leo @leonardcowalski Twitter profile

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

All white people are in the illuminati and this is their secret sign that they give to other members

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Last Seen Profiles

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leo

@leonardcowalski

6 years

I think about this man every day

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@leonardcowalski

6 years

Yeah sex is cool but have you ever spent an hour looking for a song that you only remember one lyric from and then finally finding it

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@leonardcowalski

4 years

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leo

@leonardcowalski

6 years

What ur birthday says about u: Jan: born in January Feb: born in February Mar: born in March Apr: born in April May: born in May June: born in June July: ur a fucking idiot Aug: born in August Sep: born in September Oct: born in October Nov: born in November Dec: born in December

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

Everyone who works in customer service should legally be allowed to fight one customer a year.

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leo

@leonardcowalski

6 years

You're telling me a Veggie wrote this Tale

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

Is this a question or a statement

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leo

@leonardcowalski

1 month

Karun

@karunpal

1 month

Introverts hate small talk. They wanna dive deep. Share your lessons. Your purpose. Your secrets. The stories of your spiritual journey. Discuss psychology, philosophy, and meaning of life. The talk that connects the mind and nourishes the heart. Soul talk. That's what they want.

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leo

@leonardcowalski

6 years

Hey quick question what the fuck

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leo

@leonardcowalski

6 years

Stealing from small businesses: -don't do this -huge dick move -makes God sad Stealing from big businesses: -probably fine -basically a political statement -God has no strong opinions about this

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

Being 23 is a cool age. It feels a lot like 21 but with 2 additional years of failure stapled to your forehead

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leo

@leonardcowalski

6 years

They already did this and it's called Phoenix Arizona

"Wabe"

@dril

11 years

me and a bunch of stupid assholes are going to start a community in the middle of the desert to either die or prove a very important point

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leo

@leonardcowalski

6 years

Upper middle class white people are the worst but they got the best fridge/pantry situation by far

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leo

@leonardcowalski

7 years

BRO WHAT IS HAPPENING RN

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

Oh my God is that Tony Hawk

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leo

@leonardcowalski

6 years

When u text android users "😁" this is what they get

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

Mfs tweet "they praying on my downfall" bro you work at dominos your manager is praying you show up to your next shift sober

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

Stop asking me if I'm OK. Do I tweet like a person who is ok

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@leonardcowalski

10 months

this will always be my favorite tweet of mine because so many people did this I was able to pay my rent that month 😭

leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

Venmo me $5 and I'll comment "weird looking" on one of your exes selfies

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leo

@leonardcowalski

6 years

My parents were poor, Barbara

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leo

@leonardcowalski

6 years

Difference between texting a boy and a man

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

If you died and became a ghost haunting a graveyard you'd save ~$800 a month in rent. That's over 600k a year. Being broke is a mindset and there's no excuse for it

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

Venmo me $5 and I'll comment "weird looking" on one of your exes selfies

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leo

@leonardcowalski

6 years

Fake deep people love to say they want to talk about science shit like atoms. What kind of conversation are you gonna have about atoms, dumbass "wow atoms are really tiny." fuck you

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

Can someone venmo me $500 so I can fuck Ted Cruz

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

Do y'all consider this a date

srirwacha

@sarahnicoleryer

5 years

sco pa tu cum?

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leo

@leonardcowalski

4 years

Your rap name is “lil” + the last reason you were in the hospital

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

A 3 year old speaking complete gibberish To me Me

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

God I love this so much

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leo

@leonardcowalski

6 years

My therapist: PS1 Ron Weasley isn't real and can't hurt you PS1 Ron Weasley:

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leo

@leonardcowalski

4 months

I can't believe ricky pee pee hasn't been mentioned yet

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leo

@leonardcowalski

7 years

Is this that new Logan Paul video

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leo

@leonardcowalski

4 years

God I can't wait to have this

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

If you're funny and attractive as an adult it either means you were ugly in middle school or you need therapy

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leo

@leonardcowalski

6 years

I am a: ⚪️: man ⚪️:woman 🔘: dumbass Looking for: ⚪️: men ⚪️: women 🔘: my fucking keys

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leo

@leonardcowalski

3 years

Is this a warning or a threat

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leo

@leonardcowalski

7 years

Trying to make small talk at parties

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leo

@leonardcowalski

4 years

The IRS when billionaires commit tax fraud

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

If you cum with your eyes closed you cannot get a girl pregnant because the sperm will not know where to go.

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leo

@leonardcowalski

9 months

tell a girl you've never seen the twilight movies. if she doesn't demand that you watch them together she doesn't care if you live or die

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

Me: alright that'll be 16.58 Customer: yeah I just never really knew my dad before he died, I should have made more of an effort to connect with him Me: right on, right on. Anyways your total is 16.58

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leo

@leonardcowalski

6 years

I like to eat at Olive Garden by myself and when the hostess says "dining alone tonight?" I say "No because when you're here you're family Ha Ha Ha" never gets a laugh but that's showbiz baby

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leo

@leonardcowalski

3 years

I fixed his sign for him

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leo

@leonardcowalski

6 years

Pete Davidson looks like he talks like a cartoon turtle but then he opens his mouth and actually talks exactly like a cartoon fox

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leo

@leonardcowalski

4 years

"ok now marry a 90 year old man with dementia"

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

If I had a gf I'd let her wear a double poncho with me on my moped

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leo

@leonardcowalski

6 years

If you hard, then you hard

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

A girl dmed me last night and asked if I would trade my iPhone for her Android if she had sex with me. I'm absolutely disgusted at the way some of these young ladies are conducting themselves these days!!

