David, Post-Cartilage @kidhaggard Twitter profile

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

The Bengals play demonstrably better when I point a knife at the tv

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

The virgin Logan Paul vs the chad George Clooney who had a massive pet pig for its entire 18 year life (and on multiple occasions dumped girlfriends when given a “it’s me or the pig” ultimatum).

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

8 months

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

👑

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@_fohsarah My school wanted to put me in the gifted program - my parents, each year they were asked, correctly told them "David isn't gifted, he just loves to read."

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

1 year

@bocxtop Did you enjoy your wet ass bday at least

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@HannaBarberaCap “Let’s give everyone what they want! A Scooby Doo show without the funny talking dog that smokes weed!”

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@xoxogossipgita It's not lore but I could never get my head around the fact that they can't really decide if wizards are completely segregated from the rest of the world or are hidden among them. Like they live in london brownstones but have zero clue what cars are? What?

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@Adequate_Scott @AliceAvizandum *bleeding to death after losing an arm in a horrible workplace accident* “Okay well you still have that other arm. Some people don’t have any arms at all! And this WORKPLACE accident only occurred because you’re gainfully employed! Many aren’t!”

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

8 months

@ecto_fun @OCelsoRyan Cena is good and is definitely challenging himself with the roles he takes, unlike say the Rock, but he's also kinda held back by his physicality. Dave Batista could concievably do anything imo

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

3 years

@RaxKingIsDead I turned it off at the part where April is given the job of running the entire animal shelter, a job that requires a deep knowledge of money, running a company, staffing, and politics, because she “loves dogs.”

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

3 years

@bread157 @BKWelles unfortunately, the batshit belief that being a talented director should excuse him of what he did seems to cross all party lines

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@NathanTankus I can easily picture Mel Brooks saying this verbatim while doing panel on Conan and killing

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@vander_iam From his review of Black Dynamite

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

3 years

@horse_feedbag I just wanna pick him up

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

4 years

@jasonschreier that bonus system was manipulative and shitty as hell. wow

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

3 years

@Jess_D_Ripper There’s a story I read about Daniel Day Lewis desperately wanting to talk to Jared Harris about Mad Men but not knowing how to do so without breaking character

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

4 years

I know it’s weird but Mario and his girlfriend in this dumb movie have the electric chemistry of two people who fuck like wild horses

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@BeeBabs I think that despite the enormous success of everyone in that room, Jerry is the only one secure enough with himself and his career to think "I don't have to impress anyone here."

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@dionnewarwick Coat and shoes

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

4 years

@arb @AOC Yes. There is nothing bleaker on this website then seeing a sitting member of the legislature say “wow someone should really do something about this”

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

4 years

@shreyabasu003 at the mall food court of all places

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

4 years

@mayaisfiya I think that you should be ashamed for posting this graphic where people can see it.

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@punished_cait we got Loaf a little sister and it made his life

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@NifMuhammad Also, as an Ohioan who did not vote republicans…it was the democrats who shut down the rail strike 😬

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

3 years

@probablyalissa He is like 47 and the way he talks about dating I have zero doubt he isn’t trying to exclusively date women <25.

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

3 years

@RaxKingIsDead Also the entire bit of “dontcha just wanna fuck joe biden’s brains out”

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

3 years

@IGN DC published this ridiculous book and then says that...

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

3 years

@cal_gif I think what happened is that being the one who does the dumping was his real fantasy the entire time

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@AnnamLaughs TV and movie producers would watch him completely destroy at standup but dismissed the idea of giving him work because they didn’t know what to do with him. Keenan Ivory Wayans saw him and basically said “be on my show and do whatever the fuck you want” and the rest is history

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@_fohsarah They, much later, told me the school gave me an IQ test and it was apparently fairly above average - luckily my parents don’t believe in any of that and correctly deduced that I would give up any task I was given if I wasn’t immediately great at it (hello ADHD).

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

3 years

whoever drew JD Vance forgot the ears

JD Vance

@JDVance

3 years

Here is my message to Ben Sasse and other establishment Republicans who seem to care more about bringing 30,000 unvetted Afghan refugees into our country than getting our own people out safely.

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

4 years

@californiadem20 @elenajaffe Shaun King blocked me because I asked him why he always platforms anti-semites

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@becomingcry Not unlike how everyone remembers “I feel sorry for you” “I don’t think about you at all” as if it’s this major burn, forgetting that seconds later Don’s feelings are clearly hurt

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@shoe0nhead @daterightstuff these responses don’t sound rehearsed at all!

