jacob @jacob_derodes Twitter profile

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

6 years

anyone who was a “pleasure to have in class” has an anxiety disorder now

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

6 years

ever been so hungry your stomach gives you a full on tedtalk?

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

7 years

if I don't see Edna Mode in the first 30 seconds of Incredibles 2 I'm gonna start swingin

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

7 years

why can Ohio drivers maneuver just fine in a labyrinth of construction but the second their windshield gets wet everyone loses their shit

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

7 years

peak friendship is literally just dm'ing each other tweets and responding with "lmaoooooo" until one of you finds a new tweet

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

4 years

me watching people breaking social distancing rules and putting us all at risk of another 3 months of quarantine just so they can buy a $9 drink and stand in a parking lot

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

7 years

you win some you lose some

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

7 years

I was waving at a dog and its owner waved back so I literally shook my head and pointed to the dog

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

9 years

Me when freshman complain about how hard school is

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

Me and Daniel's gifts to each other

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

My boss asked me why I had to be in school during the day and I looked him in the eye and said "So I don't end up here as an adult"

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

OHIO. JESUS. PLEASE

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

:')

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

7 years

Narrator: He did not, in fact, got this

jacob

@jacob_derodes

9 years

The closer I get to college the less I'm stressed and the more I'm just ready to go I got this

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

7 years

just a quick PSA please don't sit in the front row if you're gonna be looking at the different types of boobs on your macbook

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

Been smiling through the pain since day 1

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

"If you had to describe high school in one picture, what would it be?"

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

9 years

When u find out he isn't straight

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

Hey! Make peace with the fact that if you voted trump you have directly impacted any person of minority for the worse that you know!!!!

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

7 years

to the girl sleeping in the fetal position in lecture: I agree and I support you but also it might be time call it quits for the day

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

I don't think I've ever seen something quite so surreal as two elderly women fighting over the last hoverboard in Target at 2:30 am

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

THIS IS DONNA FROM PARKS AND REC IDGAF WHAT HAPPENED TODAY IM HAPPY

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

I'd like to remind everyone not to mention who they see at Pride because it is a safe space for both people who are and aren't out

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

Some guy in my class was dead set on the idea that the sky is blue because it's a reflection of the water why did I wake up this morning

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

9 years

You used to call me on your cellphone

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

7 years

oh my god there's someone in my class named Jacob DeRoads and the professor thought it was me enrolled twice what are the odds

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

7 years

absolutely NO ONE talks more shit than the chopped judges when someone hasn’t plated with less than a minute left

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

9 years

Ah

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

7 years

got called sweetheart at Wendy's by an old dude so I think that'll be my last little jaunt outdoors here in newark

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

6 years

children rly be screaming in public like their life depends on it

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

6 years

I find it strange how learning stop drop and roll kind of implied we would be on fire a lot as adults

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

6 years

wow thank god it’s warm again I almost went to therapy

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

9 years

I sat down to take off my socks and fell asleep for 2 and a half hours

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

9 years

I see

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

Me going to bed on the last night with Obama as president

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

When you remember tomorrow is the last day you have to wake up for high school

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

7 years

my writing teacher came in, turned on native american flute meditation music, asked where the bathroom was, and disappeared. gonna be a cool semester

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

On the day Obama leaves office he should set 3 pigs loose with 1,2, and 4 painted on them

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

Men

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

Hate to get political again but we are becoming a military state and Netflix is removing Bob's Burgers all is lost

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

Spot the difference

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

A kid in my math class literally screamed himself awake and tried to pass it off as a coughing fit

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

9 years

Deep breathe in, pterodactyl screech out.

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

10 years

For lent I'm giving up hope

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

Just found out that clown on the bridge footage was shot, about 5 minutes, from where I live :')

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

9 years

Oh honey......

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

4 years

ummmm..........should I like flee the state

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

7 years

true dedication is memorizing the shift schedule at the coffee shop so I don't raise suspicion when getting my third coffee of the day

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

9 years

When you're just plain done http://t.co/abWaKbhZXv

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

7 years

life ain't so bad when one of your professors is a grandpa who hands out hershey's kisses every class to get to know us

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

Christmas is cancelled you fucks ruined it. THEY SELL THIS AT TARGET.

