Gareth Joyner @garethjoyner Twitter profile

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

8 months

Do you think this mask I bought in Rhodes looks like Barry Cryer?

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

4 years

I thought a “staycation” was when you had a holiday in your actual home. It‘s become the buzzword of 2020 for the novelty of going on holiday in the UK, but where I come from we just call that “going on holiday”.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

7 months

@Keir_Starmer What are you doing to address the deep rooted transphobia in your Labour party? Break that down for us plainly.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

No, sorry. Call me overly sensitive but whilst people are murdering us in our own spaces I don’t wanna see cishets singing graphic descriptions of the killing of queer people to a jaunty tune. I used to get shit like this sung at me in the playground. Have some reverence.

Monopoly Phonic®

@MonopolyPhonic

2 years

THIS IS SO ??? 😭

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 years

“We saw you from across the bar, we love your vibe”

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 years

Absolutely living for Gaga as Dorien in the Birds of a Feather reboot.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

I have a fat and smooth body, and some days I feel like an artist carved me from alabaster for display at the V&A, other days I feel like Ready Break in a condom. Sam Smith continuing to exist and celebrate themselves means I have more days feeling the former than the latter.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

1 year

Happy 3 Year Anniversary to this life event.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 years

I hope gays at Parklife acknowledged that they were guests in a heterosexual space and behaved respectfully. Ed Sheeran threw the first brick at Slug and Lettuce so they could have that day.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

1 month

We live in a world where the words “mutilated” and “children” are deliberately paired to scare people into transphobia, yet footage of the bodies of children as unrecognisable clumps of flesh in Gaza elicits indifference. Children are not being “mutilated” in hospitals.

Paul Brand

@PaulBrandITV

1 month

Suella Braverman’s speech in Washington this evening contains a blistering attack on pro-LGBT Tories. She says the pride (progress) flag has been flown on govt buildings as if marking “occupied territory”, accusing Tory colleagues of supporting a “horrible political campaign”

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

4 months

Rich women are fighting and I, a homosexual, am LIVING.

Sharon Osbourne

@MrsSOsbourne

4 months

In response @AmandaHolden

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

4 years

JOE BLACK GOT DAVID BOWIE SO RIGHT THAT HE DIDN’T COMMIT THE MOST COMMON ERROR; THINKING DAVE’S EYES WERE DIFFERENT COLOURS. THEY WEREN’T. ONE PUPIL WAS PERMANENTLY DILATED. JOE BLACK WAS THAT DETAILED. Someone take my phone off my pls.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 years

Don’t care how pro-LGBT you think you are, don’t care how much of a back-pat you crave, if you refer to trans women as “biological men” in your thread then you’re no ally of ours x

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

11 months

If you’re not a trans person but you’re not transphobic then it’s time for you to be vocal in your support of human rights for all; because hate crimes are about to rise. Sunak has given the green light. I can’t tell you just how emboldened bigots have become. Please speak up.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

5 months

I think the really likeable thing about Miriam Margolyes isn’t that she’ll say “bollocks” on This Morning or whatever, but more of what that’s a symptom of; which to me feels like not caring for weaponised politeness and operating with direct unfiltered authenticity.

James Foster

@JamesEFoster

5 months

Miriam Margolyes: “What Israel is doing is wrong. It is wicked… Voice your disgust and detestation of the Israeli actions. Please, you are then doing the right thing and behaving in accordance with Jewish tradition.”

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 years

Rumours have started circulating about a sequel: Everybody’s Worried About Jamie (Jamie moves to Clapham and finds chemsex)

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

7 months

“I was today years old” when I discovered the shop from Miranda is the same set as the kitchen from Absolutely Fabulous.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

“tHeE pOlIcE sAiD iT wAsN’t…” they said that about the Orlando shooting, about Marsha P Johnson. They said Jean Charles de Menezes jumped the barriers, they said Tyre Nichols was acting high. Do you fucking get it yet?

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

4 years

And people shall ask “In the 90s did you realise you were living through the golden age of the free cereal toy?” and we shall answer “No, no we did not.”

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

4 years

They want the pubs open because drinking is the new “opiate of the people”. They’re in no rush to save the arts because the arts share ideas, independent thought and give platform to voices. They want you drunk and they want your money.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

I’m going to have to tell him, aren’t I?

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 years

Someone left a shitty comment about my skin on a selfie last week & I let it irk me more than I should have. So here’s me unfiltered, untouched & bathing in the natural light with my acne rosacea still looking v cute actually. Fine ok it’s on portrait mode BUT OTHER THAN THAT x

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

1 year

We used to be a Great Country.