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

1 year

@spacetwinks @CaseyExplosion for someone to be that into conspiracy theories but not let that turn him into a paranoid anti-semite or any sort of bigot is a herculean feat. Good for him.

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

1 year

@still_oppressed I once followed a shoplifter outside to take a photo of his license plate (long time ago, wouldn’t even do that now) because it was company policy to do so. I got told not to do it again because the time I spent off the floor filling out paperwork actually lost them money

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

4 years

@localfratrat It’s impressive how non-surgical it looks. It’s neat.

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

4 years

@UninterestingE @pdyerj @venmo4feet @MrBrewerr I live in Cincinnati and you all are embarrassing the shit out of me. And fuck Hyde Park

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@LouisPeitzman Notice how she had no one to help her make this

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@dklmarxist There was an episode of the Adam West Batman where he all but turns to the camera and says “why do you hate these people? They aren’t even doing anything!” and it was seen as a huge statement at the time

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@Chad_Concelmo Maaaaybe wait for Zero Mission to play that first one

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@Hideki_Naganuma Hideki you must father many children

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

4 years

@MarciaBelsky Once this girl at a bar asked me what I thought of this one awful local band. I shit on them pretty hard. It turned out she was dating one of them and she called me over and pointed me out

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

7 months

@NILES100 Forrest Gump is a movie where literally everything happens

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

3 years

@staticbluebat Why does he always make this face

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

7 months

@NivElis @LibyaLiberty Niv, Jew here. She’s not taking about Jews. She’s talking about the Israeli government.

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@dash_eats are you allowed to make eye contact with Brian Cox on set

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

4 years

@ldrinkh20 Bruce Campbell could have been Sully, the dude is just there. We could have had him.

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@punished_cait A friend of mine was telling me about his family tries to do Christmas the same way as when we were kids (very specific family traditions) and it never goes completely perfectly and always ends in conflict and I realized that always having specific expectations for things -

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

3 years

@notreallyjcm @carterforva He did. The executives just ignored him

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

him the next day

Oct 15th ♎️

@t_sadiity

2 years

I invited him to the crib, cooked for him gave him the sloppiest neck you can manifest in your mind, let him fold me like a origami bird, called him a Uber, then blocked him and never spoke to him again. I really beat him to the punch. We are learning the game too fast 🤣

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@BrndnStrssng Like when my basketball team would lose and the point guard would say “you all lost, I was the high scorer between both teams!”

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@ComradTwitty @VinnieMancuso1 Jupe thought he was special because the chimp reached out to him in friendship before being shot. He thought he could tame the UFO, but no. Juxtaposed against the protagonists, who make it very clear that their horses aren’t pets and should be respected

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@kidhaggard

3 years

I like ours better

Cincinnati Police Department

@CincyPD

3 years

Officer Todd and Big Ben share a moment at the Bengals , Steelers game on Sunday. ( your Cincinnati Bengals destroyed the Steelers ) FYI Big Ben is a huge supporter of law enforcement . Thanks to Big Ben

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

3 years

@cal_gif I keep getting texted videos from them that are like "here's why abuterol is good." Yeah I know, that's why I take it.

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@bobbyteriyaki

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@kidhaggard

4 years

@McBiggitty You should probably delete Marvel's Avengers

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@PedroKiske @RandLuttenberg @timmarchman @bigblackjacobin I think the show was much, much closer to how the books were going to end than he’d like to admit and started Winds of Winter over from scratch

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

Why is this a setting on my weather app

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

7 months

@bubbasawyer00 @Aaron_____Davis @Boogie2988 …you do know that the Negro Leagues were real, right? If you bought the game, you surely know a single fact about baseball, yes?

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@jasonschreier @TubaZef What also comes to mind is how many companies purposefully employ people who will let themselves be worked to death. A good manager tells his employees to go home, even if they get annoyed by it.

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@scumbelievable I would bet a thousand dollars that “equity” them equals “you need to pay more rent than us”

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@_fohsarah I excelled at language arts, social studies and history, was fine enough at science, and abysmal at math. There’s no real way to measure intelligence imo, but I know for sure that I would not have lasted long in that program.

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@PotCzach remember when they banned Joe Camel because it was widely agreed upon that anthropomorphic animals looked way too cool smoking cigarettes

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

11 years

Gum chewing is kind of rude but I dont think it deserves living the rest of your life as a blueberry

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

4 years

@hunktears Are unintelligent people not allowed to bone?

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@DannyVegito This books is full of such tales

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

5 years

I love my job as a 911 Operator where if a call comes from a conservative neighborhood I just let it ring forever

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

1 year

@DoctorJonPaul @DreaMissLady Poor guy next to her was looking for an escape route

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

1 year

𝖦𝗋𝗂𝗆𝖾𝗌 ⏳

@Grimezsz

1 year

Changed my body from the way God made it, It reflects my altered mind.

