Daliso Chaponda @dalisochaponda Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

@condet020274

@UMNMorrisTennis

@gdh9889

@cleakolster

@MarkijohnMMS

@Sachiel_Drive

@0fficialJim_

@barticchota1913

@dallalle_

@amycatalinac

@WestmorlandYO

@fakemelancholia

@JKaczkowsk21425

@iamera_do

@JitinPrasada

@BrashMazn96027

@0fasii

@bokeplokalmalam

@Udin1224370690

@cole_charter3

@magbao_

@katyvuylsteker

@___DW3

@MarchedSolutio1

@rhjmartens

@meyrosad

@WyckoffNJPatch

@stw_pdg

@TaintedPhotog

@boystracknfield

@12_kelinci

@bokeplokalmalam

@Mindcite_US

@TheBreach27

@MNBulletin

@mods_hippie

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

1 year

@WIRED This article is insulting, condescending and makes so many false assertions. Every sentence oozes with the self importance of the journalist.

8

35

4K

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

8 years

Twitter needs a new button. I don't 'follow' @realDonaldTrump , I monitor him suspiciously as you would a felon who moved next door.

19

300

1K

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

This has been a wonderful, insane roller coaster. Thanks #bgt . It's brought me a huge audience who i will now pummel frequently with jokes!

46

67

842

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Thanks again for the buzzer @Amandaholden . Sleep now and tomorrow morning I'll start writing for my 1st tour. #aintseenthelastofme #bgt

34

50

721

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Thanks for all the lovely messages . I have to get up early for rehearsals so i must sleep. I'll message people back probably on Sunday.

47

26

583

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

To the people saying their kids want to see me live but comedy clubs are 18+ I'll plan a few 8+ shows. Watch this space. And watch 2nite!

25

31

529

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Lets do this @RealNedWoodman . Stand up comedy for the win #BGT

18

45

472

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

2 years

@PercyVezi She never said that. I was looking for it to write jokes about it and it doesn't exist. here is the entirety of what she said I'm the podcast

10

81

429

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Episode 1 written! Now on number two!!!

British Comedy Guide

@BritishComedy

7 years

Britain's Got Talent star Daliso Chaponda is to make a stand-up series for Radio 4 called Citizen Of Nowhere:

10

72

173

21

75

408

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Been practicing these jokes the last two weeks. Won't let Amanda down. Tune in; itv1 in 30 mins #bgt

65

28

398

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

1 year

As twitter is becoming 'X', I propose previous references to 'x' become 'twitter'. Malcolm Twitter, Twitter Twitter Twitter Movies, Twitter marks the Spot.

37

81

393

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

1 year

@ZackJohnson777 @WIRED Sanderson also had the class to tell his fans on Reddit to please leave the journalist alone and took the article with grace (while admitting it hurt)

2

1

322

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Comedians unite #bgt

3

24

295

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Vote daliso

43

55

280

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

4 years

@MikeSington Some of these bullet points are jokes surely?

3

2

256

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Living the dream moments. I better be even funnier tonight #bgt

8

22

268

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Backstage deciding on set for final. Remember to tune in #bgt

29

24

259

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Delighted I can actually say this. 20 extra dates added to tour because of high demand. #whattheafricansaid

Live Nation UK

@LiveNationUK

7 years

ON SALE: we have a whoooole load of extra new @dalisochaponda dates for 2018! Book your tickets 👉

9

11

33

29

38

254

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

This was the very first joke i wrote in the UK by the way.

BGT

@BGT

7 years

Sound logic, @dalisochaponda . 😂😂😂 #BGT

101

285

1K

6

21

188

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Woohoo #bgt grinning, jumping up and down, screeching

33

35

173

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Parents face £60 when children are late for school... Kids should tell parents, "Give me a fiver or i will get ready very very slowly"

7

38

174

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

2 years

@Nerdrotics It's harmless fun. What's the harm in it delighting some people?

5

0

138

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Tune in to #bgt tonight and vote for your favourite. Tonight's line up are brilliant.

