col. will porter @ilporter Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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@cole01_

@iris_Torihiki05

@giselldelrey

@stw46

@R_Sudhakar_Ips

col. will porter

@ilporter

9 months

Please enjoy a slightly cursed image that came to me over cereal this morning: the Hi-Viz strap-on harness. Really puts the "O" in OSHA.

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@ilporter

1 year

Why donn'st thou so shapely a cuirass? To compel the hands of yon menne to encircle it? Slattern

The Late Knight Show

@Knightly_H

1 year

Gothic backplate and matching pauldrons, made by Lorenz Helmschmied.

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@ilporter

2 years

@shaenongarrity @ErinInTheMorn A lot of cishet men are sincerely terrified by the mere possibility of finding a trans woman attractive. It'd be good if they could process that without wanting to do murders.

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col. will porter

@ilporter

9 months

@lmartods Same goes for trad folk who think modern architecture is targeted erasure of western culture. You don't see them hiring a stone mason and splurging on the casework for their Autozone franchise or whatever.

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1 year

@Sir_Nubbly

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2 years

Noi: Big Golden Retriever Murderer

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@ilporter

8 months

@jetblackraider They can't. It's why th mechanicus has those stilt guys. To get stuff off the high shelves for marines

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col. will porter

@ilporter

9 months

- always get permission before entering a confined space! - the hats ain't all that's hard! - the second P in PPE no longer stands for "protective" - something something "safe sex" 😑 o god i need to be up for work in 3hrs.

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col. will porter

@ilporter

6 months

@PumpknCreampi and I must scream

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col. will porter

@ilporter

7 months

Simply a byproduct of working customer service in a fantasy realm. The scars. Not the monster fucking. Actually, that might be too.

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col. will porter

@ilporter

1 year

If you're looking to furnish your high-efficiency, open plan, forced-polycule, startup barracks, Wayfair has you covered.

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@ilporter

1 year

Of all the Crittertongue strips so far, Fauna is one of my favorites.

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@ilporter

1 year

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col. will porter

@ilporter

2 years

Helicopter "controls" should always be in quotation marks. One does not control a helicopter, one can only delay the machine's dream of lying scattered in a million pieces on a hillside and returning to the earth, whom its creation has mocked.

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col. will porter

@ilporter

2 years

@WidebandMaid I feel so fucking old for knowing this happened in an episode of Dragnet.

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col. will porter

@ilporter

9 months

Racists love old shit because they imagine history as a series of wins for the Correct People instead of generation after generation of opportunists just sweeping their accumulated wealth into progressively taller houses.

kate wagner

@mcmansionhell

9 months

TIL castles and palaces are apolitical

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@ilporter

1 year

Hope for the best. Prepare for the wurst. 💀🌭🐐

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col. will porter

@ilporter

1 year

Wouldst thou grant THINE OWN nobles leave to sally hence thusly arrayed!? T'would doubtless render thy lord a lodestone for belligerence!

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@ilporter

2 years

Biblically Accurate Space Marine

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2 years

@SphenodonSarah @SUEtheTrex

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@ilporter

1 year

Crittertongue no.45: Andrew Bird and the Practical Application of Mimics

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1 year

You sure don't meet my expectations. Ok? Now we both know that. 🤷‍♀️

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@ilporter

1 year

god-damned widdard

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@ilporter

7 months

I wanna make one of these just to display at tabling events. More people've probably seen it than my comics! 😅

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@ilporter

1 year

Tactical Killjoy

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col. will porter

@ilporter

1 year

Raise a glass to horse crime with this Crittertongue classic.

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col. will porter

@ilporter

6 months

Reminding everyone that if you regularly clean and maintain your leather items they'll last a hell of a lot longer.

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@ilporter

1 year

...ending with one of my favorite single panels. 💖💀🐐💖

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col. will porter

@ilporter

6 months

One of our buildings has this massive iron Vault door covering one of Chicago's old cargo tunnels

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col. will porter

@ilporter

1 year

No, it's just that you tolerate their presence. If you're kicking a ball around the park and some Nazis join in, that's a Nazi soccer game now. We all have the power to say Fuck off. If you let them stay to pad out your crowd then you've become their ally.

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col. will porter

@ilporter

6 months

Classic Crittertongue Presents, Albatross pt. 2 (she's a double- strip🧵)

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col. will porter

@ilporter

1 year

Well, do ya?