Great British Getty Images

@shitbritishpics

1 year

British actress Barbara Windsor waving during Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride, London. She shares a car with comedian and television presenter Graham Norton (1997)

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

1 year

When I first saw this photo I knew everything was going to be ok.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

T3RFs have targeted @RetroBarLondon again. They’re doing it purposely because of exactly HOW queer inclusive and pro trans that venue is. And once again they’re playing the “Oh you hate seeing women smiling and gathering freely” routine, whilst captioning “Merry T3rfmas” on pics.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 years

Honestly @dragraceukbbc hire me as a comedy consultant cos each season and every acting challenge it’s about who can scream the loudest.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 years

Victoria Wood writes for the Guardian from the beyond.

Dan Egg

@dan_egg

3 years

this is an outrageously guardian quote

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

1 year

Might be a bit patronising of me but I’ve been thinking of LGBTQ folk under, say 25, who might not remember public hostility quite like this. It is strange to recall it, observe things get better, to then notice it worsen. It must hit like a freight train if it’s new.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

I feel weird. Does anyone else feel weird?

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 months

@ysheeblack The things men will do when they’re told “No”

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

1 year

In Afflecks with @SoozUK - she’s been standing here for an hour waiting for people to recognise her. Sad.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 years

It’s dead simple. Some people like “Queer” because it’s a good fit them. Some people dislike it for a variety of reasons. I’m in the former camp, but we both need to respect each other. Either way, it is NOT the business of any cishet person. Dead simple.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

1 year

We do not, as a general rule, want to read books to children.

gryphoneer

@OneRadChee

1 year

YOU THERE. YES, YOU. WHAT'S A LITTLE-KNOWN FACT ABOUT YOUR PROFESSION THAT WOULD MAKE OTHER PEOPLE LOSE THEIR SHIT?

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

1 year

I don't know who's idea it was to have Mystic Meg on the National Lottery but it was a stroke of theatrical genius. She's right up there with Elvira. It was a perfectly executed piece of character performance and it thrilled me to see her each Saturday night. Rest up, Meg.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

4 months

Kirstie Allsop coming out to champion trans rights is a solid example of why I‘m a strong believer in not writing off people you don’t know because they’ve said something you don’t agree with.

Kirstie Allsopp

@KirstieMAllsopp

4 months

This is what I said a year ago, I’ve not changed my stance. I have concerns & I voiced them. I cannot stop Joanne Rowling, or anyone else, framing my position differently. I can only refer back to what is there, you can delete tweets but you can’t rewrite them. 🧵

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

4 years

Ariel right now.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

“Three heads on a spike” - it sent chills down me. I feel sick.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

4 years

What I will remember today was how quickly we all came together to tell Boyz magazine to fuck off. I felt my community today in a way that I haven’t for a long time.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

Me describing secondary school.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

1 year

In Year 6 spent a few weeks wearing sunglasses inside because according to me it was the only way that I, a vampire, could survive in daylight. I can’t shake the suspicion that the imagination of children is being weaponised.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

If they find this tweet, they’ll start doing it. Mark my words. But gathering at queer and trans inclusive spaces to passively intimidate is a tactic of theirs. It’s how they get their kicks. Sending love to all trans, queer and GNC staff and customers at Retro 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈💪🏻

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

20 days

Oh before I forget: my Nan phoned earlier and said there was a big wedding in Rotherham, that it was a gay wedding, and that she’ll keep an eye out for the local paper to see if they reported it so she can tell me the grooms’ names in case I know them 👍🏻

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

1 year

As time moves on, visiting conversion churches is beginning to smell a little like Joanne’s early “senior moments”. We’ve been calling this out for years now.

Keir Starmer

@Keir_Starmer

1 year

Churches across Britain support their community, providing a sense of unity and hope, particularly when times are tough. At this time of optimism and new beginnings, I thank them for everything they do, and wish you all a very Happy Easter.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

10 months

Happy Birthday Vera! My little sack of elbows is 15 years old today 🎈

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 years

I’ve just seen a well known theatre blogger hiss “Who cares what you think?” at a newer, emerging theatre blogger in response to them reviewing a show and: whew. I have never seen such transparent panic from a gatekeeper with waning relevance.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

And honestly your tweets fat-shaming them tell me that you probably have more days where you hate yourself than me. What a sad little life Jane.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 years

If I see any of you performers talking about panto in derogatory way again I’m going to need to see you do a 2-3 month run with 14 shows a week including three show days and only 3/4 days off. Let me know how you get on x

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

4 months

Passed my driving test first time with Anthony Gee of Hive Driving School! 🚗🚗🚗🚗 Chuffing thrilled. Not Driving and Needing Lifts have been such a big part of my personality in adult life 😂 I can’t wait for Gareth v2.0 to hit the road!

