Sarah 🥨 @cosmopterix Twitter profile

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

3 years

I have no idea what I’m doing on this website.

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@manaty1979

Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

10 months

Celebrating 42 on this rainy day.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

3 months

I’m 71 years old.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

6 months

There is no Dana only Zuul

Ingenuous Firebrand 🐆🇺🇸

@ING2Firebrand

6 months

“What do you mean, you aren’t vaxxed?!?”

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

1 year

Thirst strike: who did it better?

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

5 months

What if I told you that nobody finds the fishing girl ugly or unfeminine and there are just a bunch of large accounts coordinating to provoke you for money and attention.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

10 months

Phone call from my dad today: Dad: “Happy birthday! 42, huh?” Me: “Yep, that’s right.” Dad: You know the composer Mussorgsky (begins to hum first movement of Pictures at an Exhibition) Me: “Yes, of course. You used to play that all the time.” Dad: “Yes, well…he died on his 42nd

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

11 months

@WajahatAli Being so committed to impressing liberal wine moms that you dox the wife of a guy who applied to donate his liver to your sick child.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

Fetterman was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation and cardiomyopathy in 2017. He did not take his medication or schedule follow-up appts, then nearly died of a completely predictable stroke this past year. He didn’t even “fight” to make sure his family had a husband and a father.

John Fetterman

@JohnFetterman

2 years

In the Senate, I’ll fight for the millions of Americans who (like me) aren’t perfectly healthy. All Dr. Oz has ever done is exploit them.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

She had her Twitter account restored and she’s acting like she just got released from a Russian penal colony.

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@JoJoFromJerz

2 years

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

Friends, I have sad news to share. After a long series of health struggles, my mom died today. I was fortunate to be with her when she passed. Words of support would mean the world to me right now.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

1 year

@alfranken So basically what you’re saying is, you believe the Supreme Court decision was correct. But you yourself don’t seem to understand this.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

I just found out that my dad discovered my Twitter account and read through it. Excuse me while I die.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

I watched this action movie “Terminator” for the first time, and Arnold just blew me away with “I’ll return at a later time.”

BrooklynDad_Defiant!☮️

@mmpadellan

2 years

I'm watching this western movie "Tombstone" for the first time, and Val Kilmer just blew me away with "I'll be your huckleberry."🤣🤣🤣 So many stars in this movie, very entertaining flick!

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

8 months

Past due for a new profile pic. Gotta keep it seasonal.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

7 months

Just taking a moment to say an early Merry Christmas! It’s now high jolly season! It’s been a joy to laugh and share with all of you throughout the year.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

@PaulREhrlich “Sure I’ve made some mistakes.”

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

8 months

I don’t think there could possibly be a funnier outcome to this story.

EducatëdHillbilly™

@RobProvince

8 months

Oh shit the kids grandfather is legit tribal council member… enjoy bankruptcy chucklefuck.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

8 months

@BidenHQ Or you could put politics aside for one day and enjoy the company of your loved ones.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

20 days

Happy Independence Day, friends. I’m about to take a nap at the cookout.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

1 year

Ron Filipkowski doesn't like it when you point out that he resembles the person whose looks he's making fun of.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

4 months

This you?

Andrew J Hughes 🇺🇦

@ajhughesdev

4 months

@Nessakins_ People died you cunt.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

Apparently, @SirajAHashmi has been doing game reviews in his spare time.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

1 year

@NoContextBrits In other words, we solved a problem while you helplessly complain about it every year.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

3 months

Give this man his damn alligator back.

Dr. Ben Braddock

@GraduatedBen

3 months

America is no longer a free country. At least not all of it. The New York State government is taking away this man’s beloved pet alligator he’s had for a Jesus lifetime. I don’t think even Stalin would do something so tyrannical as this.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

I had the day off from work today and no plans. Instead of being productive around the house, I watched all three extended editions of the Lord of the Rings trilogy and drank 11 diet root beers.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

7 months

Pretty ladies are nice to look at.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

9 months

Yearly reminder that if you post one of those Thanksgiving food charts that says “one of these has to go” you are a Communist. You can have all the food you want. You are an American.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

Merry Christmas (a few days early) from me and the pretzel tree.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

1 year

I have no idea how long I’ve been walking around like this.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

10 months

@SenFettermanPA The oversized toddler is refusing to wear pants until he gets what he wants.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

7 months

@jonathanchait I’m sure you had plenty of room to shove it all up your ass.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

4 months

Gee, sorry that we stopped working on our TPS reports for 20 minutes to see the rare and awe-inspiring natural spectacle.

