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@just2beers

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442
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music makes me lose control

Joined September 2014
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@just2beers
FREE THINKER
5 months
If I had a girlfriend I would train her to kill
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@just2beers
FREE THINKER
6 months
Walking up to the DJ and showing them this screenshot while I unzip my jacket and reveal the bomb strapped to my chest
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@just2beers
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7 months
“accidentally” watching gay porn thru a series of mirrors
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@just2beers
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6 months
celebrating 4/20 by drinking beer
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@just2beers
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2 years
@attheimax nah juuls are stupid. either smoke cigs or don’t. not gonna help u quit if you’re sucking up 20 cigs worth of nicotine everyday thru $20 pods
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@just2beers
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6 months
pussy from a woman who loves you
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@just2beers
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2 years
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@just2beers
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6 months
referring to cum as “Venom”
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@just2beers
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3 months
Going to heaven you guys need anything?
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@just2beers
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6 months
My death row meal would probably be 10 beers and 3-5 cigs.
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@just2beers
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6 months
selling PCP to high schoolers on 4/20 and explaining what Black Rock is to them
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@just2beers
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7 months
*wiping the fog off my glasses* so that’s what a queef is 😳
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@just2beers
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7 months
first date idea: i teach you how to disarm a swordsman with your bare hands
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@just2beers
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7 months
your honor in my clients defense he was on that Good Kush and Alcohol
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@just2beers
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3 months
I’m so happy that my autistic brother got hired at Starbucks. He thinks he’s making potions, and he has to smell lots of things. He loves that.
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@just2beers
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6 months
Cracking the code hits different when the safe is full of diamonds and pearls
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@just2beers
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3 months
I just drank 6 cups of coffee. Let me know if anyone needs help with anything.
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@just2beers
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6 months
Having sex in Drop D
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@just2beers
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7 months
angels are real and they’re trapped at the bottom of every beer and cigarette. we must consume in order to free them or else we WILL lose the war against the devil!
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@just2beers
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3 years
@hello__caitlin wow this is insane! i literally saw this at goodwill on saturday lmao. LOOK AT THIS SHIT. whoever painted it is a genius
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@just2beers
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5 months
I’m Being Gangstalked in Denver Colorado
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@just2beers
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7 months
slaying a dragon and saving the princess gotta be one of the best feelings
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@just2beers
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3 months
Hey don’t tell the others but…you’re my favorite mutual.
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@just2beers
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4 months
Hey guys PSA I’m going to be logging off for a while. If you want to reach me feel free to come by the lab in the trapdoor under my bed. I’m going to invent a machine that can blow up the moon.
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@just2beers
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7 months
are we having sex hotdog or hamburger style?
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@just2beers
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7 months
i am down for anything and everything but DO NOT kiss my neck. i had my jugular ripped out by a german shepherd in a past life during WW1…or “The Great War” as we called it back then
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@just2beers
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9 years
Vocals by that Lebanese Kid prod. Dirty J
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@just2beers
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6 months
bartender accidentally spilt beer on me. that’s actually a sign of respect in my culture
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@just2beers
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7 months
*walking onto the scene of the crime* someone got lovebombed here…
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@just2beers
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7 months
knocking my roommates out with chloroform so i can jackoff
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@just2beers
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9 years
This is what boredom looks like
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@just2beers
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7 months
perfect day to resurrect
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@just2beers
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8 years
*Goes on Instagram and writes novel for parent's birthday even though the parent won't see it* *sees parent in house* "hey happy birthday"
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@just2beers
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6 years
if ur juul died and you’re trynna get domey just don’t eat for a whole day and stand up real quick. don’t worry bout it, it’s just science
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@just2beers
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5 years
twotter
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@just2beers
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4 years
after college i plan to disappear
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@just2beers
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7 months
when i get slain in battle i spawn back in to the last bar i blacked out in
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@just2beers
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3 months
Crash landed on Planet Beer
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@just2beers
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4 months
Magic is for pussies. I want to two hand a warhammer, drink ale, and warn maidens about the dangers that lurk outside our village. Go pour over your scrolls somewhere else.
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@just2beers
FREE THINKER
6 months
*taking a 90 second drag off my cigarette* the lack of imagination you have with these lego bricks is appalling
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@just2beers
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6 years
hope everyone had a nice time
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@just2beers
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7 months
the kids who ate worms on the playground growing up are real estate agents now
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@just2beers
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6 months
aloha means “hello” “goodbye” and “i’m cumming”
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@just2beers
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5 months
I’m writing a novel. It’s going to be an American Classic. It’s about pregnant women.
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@just2beers
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4 months
Using a laser pointer to point out who I would hug and kiss at the bar.
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@just2beers
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7 months
I’m the henchman who was a personality hire. Really not much for meddling or scheming but boy do i make working at the evil lair feel casual and fun!
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@just2beers
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6 months
Penis take the wheel
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@just2beers
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6 months
I’m feeling: Cute as cupcake 🧁 Lucky as a four leaf clover 🍀 High as a kite 🪁 Lovely as a ladybug 🐞
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@just2beers
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6 months
Undercover Backshots Behind Enemy Lines
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@just2beers
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5 years
my future wife and I will definitely be able to sit and watch an unhealthy amount of Diners Drive-Ins & Dives. we will also make trips to check out the restaurants, this is what separates us from regular viewers.
