Thomas Lawrance @_ThomasLawrance Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

@AyoCaesar 100% of Nigel Farage's wives have been non-British and his kids have German passports

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

@sigmaligma42069 @PoliticsMoments 'to make a point about George Osborne’s attempts to sell off state assets to the Chinese. “To assist comrade Osborne about dealing with his newfound comrades, I have brought him along Mao’s Little Red Book."'

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

11:43am, 1st July 1921 & 2021. #Cork from Patrick's Hill. Found the first photo at @breslinarchive the other week, and clambered up the hill this morning to snap it again exactly 100 years later.

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

1 year

here's @TadhgHickey performing at @AmnestyIreland 'Picnic Against Apartheid' in Cork today (catered by @IzzCafe )

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

1 year

LONDON: I am very excited to be supporting @TadhgHickey when he takes his left-wing, anticolonial antics to LEICESTER SQUARE THEATRE on Friday October 6th tickets! - @lsqtheatre

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

1 year

tiny reminder that I'm supporting @TadhgHickey (and doing my first ever London gig) at Leicester Square Theatre on Friday October 6th! happy to sign copies of his book afterwards tickets:

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

7 months

wonderful documentary following @SoundsIrish 's mission to record every bird species in Ireland - 63% of which are endangered🐤 🎬: @KathleenCHarris

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

Got a story in here about the liberation of sex robots. @AbTerraStories (+ lovely art by @smolrobots )

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

1 year

Graham Norton FINALLY apologises to the people of Fermoy

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

1 year

we only have a tiny concrete yard so I built a little lawn for my cat (Ziggy❤️) with some wood from a skip

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

Overjoyed to be a runner-up in the Seán Ó Faoláin Short Story Competition, run by @MunLitCentre Made it into the top 7 of nearly 800 entries. The winning and running-up stories will be published in #Southword next April.

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

1 year

Katherine Ryan bringing up the rumours in 2018 (about two years before Brand's channel went deep-dive conspiratorial) is just further evidence that the Establishment possesses time travel and will use it to attend old Comedy Roast recordings

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

Looking forwarding to gigging alongside the brilliant @chriskentcomic at @CoughlansLive this Thursday. Last Coughlans comedy night of the year! If you're in Cork, getcher tickets here:

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

@SoozUK these days if you say tungsten carbide drill in a northern accent you get arrested and thrown in jail (where you're allowed to make one phonecall to Radio 4)

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

@AaronBastani we're getting a lot of useful reminders of just how quickly the supposedly 'leftie liberal media' can be switched into war mode

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

first episode of my little podcast AMBER WOOZE is on Spotify - join me as I visit interesting places & liminal spaces in the dead of night incentive: it's only 7 minutes long

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

loved @OtherVoicesLive in Dingle again - @LyndzHall took this excellent picture I can't stop looking at

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

1 year

Starmer is able to detect war crimes instantly when Russia is doing them - but we should politely let the dust settle before we start asking questions about Israel

Saul Staniforth

@SaulStaniforth

1 year

Today Starmer explained he can't say whether a country has committed war crimes because thats not the role of politicians, ok?

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

@alexeptable + once stood next to Cara Delevigne for 10 mins at a gig, and afterwards my partner was like 'I think she was checking you out' and I was like yeah maybe😏

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

v pleased to have a story in the latest wonderful issue of @fly_press some people don't like it when writers use brackets in titles but i'm into it

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

I have a story in the latest lovely-looking issue of @madness_press . My small contribution to fiction's many haunted moors.

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

verrry pleased to have a story in this lovely issue

Munster Literature Centre

@MunLitCentre

2 years

We're delighted to announce the cover of Southword 42! The new issue is on sale now at . It features the winners of the Seán Ó Faoláin International Short Story Competition and the Gregory O'Donoghue International Poetry Competition as well as much more 📚

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

rip😞 the body is being flown home to france

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

i answered some deeply personal questions for @DogroyComedy answers in a nice font at

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

1 year

dear everyone who managed to get through the ticketmaster queue this morning:

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

Saw the humane version of The Mousetrap last night. It's the same but they release the actors into a field at the end

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

All 7 episodes of Amber Wooze are now up. Podcast where I explore at night & weird things happen. Each episode is only 7 minutes long - why not listen whilst waiting for the bus or queuing at a funeral?

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

if you thought throwing soup at Van Gogh was bad, wait till you find out what he did to his own ear

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

I had a great experience with @CapsuleStories , from the editor’s friendly and considered suggestions through to their generous promotion online I also enjoyed answering these thoughtful questions

Capsule Stories

@CapsuleStories

3 years

New #CapsuleCollective interview! @_ThomasLawrance discusses examining Ireland's tragic history of hidden bodies through #fiction and how stand-up comedy influences his writing

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

the 30-hour queue to see the Queen's dead body makes me grateful that we got to see Prince Philip's dead body while he was still alive

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

this is happening on 20th october by which time i should hopefully have reached Dublin (only walk, no drive)

Sam Tranum

@samtranum

2 years

This should be fun!

