Just sat through an entire Zoom meeting without realising I still had the XL sticker stuck on the boob of my new dress. 😂😂😂
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Why do people feel the need to play annoying videos on their phones OUT LOUD on public transport 😤😤😤
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
I really hate the phrase “it’s JUST a cold” and the internalised capitalism that makes us feel we need to push on and be productive when we feel like crap.
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Jess Strachan🌻
2 years
Piggly Puff’s first bath in 11 years 🛁 I was absolutely terrified to do this, because of my sensory issues - I was scared to change the scent and texture of him - but also because he is v well loved and I was scared he would disintegrate or something 😭
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Jess Strachan🌻
5 months
Yesterday I took my ADHD meds for the first time, and for the first time ever I felt like I was able to see through my mental fog, feel calmer, more present and be less of a glazed zombie. V validating to know it actually helps me, and would do the opposite if I didn’t have ADHD.
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Jess Strachan🌻
2 years
Had a lovely experience @ my wedding hair&makeup trial today, the makeup artist made me feel so at ease, was so friendly, & when I told her I was autistic she checked in with me about sensory stuff throughout the process (without me even asking her to) 🥰❤️ so happy I chose her!
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
However, just because I struggle to do this, it doesn’t mean I don’t CARE. It hurts me if people I love are hurting, and especially if it is me who has unintentionally done something to upset them. 3/
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
The problem is that I can’t always TELL if someone is hurting, because a) I can’t always read facial expressions and b) I take everything at face value and sometimes need things spelled out for me. If you don’t tell me you are upset, I might not realise. 4/
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
And yes, who I am IS someone with a disability. I am not denying the disability part! Instead I am asking: why do you think my life inherently has less value because I am disabled? Believe it or not, it IS possible for autistic people to have happy and filling lives… 5/
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
@AutisticWidower Yes it’s exactly the same for me! I have no idea what it feels like to have energy, or at least I can’t remember what it feels like. Everyone seems to be able to just do stuff, and function, and be present, and I don’t understand how they’re doing it.
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Perspiring autistic on her way to a garden party. Send prayers 😅😂🥵
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Ok I know I just got two other plushies today but then Jellycat dropped their new collection and I simply had to… 😍😍😍🫖
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Jess Strachan🌻
2 years
@hassaan97 Totally agree with you. Before I knew I was autistic and became involved with the autistic community, I wouldn’t have known at all, and could have easily fallen into the trap of thinking something like that was there to genuinely help people.
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
I haven’t been online much this week because it’s been… a week. Made a huge career decision which was very difficult for me to make 😢 but feels like the right thing for my mental health. After January I’m going to be taking a break to give myself a chance to rest and recover.
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Empathy is simply the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, and as an autistic person I DO *sometimes* struggle with this. So, in *some* situations, yes I DO “lack empathy.” 2/
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
OMG I found an octopus costume for Piggly Puff!!! My life is complete 😂😍🐷💕🐙
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
They wanted to help re-decorate the tree, as they felt there weren’t enough octopuses in it. 🐙🎄🐙
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
I don’t “identify” as autistic like it’s a concept I happen to vibe with… I AM autistic. 4/
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Jess Strachan🌻
2 years
I adopted a burger 🍔🥺🥰
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Yes, yes I did transport all 31 of these plushies with me on the train from London to Oxford! 😂 They wanted to spend the Christmas holidays with me! 💕
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Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
I just saw a tweet about someone hating pink when they were a kid and it dawned on me again how weird it is that society decided to assign a gender to a colour.
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@mud_and_stars
Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
This little piggy is 10 years old today!!! 🎉🎂🥳 Through Piggly Puff I’ve gained confidence to travel, made friends all over the world, had fluffy cuddles during my darkest days, & had a big helping hand (trotter?!) in discovering I’m autistic. Happy Birthday Piggly Puff! 🐷💕🥰
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@mud_and_stars
Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
It’s not okay that we only talk about depression and anxiety on mental health awareness days when there are people out there facing so much stigma for conditions that nobody talks about, that people inherently fear and judge. 10/
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@mud_and_stars
Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
And before any of these people claim I’m “pedalling the lie” that “it’s an identity, not a disability”, I just want to point out that saying “autism is who I am” is not the same thing as saying “autism is my identity”… 3/
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@mud_and_stars
Jess Strachan🌻
3 years
Very excited to announce that I am starting a new role with @heartsand_minds in September as Director of Operations, working alongside @beth_1day as part of the leadership team!!! 🎉🎉🎉❤️
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@mud_and_stars
Jess Strachan🌻
2 years
Just dropped an F bomb when I accidentally whacked my hand on the washing machine door, then I looked down and the display suddenly says this. ⬇️ Am I being reprimanded by a household appliance? 😂
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