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@just2beers
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7 years
This is Halloween
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@just2beers
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5 years
this ones for all the kids who were standing in the outfield looking at daisies instead of getting ready for the pop fly...we’re friends now
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@just2beers
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4 months
You ever seen a man “get to work”?
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@just2beers
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6 months
Be honest, could you even tell that i’m naked under this chain mail?
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@just2beers
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4 months
They did surgery on 2 beers?
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@just2beers
FREE THINKER
7 months
can i come over and keep watch over the city?
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@just2beers
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5 years
her: come over my parents aren’t home me: ....but yr parents are cool
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@just2beers
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7 months
my ancestors are literally guiding me to the bar i’m sorry but it’s what i have to do
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@just2beers
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6 months
Intelligent Boy Syndrome
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@just2beers
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7 years
*me and Bulgaria singing Sweet Caroline* Bulgaria: I used to like a 45 year old woman...that was our song.
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@just2beers
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3 years
who’s got that Kushvon music video downloaded somewhere? you know the one
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@just2beers
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2 years
from California
@Juninuninunioh
Junebug
2 years
Cedar Point
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@just2beers
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6 months
seeing a beautiful woman is like getting flashbanged
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@just2beers
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7 months
i think i was tar and feathered in a past life
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@just2beers
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7 months
*getting robbed at gunpoint* me: *biting my lip* alright now who told you i was a sick little freak and enjoy this 😏
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@just2beers
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7 months
manifesting love, health, and happiness to all today.
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@just2beers
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3 months
I would love to read a girl’s diary so I could know all her deepest darkest secrets and also make all of her dreams come true.
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@just2beers
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8 years
Shout out to all the vegan Spanish teachers that stalk our Twitter (really just Mr. Oliveros)
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@just2beers
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3 months
Vaginas have many people flabbergasted.
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@just2beers
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6 months
accidentally went on Beast Mode instead of just “locking in”
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@just2beers
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6 months
Ushering in the Age of Abundance tonight queen? Age of Abundance tonight queen?
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@just2beers
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3 years
it’s he/him night at the pool hall
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@just2beers
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7 months
how do you trigger the beautiful women event? i’ve already gone to the bar with a pocket chain and toothpick in my mouth and i’ve exhausted all the lonely drunkards dialogue. what else am i missing? also not seeing the wingman summon anywhere here…do i need to tip the bartender?
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@just2beers
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6 years
me and lady Gaga literally just met and she said i smelled nice lol. Guess she’s into onions XD
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@just2beers
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5 years
bro take a bath you know you get irritable when you’re stinky
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@just2beers
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4 years
one good tweet could change the world
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@just2beers
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6 years
amount of supreme i own = 0 amount of girlfriends i have = 0 coincidence? I’ll let you decide that for yourself
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@just2beers
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5 years
i am still hip and young?
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@just2beers
FREE THINKER
8 months
cultured white boy who smells garlic, ginger, and onions cooking before stroking out
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@just2beers
FREE THINKER
7 months
slept on my dick funny last night
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@just2beers
FREE THINKER
8 years
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@just2beers
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9 years
Was that beef last night gluten and GMO free?
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@just2beers
FREE THINKER
8 months
this one time in Miami i did a bunch of lines of baking soda and then did body shots of vinegar right off this baddy’s culo and i exploded everywhere
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@just2beers
FREE THINKER
5 years
i’m done with e-girls, i want an e-woman
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@just2beers
FREE THINKER
8 months
James and the Giant Shaking Orgasm
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@just2beers
FREE THINKER
2 years
yo this AI is really something. kinda scary how good technology is at art
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@just2beers
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5 years
everyone: peace out me: pea soup
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@just2beers
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8 years
My very first vine
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@just2beers
FREE THINKER
2 months
the minute i stop smoking cigs they’re not gonna be cool anymore
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@just2beers
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4 months
Social media app just for convicted murderers
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@just2beers
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3 years
if ur wearing green today and didn’t repost an infographic on the potato famine u suck
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@just2beers
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3 years
@darth_erogenous they don’t have stationery like this in prison 😆🙌
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@just2beers
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8 years
Just cuz you're smoking or drinking doesn't mean it needs to be on Snapchat, pls stop trying flex
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@just2beers
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7 months
if you’re going on a date DO NOT wipe your ass
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@just2beers
FREE THINKER
6 months
What do I do when I’m shitting without my phone? Simple. I bow my head and pray for each and every one of you. I count the tiles on the walls. 777 exactly. Every time. That’s one of those numbers that makes you want to leap blindly into Faith. ✌️2 Beers Be With You
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@just2beers
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2 years
my horny ass could not get force choked by Darth Vader
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@just2beers
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5 months
I saw the man I want to become flash across my sword’s reflection this morning…
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@just2beers
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7 months
hip flexors are sore from eating it frog style
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@just2beers
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5 months
I’m gonna use 10G technology to get my little brother laid
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@just2beers
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4 years
yeah i’m not actually addicted to cigarettes i just see one and immediately ask to bum one
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