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@kidhaggard

1 year

Someone please hack the sphere and make it Karl Pilkington’s head

Las Vegas Locally 🌴

@LasVegasLocally

1 year

Good morning

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@kidhaggard

2 years

@punished_cait - will inevitably lead to disappointment. That doesn’t mean a go with the flow attitude is ALWAYS best, but you gotta be flexible! It’s just hair! Nobody in the crowd would care, and neither should the people getting married!

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

7 months

@heartimecia I think working as hard as they did making arguably one of the most ambitious games ever only to have to pass a large percentage on to the IP holder is probably enough to make them realize they can make something just as good (if not better) from their own ideas. Good for them

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

3 years

@cal_gif congrats to him for finally being the jerk in the relationship, really took some initiative.

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

9 months

@JasonKPargin I love Reacher and I think every show should be about a person or object that is abnormally large

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

9 months

@jennnnarose @TheJawnOfTime I have that body and my gf likes it very much! It helps that I’m not a fucking loser who whines on the internet

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

3 years

@1000TOASTERS @RaxKingIsDead I think the show runners thought it was cool as hell to kiss and hug joe biden

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@scumbelievable “Moby Dick isn’t good, people only pretend to like it because a white man wrote it. What they really should be teaching in high school literature just happens to be MY book; it’s about a vampire at a school for mummies. She’s bi but dates a male mummy. They do NOT kiss.”

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

4 years

Marshawn Lynch is hands down one of my favorite athletes ever

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@ebertchicago The man loved tity like a flower loves the sun. RIP king

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

3 years

@scumbelievable lmao her kid is getting a very basic man v man / man v nature / man v self lesson and she’s losing it. I blame Parks and Rec.

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

1 year

@superloafcat

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@goblinpunk9 @SpookeyStoner @thoughthaver @polishXcellence More often than not, when I hear about someone having a “porn addiction” it’s usually just the woman catching him cheating or spending their life savings talking to cam girls. A convenient scapegoat so they can pretend nobody was actually betrayed

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

1 year

@merrittk Kissinger will die older than god and filthy rich, having completely won at life and without a shred of remorse for his horrible deeds and everyone on here will be like “HAHAHA GOT HIM!”

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@RaxKingIsDead The only Muppet performance that stands alongside it is in Great Muppet Caper when Charles Grodin makes you truly believe in his undying lust for Miss Piggy

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

Nathan Fielder is an executive producer of How To with John Wilson, maybe the most human television series I’ve ever seen. And he also made Nathan For You and The Rehearsal, two shows that could only be made by a sociopath. I do not understand him.

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

3 years

@samthielman @Mobute the horse isn't trying to comfort anyone, it just enjoys watching people die

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

1 year

@scumbelievable I remember reading Huck Finn in high school and thinking “there’s no way people were actually stupid enough to think Mark Twain was racist” and boy howdy was I wrong

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

1 year

@Snailsfall I appreciate that he is someone who takes his work extremely seriously and probably quotes Stanislavski an irritating amount but also will text you a pic of a giant poop he took at two in the morning. Layers

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@PunishedLobster IT Chapter 2 is not the worst movie I’ve ever seen but it’s hands down the most astounded I’ve ever been at how bad a movie is

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

1 year

@D4hz4hn @fangirlJeanne Some people don’t like to acknowledge all of the aspects of immigration and Judaism baked into the character. It’s not Superman without those aspects.

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

10 months

when you meet the love of your life and her tits get bigger as she ages gracefully

Rx Redpill

@RxRedpill

10 months

Your daily reminder to avoid marriage.

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@kidhaggard

1 year

@spherection

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@kidhaggard

1 year

@pelicinema Old Hob sends his warmest regards

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@kidhaggard

3 years

@Thatoneguy64 People hate World’s End because if (correctly) is saying “hey we know that this trilogy is about nostalgia but also nostalgia can be dangerous and you really need to let this stuff go.” It’s also the best of the three

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

4 years

When I refuse to pet

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

Angels in the Outfield only there’s no angels or any fantasy elements at all, just a man pointing a knife at Matthew McConaughey

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

2 years

@HannaBarberaCap I imagine they weren’t allowed to show Scooby Doo in adult situations, which makes sense. But that begs the question - who is this show even for?

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David, Post-Cartilage

@kidhaggard

8 months

@superloafcat I like how it's all genuine but she's also clearly about to burst out laughing whenever she posts

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