Henrik Blix @henrikontheweb Twitter profile

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

4 years

In a new personal low, I have sent a “no worries if not haha” to my doctor

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Last Seen Profiles

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

I can’t explain it but I’m afraid Rami Malik can see me through the tv

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 months

Tim Walz is effectively communicating something that most dem politicians have previously failed at which is “its normal to want government to help people and it’s weird for it to make laws about your sex life”

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

10 months

Opening seconds of a TV series, a character appears on screen My mom: “Who’s that?”

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

1 year

Travis Kelce is single-handedly shifting the bro narrative. For years we’ve only talked about shitty bros and ignored an entire demographic of friendly dudes who love play sports with their friends, feed squirrels and laugh

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

4 months

God has the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

11 months

George Santos may have been expelled, but we should be excited about the guy running to replace him. He’s a doctor, won Olympic gold in beach volleyball, and he invented the cell phone. Introducing: Gorb Slamtos

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

2 years

I don’t usually brag on here, but I just got an email saying I have, and I quote, an “outstanding” medical bill

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

5 years

Me the first time I went down on someone and had absolutely no idea what I was doing

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

10 months

@poli_pockette Wow this is honestly the most touching possible take.

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

1 year

A lot of people are saying that this is himbo erasure. I *personally* don’t consider Kelce a himbo. IMO Gronk is a himbo, Kelce is a nice jock. I believe that there’s a difference but I encourage RESPECTFUL debate in the comments

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

5 years

It is not “humbling” to win an Oscar. It’s humbling to wake up at 6am to record a voiceover audition before work where you say the line “I’m hungee for snackees!” 40 times in a row to “get it right” for a 1 in 5000 chance of earning $300

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

10 months

@FransKeijer “So far I know that this character exists”

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

5 years

A quick response to allegations about my mental state during self quarantine

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

2 months

@atdanwhite @ReceDavis Really going to the bathroom will definitely help sell it. Don’t skip that

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

5 years

Aldi fucking rules. It’s cheap as hell and a total mess. Shit’s just piled up, half of it doesn’t have price tags, it’s the wild west for people on a budget. Last week I traded some old rubber bands and batteries for a pork chop. I’d fuckin die for Aldi

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

2 years

Bill Walton, absolutely ripped on shrooms, crying tears of joy: The basketball travels through the hoop…a beautiful orb birthed through an orange portal, guided by youthful athletic hands…amazing Other announcer: One more free throw coming up

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

11 months

What your boyfriend actually wants for Christmas. I don’t think I’m wrong

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

Thoughtful men only want one thing and it’s discussing

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

4 years

POV: You’re the guy who wrote “Jessie’s Girl” and your friend Jessie is hearing it for the first time

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

I don’t understand half the posts I see on here but it seems like everyone’s having fun so if I post a pic of some spaghetti with the caption “he chose violence” just know that’s me trying to fit in

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

I’m the guy who invented airlines overbooking flights. You might hate me but my family eats prime rib every day and my wife’s new jug job costs more than you make in a year

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

11 months

I actually think it’s cool that every airport security line has different rules AND they all get mad at you for not knowing what they are

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

4 years

I’m doing good!

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

11 months

Me and the other guys in the Anthropologie waiting while our girlfriends try on clothes

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

2 years

Post Malone and Karl Malone should switch names

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

1 year

To the people saying this is gonna age badly, he is gonna be a milkshake duck, etc. You might be right! I've never met the guy. Just a lil' joke about his current vibe. He could fuck up any day! But that doesn't change the fact that I love you all. Have a #terrific monday

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

9 months

The boyfriend’s job is to make sure the girlfriend eats. The girlfriend’s job is to make sure the boyfriend doesn’t get black mold. This is what scientists call symbiosis

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

4 months

LeBronn

Kendra Middleton

@KenniMiddleton

4 months

Yoooo Kings Landing has a basketball court. House of the Dragon about to go crazy.