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leo

@leonardcowalski

7 years

Tony Hawk isn't even a real bird

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leo

@leonardcowalski

7 years

How early on the first date are you supposed to bring up the assassination of JFK

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@leonardcowalski

5 years

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leo

@leonardcowalski

6 years

Who decided to call it "letting a guy cum inside you" and not "get a load of this guy"

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@leonardcowalski

6 years

Me when I go to a party expecting there to be snacks and board games and instead there's only devil's music and alcohol

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@leonardcowalski

3 years

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leo

@leonardcowalski

6 years

Biscuit is Trapped in a Time Paradox, Please Help

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leo

@leonardcowalski

6 years

Bruh I got a check for $300 from target that was my final paycheck from 4 fucking years ago that I forgot to collect bro I'm swimming in cheddar right now y'all peasants can't breathe the same air as me anymore

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leo

@leonardcowalski

6 years

I got 45 minutes into A Quiet Place before someone told me it's supposed to have all the sign language subtitled. I have no idea what's fuckin happening in this movie now

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leo

@leonardcowalski

8 years

Dutch Bros employees in the morning

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@leonardcowalski

6 years

Dudes are 20 fucking with 16 year olds? And saying they didn't know she was 16? Have you ever spoken to a fucking 16 year old?

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@leonardcowalski

7 years

I love checking behind the shower curtain when I go to the bathroom at night as if I'm mentally prepared to deal with a guy standing there

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@leonardcowalski

5 years

God I fucking love this show

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@leonardcowalski

6 years

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

Oh no

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leo

@leonardcowalski

6 years

Android user: IPhone 5s user: Haha what's up idiot does your stupid little phone even take pictures haha hold up lemme plug my phone in it just died at 45% anyways listen up you fucking poor dumbass buy a real phone like mine

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

This vegan shit is easy

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

Drunk showers: -confusing -a mess -feel like you're in a fistfight with Poseidon High showers: -incredible -relaxing -feel like you're attending a yoga class with a water spirit

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

My followers when I tweet vs when I retweet

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

Therapist: And what do we do when we feel like this? Me: smoke weed and tweet [therapist sprays me with a squirt bottle] Therapist: No

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

Am I having a stroke

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@leonardcowalski

6 years

Wow I love Black Mirror

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@leonardcowalski

6 years

Imagine if NASA fucked up as much as cops did. Like every other week you hear "NASA shoots man into space, lead NASA expert says 'that's a whoopsie'"

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

Just tried out car sex for the first time. Didn't really get the appeal. Probably just gonna have sex with a person next time

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@leonardcowalski

7 years

Oh great, another job I'm unqualified for

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@leonardcowalski

5 years

Hey guys you'll never believe this but I actually made a situation worse for myself as a direct result of my actions

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leo

@leonardcowalski

4 years

From now on you may only refer to me as lil stomach ulcer

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

Choose your fighter

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@leonardcowalski

5 years

I fucking love this photo

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@leonardcowalski

5 years

Me at age 12 downloading viruses onto the family computer because I want free games

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@leonardcowalski

4 years

Prince Phillip at 99 / Blink at 182

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@leonardcowalski

6 years

To all the people saying "omfg this is so true" I picked a month at random welcome to statistics

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@leonardcowalski

6 years

Santa: -doesn't deliver presents to poor kids -literally eats all your cookies -no official stance on cancer (possibly pro cancer) The Grinch: -Saved Christmas -6'5 -Hates cancer

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leo

@leonardcowalski

5 years

Choose your fighter

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@leonardcowalski

5 years

Do y'all consider this a date

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@leonardcowalski

11 months

@on_da_spectrum "honey, grab me my kettle bells and my baby oil. I need to make a Thanksgiving tweet about how normal I am"

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@leonardcowalski

6 years

Fireworks? Uh yeah, I sure hope it does!

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@leonardcowalski

5 years

Fuck marry kill isn't a game its a sequence of events

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@leonardcowalski

6 years

Will Smith is such a versatile actor

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@leonardcowalski

5 years

Put ur titties away I'm trying to show you my katana

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@leonardcowalski

6 years

God knew I'd be too powerful if I was both funny and attractive so he made me neither

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@leonardcowalski

5 years

This could be us

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@leonardcowalski

6 years

.........um........ do trees....... like....... know that they........... are super fucking important to our oxygen cycle.......... or......... are they too fucking........... a tree............ to........ realize it...........???????????

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@leonardcowalski

7 years

*hulk hogan voice* I think I saw you in my sleep, BROTHER

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@leonardcowalski