jude @judecomputer Twitter profile

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

i don’t post shit i don’t go online

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jude

@judecomputer

3 years

just saw someone say that stories where childhood best friends become lovers are basically incest and i think some people shouldn’t be allowed to share their thoughts in places where other people will see them idk

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jude

@judecomputer

6 months

the guy singing “don’t stop me now” at karaoke just sang “200 degrees that’s why they call me mr family guy” and i can feel it burrowing into my grey matter like a parasite

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

unpopular opinion but...i think Hefner is an incredible role model. for other old rich men, who should also die

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

Do YOU know what your kids are saying? lmao = love mao lol = liquidation of landlords tbt = talkin bout theory fml = feeling Marx's love

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jude

@judecomputer

6 months

rewatching game of thrones for the first time in a long time and it’s unreal how much fun these catty little bitches are having in the first season. they love it

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jude

@judecomputer

3 years

ok

jude

@judecomputer

3 years

this heat fucking sucks but i am dying laughing at the way these candles have simply given up. they look depressed

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jude

@judecomputer

3 years

if you become romantically involved with someone you know anything about or have built any kind of trust with i find that highly suspicious. kind of manipulative vibes. like tbh why are you remembering things about someone? that's really not ok

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jude

@judecomputer

2 years

honestly she is right i would love a local community where i can show up somewhere and say "i have nyquil brain and adderall pussy" and anywhere from 4 to 500 people will clap and one guy will say "what does this mean" and i can ignore him and then i can leave

Mid Life Spooktacular

@OnlyALilGotten2

2 years

Hey not to be That Guy but If twitter dot com crumbles down, I think that maybe rather than scrambling to find each other on other platforms, let's, idk, take this as a sign to find a Local Community to engage with irl as we are able to

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

i love this ad. i have no fucking clue what this product does so i assume that rebecca is a witch and turned him into an egg or rock.

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jude

@judecomputer

6 months

saw a post asking “would you rather wear a fedora every second for the rest of your life, or every beverage you drink for the rest of your life has 2 drops of pee in it” and i thought the answer was obviously pee until i said this out loud to another person and saw their face

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jude

@judecomputer

7 months

can’t stop laughing at this typo after frank told me our friend hurt himself at work

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jude

@judecomputer

3 years

the matrix series is ultimately about how love is powerful even inside the computer. it’s about sliding into the DMs. your other ideas are cool too though

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jude

@judecomputer

3 years

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jude

@judecomputer

3 years

this heat fucking sucks but i am dying laughing at the way these candles have simply given up. they look depressed

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jude

@judecomputer

8 years

"Kill them with kindness" is what you do to Susan who keeps glaring at what you brought to the bake sale. Not what you do to Hitler Lite.

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

everyone needs to stop making people feel like they need to read a whole fucking library to be heard and respected as leftists.

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jude

@judecomputer

4 months

imagine, if you will, that you are a loving and beautiful person, and your partner does NOT want you to bring home an antique confessional, even THOUGH you’re going to buy it with your own money and you’re like 85% sure it will fit where you think it will fit. then what do you do

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jude

@judecomputer

2 years

@twothickscoops saw one recently where a woman posted a soup recipe step by step & people in the comments were upset she didn’t say “what type of soup it is” and accused her of gatekeeping the name of the soup. like. the recipe is not enough, i will need the soups government name immediately.

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

i;m sorry,

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

Ready Player One is for men in their 30s who wear cargo shorts and can't tell when women are or are not wearing makeup

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

I feel like there is some strong evidence suggesting Hillary would not have won.

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jude

@judecomputer

6 months

@mung_beans right like i already have no idea what’s in my drinks. pee changes nothing. a fedora changes everything. imagine trying to sleep with it on.

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jude

@judecomputer

7 months

i love the notifications i get on my 0 posts 0 following alt

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jude

@judecomputer

5 years

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

who the fuck is david hogg. who the fuck is he. every day on here there’s some new person i’m supposed to know about. david hogg. mike pence. freddie deboner. karl marx. mr chapo. i can’t TAKE IT

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jude

@judecomputer

6 months

@jessica yeah i don’t think people are really thinking about this. imagine never washing your scalp again.

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jude

@judecomputer

11 months

just overheard an adult say to a crying child (probably like 6 or 7?) “do you think that would help you feel better?” and the child replied “i don’t WANT to feel better i WANT to finish crying”. incredible communication skills. good job. also me too. same.