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

4 months

Well it goes some way to making it up to her, but it’s still not good enough imo.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

11 months

I knew Manchester wouldn’t let me down. Barnstorming show at the Lowry last night for both Frank and Myra. Every joke landed. The audience were with me at every step, One of the best shows of my career. Thanks so much to everyone who was there; meant the world.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

10 months

Sure thing. Just let me know how you identify and I’ll respect that for you 👍🏻

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

Drag is not the same as black face because drag is an expression of gender by the performer. I’m nonbinary. I have a female and a male character. Neither are imitating gender. It’s me, the performer; expressing myself, and exploring and playing with gender.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

Thought he was just massive and fixing the clock at first.

Rob Harris

@RobHarris

2 years

Traffic lights being removed to prepare Westminster for the funeral

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 years

@ShaniaPain1 This is the culture that show has created tho innit. I wish it were more like Drag SOS where Drag was about celebrating and uplifting and not competing and perfecting.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

10 months

I thought EastEnders was starting.

Historic Vids

@historyinmemes

10 months

A 3,000-year-old petroglyph depicts a man fleeing from a large snake, notable for its unusual feature. This carving is part of the extensive collection of rock carvings in Tanum, Sweden, and it has been painted red to enhance visibility for tourists.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

Ah yes, American classrooms. Where kids are… hold on, just going to check my notes…

James S 🏳️‍🌈💦

@SidesJamesW

2 years

"We will make sure that when a kid is in the womb, they're as safe as they are in a classroom."- Gov. Hucksand

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

She is still very beautiful and I love her very much.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 years

I swear to god if you lot start petitioning for tipping and UK drag becomes performers just wandering round taking money I will retire. It’s hard enough have to act like lipsyncing requires any skill or talent, not this on top 😫

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

1 year

I was flattered to be asked to write a few words on what Paul O’Grady, or more specifically Lily Savage, meant to drag performers and queer kids of my generation. A privileged to be able to pay my respects, thank you to @MetroUK & @RossMcCaff

Paul O'Grady offered a glimmer of hope for queer kids like me under Section 28

Paul O’Grady once liked one of my Instagram posts; I was in drag and it send a spark of excitement through my body.

metro.co.uk

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

I’m about to go on a zoom and I’m so pale Zoom thinks I’m background 😭

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

1 year

We really, really need the vociferous support and resistance from straight and cis allies because this isn’t even the beginning of something truly horrific, we’re about 1/4 of the way through the process. It has started in earnest. I really cannot believe we are here. Again.

Alejandra Caraballo

@Esqueer_

1 year

Michael Knowles is openly calling for genocide against trans people at CPAC. "Transgenderism must be eradicated from public life entirely."

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

11 months

Just want to mark the occasion. Started on a Sunday night open mic stage in a Soho basement. Name now on a West End marquee with a solo show.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

7 months

@claire7t3 @Keir_Starmer Sure. Here, Keir Starmar seems to use Esther Ghey’s grief to paint him as a personal sympathetic to victims of transphobia yet MPs in his party actively express transphobic views which fuel the culture in which trans people are murdered. 1/2

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

When Bet made a spectacular return to Corrie in 2002 (which I think fuelled more into Myra's emergence in 2008 than I realise) she said to Rita "Any aftershave on your sideboard then?" to ask if there was a man in her life, and I've used it to ask the same question ever since.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

4 years

@mrpfitz The assumption that a “staycation” is a novelty or compromise is symptomatic of the class division and how the pandemic lands on either side of it.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 months

I don’t know what this is in relation to but it sounds like a divorced Mum on Facebook saying it’s just her and the kids from now on.

Keir Starmer

@Keir_Starmer

3 months

Country first. Party second. Always.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

4 years

Someone who I’ve slept with a few times has lamented on the socials that it’s sad that we’re taking down statues. He always bottomed because of his erectile dysfunction and I can’t think of a better metaphor for white men clinging to a perceived past Imperial glory.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 months

If I ever played the Emcee in Cabaret I’d play him with a yorkshire accent with a string vest tucked into his y-fronts and a ferret on a lead just to annoy everyone.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 years

For me, a transphobe on #Strictly negates any gays on there and I’m a bit surprised this isn’t the feeling across the acronym. I’m not really bothered if they’ve got gays dancing together if the show is being used to platform a transphobe. It’s all of us or none of us imo

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 months

Anyway does anyone want to give me the money to buy a pub?

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 months

Sheridan Smith to play the Northern Lights over fucking Basingstoke or something I don’t fucking know

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

11 months

Bumming.

Fr. Dwight Longenecker

@dlongenecker1

11 months

How is a "same sex marriage" consummated?

