Kenyans love getting annoyed: Some people are mad at Anita Nderu and some are mad at Fresh Fry. Others are mad at those who are mad at Anita and Fresh Fry. Some are mad at people who aren't mad at Anita and Fresh Fry. Kenyans are struggling to find something that can annoy them😂
Tanzanians have said Kenyans are calling them names over the Zanzibar Warere hotel issue yet we're all squatters on the Kenyattas land and can be evicted any time 😂😂
SURPRISE The man who was Senate Majority Leader when SGR contract was signed has found it and given it to the man who was Budget Committee chair and PIC vice chair when it was signed and he'll give it to the man who was deputy president when it was signed. Kenyans that's historic
Sakaja, Gladys Wanga, Natembeya and Wavinya Ndeti are each asking for between Sh17 million and Sh22 million for their swearing-in ceremonies -- and Waiguru has asked for Sh250,000, according to the Controller of Budget. (Star)
You're angry because Diamond, a Tanzanian, performed at RAO event. Do you remember how angry you were when Trio Mio, a Kenyan, performed at a RAO event at the same Kasarani?
A Boeing plane with 32 Kenyans crashed in Ethiopia. Families of victims wanted compensation but couldn't get death certificates. They asked GoK to help. Senate took up the case. Senators went to Boeing HQs in US for many days, spent millions of Ksh -- and came back with nothing😲
NRG Radio did a stupid thing but they don't deserve all that English. Just tell them toeni hiyo jina kubwa ya Kipchoge kwa hiyo radio ndogo ama nitawapeleka mbio kotini. Do they even have the mental capacity to understand the letter or the quantum of their egregious behaviour?😂
There's need to stop having male baby lawyers in TV studios all day everyday to give expert opinion on all issues from climate change, media to weather patterns yet Kenya has real experts in such fields. Viewers are tired of hearing 'the law is clear' even when topic is rainfall.
Damn! Okiya Omtatah single-handely lobbied GoK to build a 22-kilometre tarmac road through his village -- that's before he joined politics, and construction is ongoing.
Good thing with Dr Ndii is that fuel can be Sh2000 a litre but he'll use stats from/studies by CBK, Treasury, Bureau of Statistics, French Revolution, Han Dynasty and Oxfordian Theory to explain to Kenyans that Sh2000 per litre is cheaper than Sh179 -- and we'll agree with him😆
Miguna comes across as that person who must have enemies. He has to be fighting somebody, but has no cause. When no one is stepping on his toes, he looks for people to antagonize so his life can be complete. What kind of disorder is that?
Train to Kisumu is slow but some of us whining the most are Githurai-born and bred non-Nyanza/Western chaps who go to Kisumu once in 10 years when agencies buy us air tickets. We don't know how low income families suffer when seeking PSVs to the village during festive seasons
I have time, so, 🧵
---------------------
RAO: I'll build more roads.
HNIB: RAO will do away with footpaths
#MyFootpathsChallenge
@LeonLidigu
: My aunt took all her children to university through footpaths, if there were only roads, her children would not have been educated.
RAO and Kalonzo have gone to DRC. DP Ruto said to be going out of the country on short notice. President Kenyatta is in Mogadishu. Who's running the country? Political analysts, break it down... 😂
Since Kibaki is the SI unit... He inherited a battered economy 10 years after he left GoK but his chaps got down to work bila stories za jaba of 93 bob. Shamba Ranks sijui Kenchic 1 was part of Jubilee mess but Kazi ni Kazi wants to numb Kenyans with excuses and victim mentality
Kenya's Toyota owners have too much faith. They can buy a 4th hand 15-year old Toyota (probably from a salvage yard, which I gather has its challenges nowadays) at Sh400K, drive it for another 12 years, then put it up for sale at Sh1.2M -- and some Toyota lover will want it🤔
Meanwhile in Siaya (Ugunja) a cop, Kipchumba, was beaten up by his girlfriend, Awino, in his house. A fellow cop, Mugo, came to his resuce and Awino beat him up too. Both cops had to be rushed to hospital. The girlfriend is a 19-year old Form Three student.