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

@Ciara87C interesting psychological fact: if you make a meal, put Iannucci's podcast on, and close your eyes, your mind will trick you into thinking you're at one of Eddie Marsan's dinner parties

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

from now on i will only be gigging in rooms with nice ceilings

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

@Joey_Hedger everything about my writing - approach, execution, ""craft"" - improved overnight after reading @wstorr 's Science of Storytelling

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

@brilliantshane

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

young people these days have never got on a horse and skipped town and it shows

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

Really pleased to have had two stories published by @AbTerraStories - their themes provide some inspiring writing prompts

Ab Terra SF series

@AbTerraStories

3 years

THOMAS LAWRANCE is Ab Terra Flash Fiction Magazine's Featured Writer today! Thomas Lawrance lives in Ireland, where he writes fiction and performs stand-up comedy. He was recently shortlisted for the Alpine Fellowship Writing Prize. @_ThomasLawrance

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

had to google what a 'Try Guy' is because I was worried I might be one

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

8 months

"No word of a lie, I thank God every morning and pull open the curtains - and whether it's rain, snow, or sun, it doesn't matter.

Cork Beo

@corkbeo

8 months

Cork dad told he had 'months left' is alive 4 years later thanks to 'fantastic' Mercy Hospital staff

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

we did it! they finally released the Extended Edition

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

saddest thing about getting divorced is putting your ex-wife's garter back on her leg

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

just a reminder that I have a funny little spooky nighttime podcast. only 7 mins long. why not give it a spooky little listen before ep 2 goes up tomorrow?

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

and for dessert, a delicious can of Squirty Queen #PlatinumJubilee

Kev’s Snack News

@kevssnacknews

2 years

Heinz Salad Queen 👑 More Jubilee editions coming soon no doubt... #heinz #saladcream #queensjubilee #jubilee #food

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

can't wait to see him back together! #joey #mattleblanc #FriendsReunion

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

#PaddingtonBear has been neutered by the British establishment (boycott marmalade sandwiches)

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

#JeremyKyle has always struck me as a particularly nasty flint of David Cameron's soul, which somehow escaped the main host to taunt working class people directly

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

got a story in the latest issue of @AbTerraStories . it's about the last iceberg on Earth - perfect heatwave reading

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

9 months

@conndonovan9 @savebrideotters @CorkNatNetwork @uccBEES I'm sure @cask_cork on MacCurtain Street have - or used to have - a taxidermy otter on the bar!

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

@brilliantshane hi Shane love the poddo but i'm thinking of doxxing you for your comments on the Macarena. would you mind sending me your home address so I can do so?

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

I've got a story in here called 'Mearóg and the Different Pebble'. The cartoon otter on the cover is also based on me

Cork Nature Network

@CorkNatNetwork

2 years

Otter Tales is a collection of short stories, that won the 2022 short story contest organized by Cork Nature Network. Your purchase will support us in continuing our various eco-conservation projects currently happening around Ireland. Buy the book @

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

@BethanyJarmul The Science of Storytelling by @wstorr transformed my understanding over(several)night(s)

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

@lucyprebblish @skytv one of the best series I've seen in recent years - hope you can come up with a similarly good title for series 3 #TriHateSuzie

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

@KatyMontgomerie I Hate Suzie is amazing (and a second series is on the way)

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

Wrote a cheery story imagining the reintroduction of the death penalty (humane).

bandit.

@bandit_fiction

3 years

'The death penalty was reinstated in England in 2036.'

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

@samtranum no problem Sam!

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

8 months

@josh_snares a very straightforward 'stories seen' spreadsheet - with extra sheets for spinoffs and Target novels each Doctor gets a colour based on an ineffable vibe (i.e. Davison obviously blonde-yellow, Capaldi a dark red)

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

@brilliantshane have a breakdown have a kit kat

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

9 months

Here's a short story I wrote about Van Gogh, published today by @LitroMagazine 🌻

The Yellow House - Litro Magazine

In the twilight of Vincent van Gogh's life, explore the surreal world of "The Yellow House" where art, madness, and dreams collide.

www.litromagazine.com

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

@ClaireM_Taylor @CapsuleStories Thanks Claire!

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

i could've got a job as a paleontologist, but i never mix business with plesiosaurs

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

just realised they forgot to play the Grease megamix at the queen's funeral

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

1 year

@JohnSenior79 @JackalPants @OwenJones84 350,000 people died as a result of austerity, and many (most?) people on benefits are also in work. I don't think you're paying for anyone's laziness (unless you're a renter)

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

4 episodes of my very short podcast are now online. i break into and/or explore #liminal places at night each one is only 7 minutes long so you can listen whilst tying a shoelace or eating some butter

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

11 months

Enjoyed talking to @LockyMcKenna about his (excellent) Oscar-longlisted short film TWO FOR THE ROAD @GrainneDwyer @nataliebritton4

Leeside director's heartbreaking film on Cork childhood in running for Oscars

Cork man Lochlainn McKenna has made the Oscars longlist - as well as the Junior Cert English exam

www.corkbeo.ie

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

whenever I see matt hancock speaking, the blood pressure in my skull rises due to embarrassment until my ears hurt. genuinely had to pause a clip from #ImACeleb for health reasons

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

I used to live with this man, and I should note that - though he achieved something amazing here, and has done the Cork comedy scene proud - he never usually irons his shirts.