NBC News

@NBCNews

7 years

The solar eclipse will cost America almost $700 million in lost productivity

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

My contribution.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

5 months

Good morning, may you enjoy your Valentine’s Day. I couldn’t resist a nod to St. Valentine himself.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

11 months

@alfranken Ok. Then please go on the record stating exactly at what point in a pregnancy you and your party believe they should be banned.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

11 months

@WajahatAli You don’t care. You were butthurt over a tweet and that’s why you brought it up. No amount of deflection will absolve you of the disgraceful and dishonorable act of attacking a friend’s wife instead of resolving your petty dispute man to man.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

Frens, we are being persecuted for our sacred traditions. They even got our Mayo King.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

@itouchcoral @mtaibbi It was not “totally ok” to the many people who warned that this type of surveillance would eventually be used to violate American citizens’ constitutional rights.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

11 months

@JuddLegum @RonDeSantis Wait until you hear about the things public schools spend money on!

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

9 months

Decided to hand out copies of the Constitution instead of candy for Halloween. The kids love this.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

11 months

@kathygriffin Kathy, Siraj is a gay icon. Delete this.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

6 months

Every time the idea comes up that Joe Biden is a kindly old man who has grown forgetful, I remind myself of what he did to Clarence Thomas while he had his full faculties.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

9 months

@damintoell She did not go unanswered.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

1 year

A rare toothy smile from me. Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

I tweet about pretzels.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

3 months

@3YearLetterman He needs to be able to purchase a waterbed in cold, hard cash.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

First selfie since Twitter verified that I do, in fact exist (they took my money.)

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

3 months

Gm. I shrieked when I stumbled unexpectedly across a colony of about a dozen Yellow Lady’s Slipper orchids (Cypripedium parviflorum) growing wild in the woods yesterday. I’d been looking for them for years. Here’s one of the most majestic of the bunch.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

@richardmarx Nobody has ever asked this question. You’re the first one.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

1 year

Enjoying this beautiful day.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

I can’t stop staring at this picture.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

@neontaster You would think this attack would be used as a high profile example of how progressive policies are leaving mentally ill addicts to run amok, but no. We have to do the conspiracy theories.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

10 months

“I won’t put on pants until you give me my binky!”

Senator John Fetterman

@SenFettermanPA

10 months

If those jagoffs in the House stop trying to shut our government down, and fully support Ukraine, then I will save democracy by wearing a suit on the Senate floor next week.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

1 year

@redsteeze Nobody is condemning his health struggles. We’re condemning the people who put him in office despite knowing he was unable to fulfill his duties, further endangering his life.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

Such incredible range.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

9 months

It was all fun and games to dunk on dipshits until they started getting paid.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

Really glad I didn’t freak out last night and post this one terrific picture I have of my boobs.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

8 months

I got my first Community Note published. (Please clap)

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

5 months

People who are not well-read will always answer this question with “Catcher in the Rye” which is because it’s the only book they remember reading.

CoffeeWithTheClassics

@CoffeewClassics

5 months

Quick. Tell me. What's the most *over-rated* Great Book? I want your opinion.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

11 months

I’d listen, but I’d rather shove a hot poker up my ass.

Jimmy Kimmel

@jimmykimmel

11 months

MAJOR LIFE UPDATE - for the remainder of the strike @StephenAtHome , @JimmyFallon , @SethMeyers , @IamJohnOliver & I are joining forces for a new podcast called @StrikeForceFive . Hear the first episode tomorrow 8/30. ALL proceeds (thanks to @Casamigos and @MintMobile ) go to support

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

12 days

Lol, ESPN hid my reply.

ESPN

@espn

13 days

"No matter the road ahead, we are here for you. We will leave no one behind.” -Prince Harry after accepting the Pat Tillman Award for Service ❤️

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

It knows too much.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

@nypost She is gorgeous, of course, but I promise she is not too perfect to be called mid on Twitter.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

1 year

I, too, am harassed on the daily by a creepazoid at the gym. My only regret is that the camera wasn’t on a tripod angled perfectly on my ass when this gross violation occurred.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

9 months

As someone who has been extremely critical of Fetterman, it’s only fair that I give credit where credit is due to him for being stalwart on this issue. The hostages must be released.