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col. will porter

@ilporter

2 years

Maybe I'll start re-reading Dorohedoro

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2 years

Crittertongue 37: Parry

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@ilporter

9 months

If my most popular post can't be a comic or piece of original art, I'm happy for it to be an intensely stupid take on a glorified board game.

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col. will porter

@ilporter

7 months

Aw, shucks! 😊 Every attempt to make her scragglier somehow makes 'er more powerful.

plæst이k

@plaest2k

7 months

finally got around to reading Crittertongue and boy howdy folks.... it's Good if you like hot, lesbian, goat-girl bartenders, get in here

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col. will porter

@ilporter

9 months

I hope the person on tumblr who reblogged this with #safetyrailing finds money on the street today.

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@ilporter

7 months

Yule goat, I'll goat, ever'body goat.. Tis the season for goatposting.

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@ilporter

2 years

@Qsy_tweets Make rifles long again. We like em in hill country.

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@ilporter

1 year

@fishontherun2 What if those "drug dealers" are also members of the law enforcement community?

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col. will porter

@ilporter

9 months

I continue to play entirely too much Fallout 4.

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@ilporter

2 years

@Alterici

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col. will porter

@ilporter

9 months

The best thing about this is that I originally got horrifying results from running "hi-viz strap-on" through an image bot like 6 times but was able to just draw and color it in 35min. during dinner. I felt like the John Henry of hot stupid bullshit.

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@ilporter

1 year

A lot of people don't actually want to share their space with a guy who murdered two unarmed protesters in a blind panic.

Miss Gender

@girldrawsghosts

1 year

i hate this little freak

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@ilporter

7 months

@Bonesdrawstuff Richard III: Rich Harder

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@ilporter

9 months

QRT W/ how you draw women. hot/psycho edition.

Illuminated Comics

@illuminacomics

9 months

QRT with how you draw women. Psycho and/or hot.

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@ilporter

1 year

Address all complaints to The Void.

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@ilporter

1 year

Goatposting w/ a little sauce

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@ilporter

6 months

Albatross pt.2 (The Conclusioning)

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@ilporter

11 months

You fools go ahead and study the blade. I'm just gonna be here looking hot, stealing grand champion goat valor.

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@ilporter

1 year

"Is it hot in here or should we break into a much nicer bar and fuck on all the upholstered furniture?"

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@ilporter

6 months

@Boenau Cyclists don't feel safe on the road and it's not just because cars are bigger than us.

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col. will porter

@ilporter

4 years

@msdanifernandez Every single one of these men should be in handcuffs. The fact that they aren't is evidence of how the system still serves them as they try to burn it out. I'm sick.

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@ilporter

6 months

Classic Crittertongue Backstory/ Shoulder Appreciation Episode

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@ilporter

1 year

Mostly wholesome goatposting

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@ilporter

1 year

@ryanlawber @ChicagoParks @bikelaneuprise I've taken that path thousands of times. The nearest car-accessible point is like 3000yds away, so they were cruising up quite a bit of really tight pedestrian walkways. Christ that's dangerous.

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col. will porter

@ilporter

7 months

QRT with how you draw Women 🐝

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@ilporter

9 months

dat cob tho

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@ilporter

1 year

@bikelaneuprise how about the bike lanes just dump anything over 1000lbs into the deep drainage tunnels where the city's scrappers can have at them

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@ilporter

9 months

Repost-Ruesday Presents Crittertongue II: The Tonguening

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col. will porter

@ilporter

1 year

For all the gross dudes who used to DM me on reddit.

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col. will porter

@ilporter

8 months

Never too old to learn somethin about yourself.

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col. will porter

@ilporter

2 years

@GoodPoliticGuy Gee, I wonder if there's a particular population demographic he's talking about?

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@ilporter

2 years

Laig-Witch 🧙🏻‍♀️

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@ilporter

4 years

@Marceline2174 Cio's one if those characters that manages to be super cute in spite of the fact that she probably feels like rubbing up against a horseshoe crab.

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@ilporter

1 year

If my legacy is Twin Peaks Columbo, so be it.

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@ilporter

7 months

So what's *your* deal?