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

6 years

be a bad bitch and vote

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

"Professor can I keep my headphones in I'm halfway through this Adele song and too emotionally invested to stop now"

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

A car backed into me this morning in the parking lot and all I did was the Tina groan from bobs burgers

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

I want to feel like Nancy but I'm feelin like Barb

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

10 years

You all thought that match went out that night. #murdercountdown

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

Told my bio professor I might show up softly crying to the midterm and her response was "that's fine but don't smear the scantron"

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

7 years

just saw a woman angrily dumping the contents of a freezer door into the garbage at 12:08 am so I hope everything is ok on her end

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

9 years

If you don't vote you can't leave if Trump is elected that's the rule

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

Me, writing a paper 20 minutes before it's due, violently shaking: it's the holiday season

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

9 years

I live for that disappointed acceptance in a teacher's voice when they realize you have truly given up

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

7 years

it is absolutely not a coincidence that the same guy chewing gum loudly next to me also has a laptop with a detachable keyboard

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

9 years

I've tweeted it before I'll tweet it again, people who chew gum with their mouth open will fall to the lowest ring of hell

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

7 years

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

"Are you guys old enough for me to spit beer on you?" -Ke$ha

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

5 years

brought my airpods to the club so I could listen to owl city

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

Snow? In THIS economy?!

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

I WAS TAKING AN AP TEST WHAT DID I MISS

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

7 years

I walked into the car dealership with a mountain dew and a half eaten banana and all the guy had to say was "breakfast of champions, eh?"

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

I gotta say the feeling of walking into a voting station and seeing all the old people who know exactly who you're voting for cringe is nice

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

Storms are just nature's bangers

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

9 years

Talking to my host sister from France:

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

10 years

Choices for entertainment at TWHS this weekend: Sweaty man wriggling A play where you can get some damn culture

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

7 years

I may have started a minor uprising at DQ by dabbing in front of an elementary school class instead of honking

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

"Melania you voted for Trump right?" Melania:

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

9 years

10 minutes into debate and chill and he gives you this look

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

9 years

My snapchat story mocking Trump made it on the Super Tuesday story how much better could today get

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

Companies: today's workers are so lazy. Never do anything. Workers: please pay us a livable wage Companies: ANWAYS THIS GENERATION IS LAZY

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

6 years

sometimes I think about how we all just kinda let the harlem shake happen

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

6 years

Ohhhhh no

jacob

@jacob_derodes

7 years

when Stan Lee dies are they just gonna put a 5 second still of his grave in every marvel movie

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

9 years

New low: microwaving ramen in front of the entire cheerleading squad in the school cafeteria

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

9 years

My motivation to walk fast is listening to the new Adele song and trying to get somewhere private before the chorus

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

American Horror Story: guy tries to flirt with a girl that has headphones on and is clearly not interested

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

9 years

To the people behind me in line: I know my shoes are dirty I speak French too

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

7 years

negative: had to call AAA for the 4th time this week positive: me and clarisse the dispatcher are up on each other's drama

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

5 years

good morning I’m glaring at a cop in starbucks who called the cashier “honey bunches”

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

7 years

i’m bleeding

Fede

@TheAnimationBoy

7 years

New Poster For #Incredibles2 !!

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

9 years

(as I realize there are probably not mozzarella sticks in France, I panic, make 20, consume all)

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

10 years

Senior prank: cover the hallways in ice cubes. Refuse to clean them up. What's the problem? We've never been closed for it anyway :-)

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

Main issue with moving out: my dog hasn't left my room in two days and I don't know if I can leave her

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

I s2g if I go downstairs after this nap and my parents mention college I will literally take flight into the sun

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

"Highs in the 70s all week"

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

9 years

@e_westfall she elementried

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

Passed the Hell Is Real sign on the way to skydive so I guess it's been real yall

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

5 years

I promise there are better places to cuddle than a calculus lecture I PROMISSSEE

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

@carolynlalonde

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

Thank you, 2017, for one last breezy spring day with Obama

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

9 years

McKenna: I have problem Me: What? McKenna: I just have a problem

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jacob

@jacob_derodes

8 years

Honestly if Netflix messes up A Series of Unfortunate Events it very well may be the last straw for me in this year of 2017

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