Fellow Kenyans, being old is bad 😡Been taking some soft gel capsules which are hyped as the best memory boosters on Earth -- went to replenish stock jana but couldn't remember what they're called😆😆
Kenyans always defend people from their tribes, but Nick Mwendwa of FKF and Health CS Nakhumicha seem to be so incompetent that even people from their tribes have given up on them. 😱
Larry said on CNN even his 96-year-old granny had not been vaccinated against Covid-19. Siaya government looked for her and vaccinated her. They also made a video and posted on YouTube. Some people will watch it and get annoyed...🤣
Also, if Omosh were an Omondi in real life, young Luo men and Luos in general could have been dragged through the mud of capacious lifestyle, plethoric philandering and capricious spending to explain his beggarly status...
The "billionaire" from Kakamega sues Kenya's mainstream media houses and gets court orders to have stories about him pulled down. Then he bribes easily impressed YouTubers and influencers with cheap gifts to praise him but now some influencers are saying he bribes journalists.
Two Kilimani guys faked the death of a Briton and forged papers to grab his property. They evicted his workers when he was in UK attending to his sick wife. He returned and sued but the grabbers say he died in 2006 -- and the man who's sued them and appeared in court is a ghost😆
Those of us Kenyans who want to bring an end to dynasties are now boiling Brookside milk using gas from a cylinder fabricated by Spectre International 🤣🤣
Tharaka-Nithi Senator Professor Kithure Kindiki wanted to force his firm's employee to go on unpaid maternity leave. She declined. She was fired. She sued. She won -- and was awarded Sh 2.2 million by Justice Matthews Nduma on Thursday ...
Her name is Mary Orie Rogo Manduli, and she joined forces with Sylvia Omino to compete in the 1972 East African Safari Rally, a traditional male preserve.
They were not the first women to compete in the rally, but they did form the first all-African women's team.
Chinese contractors can import sand, spades, wheelbarrows since your bottom up trickle down MPs have rejected a Bill that sought to compel foreign contractors to source all products and services locally. MPs said all Kenyan products, including their brains, are of low quality
Kenyans, your beloved KRA has set a new record: it collected Sh1.01 trillion in taxes in seven months from July 2021 to January 2022. In January when you all said you were very broke, it collected Sh143B. But for every Sh100 it collected, Sh51 was used to repay debts...😲
Pseudo-political analysts take a seat: Ugenya people didn't vote for Ruto or against Raila or ODM or Orengo. They voted for David Ochieng 'coz of his development record. Ruto, ODM, Raila or Orengo didn't convince them. David Ochieng's record was enough. Give credit where it's due
During Moi Era, people had to pay 'road licence' for bicycles. There was also road licence for vehicles, which I want to think is coming back as Motor Vehicle Tax. For Ndii, a Nyayo Era activist and his team, it's fast forward to the past - proposing stuff they fought against.🤔
Employed or not, Kenyan graduates will still pay penalty of Sh5000 monthly for defaulting on HELB loans a year after graduating. Your bottom up trickle down MPs rejected changes to HELB Act that sought to lower HELB interest to 3% from 4% and increase grace period to 5 years.
You come from regions whose elected leaders abandon voters and go to live in Nairobi; an area to which every Kenyan president has flagged relief food, yet you scream daily that Luos must be liberated. People, liberate your communities from perennial hunger. Food is a basic need.