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

1 year

@smlyc Possibly! But I’ve know many in my life and I’m glad to see that Travis is raising awareness.

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

I think people love this 1. Because of the wheeze laugh 2. Because this is an appropriate reaction to influencer culture

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

Do you ever feel like you’re falling behind? Like everyone else is doing more, achieving more, being more productive? Well guess what? That’s true. They are. You’re the only one not crushing life. Something to think about

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

1 year

Oh, the studios think they can break us? Buddy I once did an improv show at a “sober rave” at 5am and then went to work if I could be broken it would have happened then

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

2 months

Brutal postgame press conference

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

4 months

These shoes look like when someone finds a neglected donkey whose hooves have grown to the point where they can’t walk

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

5 years

@calebsaysthings Couldn’t be clearer that you once worked at an insane ad agency

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

7 months

Guy probably would have just been good with “George Hackett”

BaseballHistoryNut

@nut_history

8 months

George "Fatty" Hackett. The world's largest baseball player was 450 lbs and played for the 1908 Citizen's Baseball Team in Pennsylvania

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

7 years

ESPN Announcer: UNC is 2/9 from 3 tonight. Bill Walton: I love fractions. You see, a fraction is a great way to express an amount that is less than one. For example, if I want to buy a half pound of ground turkey. Without fractions that wouldn't be possible. The ancient Greeks kn

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

6 years

Will someone PLEASE invent a dating app for people who like travel, pizza, and The Office?? I'm dying to meet even one person who shares my interests!!!

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

I’ve worked out a simple arrangement with mosquitos: you try to take my blood, I take your fuckin life. End of story

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

5 years

This is how REAL patriots salute the flag!!!

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

I stare at a screen for 10+ hours a day to honor my ancestors who went their entire lives without setting eyes upon a single screen

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

1 year

Frankly, McDonald’s took too long to hand over the keys to Grimace. He’s the only McD’s character without sex organs, meaning he can’t be distracted from business by carnal pleasures

McDonald's

@McDonalds

1 year

it grimace i’m taking over

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

2 years

Me seeing a missing dog poster: “oh no! I hope they find him!” Me seeing a missing cat poster: “Lady your cat is GONE. He ESCAPED. He’s been planning this for years. This is his Shawshank. he’s burping up rat bones and having sex in the alley you’ll never see him again

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

“Who the fuck left all these dirty dishes out!?!?” -Me, upon entering the apartment where I live alone

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

5 years

I made a bingo card for anyone who is on a first date with me so that they can have something fun to do

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

This is first episode of TV I’ve ever written. It’s about how our economy screws over workers. Fun stuff!

Apple TV

@AppleTV

3 years

. @TheProblem with the Economy (with @JonStewart ). Streaming tomorrow on Apple TV+

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

*travels back in time to 1995 to do stand up comedy* Tell you what, folks. I DO NOT like being around my wife. *whole crowd tries to give standing ovation but some are laughing too hard to stand*

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

5 years

Send help

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

Dating apps are hell get me off of here

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

5 years

On a business trip getting things done.

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

My friends have voted me “Absolute Worst Person To Go On A Hike With”

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

5 years

Quarantine is no excuse to let yourself get rusty. That’s why I host a standup showcase in my room twice every day

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

9 months

Destroying lib logic

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

5 years

Officially trying out to be an @NFL quarterback!!

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

5 years

My Valentine? The troops

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

Just paid Delta $750 to control the aux cord for the whole flight

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

5 years

@atdanwhite Congrats, Dan! Many happy years to you both!

