Colm Tobin @colmtobin Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

7 years

"Ireland has been so disruptive for the British..." Actual words spoken by Michael Portillo on television just now. You've been fairly fucking disruptive over here, mate.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

Mad that the pandemic started and ended with a bat out of hell.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

I don’t wish to be sensationalist but this Matt Le Blanc Twitter thing is the best thing to happen in Ireland since independence.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

6 years

It’s becoming clear why it took the poor Brits 800 years to leave the Republic of Ireland.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

Restrictions lifted. So much choice. What to do? Brunch? Cinema? Pub? Take a corpse to a post office? I can’t decide!

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

5 years

The last thing the All Blacks would expect after doing the haka on Saturday would be a full 15-man production of Riverdance. Just sayin’.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

5 years

I'm sharing it again. Feck it.

BBC Question Time

@bbcquestiontime

5 years

‘Ireland owes this country nothing’ @Bonn1eGreer says Britain cannot ‘shaft’ Ireland if they want a post Brexit trade agreement with the US. #bbcqt

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

If you can put a minimum price on booze I would have thought you could put a maximum rent on apartments?

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

1 year

I don't want to be OTT here but this is the greatest thing that has happened in Ireland since time itself began.

spochadóir

@spochadoir

1 year

lads I’m in bits. Virgin Media news is after reporting on a hole on portmarnnock beach that ‘Could be the aftermath of a cosmic event’. Some fellas literally dug it the day before with a kid’s shovel The way your man was talking about the rock being an asteroid had me in tears

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

2 years

It is the greatest moment of your life. The crowning achievement of everything you have worked for. Your kids and their kids and their kids will look back on this day. What do you do?

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

6 years

Did Hozier ever get that lift to mass?

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

6 years

Watching Britain trying to leave then EU is like watching an Irish person trying to leave a house party.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

Waiting on the carvery dinner having sunk three pints after Mass on a Sunday morning.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

Is it about a young Irish couple trying to buy a house?

Irish Film & TV Net

@IFTN

3 years

Amazon Studios secures #SaoirseRonan and @mescal_paul sci-fi thriller #Foe in €30m deal. The actors will play a young married couple living in a dystopian near-future. Filming is due to get underway early next year in Australia. Read here:

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

2 years

The most terrifying part of the storming of government offices in Brazil is that it looks like Meath won an All-Ireland.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

If this was a movie, this would be the part where someone would visit Angela Merkel on her country estate and beg her to come out of retirement for one last job.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

I’m no political scientist but it seems to my untrained eye that the countries most affected by coronavirus spikes are those run by complete dickheads.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

Jesus Christ - they’re making more hurlers. #allirelandfinal

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

Anyone else feel that Sudocrem’s decision to pull out of Dublin feels a little rash?

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

It's all gonna be ok. I see it happening in this order: - Trump gets dumped out of office - Brexit deal - Vaccine approved - Cork win The Double - Fungie is found safe and well

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

Many congrats to everyone involved in Irish production The Crown, which has received numerous Emmy Nominations for the series which follows then travails of the Irish Royal Family. And best of luck to Waterford native Olivia Coleman, former camogie All-Star, for her nomination.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

5 years

The Season Finale of Britain is absolutely fantastic so far.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

When I see a plane flying over my house into Dublin I say “who’re these fuckers now?” the same way my Grandad would about a strange car driving into his yard.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

See, this is the problem when you hand over power to one of the hysterical females.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

5 years

BREAKING: The Italy v Ireland game looks likely to be called off as the Italian team are concerned they might catch whatever the Irish team had last Sunday.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

6 years

At 11pm tomorrow, all 27 EU member states should unilaterally leave the EU and form a new bloc called the European Onion, leaving Britain trapped inside the EU on its own forever.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

2 years

One of my big fears, as a parent, is my daughter growing up and travelling to dangerous parts of the world where they treat women like second-class citizens. Places like Iran, Saudi Arabia or The United States Of America.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

Can’t believe the schools are closing on the one day they’ll be receiving adequate ventilation. #StormBarra #COVID19

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

If this thing falls right, the people in their 20’s won’t have their vaccines in time for the Electric Picnic so all us old people will have the place to ourselves again. It’ll be amazing. Lights out by 12pm. Not too noisy. Everyone up at 8am for a nice long breakfast.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

I thought the 2020s would be all flying cars and holograms but it's mostly horseboxes selling coffee.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

6 years

Here's Mark Sadler, gold medal winner at the Special Olympics for Ireland today. Doing us proud Mark! #IRL

Trevor Sadler

@trevsad

6 years

⁦ @colmtobin ⁩ ⁦GOLD!