10

41

150

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

2 years

@klagooon If anyone ever comes for me, can I nominate you as my defender?

2

1

142

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

As i have no wife or children, these are the lengths i had to go to get everyone's congratulations. Now how do i get gifts?

7

144

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

3 years

@ZackSnyder And the reason he's called the 'world's greatest detective'is he's the only man who can find the clitoris.

2

11

141

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

About to do an interview with @ITVLorraine . I will use this face.

7

8

142

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Be sure to watch tonight's Britain's Got Talent; you might see a familiar face.

29

17

130

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

2 years

Arrived in Nairobi for #laughfestival just as the show is starting; I'd be worried bit if I know #Churchillshow they are starting on Kenyan Time. See you all there.

9

11

138

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

4 years

9pm tonight on BBC2 - It's going to be Quite Interesting!

3

6

117

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

For a second i was worried my neices were telling me to leave but no…

3

5

121

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

10 months

On your telly tonight! Catch me on #HIGNFY at 9pm on BBC One.

17

3

119

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

5 years

@pricepeterson

1

3

107

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

The last 24 hours have been surreal and a blessing. Thanks to everyone for the supportive messages. I love jokes. #bgt

11

14

110

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

@nadhhirahh Coming 3rd is like winning for me. I'll be able to tour etc. 1st place would have been cool but I'll be making you laugh for ages to come.

6

2

103

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

1 year

@TheRoot When was the survey? We don't all agree 🤣

11

2

98

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

When you've been preparing jokes for hours and you need a nap.

4

7

102

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

2 years

Laurence Fox changed his profile pic to a swastika. Two squares away from completing right wing bingo card and one square from completing the attention seeking bingo card

3

101

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

6 years

no way snow was going to get in the way of my @KomediaBrighton tour date. I came down early just in case. still a few tickets left i think. come down tonight and let laughter warm you. #whattheafricansaid

8

6

93

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Be sure to watch BGT friday night and Vote for the laughter :)

4

22

87

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

3 years

Tonight I'm on @qikipedia @BBCTwo 10pm! TUNE IN. WITH @ladycariad @dalisochaponda #JamesAcaster @alandavies1 and @sanditoksvig . SHAKE US DONT STIR US. Tonight's episode is about Spies

3

4

89

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

4 years

So true @ShappiKhorsandi . Well played.

Steph's Packed Lunch

@PackedLunchC4

4 years

Winning! @ShappiKhorsandi responds to Jim Davidson on the question of diversity #PackedLunchC4

1

11

59

1

8

83

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

The #NationalRealityTVAwards giftbags have given me a chance to live my dream. TANNING BETTER!

6

11

81

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Whenever an malawi achievement award was given, people got up and danced. OSCARS take note.

1

79

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

2 years

When I was born we were refugees. I was to young for me to remember those trying times. But my parents told me we were welcome. May refugees always be welcomed #withopenarms

Sandi Toksvig

@sanditoksvig

2 years

Since Russia's invasion, 22,000 Ukrainians have applied for UK visas, but just over 1,000 have been issued. I am ready to house a Ukrainian family, as are many British people. We want to help, but we need the UK government to take action now, and welcome refugees with open arms.

1K

9K

34K

3

14

84

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

At the #NationalRealityTVAwards . Up for best performance in a reality show. Will also be performing!

7

6

84

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

2 years

Hey guys, I'm on QI XL today at 9pm on BBC 2 with @sarahmillican75 , @robbeckettcomic , @alandavies1 and of course @sanditoksvig . It was so much fun to record, so do tune in.

1

4

82

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Whenever i click like on a youtube video Twitter tells on me. I better be careful what i thumb up.

6

3

81

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

5 years

Tonight @sanditoksvig , #AlanDavies , #PhillJupitus , @ladycariad and I will be discussing animals that begin with Q on BBC at 10pm. @qikipedia #QI

4

7

76

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

I just uploaded a #jokeoftheweek about being approached on streets by people. Listen on #SoundCloud

I voted for you #jokeoftheweek

Daliso Chaponda discusses being voted on and elections in general

soundcloud.com

4

17

80

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

1 year

@scniab @WIRED 🤣

0

74

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

4 years

. @realDonaldTrump 's pronouns are Me/Me/Me

1

9

72

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

In case you missed it!