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

This clip is actually kind of messed up when you hear the original audio

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

4 years

Twitter should add a feature today where if a senator tweets a self-important remembrance of 9/11 it tells you how many times they voted against the bill to give first responders medical care

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

5 months

I’m pretty excited about this Donkey named Diesel who has been adopted by a herd of elk because he’s awesome at kicking coyotes

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

2 years

Dishwasher, A/C, in-unit laundry — The Holy Trinity

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

Parents will lovingly give you career advice that would instantly get you fired

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

Sorry I’m late, I was trying to spell the word rhythm without looking it up

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

2 years

Pronouncing the b in crumbs much to the chagrin of my enemies

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

4 years

I’m writing some standup for when shows come back and I don’t want to give away too much but I’ve been noticing some pretty hilarious differences between cats and dogs

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

1 month

Every four years New Yorkers have an election to determine who is the city’s weirdest man and the winner gets to be mayor

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

4 years

You: Sings along with friends on a road trip Me: Memorizes the entire Chronicles of Narnia audiobook series so I can co-narrate the 12-hour car ride WE ARE NOT THE SAME

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

8 months

I LOVE having a vivid imagination but I wish it could imagine good things

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

4 years

A message for the redcoat governor of Michigan Signed, A Patriotic American Male

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

1 year

Squirts like this are when X is at its best

zach silberberg

@zachsilberberg

1 year

posts on X are called squirts

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

My New Year’s resolution is to start pronouncing the p in receipt

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

The masculine urge to sell out your siblings to a witch for unlimited Turkish delight

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

I believe that the YouTube algorithm pushes people to the extreme right because I pretty much just watch cooking videos and all my suggestions are “Jordan Peterson Explains Why Women Need To Shut The Fuck Up”

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

Being a little boy was confusing. You got made fun of if you liked girls, but also if you didn’t like girls so basically the only thing that was safe to enjoy was Madden

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

5 years

I somehow missed the transition from positive photo comments being things like “hot!” and “You two are so cute together” to “I can’t breathe” “I’m drowning” and “somebody gouge my fucking eyes out!!!”

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

Happy New Year to my followers who believe in linear time

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

5 years

Gotta give it up to God for owning my ass by giving me the interests of a liberal artist and the face of a fucking college republican

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

4 years

I probably won’t figure out relationships in time to have my own kids but I plan on being an incredible second husband and one of those stepdads that the kids love so much they change their last name to mine when they turn 18

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

2 years

This photo looks like Biden just fucked a Trump supporter so good that her AND her husband switched parties in front of DeSantis

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

4 years

When I was a little boy I always dreamed of using data-driven marketing analytics to help businesses maximize their SEO potential

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

4 years

My Commercial Audition Reel

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

4 years

The guy in the crew who’s really good at tracking

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

5 years

Wow really interesting perspective from the Game Of Thrones writers!!

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

Please buy my bestselling book, “Silenced: How The Left Took Away My Right To Expression” and get tickets to my nationwide “Not Allowed To Talk” tour or catch me on on Fox News discussing how I got banned from speaking my mind on TV

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

Watching the opening credits of a movie

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

5 years

At what time of day do y'all typically convince yourself that you have covid? For me it's usually around 6:30pm

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

5 years

Hello lovers and friends!

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

It’s time for me to come clean: I am an adult man who fantasizes about dunking a basketball several times per week

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 years

Dune is about teens doing drugs in the desert they should have called it Coachella

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

4 years

Me re-downloading Hinge when the pandemic is over:

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

3 months

Seeing my own video come up in my feed from another account is crazy

𝔖𝔲𝔫𝔣𝔩𝔬𝔴𝔢𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔰𝔢𝔞🇺🇸🇮🇷🪷🪷🪷💛💛💛

@rainnyseattle

3 months

If you need a good laugh, this is hilarious 😂

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

5 years

Every commercial I’ve ever made fun of would be the greatest opportunity of my entire life

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

5 years

For you, parties might be a chance to laugh, dance, flirt, catch up with friends. For me? They’re an opportunity to take totalitarian control over the music with bizarre, mood-dampening choices as though I’m exacting revenge on the concept of fun

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

5 years

Old Navy didn’t have to tell me that my health and safety was their number 1 priority...I always knew :)

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Henrik Blix

@henrikontheweb

4 years

*hits mute button* *farts* *hits unmute button*

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