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

Reasonable hopes for tomorrow morning: - Trump gone - Vaccine announced - Two stone lost overnight - The end to all war - Fungie returns to Dingle with his son, Fungie Beag

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

Every time he lies, a donkey is slaughtered in the distance.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

5 years

Europeans, you might thinking - how does Ireland put up with it - being constantly at the coalface of the bumbling, delusional insanity of the British upper classes? Truth is - you just get used to it after around eight or nine hundred years.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

5 years

Apparently Katie Taylor has offered to walk into the count centre with Shane Ross when he loses his seat. #GE2020

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

No room in the media any more for white males, it seems. Blanket coverage today for the two girls who survived in the ocean overnight. Zero mention of the boy they apparently clung to for over fourteen hours. We don’t even know his name! #mensrights #notomasks #5G #EndSARS

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

Why is childcare so unbelievably, astronomically expensive for us parents and then the people looking after the kids are getting paid fuck all? Where’s all the money going?

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

2 years

I am on a train to Cork and it seems that you can listen to any old shite at full volume on the train now. No headphones required. Just blare it out like you’re at home. I feel so old fashioned here with my earphones/respect for other people’s personal space.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

I giving up FUCK ALL for Lent. I’m going to deep fry my fucking cornflakes if I feel like it. And no, I’m not giving up swearing either.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

35 new cases. Feck off with your green list. How about a Stay The Fuck At Home list?

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

7 years

Absolutely dreading going back to work after the Christmas.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

6 years

Emmanuel Macron: "France will never let Ireland down." Me:

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

BREAKING: Boris Johnson has announced that the UK is leaving the pandemic.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

Apparently Van Morrison was so moved by the celebrity video made in honour of his 75th birthday he rang each of them up to tell them to fuck off individually.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

5 years

We need to be careful. If Irish reunification and Scottish independence happen too close together, the piss-up could be so stratospheric, the English might simply reinvade the following morning when we’re queuing for sausage rolls.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

5 years

If there’s one thing to learn from Brexit and the backstop debacle, it’s this. It’s NEVER a good idea to invade other countries and you’ll have the deal with it and keep dealing it forever. That’s why Ireland 🇮🇪 decided not to invade France after the Thierry Henry incident.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

Have to say, @donie might well just be the new Fungi.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

Who raises these children? Blood boiling looking at this. Hope they are identified and dealt with.

Michelle Traynor

@minnyshell

3 years

#howth words fail me.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

Just want to thank the amazing staff in my son’s school in Dublin for bringing us safely to midterm. Feels like a milestone. Hats off to teachers and staff all over the country actually. You all rock!

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

5 years

I’ve said it for years. Irish Protestants and Catholics would get on much better if the Protestants didn’t insist on tucking small hamsters into their tops. It’s a cultural difference too far.

BBC News NI

@BBCNewsNI

5 years

Arlene Foster says she and Boris Johnson discussed Brexit and how a "very belligerent EU" wants to "break-up the United Kingdom"

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

1 month

I see the anti-immigration crowd have blocked O' Connell Bridge in the middle of rush hour and thereby stopped all the immigrants commuting to and from the jobs the protestors are too fucking useless to do.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

That was an incredible return by the Australian government.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

5 years

Having watched this, on this cold winter morning in Dublin, I’d like the personally thank Michael Collins and the rest of the crew for everything they did to spare us this horseshit.

Channel 4 News

@Channel4News

5 years

Michael Gove and Boris Johnson's father, Stanley, appear at Channel 4 News before tonight's #ClimateDebate .

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

Worth remembering that lots of talented, entrepreneurial people are going to have their businesses fail on them when we hit Level 5 and the reason for that is that a significant minority in this country won’t fucking behave responsibly.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

5 years

Mike Pence. Imagine your poor, hungry, uneducated ancestors emigrating from Ireland only for you to return centuries later, less progressive than they were?

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

Fix the broadband and the cities will empty, lads. Cities can become better. Countryside can become better. The country overall will be more balanced and so will most of our lifestyles. Just. Roll. It. Fucking. Out.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

Sarah McInerney showing today on the radio that there are many ways to skin a cat, one of which is to calmly repeat questions to the cat while it sets about skinning itself in front of you.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

2 years

Big day for me today. Had two Bruce Springsteen tickets in the cart. Took a long hard look at the price (close to €300) and said fuck it, I could go to ten other gigs with that. And I closed the window. Sorry, Bruce.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

House parties are still allowed if you are all standing closely in a line slicing up dead animals.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

5 years

From all the Tobins in Ireland. Go fuck yourself.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

5 years

Just gonna keep retweeting this.

