Darrel Bristow-Bovey @dbbovey Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

6 months

This is the newest trailer for White Lies, which is currently screening in some territories in Europe but premiers on M-Net in SA on 7 March. I'm really proud of it.

14

5

45

Last Seen Profiles

@S3gMg1F7V553011

@Noface_island

@kemozorrox96863

@kakiketam

@___vd3

@anushaaaw

@shoyolis

@debbiemacsays

@n_filarski

@iamneeyee

@LnzyBird

@yohg

@ja_miguelez

@OrionSama83

@zeddekiah1

@yatsuzo

@BrillanteES

@mioka__o87

@fritz_milena

@aparnabsinha

@ClaireS1783

@alfesac

@AlQasemAlShami

@pearl_aishah

@CipoFabian

@Ryan_Adams74

@sunooe

@CamilleFra53891

@serdenemn

@MiguelezTeam

@Bukwayo223067

@CamiloRomero

@qinuus

@carmiyy

@dimasickCSGO

@pchaning

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

2 years

Power has just gone off in Lisbon. Locals stumbling around, lost, in a daze, bewildered, turning their panicked eyes to me, a South African, an expert, for guidance through the darkness. Soon I shall be a God.

215

1K

6K

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

2 years

Just to be clear: Rassie Erasmus did not own that tiger. He does however still own the British and Irish Lions.

48

240

2K

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

4 years

When I arrive at my 79-year-old law-abiding mom's home and discover her proudly brandishing two newly purchased bottles of wine, I know the government's campaign to turn us into a nation of criminals has finally reached its apotheosis.

63

185

1K

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

3 years

I would just like to say that I am in London and have just bought two avocados from Sainsbury's. They are R20 cheaper than two identically sized avocados I bought in Woolworths In Cape Town last month. The two avos in Sainsburys were imported from South Africa.

121

387

1K

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

4 years

In 30 years' time, our grandchildren will be saying to us, "But why do you have so many bottles of gin in the cupboard?" And we will look onto the distance and say, "Because you just never know."

29

303

993

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

7 years

Hey, guys who paid for that waitress to get a tip: here's some legal fees really worth crowdfunding.

Sangxa

@sangxa

7 years

"AN EASTERN Cape woman has stabbed a man to death and wounded two others, allegedly when she found them gang-raping her 27year-old daughter"

412

2K

40

1K

956

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

5 years

This is what we need to overcome. This is what we need to defeat. This smallness, this hatred, this self-defeating, self-loathing determination to remain small.

Mbuyiseni Ndlozi

@MbuyiseniNdlozi

5 years

Congratulations to #SiyaKolisi ... the rest go get your congratulations from Prince Harry

7K

2K

10K

52

160

851

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

6 years

Castor Semenya seems to have a degree of calm, dignity, grace and forebearance that I just do not associate with elevated testosterone levels.

27

374

832

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

4 years

What I love about this country is that we have a minister who once prevented HIV-positive pregnant mothers from getting ARVs, BUT IS STILL A MINISTER TWO DECADES LATER, and everyone is all surprised at the quality of her leadership.

29

202

828

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

9 months

Springboks: if a player can't train fully on Monday, he can't be picked on Saturday. Proteas: what do the Springboks know about winning World Cups?

27

162

825

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

21 days

Petition to stop playing any international sport in Durban.

55

147

832

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

10 months

There is a reason that, regardless of form, South Africans are always more wary of the All Blacks than any other team.

36

79

825

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

7 months

South African cricket's lowest moment.

168

161

772

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

10 months

Lesson to South Africans from these two weeks, the next time we lose and are tempted to complain about the reffing: 1. no one else cares 2. everyone becomes extra-glad you lost 3. it doesn't make you feel better Look at the English, look at the French. Let's never be them again.

30

119

747

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

2 years

From the ruins, from the terror, a dark knight rises.

22

70

723

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

2 years

If you aren't from South Africa, you have to understand: no one in South Africa likes the Blue Bulls. At all. Hate 'em. But we are all VERY happy they won. That's one reason why SA is strong.

88

72

698

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

3 years

At some point, the Lions and their fans are going to figure out that while Rassie was making good videos and better points, Jacques Nienaber was actually coaching the team.