Roger O'Sullivan

@RogerOSullivan

3 years

It was an honour and a privilege to be part of the BBC new comedy awards this year. Out of over 1000 applications only 30 made it through to the regional finals. It was amazing to be included with a crop of such talented people. Also absolutely starstruck by the judges.

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

at my school whoever wore the crappest poppy was fed to the caretaker (claimed to be a veteran of the Somme)

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

'Somewhere in the west of Ireland, a family secret is disturbed when archaeologists begin excavating a peat bog.' delighted to have a bit of #fiction in the latest issue of @CapsuleStories

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

sad to think this was probably one of the last Reddit posts the Queen ever read

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

@matthew_tallon when I got my first office job they called me 'biscuit boy'

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

30 international writers & artists - one of 'em's me!

Fly on the Wall Press

@fly_press

3 years

On Jan 17 we're harnessing the power of 30 international writers & artists in issue 9! The magazine has been hibernating for a year, so we want you to celebrate with us: show us that the power of the literary magazine is valuable to you! Pre-orders:

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

@Emily_Rosina when I was 12 we had to write a 3-page story for English, so I wrote a 27-page epic about a time traveller called Dr. Steve

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

in episode 3 I break into an old man's house at 2am and have a poke around - cosy! only 7 mins long - why not listen whilst tying a shoelace or eating a crisp?

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

1 year

@danny_robins I'm enjoying @ciaranokeeffe 's trajectory this series - 'I personally witnessed Rendlesham; ghosts might be real; Bigfoot is a transdimensional entity which is why we never find a body' #teamsceptic

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

@RogerOSullivan hope they got a preMup

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

I have a story in here. 'Hypoxia', written after I learned the word 'hypoxia'.

F3LL Magazine - Spring Issue out now!

@F3llMagazine

3 years

Our Spring Issue is out today! 🥳 Read it here

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

@davidmrattigan and papa died in the Tubbytrenches

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

@FarlaneTeri @AaronBastani @jrc1921 @OborneTweets Oborne's reportage was mentioned a lot on TyskySour at the time as well if I remember rightly

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

@nmai_comedy open basket funeral

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

@ShamimMalekmian @MunLitCentre thanks Shamim!

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

@TNOlitmag Great, thank you!

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

@RogerOSullivan will 3.6p a month suffice m'lud

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

9 months

A few years ago I wrote a short story about the last iceberg being turned into an ice cube for a billionaire - it's the last story on this page: ( @BrainMillPress )

Issue 4: Climate - Voices

The Great Collapse by Cass Richards My name is Dr. Lex Grassian, co-founder of the MicroThalassa Institute, and this is my confession: I am the one responsible for the Second Collapse. But now that I...

bmpvoices.com

The Guardian

@guardian

9 months

Greenland startup begins shipping glacier ice to cocktail bars in the UAE

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

@davidmrattigan Teletubbies began in 1997 - so presumably they were born in 1903. all on the same day, too. do they share a Mothertubby?

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

@oha_cade @ultanconlon @brilliantshane Gerald's Brilliant Game

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

8 months

The US has a record of being slow to use the word 'genocide' (publicly at least). From the time of the Rwandan genocide, 1994:

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

@RogerOSullivan this was better than 5 likes - for shame

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

this is PEACE PARK, a short story set firmly in #CorkCity (disclaimer: it features a queue, but I wrote it weeks before England lined up for coffin gawp)

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

@haneurgh the original happy couple

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

final episode of my podcast. all 7 eps on Spotify. each episode is only 7 minutes long - perfect if you're waiting at a bus stop or queuing to pay respects at a funeral #liminalspaces #nightwalking

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

@RogerOSullivan prince charles coming back to cork so soon?

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

@RichySheehy send Elton and his mates to City Limits afterwards would yer

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

@alexeptable arrived in Manchester wondering if I'd see any celebs and immediately saw Craig Parkinson walking into Tesco

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

3 years

@TNOlitmag Hi Tír na nÓg - do you have a policy on simultaneous submissions?

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

@RichySheehy that gets you a 5 star wanted level in GTA San Andreas

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

contacted captain Tom via ouija board to sort this mess out but the planchette just kept going round and round

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

@davidmrattigan Russell T Davies back for Doctor Who, Iger back for Disney - we're having parallel Milhouse moments

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

4 years

@uncharted_mag_ Does submitting to one category preclude you from submitting to another?

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Thomas Lawrance

@_ThomasLawrance

2 years

@jamesdgreig His House (2020) - Sudanese refugee couple are assigned a haunted house. Capaldi Doctor Who had a houseshare monster ep with Poirot in it.

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