Imagine telling an Oilers fan during the 2010 draft that Taylor Hall’s first playoff series win in Edmonton would come in 2020 when the Arizona Coyotes beat the Nashville Predators
DUBAS: Kadri and Rosen for Kerfoot and Barrie
SAKIC: Hmmmm
DUBAS: And you retain half of Barrie’s salary
SAKIC: What the fuck?
DUBAS: I’ll teach you how to edit PDFs
SAKIC: Okay done
LEAFS TRADE: Kapanen, Johnsson, 2022 second-round pick
LEAFS GET: a time machine to travel back to the mid-1960s to figure out what the fuck went wrong
GRETZKY: Come on man, I’ll even throw in a pick
FLETCHER: Nope, just want Talbot for Stolarz
GRETZKY: Ugh fine
FLETCHER: Say it. Say it out loud or there’s no deal
GRETZKY: The trade is one for one
FLETCHER: LOLOLOL *hangs up*
Now that Blake Snell is out, we’ll get to see Rays relievers, such as *checks notes* Cranstyn Rodrigues, a lefty who throws a 108 MPH slider, and Rœb YardSmith, a guy with an eephus pitch who hasn’t allowed a run since little league
The year is 2035. It's been a decade since the Zuckerberg administration shut down Twitter and made its mention punishable by death.
"Welcome to Super Bowl 69!"
Two strangers lock eyes. "Nice," they whisper. For a fleeting moment, things felt the same as they once were.
If he wins tonight, Stuart Skinner would become the first goaltender drafted and developed by the Oilers to win an NHL game since Devan Dubnyk in March of 2010.
THL NBA: We won’t play in order to protest black people being killed by police officers with no repercussions
THE NHL: Here’s a story I made up about how it’s hard to be a Trump guy
LEAF FANS IF ANOTHER TEAM ACQUIRED MUZZIN: What? That’s all it took to get a legit top four D? Ugh!
LEAF FANS AFTER THE LEAFS ACQUIRED MUZZIN: What? We’re mortgaging our 2026 competitive window on a player who ranks 197th on a stat made up by a guy under the influence of Xanax?
Holy fuck this most dominant Toronto athlete conversation is exhausting let’s just all agree Josh Donaldson was great and Kawhi is great and the Leafs haven’t won the Stanley Cup since before man landed on the moon
OILERS BLAME DEPTH CHART
1. The fans for being negative
2. McDavid for taking $12.5M
3. Analytics
4. The NDP/Trudeau
5. Taylor Hall partying too hard
6-99. ???
100. Management
The Sens are going to hire Roy, him and Melnyk are going to get into at least three fist fights in the team’s dressing room, and they’re inexplicably going to overachieve their way to like 91 points and beat the Leafs in the first round
We’re about a year away from the Oilers missing the playoffs despite McDavid putting up like 150 points and the media here questioning his leadership because he didn’t grow up on a farm or some shit
Ryan Strome makes his return to Edmonton tonight. He finished his Oilers career with 36 points, just one point behind Grant Fuhr for 150th on the franchise’s all-time scoring list.