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

Soz to add to discourse & dat course BUT @MetroUK asked me to write some words about being fat, queer, and Sam Smith. It’ll be nothing new to most of you but who knows, maybe someone will read it and think differently about things? Have a read if you like

Fat people like me are told to hate our bodies - Sam Smith's video is a tonic

In I'm Not Here to Make Friends, Sam Smith has given me the representation I've long needed.

metro.co.uk

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 years

Haha I’m on a train to Brighton and someone just airdropped me this image of Jesus with massive knockers.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

Oh ok good, the QTs agree. Fucking self-congratulatory satire will be the end of us.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

It’s been pointed out that this aired on Friday, but queer people are murdered routinely. I would also like them to look LGBTQ+ Qataris people straight in the face and sing their jaunty song with a shit eating grin and see how that sits.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

11 months

An angel.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

10 months

Trying to remember that no matter how I'm feeling, there's an audience of people tonight excited to see my work, and I get to share that with them. One day at a time 👍🏻

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

Met a fan.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

1 year

I mentioned BGT in passing last night and some queen in drag said “Oh you did BGT? You never mention it”. I took them very kindly by the forearm and said “And if anything of note ever happens to you, we’ll discuss it” If you’re going to try it, be clever.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

1 year

The volume my Grandparents have the television at loosens bone marrow. They then want to talk over it. I have to run out of the room like a dentist taking an X-Ray. There’s no Pork Pie in the fridge either. They’ll not be getting 5 stars after this visit I’m afraid.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

Well that's it decided then: I've found somewhere to go. Manchester, I will be living in you from March 🤩 I leave London at the end of January😢

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 years

Gay People make open relationships sexy again, sorry but we did. In straight hands it was all pampas grass and keys in a glass ashtray.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

How it works is they advertise they invaded a trans inclusive space, they make sure the photo looks jolly, they use a dog whistle (T3RF literally means tr*ns exclusion*ry radic*l femin*st), and then call you a misogynist if you point out the bullying. It is literally gaslighting.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

Me until I’ve had my 🐒🦠💉

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

The inclusion of non-binary people and trans men in conversations around birth does not erase women. Inclusion of one group does not negate the rights of another; it’s the same lie and it always works.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

5 years

He’s a lightning rod for the bigotry zeitgeist of any moment. Back then us gays were the scrapegoat. These days it’s our trans* siblings. Look at his profile pic of him “identifying” as a penguin. He hasn’t changed. He’s a small minded bigot with all the empathy of an ashtray.

Piers Morgan

@piersmorgan

5 years

As I've said before, I’m ashamed of some of the inappropriate language I used in The Sun thirty years ago about gay stars. They were different times, but that’s no excuse - it was offensive, it was wrong, and I apologise for it.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 years

Little shout out to any addicts navigating Pride this weekend. It’s a mine field. I was on such a high last night because my head made it to the pillow sober, and I’d danced around seven triggers across the eve. I’m so happy to greet today with a clear head and no regrets 💪🏻

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 years

When was the last time John Cleese stepped onto the circuit and saw what comedians were doing? I’m just flabbergasted that he thinks comedy is dying due to “woke culture” when there’s an entire network of us dickheads saying and doing terrible things to each other for a laugh.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

Three beaming performers who have completed half of the Fringe!

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 years

That gay cis-man was kicked out of Pride to make Pride a safe space for trans people. Calling it “homophobic” ignores that trans people can be gay and subject to homophobia themselves. Trans folk are not separate to gay folk. The letters sit together on the acronym for a reason.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

@David_Chippa That still doesn’t change the optics much. We’ve still got two cishet people singing about the mutilated body parts of actual real queer people on a spike without any consideration as to how queer people might find that imagery.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

4 years

Learning new skills, I’m pretty good!

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

1 year

Last night Myra DuBois opened her last minute gig with Electric 6s “Danger, High Voltage” and as I looked out at the sea of blank 20something faces I realised she might as well be singing The Nolan’s “I’m In The Mood for Dancing.” - I felt very close to 40 indeed.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

2 years

Joe Lycett is the best of us.

Joe Lycett

@joelycett

2 years

🌈

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

1 year

Free speech doesn’t mean a venue has to host your comedy show btw. But I can understand why it might feel like that to straight white cis men* who don’t hear “No” much.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

4 months

Met an icon tonight. Miss Coco Peru at HomeMCR. An hilarious evening of queer rage. Uplifting and nourishing. I was star struck.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

1 month

Not to be all “Anxiety Gay Nervous Around Football” but it’s already quite lairy out there (central London) so just, y’know, look after yourselves and each other. Especially if you stand out for any reason etc.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

3 years

I’ve spent all afternoon in A&E with what I thought was a broken toe and it turns out it was: Gout. Fucking GOUT! Not me with gout whilst I’m only in my later early to mid 20s…

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

7 months

Crystal really stood up for the community, you know. I got quite emotional watching that Sky interview. Those sort of accusations have skyrocketed in the last 4-5 years and I felt strength from the verdict. Crystal did it for us all, I think.

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Gareth Joyner

@garethjoyner

4 years

@JohnCleese Do you remember your youth John when old fogies balked at Python? Do you remember debating Life of Brian with the clergy? You are now the clergy of that scenario. Open your mind.

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