21

80

709

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

7 years

Five people want Zuma to stay, and the SA media treats them as though they're a legitimate movement. Our tolerance of breathless brainless sensation in our media coverage will be the death of us.

36

253

668

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

2 years

Right now I would be more comfortable with Elton John in the 10 jersey.

35

46

670

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

6 years

Nothing is certain in life. I never thought I would say this but the more I listen to Kevin Peterson on commentary, the more I like him.

29

14

643

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

2 years

I don't think Mapimpi meant to push MK after the try. I think he was trying to help him up by the beard, because he was concerned MK doesn't have any arms.

32

100

658

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

3 years

Dear South Africans currently hurt and bewildered by the unending stream of abuse for our rugby team from overseas: this is what it feels like to be successful and feared. Get used to it; learn to enjoy it.

35

66

626

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

3 years

I cannot adequately put into words how conflicted a South African is when watching a match between Australia and England.

37

48

637

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

9 months

Oh no, it appears the SA public hasn't fully internalised the briefing by northern pundits about how friendless and embarrassed we should be about our playing style and our team.

Simnikiwe Xabanisa

@simxabanisa

9 months

As the kids say, the situation right now is the place is heaving, and the Boks are still an hour from touchdown...😳

23

248

1K

19

70

594

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

4 years

The good thing about the church regulation is at least no one can pretend any more that these decisions are science-driven.

17

142

583

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

2 years

I am in a hotel bar in a small Karoo town for the rugby, having just powered through a brandy tasting nearby, and I have never been more South African in my life.

18

10

592

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

2 years

Kolisi was clear MOTM, and also, just incidentally, my favourite ever Springbok captain, by a very long way.

19

33

578

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

3 years

World Rugby looking at each other in exasperation. "Whose job was it to take out the Blitzboks?" "Don't look at me, I was assigned to Rassie."

12

65

572

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

3 years

Guys, I actually feel quite bad that Rassie pressurised the ref into not having a terrible game, and that we took advantage of the even playing field to give the Lions a PK.

14

48

570

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

10 months

I swear, every time I don't feel like sitting down at the desk to work, I'm going to pretend I can hear Bongi shouting at me: "For South Africa!"

Murray Kinsella

@Murray_Kinsella

10 months

This kinda sums up Bongi Mbonambi. Willie le Roux seems to be calling for chase on the final Pollard penalty. Bongi: "For South Africa, for South Africa."

61

409

3K

11

77

569

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

4 years

Beaches and national parks remain closed. It's just - I just - I can't even start to fathom the thinking any more, beyond petulance and a kind of mean-spirited spitefulness.

37

105

547

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

4 years

I think we have seen the movie enough times to know the structure. Cyril takes us out to dinner and flatters us. A few days later, the collective arrives with the oversized dildos.

30

117

540

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

3 years

Guys, please, DO NOT ever wear a bullet-proof vest. My cousin was wearing a bullet-proof vest and yet someone STILL shot him in the chest! He said it wasn't even so bad being shot in the chest.

55

144

543

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

3 years

If I were a player and saw my coach put himself out there there for me, the way @RassieRugby has done today - my God, I would run through walls.

23

55

545

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

2 years

Man oh man, of all the Saturdays that exist, there is no Saturday quite so thoroughly a Saturday as a Saturday in which the Springboks are playing the All Blacks in South Africa.

13

50

533

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

6 years

I'm sure your cynicism is all very right and proper, guys, but I am going to enjoy this feeling of hope and inclusion for as long as I possibly can.

13

87

514

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

4 years

I am just thinking of everyone in Plett looking out of their hotel rooms at the sea. THAT is Plett rage.

21

41

516

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

5 years

Judging from this picture, Fikile Mbalula’s wife is now dating a middle-aged lesbian.

ANC SECRETARY GENERAL | Fikile Mbalula

@MbalulaFikile

5 years

Yesterday things my wife surprised me with a dinner for my birthday Bekumnandi.

864

469

11K

105

103

479

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

5 years

But your Party Spokesperson or Communications Commissar or whatever said that Makazole Mapimpi could go get his congratulations from Prince Harry. Slightly confused by EFF messaging here. Are you Prince Harry?