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jude

@judecomputer

6 years

who is the mom of duck tales. the baby ducks. who the mom is

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jude

@judecomputer

8 years

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jude

@judecomputer

6 years

sorry to be like this

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

one time i asked a dude what his dirtiest kink was and he said “getting my dick sucked”

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

labor day is just boneless may day send tweet

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

i’m being harassed

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jude

@judecomputer

5 years

I’ve got some NEWS for you people about WHY you’re not DRINKING enough WATER. Are you ready for some NEWS??? 1. You need to POUR some water into a CUP. You’re forgetting a VESSEL to consume it out of! Water NEEDS this.

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jude

@judecomputer

4 years

EXPLAIN DUNE TO ME OR I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU! DON'T DUMB IT DOWN INTO SOME VAGUE SHIT! EXPLAIN DUNE TO ME RIGHT NOW OR I'LL LITERALLY FUCKING KILL YOu! WHAT THE FUCK IS ARRAKIS WITHOUT SPICE? WHAT THE FUCK ARE BENE GESSERIT? DON'T DUMB IT DOWN OR I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU

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jude

@judecomputer

6 years

every guy who makes fun of women for being interested in astrology spends 17 hours a day on ebay looking for funko pops that have been customized to have big boobs

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jude

@judecomputer

2 years

@schnedwob @ObeseChess using Posting Voice in real life would be a power move. "so, do you come here often?" "brother i cum wherever i fucking WANT lol" and then three very loyal people chuckle softly from the corner

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

if you get an opportunity to stare a boring dude right in the face and pretend you’ve never heard of the smiths, you should do it

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

yeah dude i love run the jewels

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jude

@judecomputer

2 years

tfw you have not been given a little piece of steak even though you have asked several times for a little piece of steak

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

if the patriarchy is real, how come there are so many sheriffs and no HEriffs..........

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

for every RT I will kiss him and tell him he's a good boy

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

when fash get hit: not ok! peace and love! calm discussion! when cops pepper spray protestors: well, u were loud, u scared the smol beans,

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jude

@judecomputer

6 months

gods dumbest animal. she wants to fight it so bad!!!

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

i'm NOT like other girls. i'm glad the romanov children are dead

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jude

@judecomputer

6 months

basic ass take incoming sorry but i hate the thing where people act like a really good band wasn’t actually that good. the older i get the more it bothers me. you don’t have to pretend nirvana wasn’t good. you don’t have to listen to them but be serious please.

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

i love in tv shows when someone orders "a beer". it completely ruins the suspension of disbelief. the show was written by three kids in a trench coat. that's not how bars work.

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jude

@judecomputer

8 years

anyone who says the "lol u hate capitalism but ur a cell phone" thing is a cop

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

DO *NOT* JERK OFF TO MY SELFIES unless you have retweeted them. common courtesy

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jude

@judecomputer

3 years

the big lesson of evil dead is that it’s not safe to know how to read

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

tfw you're waiting for him to put the condom on

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

me irl

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jude

@judecomputer

8 years

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jude

@judecomputer

5 years

I FINALLY GOT OVER MY NERVOUSNESS AND WENT TO THE GYM TODAY for the first time in like ten years. all i did was 20 minutes on an elliptical and i’m very sweaty but I WENT and i feel really great about it!!!

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

@rawanabanana I call my pussy Fidel because so many people have tried and failed to hit it.

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jude

@judecomputer

6 years

people complain about this website a lot but it is hands down the absolute best place to read opinions about articles from people who did not read the articles. no contest.

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

MARX: Jude I want to ADDRESS this issue. [I nod] You KNOW I am sensitive to what Europe did to Africa ME: Absolutely MARX: BUT!

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

cursed image...

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jude

@judecomputer

2 years

had a dream that there was a new dr pepper knock off called “mr people” and we all loved it

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

no but you talk too much

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jude

@judecomputer

2 years

mmmmmmm i dunno…depends on the party…

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jude

@judecomputer

5 years

@rachelmillman not as good as a lot of these but. very drunkenly told my friends to “watch me do a somersault” and then just kind of laid down on the floor of the bar.

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

this is the absolute funniest fucking thing that's ever happened to me on tumblr

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

as my first act of Feminism, i’m replacing big boy season with wide wife season

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jude

@judecomputer

8 years

A woman? In a movie? Again? Frankly, I am tired of this. I don't mind women, but do you have to shove them down my throat? Seems political.