Richard Chambers

@newschambers

5 years

"I hear people talking as if this country owns Ireland. "Ireland owes this country nothing." Bonnie Greer on Newsnight is going to be VERY popular on this side of the Irish Sea.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

5 years

Lads when it comes to doing those everybody singing out the windows solidarity videos in a few weeks time, can we agree that it not be The Fields Of Athenry? Let's go from After All by the Franks or something.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

Here’s some footage of me emerging from the coronavirus pandemic.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

At vax centre. No fuckin’ way I’m the same age as these people.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

It’s be cool if there was some centralised Amazon-type interface to shop for Irish products. Crafts, jewellery, Irish produce - Christmas market type stuff so people can shop for presents and support local businesses.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

6 years

Can literally smell this photo.

RareIrishStuff

@RareIrishStuff

6 years

The Dubliners in Mulligans of Poolbeg Street, 1970's.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

8 years

Gorgeous view out across the Irish Sea from Dublin this morning.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

5 years

Twitter: The world is on fire! Nazis everywhere! Everything is awful! *walks outside* Man whistles while walking his dog. People queue politely in local shop. The smell of freshly baked bread. A robin sings high up in the branches, as light rain patters on a canopy of leaves.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

7 years

Just want to say a heartfelt thanks to the staff at the @RotundaHospital , especially the amazing midwives, who helped us bring a new soul into the world this week. All a public service, provided free of charge, and something to be very proud of.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

5 years

I don't mean to disrespect the parliamentary traditions of our nearest and dearest neighbours but this is fucking demented.

BBC Politics

@BBCPolitics

5 years

Lady Usher of the Black Rod Sarah Clarke, has the door of the Commons slammed in her face as part of the State Opening of Parliament, as a traditional sign of the authority of the Commons #QueensSpeech latest:

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

I can remember few darker, more troubling days as a citizen of Ireland. Hope you are all keeping the heads up. Our past is full of nightmares, the present is full of fear.... it feels overwhelming. So we gotta bank on making the future a whole lot better. Hang in there everyone.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

Lockdown_v16_Finalversion_FINALFINAL.doc

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

6 years

Dingle, you have outDingled yourself.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

7 years

For any UK followers unclear about the exact location of the border in Ireland, here's a clear, simple map.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

Imagine the fucking party the world will have if we manage to get rid of Trump and Coronavirus in the same calendar year?

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

Unfortunate that only hours out of Covid we are going to war with the Russians. Checking the shed for extra hurleys. Ready to serve.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

5 years

Some day soon it’ll be all over. Brexit, Trump, social media, reality TV... We’ll all wake up in the 90’s again and Radiohead will be on the verge of releasing OK Computer and there’ll be time to sit and stare out a window and I’m definitely not having a midlife crisis.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

Sombre mood in many house parties tonight.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

For those of you bemoaning the demise of Fungi you should see some of the dolphins Kerry have coming through at Minor and Under 21 level.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

5 years

Brexit update:

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

5 years

There's no sight sadder than a goth in a heatwave.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

6 years

According to my Fitbit I was clinically dead for three hours on Christmas Day after dinner.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

5 years

Fuck Game Of Thrones. It's the final season of The United Kingdom I'm looking forward to.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

Not in the mood for a world war, if I’m honest.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

BREAKING: RTE to launch third channel called Reeling In The Years 2020.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

Twitter should suspend the fucker’s account now to top it off. Let him scream into the silence, the deluded little bollocks.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

Look at the lads off to annex Poland.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

This Irish weather had defeated all weather apps. Well done to all involved.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

That was Tuesday. Tomorrow is Wednesday. That’s all we can do these days. Keep her lit. Count your blessings. Mind your neighbours. We’re all taking Summer ‘21 off and we’ll have a feckin’ ball.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

6 years

BREAKING: British Parliament votes to leave UK by mistake.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

. @LeoVaradkar €50 if you can get a line from Mrs. Doubtfire into the next speech.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

That “you’ve won” email from the Lotto which turned out to be €3 was honours level trolling.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

Out for a late night stroll and you can actually see the UK from across the Irish Sea this evening.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

Oh good Jesus, I just twigged that The Happy Pear is a pun...

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

Funnily enough, driving a car at high speed to test if your eyes are working is an almost perfect analogy for Brexit.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

Like any Cork person, one of my deep-seated phobias is being trapped in Dublin forever.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

5 years

Movie idea: Eamonn De Valera travels into the future and destroys Britain from within.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

3 years

Bet the Germans have a word for the feeling of being allowed to go out for the first time in two years but not really being fucking arsed.

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

Imagine if you were stuck on an island in the middle of America and the UK right now?

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Colm Tobin

@colmtobin

4 years

I’ve been actively trying to be positive and upbeat (for me) on this account over these past months - god knows we can do without weariness and cynicism in this moment - but mother of living CHRIST it’s only Tuesday.

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