Dali Mpofu

@AdvDali_Mpofu

5 years

Rural Village Rugby had its proudest moment on Saturday when Makazole Mapimpi became the first ever SAn to score a World Cup try in the Final! Here he is holding the 6th Dali Mpofu Easter Rugby Tournament Trophy in 2013...then the Webb Ellis Cup! We Are Very Proud!!👏🏾✊🏾🏈🏈🍾🍾

424

3K

13K

32

88

486

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

3 years

Wait, wait, stop celebrating, guys. Carl Niehaus refuses to accept the decision. Damn it, and we were so close.

19

42

491

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

2 months

Chin up, Leinster. You have so many Irish internationals, you should feel proud of making a semi-final.

25

46

504

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

5 years

People: Steyn was racist to Mapimpi Mapimpi: No he wasn’t. People: Your opinion doesn’t count, Mapimpi. We know better than you, because we follow some people who were watching on TV.

26

114

481

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

5 years

Lots of furious South Africans out there, seeing the Springboks looking happy, united and successful.

23

66

473

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

4 years

An observation: you can't keep people apart forever. Sooner or later, people choose what's important to them - family, friends. Sooner or later they choose to live. Five to six weeks is about the max, and if you, as a state, haven't used those weeks well, you have wasted them.

22

102

482

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

4 years

Don't worry guys, those Cuban doctors should take effect any day now.

19

89

435

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

9 months

@IrishTimesSport I love the fact that South Africa have won more World Cups than Matt Williams won tests as an international coach.

26

53

453

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

4 years

Dear managers of restaurants who come over and tell me the Wifi code in a low voice, "So that the staff don't get hold of it". I am going to write out that code on small slips of paper and give it to every member of your staff.

38

64

445

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

3 years

Am I the only one who is part proud, part mortified that Rassie is showing the rest of the world who we are in our deepest souls?

18

31

447

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

5 years

Guys, I have a book coming out at the end of the year. If you could arrange for someone to ban it, or a mob of thugs to disrupt the launch and tear up some books, my marketing team will be very grateful.

24

50

412

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

5 years

Genuinely the worst thing about the Proteas' terrible start at the Cricket World Cup is all the crowing, snivelling, victimhood-claimers who emerge from their dank basements to blame politics and say it's because of some mythical exodus of white first-team players. Bugger off.

48

89

414

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

4 years

I am concerned that this vaccine has been rushed through incomplete and will only implant the number 333 in my body.

41

33

409

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

9 months

Remember when RasNaber had to choose who to replace Marx with. Imagine our only hooker getting injured in the second minute of final, but your choice of replacement not missing a kick in the tournament, and winning it for us.

11

46

412

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

4 years

Letting the EFF burn shops, manhandle citizens and then extract an apology from Clicks and walk away like heroes is - well, let's just say it's a precedent.

25

72

401

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

3 years

If someone could plausibly explain to me why I keep crying at that clip at the precise moment where Tatjana Schoenmaker realises she's broken the world record, I would be very grateful.

42

27

411

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

4 years

Some saying we should blame the government for the second wave. Others saying we should blame the young, or our neighbours, or that province, or this one. How about we don't blame anyone. How about we stop with the incessant blaming and just try hang in there together.

23

26

397

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

1 year

I think Temba Bavuma might possibly have more grit and steel and personal character than any South African cricketer I've ever seen.

22

39

386

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

2 years

Why I want Argentina to win: I have just spent two months in Buenos Aires, and the fact is, they are more like us than any other country. They are insecure, worried, defensive, sidelined, impoverished, in trouble. Sport is the one place they can get arrogant - (contd)

18

30

382

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

4 years

Fascinating to see what you're allowed to buy in this Clicks. "Women's razors"? No. "Men's razors"? Yes! Lipstick? No. Nosehair trimmers? Yes! Hairbrushes? No way. Hair dye? Of course! This is what happens when a society values laws more than the principles behind them.

41

84

355

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

9 months

Every gamble Rassie and Jacques ever made paid off.