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

“bluhh get off ur phone and socialize” i am socializing. i’m workshopping a cum joke in like 4 to maybe 7 group chats. christ

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jude

@judecomputer

1 year

if you’re a bisexual girl and you’re dating a guy right now you have to provide references from at least 3 girls you’ve dated if you want tickets to see boygenius. even then if you get tickets you have to let everyone throw rocks at you on your way in. only way to keep it fair

ali

@worrystonee

1 year

this is some of the most stupid dumbass idiot shit i have ever read in my entire life. i dare someone to name a more insufferable fan base lmao

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

idk y'all I actually liked the beauty and the beast remake

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

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jude

@judecomputer

6 months

@berstreet this wasn’t specified but i would still pick pee regardless. 2 drops is nothing

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

these "know it All's" on facetweet can write things about "kill the rich" but have they ever gotten off their wifi tablet and died? No.

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

wait isn't this the adult woman who needs permission from her parents to get a haircut lmao

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jude

@judecomputer

6 years

your partner’s astrological sign has nothing to do with compatibility in a relationship but your partner’s d&d alignment is crucial. not reading replies to this tweet. goodnight

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

the only reason men give abusive men the benefit of the doubt is because they hope they'll be given the same when their shit comes to light

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

me, an angel: the youth are the future of the movement me, internally: *drag of cigarette* put the teens on an island until they respect me

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jude

@judecomputer

6 years

@rachelmillman went to work super hung over when i was the only one scheduled to be there. my manager was there. i was holding beef jerky in one hand and plan b in the other. he just stared at me for a minute and i couldn’t process how to react appropriately so i said “oh hey. this is regular”

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jude

@judecomputer

7 months

i get so excited when the weather gets warm because it is SUNDRESS SEASON. i love sundresses. they’re easy & comfortable and i feel confident in them. and i was wondering what is the equivalent of this for dudes. do dudes have this. (if you say anything horny in my replies i’ll k

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jude

@judecomputer

4 months

no one has ever needed or deserved to have this item in their living room more than me. i’m just saying.

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jude

@judecomputer

4 years

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jude

@judecomputer

6 years

what asshole called it workshopping a tweet and not ghostwriting the quip

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jude

@judecomputer

4 years

one time i started crying while giving a guy a blow job because i couldn’t stop thinking about the movie Hachi for some reason

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

it's infuriating to see people pontificate about class consciousness to people who aren't as well educated in a traditional sense

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jude

@judecomputer

9 months

@rachelmillman i was driving & almost missed my turn, so i had to brake kinda quickly. i heard someone honk and yelled “jesus christ, SORRY! chill out!”. looked in the rearview mirror, saw no one. realized it was me. i honked. the forward momentum from braking pushed my arm into the horn.

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

i love hearing from my fans 🤠

Perfect Rey

@PerfectRey1

7 years

@judecomputer Don't usually get on Twitter but just wanted to say you're a dumbass rude, leftist cunt. He respected women. Eat shit bitch

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jude

@judecomputer

5 years

mad max fury road is a film about driving stupid little cars through the desert in pursuit of good pussy

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jude

@judecomputer

5 years

i do believe people can grow and improve. for example i was really nice a few years ago and now i’m not

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

[me, watching the 1997 animated film Anastasia, when Rasputin puts a curse on the Romanov family] ok that is NOT what actually happened

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jude

@judecomputer

1 year

i love you honeybear remains one of the best albums i have ever heard in my life. i love it so much and i will love it forever. don’t tell me if you don’t think it’s good because i DONT care.

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

i am reading about Flappy Bird and absolutely losing my mind

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jude

@judecomputer

4 years

the original himbo

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

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jude

@judecomputer

3 years

this tiktok comment about twin peaks is so beautiful

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jude

@judecomputer

4 years

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jude

@judecomputer

5 years

watchmen? if i wanted to “watch” “men” i would go to the uhhhh, the podcast factory.

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jude

@judecomputer

6 years

i've been sent a lot of vile, perverted, atrocious messages on this website, but none of them have disturbed me as much as "yoghurt is just loose cheese"

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jude

@judecomputer

6 years

i have a hard time worrying about the potential health risks posed by bodega cats when i know a ton of dudes in their 20s and 30s who don't ever wash their hands

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

holy fucking shit. rt if you're a communist who wants to run wild through downtown and intimidate police and freedom loving americans.

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jude

@judecomputer

7 years

learning theory is great! it can also be daunting. there are ways to learn besides reading, AND simpler things to read (if you want to)

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