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

I just uploaded a #jokeoftheweek about being approached on streets by people. Listen on #SoundCloud

4

17

80

3

8

74

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

4 years

A few words about people who say 'All Lives Matter' back at people who say 'Black Lives Matter' from yesterday's coronacast..

4

26

67

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

3 years

@DanielBGreene Lanfear of course.

1

0

69

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Waiting for a travel visa to be issued is like hoping for a text message after a date. You check your phone every 10 mins. #bureaucracy

1

5

68

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

4 years

Until yesterday, I didn't realise I could binge watch a hashtag

0

8

69

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

4 years

Donald Trump's pronouns are Me/Me/Me

0

13

70

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

@LisaB_22 Haha, 1 step at time. I'm starting with radio as I've done radio plays and know the medium wel,l so I can knock it out the park. TV = step 2

1

4

63

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

6 years

2018 was the best year of my life. 1st big tour, 1st DVD, 1st demon banishing (i used holy water and a joke told backwards). Happy New Year! May this year's laughs be richer, mistakes be smaller, and if you see a woman with a shell on her back, ask where she hid the biscuits.

2

1

66

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

3 years

@WrittenInRain @lauralexx @Suffolkandbad Or maybe it's popular because it's F'd up and life is F'd up and its a cartoonish melodramatic version of life but still resonates because some of the glasses have cracks in them? I may be wrong but if it was all healthy, would it work?

5

0

65

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

spotted on the streets of Malawi

4

8

63

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

5 years

"I had to go back to Africa just to see what a stable government looks like" The last few days have not disproved this joke.

BGT

@BGT

5 years

"I had to go back to Africa just to see what a stable government looks like" @dalisochaponda had us laughing from start to finish on #BGTChampions 😂

8

78

222

1

12

61

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Storm the bastille!! My uk tour tickets are now on sale. Purchase them at

23

19

59

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

4 years

@DaneBaptweets

7

4

49

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

6 years

@BGT Just got off stage at sold out show in Preston and recording radio show on tuesday. This was the moment that made it possible!

7

1

61

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

6 years

I love comedy!

9

0

56

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

6 years

Took me a second. That's brilliant

6

8

56

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

2 years

Great record for #thenewsquiz tonight. With @ZaltzCricket , @felicityward @eleanortiernan and @hugorifkind . Tune in Friday 1830 on @bbcradio4

3

5

56

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

4 years

Thought about this one for 10 minutes.

1

2

57

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

I will be performing in the comedy tent at the #downloadfestival tomorrow. Do come on by

6

3

57

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Tonight @ComedyStoreMCR I will debut a heart stopping routine about Chinese potatoes on the Moon! Just thought you should all know.

2

7

55

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

6 years

What should I wear for tomorrow's DVD shoot? option A, B or C #whattheafricansaid

59

2

54

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Russian hackers selling ministers' login passwords for LinkedIn and MySpace. Most shocking thing about this, people still use MySpace!

3

4

50

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

i am @bgt auditions in London today doing a live Q and A soon. tweet your questions!

6

9

49

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Well done getting through Ned! Keep the laughs coming.

Ned Woodman

@RealNedWoodman

7 years

Me and funny guy @dalisochaponda , I'm on tonight. Please vote for me, and then vote for him on Friday! 😜

3

2

37

1

6

49

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

5 years

What was the most difficult joke for me to write? Well it took about 16 drafts to get this one right. @jonnypelham22 this is the joke I was talking about.

9

8

53

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Had a lovely recording for @thenewsquiz @BBCRadio4 . Be sure to tune in T 630pm tomorrow.

3

8

50

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Was great spending afternoon with people doing @BGT auditions. Will keep answering #AskDaliso questions for rest of day so ask away. I will even answer mathematical questions :)

3

5

49

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Flying to Dubai with a bag full of jokes. Four shows. Tickets at

7

5

51

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

4 years

Be sure to tune in to the @RoyalVariety tonight at 8pm on ITV. #variety4charity . Such an amazing line up. It was a delight to be part of.