12

27

360

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

3 years

I don't want anyone to start calling me a hero who has preserved a small corner of civilisation, or anything, but let's just say that book I never returned to the UCT library in 1993 is starting to look mighty visionary.

14

31

346

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

3 years

I don't understand - are you a cricket team or a bus?

Proteas Men

@ProteasMenCSA

3 years

Our victories are not measured by the scoreboard 🏏 But by how many we were able to bring along with us 🇿🇦 #BePartOfIt

361

44

566

37

41

350

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

5 years

Listen, you idiots. The way to fix damage to your brand isn't to try persuade us that the problem is the media doesn't like you. It's to recognise the media doesn't like you because of what you're doing and how you're behaving, and how destructively incompetent you are being.

Proteas Men

@ProteasMenCSA

5 years

The Executive of Cricket South Africa fully acknowledges the recent events in the media space and despite months of experiencing unmediated attacks, including of a personal nature, we acknowledge the severity of the current mood towards our brand

174

38

157

15

66

340

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

4 years

To say that if the numbers go up, we go back to level 5 is nonsensical. of course the numbers will go up. The numbers are always going to go up, it's just a matter of how quickly. To say otherwise is basically victim-blaming.

24

55

326

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

4 years

What is the point of this man?

Eyewitness News

@ewnupdates

4 years

Mbalula: Lockdown played major role in reduction of Easter road accidents

191

16

99

88

29

324

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

5 years

A Japanese mystery in three parts: 1. There are no rubbish bins in public spaces in Japan. 2. I haven't seen a street sweeper or anyone who picks up litter in Japan. 3. There is no litter in Japan.

44

97

325

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

3 years

I think it's important we unite around Rassie. This is bold and ballsy and it's about time, and we owe it to him to not be a nation of Marius Jonkers, going sucking up to international rugby, hoping next time they'll be nicer to us.

SA Rugby magazine

@SARugbymag

3 years

Rassie Erasmus has released the most damning 26-clip video of the officiating from the Springboks 1st Test against the British & Irish & said he is prepared to suffer any consequence from World Rugby and walk away from rest of the series. | @mark_keohane .

112

213

633

16

68

333

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

2 years

Dear English fans upset about the blocking and the forward pass: make your own damn videos.

18

27

326

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

3 years

There are a bunch of very kak English rugby writers who need to watch Siya Kolisi today.

9

38

327

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

3 years

Until recently I was thinking Siya might well turn out to be the greatest Bok leader of all time. And then suddenly tonight I realised: what exactly am I waiting for? There is no doubt in my mind.

8

22

326

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

6 years

The thing I like about Telkom is that they would never get called out hat in hand to the EFF's offices. If there's one thing Telkom never does, it's come to your house to sort out a problem.

11

79

311

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

2 years

Lukhanyo Am has spent the last few years being the best player in the world. But he keeps getting better.

5

40

315

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

3 years

Dear SA scientists. The next time you detect a variant or a virus, hang back until someone else somewhere else also identifies it. Give THEM the honour of having it named after them.

9

49

316

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

4 years

So conflicted. I never want to be on another Zoom call in my life. But I also never want to be in another face to face meeting in my life.

14

25

307

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

3 months

Just give up, New Zealand. Swear allegiance to us and make us your kings, and we'll stop taking everything from you, just because we can.

See ya koalisie 🫡

@StueyMax

3 months

The new Miss New Zealand is South African, Samantha Poole.

55

70

470

21

49

308

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

5 years

Here's what a lot of reactions to the EFF assault in parliament don't understand: that wasn't an act of stupidity or indiscipline. Violence IS the EFF's brand. They're just getting you used to it.

12

73

285

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

4 years

Out of gratitude and because a Bovey always repays his debts, I pledge for the next month only to buy drinks from restaurants that served me drinks over the past month.

12

16

301

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

3 years

Someone make this catfish President of South Africa.

New Scientist

@newscientist

3 years

Electric catfish cannot be shocked and scientists don’t know why

54

69

399

16

72

299

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

6 years

My respect and gratitude to Clifford from @EuropcarSA at OR Tambo this morning, who found my laptop in a baggage trolley, where I left it, tracked down my number and called me 11 times until I finally answered.