KEMSA told its 900 employees to work from home for 30 days. Now, they've been locked out of the office ICT system and can't even access office email. The people told to work from home included cleaners and tea servers... 😆😆
There's a Tanzanian who's so befuddled that Kenyans can just go to IEBC portal and download election results like people do with movies. He reckons freedom in Kenya imezidi... 😊
#kenyaelections2022
Ndii's ever helpful. A chap goes, daktari our area's dry and he goes: Yes, we'll increase cloud cover to 100 Oktas, lower sunshine to 70W/m2, cause rain of 3 meters, make soil moisture 1 bar so the water can flow to Turkana aquifer and it'll rain on mama mbogas in your area😆
SURPRISE: The man who was Senate Majority Leader when SGR contract was signed has found it and given it to the man who was Budget Committee chair and PIC vice chair when it was signed and he'll give it to the man who was deputy president when it was signed --and that's historic🤔
As promised I have released the SGR agreements to the people of Kenya. I have given a copy to the Majority Leaders
@KIMANIICHUNGWAH
and
@Aaroncheruiyot
for them to table in the respective Houses of Parliament. I have also shared a copy with the media.
Kikuyu Council of Elders chair has said women discuss ideas of killing husbands in chama meetings, and that many women have been killing their husbands slowly by serving them porridge which has steel wool and sand. 😲
Do you Kenyans check your receipts before leaving the supermarket?Four times, the French sijui UAE supermarket has charged me for an extra item not packed in my shopping bag. Like I pick 4 packets of milk, they bill 5. Same branch. I've caught them all times and they refunded
Some chap in Kisumu has told
@KTNNewsKE
reporter that Kondele is nowadays so peaceful that it should be called a "cold spot" -- as opposed to hotspot..😆
As was promised within 100 days, petrol prices have been reduced to Sh100 per litre from Sh179 to Sh178. Diesel is now almost free after prices came down by a whopping Sh2 per litre to Sh163...😊
Y'all have been busy looking at Bomas and miscounting forms 34A that you didn't realize courts ordered Kenyatta University to surrender that land you cried over some weeks back..😲
We are crying for Kenya Airways but the CEO himself seems to have been on that chartered plane too -- saw his name on dinner list released by White House and highly doubt he flew Kenya Airways and joined the delegation later...🤔
The wide Nakuru-Naivasha-Nairobi highway will this evening have thousands of narrow minds. They'll drive on wrong lanes, cause gridlocks and spend the night on the road-- then blame other people, like the police, for not forcing them to think 😨
Also, if you are in Langata, or any residential area near Nairobi National Park, and you meet a lion or any other wild animal, don't say you saw a stray lion -- you are the one straying ...
Kenya's Deputy President William Ruto has said Raila Odinga, who doesn't hold any constitutional office has blocked him from campaigning in Nyanza. Even sympathy-seeking has limits yawa!
Oparanya Care initiative gave each pregnant woman Sh2000 for every visit to MCH clinic. Sh100M was set aside for that. Kakamega men saw this as an income and pregnancies increased -- and initiative gobbled up Sh300M. County govt now wants to limit number of kids one can have😆
From 2013, the 45 Meru MCAs and Speaker enrolled for first degrees, Masters and PhD. By April 2022, Meru had highest number of MCAs with PhDs and Dr Speaker said academic papers determine performance. In August, all Dr MCAs defended their seats. Surprisingly, none was reelected😲
Kenya's national rugby teams are the most loved and protected. The media will just report that "the boys didn't go down without putting up a fight in their 85-O loss to Portugal." 🏉
Has any Kenyan -- scholar, economist, lawyer, political analyst... ever explained why Uhuru Kenyatta and William Ruto didn't deliver the stadia and laptops for school kids, the two things that they created so much buzz about?