8

4

47

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

5 years

If you're feeling depressed on xmas, feeling alone, @SarahMillican75 will be doing #joinin again. Chat to others with the hashtag or share what you're doing or be funny or be miserable or be honest. Whatever state you're in, it helps.

0

12

49

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

5 years

Friday night, 10pm, I will be on @BBCTwo #QI with @sanditoksvig #alandavies @ladycariad and #PhillJupitus @qikipedia . Here we are testing our buzzers. Be sure to tune in. @AmandaHolden , I did ask for a golden one😉

2

5

47

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Strange to be at an awards as a guest not host. I keep thinking i could mention that in the... oh yeah... not my job #malawiachieversawards

0

48

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

6 years

Popped into Nandos in Kings Lynn and it feels like half the people in here are coming to watch my show at the Corn Exchange. Was there a special Chaponda and chicken deal? #whattheafricansaid

6

1

47

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

Alternate title "stop NHS cuts"

1

11

46

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

6 years

Brilliant show in Winchester tonight, but I spoke to woman from Botswana in audience and couldn't improvise a Botswana joke. Now back at hotel, could not sleep til I wrote two Botswana gags. #thisiscomediancompulsion

5

1

44

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

3 years

If your girlfriend lives more than 10 miles away, dump her. Suggested exit line. “It’s not you, it’s BP.” #fuelcrisis #survivaltips

1

5

47

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

4 years

@BuzzFeed African here. Not offended. Don't be offended on my behalf. Your article is 'here are some tweeters who didn't like the sketch'. There 's another bunch of tweeters who liked it. There should probably be about 200 haters or something before you call 'backlash'

1

3

41

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

5 years

I missed my flight connection to Johannesburg due to @airfrance delay. I am in Paris airport living it up in a POD! will still make the #jicf show of course. with extra unexpected material! #bewareofpodpeople #takemetoyourleader

8

3

43

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

5 years

My new UK Tour starts this September! Get your tickets for Blah Blah Blacklist now!

Daliso Chaponda From Daliso Chaponda

Performance dates and tickets for Daliso Chaponda

dalisochaponda.seetickets.com

16

6

46

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

6 years

just 12 tickets left for tonight's #whattheafricansaid in London at @lsqtheatre . need a last minute plan. come on down

6

3

41

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

5 years

I just was on radio 4 discussing #davidlammy criticism of #comicrelief . it's a very nuanced issue and I tried to squash a lot into two minutes. if you are interested in my views, I did an entire comedy episode about the complexity of charity

BBC Radio 4 - Daliso Chaponda: Citizen of Nowhere, Series 1, The Helpers

Daliso Chaponda looks at UK and Africa charities and organisations.

www.bbc.co.uk

0

9

45

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

What's that? Uk Tour dates here: and also, here's a joke you can listen to

10

6

44

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

New jokes new jokes @ComedyStoreMCR tonight. New stuff is always a blast. Come on down.

3

4

41

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

2 years

@KonstantinKisin @francisjfoster You're talking shit. Tell me the subject you can't talk about in a UK comedy club and I'll talk about it tonight.

3

0

40

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

4 years

Next time you think you might have got someone pregnant. Just don't test and she won't be pregnant i guess.

Acyn

@Acyn

4 years

Trump: When you do testing to that extent, you’re going to find more people. You’re going to find more cases. So I said to my people slow the testing down please.

8K

19K

50K

1

8

39

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

7 years

On my way to Liverpool Slavery Museum to expand my routine #strangeresearch

3

4

37

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

5 years

Very delighted to learn I have been nominated for the Rose D'Or for "Citizen of Nowhere". So delighted as it's the most difficult thing I've written which I'm most proud of. Also, tune into today's episode at 630pm

6

7

42

Daliso Chaponda

@dalisochaponda

4 years

Spot the difference.

2

12

39