13

51

287

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

4 years

You know what this country should invest in? Speechwriters and communications experts for the Ministers, teaching them how to convey a message and details simply, accurately and without need of further correction or clarification.

34

35

286

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

10 months

I can't even imagine the level of northern hemisphere bafflement and outrage if the Boks and All Blacks both win next week.

34

31

292

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

3 years

Watching players from the crowd throwing their cellphones to Siya so that he can take a selfie. He could become the greatest ambassador this country has ever had.

11

10

285

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

1 year

5000 Irish folk in red jerseys are going to revive the economy of Cape Town tonight.

10

27

277

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

2 years

Jamie Bartlett was without question one of the most elementally powerful and compelling performers I have ever seen live, and one of the most frustrating and rewarding actors I have ever written for. He was a force of nature, and I didn't realise he could die.

9

50

275

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

9 months

Guys, you do realise the next goal is to have the cricket and rugby world cups at the same time.

15

22

279

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

2 years

I don't know yet how we'll do at the World Cup next year. I do know that building in that direction matters more to me than winning every game now. What I am most certaon of is how lucky I am to be actively watching in the era of Lukhanyo Am.

18

15

275

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

6 years

Guys, I missed the budget speech. Did it go something like this?

Nation Breaking News

@NationBreaking

6 years

SINGAPORE TO pay bonus to all citizens aged 21 and above after 2017 budget shows almost $10 billion surplus.

592

5K

4K

37

174

266

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

4 years

I think we should all enjoy this moment of good sense and rationality, before the Ministers start making decisions and interpretations.

11

25

265

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

4 years

Day two of level three and the promenade is going mad with people. Thank god this wasn't allowed to happen earlier.

14

34

269

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

5 years

This is a remarkable, almost miraculous achievement. And the World Cup too.

Steven Kitshoff

@StevenKitshoff

5 years

Still can’t believe it! Thank you so much for all the love and support! We appreciate it so much. Happy to be back in our incredible country. Now let’s celebrate 🎉💚💛🏆🥇 @aimee_kitshoff

48

85

2K

22

24

264

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

5 years

On Sunday I picked up a friend from the airport. Dale Steyn was in the men’s room. A guy walked in, saw him, and shouted “Hey Dale! Thanks for the World Cup!” Dale didn’t reply. Kept his dignity. Left. The next day, he retired from test cricket. We never deserved him.

25

33

259

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

11 months

Playing Ireland in the final, having lost to them in the pool match because of kicks? That is the stars starting to align in a way that South Africans can recognise and quietly enjoy.

26

27

265

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

2 years

South African rugby can still make me choke up at unexpected moments.

A-P

@rugby_ap

2 years

What it means to the Pumas. How can you not love this game.

21

115

906

8

22

261

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

9 months

Did India select the wrong pitch?

34

57

264

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

9 months

The worst thing about the English is they have made this finals week all about them. Sorry, that's not actually the worst thing about the English - they are much worse than that - still, I made the allegation in good faith.

12

47

256

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

7 years

Big thank-you to State Security in this Internet age for restoring books to their rightful status as most effective weapons against power.

Exclusive Books

@ExclusiveBooks

7 years

Reports that we have agreed to recall Jacques Pauw's new book, The President's Keepers, are untrue. We stand with the author & publisher.

110

992

1K

7

110

253

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

2 years

Guys, I've had some time to think it over, and I'm feeling optimistic. We're the Boks. We NEVER win a World Cup without being in rugby crisis one year before.

20

12

251

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

26 days

What if we take away the Loftus DJ's Coldplay CD?

The Irish Times

@IrishTimes

27 days

South Africa and Botswana citizens will no longer be allowed visa-free travel to Ireland

156

95

636

16

36

253

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

6 years

I can't wait till we get rid of that divisive name "Cape Town International" once and for all. It has caused strife and heartache for long enough.

51

42

242

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

9 months

It's not illegal for the Springboks to communicate with their own players in their own language during the game, but should it be allowed?

84

20

247

Darrel Bristow-Bovey

@dbbovey

9 months

@miss_moss It seems like my new phase of life is just watching videos like this and gently happy-crying to myself like a toothless old geezer in a rocking chair watching toddlers.

12

8

246