Charles Njonjo was here for three weeks short of 102 years drinking his beer and swimming, and running a funeral home, hotels, insurance companies, banks yet these so-called brave men couldn't point out his atrocities -- now he's dead and cremated, their fake fangs are out 😆😆
Who also thinks Chebukati's IEBC misprinting Mombasa and Kakamega governor ballots to cause a postponement of voting was a carefully planned deliberate mistake? Understandably, Mombasa is high stakes seat, but how does Kakamega fit in this conspiracy theory?🤔
My pal, an unmarried dad of a
#CBC
girl, told me some Nairobi
#CBC
parents don't see their babies' homework as they've designated cyber cafe chaps to do them. Some even have scare crows and such ready-made. Kids drop assignments to collect later and parents are sent the bill...😲
Seen a photo of a bishop carrying a brown envelope after visiting Church House, formerly known as State House -- that crime you accuse Kenyan journalists of but you got no photographic evidence 😂😂
So, when government gives Nick our money for the national team, it is okay, but when the government asks Nick to explain how it spent our money that he was given for the national team, Nick wails about government interference...😲
Landlords beware: Kicking out tenants or taking their property over rent arrears will land you in jail, if Amos Kimunya's Landlord and Tenant Bill, 2021, passes and is signed into law. Details in
@StandardKenya
tomorrow
Your favourite Chiloba has now clarified that you don't need to re-register your SIM Card or register it afresh. Again, Kenya needs more communication experts and no political analysts -- and communication is even in this agency's name...🤔
A Mombasa woman charged with the murder of her Dutch husband was found to be legally married to the husband's brother too. She has kids with both and they are prosecution witnesses...
Some young Luo men drugged fellow passengers in a bus from Kisumu. Driver got suspicious and drove to Kabete Police Station. The suspects were identified -- to destroy evidence, they swallowed the remaining drugs and started falling asleep while being booked, says
@DCI_Kenya
🤣
Black tax or whatever you call it when retired or working parents demand money from their working kids, I can't relate: My retired dad, who was living in the village, once offered to buy a car for one of my working siblings whose bag was snatched at a matatu stage...
Multimedia University was admitting freshers till yesterday, and today at 4pm, it closes and students in hostels must leave by 8pm. Some are from faraway towns. There's a curfew, no night buses. Like all Kenyan universities, it's managed by Kenyan scholars, not political analysts
I know of atleast one mainstream media house that was given the Njeri-hitmen story on January 4 and killed it because her narrative to their reporter did not make sense.
Kenya has 50 cents and Sh1 coins worth Sh950.5M in circulation. Between June 2018 and June 2021, CBK released Sh80M in Sh1 coins. Only a few traders want coins and banks charge upto Sh100 coin handling fee when you deposit coins worth Sh1000. Details in tomorrow's
@StandardKenya
National Lands Commission wants to lease Yala Swamp to an investor. Siaya governor doesn't like it and IT CS Owalo, the so-called government pointman in Luoland joins him. In Luoland even when you're in government, you still must oppose the government. It's in the Constitution 😆
So, banks got reputations and it's not right to call them out because they might fall. If they're defrauding you or giving poor service, just lose your money and suffer silently. Kenyan intellectuals, we like you a lot, but at times your utterances are devoid of intellectualism😱
In November 2021, Murkomenn said Uhuru had demolished pavilion in Uhuru Park and given the land to a Saudi Arabia firm to build a hotel. You believed him and got angry and wrote think pieces. Have you people seen the hotel now -- and how many half truths did you get annoyed over?
When you love someone, set her free. When she comes back, let her join the other 73 ladies you are dating -- Rule Number 2, in the Handbook of young Luo men😂😂
Antony Ng'ang'a, owner of firms implicated in Sh357 million graft scandal at Nairobi County government, is the new chair of
@KRACorporate
@KRACare
.
In July, courts dismissed their appeal to have their bank accounts with Sh227M unfrozen.
He chaired Kazi ni Kazi elections board
Kenyans want merit-based appointments but when a doctor with PhD in psychiatry/mental health (MBChB, MMed Psych, PhD) is appointed chair of a hospital that handles mental health issues you start casting aspersions on his suitability for the post because you don't like his dad?😱
Kenya's social media influencers got paid by far-right wing groups to spread disinformation and derail debate on crucial reproduction health-related bills that were in Parliament. They labelled one of the bills Abortion Bill... and were paid between Sh1000 and Sh1500 each 😲
Do Kenyan university students still have ethnic associations? Many years ago, there used to be a very prominent one called KEBAGO -- Kisii Educated Boys And Girls Organisation. Kebago is Kisii language means thug. 🤣🤣🤣