Senator John Fetterman

@SenFettermanPA

9 months

I was profoundly moved to meet with survivors of the October 7th massacre and families of Hamas’ hostages. Together, we began to post photos of the hostages outside my office to stress the urgent need to bring them all home. My office is posting every last one.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

11 days

In Butler, PA, there’s a non-zero chance his ear is being treated with Windex and Vick’s Vapo Rub.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

9 months

It’s been a year since my boomer mom passed, and I’m telling you, she was a machine on Facebook. A nice photo of the neighbors’ kids with the Easter bunny? Paganism. A meme with a quote wrongly attributed to Abe Lincoln? Shared. Someone must carry this mantle. It has to be me.

Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

9 months

Today I’m going to boomer scream at all of the people who are wrong.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

7 months

I’m easily contented.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

@David_Leavitt @caesar_pounce I hate it when I can’t buy an electric toothbrush for a penny.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

9 months

He’s growing on me like a fatty tumor on the neck.

Greg Price

@greg_price11

9 months

John Fetterman was confronted by a protester at a campaign event last night for his support for Israel. He responds to him by saying “The joke is on you. I had a stroke. I can’t fully understand what you are saying.”

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

6 months

I like to keep my eye out for beautiful patterns in nature. This fallen tree was a stunner.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

He’s not upset that he has to pay for his blue check. He’s upset that we can get one, too.

Jonah Goldberg

@JonahDispatch

2 years

“It’s America’s public square. That’ll be $96 a year for front row seating and a megaphone.” — New Twitter

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

8 months

Nobody wants your unsolicited opinion on what you don’t like. Be jolly or stfu.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

Can you yell “Muskets!” in a crowded theater?

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

6 months

The face of a boy who is mad that I didn’t give him my cheese.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

Birthday sunset on the beach.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

With humble regret for my offensive behavior, I am free from Twitter jail. I have apologized to poor Jarvis.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

8 months

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

#NewProfilePic

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

@JeremyRedfernFL “I’m sorry you had a bad experience” is what a restaurant manager says to a patron whose pasta wasn’t cooked to al dente, not what a doctor says to a teenager whose body was irreparably harmed.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

9 months

@WajahatAli Today, journalists were shown footage of a Hamas terrorist attempting to behead an Israeli man with a shovel. Is that an example of genocidal rage?

Jotam Confino

@mrconfino

9 months

I just saw indescribable, raw footage of Hamas’ massacre along with 100 other international journalists, provided by Israeli authorities. Here are the notes I took: 1: Hamas terrorist screaming Allah Akhbah as he frantically tries to behead a dead man with a shovel.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

Happy Friday, friends. Hope it’s a good one.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

#NewProfilePic

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

I guess the strategy is to try to make Oz look like a bully for doing well in the debate.

Holly Otterbein

@hollyotterbein

2 years

In a memo sent to reporters, the Fetterman campaign seeks to lower expectations for tomorrow’s debate with Oz: “We’ll admit — this isn’t John’s format … if we’re all being honest, Oz clearly comes into Tuesday night with a huge built-in advantage.”

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

9 months

@WajahatAli Won’t someone please think of the poor Biden Administration appointees 😩

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

10 months

It’s maple crumb season.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

9 months

Y’all bullied David French off of Twitter. I hope you’re proud of yourselves.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

11 months

@WajahatAli @SirajAHashmi How many of those 500’s wives did you dox?

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

10 days

I didn’t realize Popehat was still alive. I thought he had compressed into a singularity after he blocked everyone on the internet.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

2 years

I have no words. No words.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

1 year

@danielmcfadin You seem like the kind of guy who holds up the entire checkout line because the deodorant isn’t coming up buy five/get one 50 cents off.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

11 months

Today I received a memo from one of my professional organizations blaming global illiteracy rates on climate change.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

3 months

Good evening. I’m happy to be back in my native Pennsylvania habitat.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

1 year

Getting my pretzel fix.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

3 months

I tried picking the restaurant, but you said all of my suggestions were “gay”

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

3 months

You could easily get them to disperse by sounding a fire alarm.

Congressman Jamaal Bowman

@RepBowman

3 months

I condemn any potential police action on Columbia University's campus. As an educator who personally experienced the over policing of our schools, this is personal to me. We must resist right-wing demagoguery and stop suppressing peaceful protest if we are to keep students safe.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

1 year

Lies. He found the blow.

New York Post

@nypost

1 year

Biden’s dog Commander sent Secret Service officer to hospital, bit 6 others after replacing first pooch Major

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

3 months

Gm. Yesterday, I saw the first open blooms of the Virginia Pennywort (Obolaria virginianca) that line a favorite trail. The plant is partially mycoheterotrophic—it relies on fungal networks to provide nutrients as it lacks enough chlorophyll to sustain itself via photosynthesis.

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Sarah 🥨

@cosmopterix

6 months

I’m officially a great aunt!

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