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@ilporter

2 years

@rikkelmania @HeatherWeaverDC Bear spray may be overkill, but I'm with you otherwise. I live off my bike and I've been charged so many times. People lose their mind if I kick their dog while it's snapping at me but they created that situation.

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col. will porter

@ilporter

1 year

can I offer you nonbinary lizard tits in these trying times?

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@ilporter

1 year

tactical tanlines

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@ilporter

6 months

If you see this, post a monster

Freyorr res Bina

@Funkwitz

6 months

post monster 🔴👄🔴

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@ilporter

6 months

I love the fuck out of dogs but if you don't leash your dog in public you don't deserve them. They are God's perfect idiot and no matter how well you think you know them, no you don't. That shit can get them killed.

Max Dubler 🏳️‍🌈

@maxdubler

6 months

Dogs are generally delightful creatures and I understand why people love them. The humans who own dogs in cities should keep their pets on leashes, pick up after them, and refrain from abusing the Americans with Disabilities Act to bring them into foodservice establishments.

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col. will porter

@ilporter

7 months

This Crittertongue repost features one of the best villain fits I've ever drawn. Look at this resplendent schmuck.

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col. will porter

@ilporter

1 year

just reveling in some of my favorite crittertongue panels tonight instead of sleeping.

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col. will porter

@ilporter

8 months

A wide selection of nipples for your robo-sona

atrophy wife 🎀

@zuza_real

8 months

opinion: they should let us play around with all of these

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@ilporter

2 years

indestructible lllllllllladies😘

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@ilporter

11 months

All Wizards Are Bastards

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@ilporter

6 months

If you see this, post a monster.

👑 LUCY 🏳️‍⚧️💀👑

@regal_bones

6 months

If you see this, post a monster !!! 💀👅

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col. will porter

@ilporter

1 year

Get it.

weird medieval guys BOOK OUT NOW !!

@WeirdMedieval

1 year

a medieval badge showing a vulva riding a horse with a crossbow and torch in its hands

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@ilporter

2 years

@thebadstats Every Day Jordan Peterson isn't kicked in the ass by every person he meets is a wasted day for the universe.

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@ilporter

2 years

@Qsy_tweets @CBrineblood @Mr_Dreadful @WarComTeam @BitsHammer The goofy thing about hanging your exclusionary baggage on representation in things like 40k is the notion that lore must supercede anyone wanting to see themselves in it. It's fiction, a game. If someone wants femme space marines ain't a damn thing lost for it.

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@ilporter

2 years

The suffering, the pain, the bullshit.

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@ilporter

1 year

It's true. I'm very good at this.

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@ilporter

7 months

Though the ones I draw most often look like this:

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@ilporter

1 year

Her customer service skills are either terrible or exceptional. Depends who you ask.

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@ilporter

9 months

This year's Crittertongue Halloween story is now up on Webtoons! 🥐🐺🐐🎃

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@ilporter

10 months

Frogmarch of the Moth-men

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@ilporter

9 months

Self driving cars exist almost entirely to sabotage the possibility of effective mass transit and people are still pissed about unhoused folks "stealing power." Absolute trash.

Louis Anthony Loftus

@louisafloftus

9 months

These people are so stupid and evil it’s unbelievable

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@ilporter

10 months

suffering for art

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@ilporter

6 months

If you see this post a demon

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@ilporter

9 months

+1 charisma -1 hangover duration

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@ilporter

3 years

spend your money. They're good comics, brent.

Casey Nowak

@IgnatzHaderach

3 years

***MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION*** the Bravo Chapter 1 PDF is available for $3 on my gumroad!! See it all in one place! Uncensored! Good fucking comics!!

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col. will porter

@ilporter

2 years

One becomes official WH40K lore tonight. Choose ONE: - Space Marines have no penis because it has no use in war - The real world max range of the bolter is 24"

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@ilporter

10 months

Happy Critterween to ye!

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@ilporter

1 year

v smol gotes

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@ilporter

2 years

@GBBranstetter Also: using a man with a full beard to sell razors. Chef's kiss.

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@ilporter

7 months

@AmericanFietser Simple work for a 91L (5,600 cu in) messenger pack. Waterproof liner even keeps it cold. It's my go-to bag for Costco runs. I've carried an AC unit in this thing.

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@ilporter

10 months

Listen, give animals the ability to speak, they're GONNA talk about fucking.

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@ilporter

11 months

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