spag @YesMissMurphy Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

spag

4 years

Go buy wine 🍷 with this voucher. £40 instead of £119 for 12 bottles of a variety of good wines. You are welcome pals, whatever gets you through the 💀pandemic💀

Naked Wines | Invite a friend

Your friend has sent you a wine voucher!

www.nakedwines.com

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Last Seen Profiles

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spag

@YesMissMurphy

4 years

Absolute banger

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@YesMissMurphy

21 days

How is it that men are always the problem. A man killed and critically hurt those little girls. Now men are doing this in response. What if one of the bereaved families live in those houses? Can men just sit the fuck down for once? You’re always the ones causing all the problems.

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@YesMissMurphy

4 years

Sweet Jesus. For the love of god, lock up your boomers.

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@YesMissMurphy

3 years

Harrison Ford was like “please Spag, can I get a picture with you?!” And I was like fine.

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@YesMissMurphy

5 years

How do I make this my ringtone

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

@itsnashflynn Oh GOD. Reminds me of when I was sitting my niece when she was about 3. She said “who’s that Tep?” pointing at thin air on the landing. “Who?” “That man” “what man? What’s he doing?” The next words she uttered sent a shiver all the way down my spine “Just hanging there”

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@YesMissMurphy

3 months

A lot of bitter old women commenting on this with “well I had to go through this so should you” vibes. Go and lay down in the bedroom of the house you bought for a tuppence and calm down.

BBC News (UK)

@BBCNews

3 months

Periods during exams were a 'nightmare'

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@YesMissMurphy

3 years

So this is ok, but a small vigil for a girl murdered by a police officer isn’t? Oh ok, beginning to understand England a bit more now.

BBC News (UK)

@BBCNews

3 years

Protesters opposed to coronavirus lockdown marching from Hyde Park to Westminster as part of demonstrations in central London

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@YesMissMurphy

3 years

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

@_CyberDWolf_ @itsnashflynn I don’t want an invisible hanging man in my house. Sorry if that’s weird. I just have boundaries.

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@YesMissMurphy

6 months

So I just changed to EE from o2 to reduce my phone bill and ended up with a phone plan with unlimited data, calls and texts for £10 a month

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@YesMissMurphy

5 years

Tory leadership candidates as taxidermy: a thread.

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@YesMissMurphy

4 years

I don't really think it matters if you're a Tory or not a Tory, hoping that Boris Johnson will die just means you're a dickhead.

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@YesMissMurphy

3 years

A fuckin story about why you should never drink wine. Literally ever.

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@YesMissMurphy

24 days

My silly little opinion is that football and rugby shouldn’t be in the Olympics. They have their special days already.

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@YesMissMurphy

4 years

You know that bit in Jurassic Park when T-Rex rips the toilet cubicles to shreds and the lawyer is just sitting there like

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@YesMissMurphy

3 years

Boris Johnson too good for John Lewis but he’ll happily visit the fucking badgers in the hedge for a haircut

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@YesMissMurphy

4 years

I’ll just be alone in my room for a while, don’t mind me

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@YesMissMurphy

4 years

From 2014 but remains my Favourite Message Thread of the Decade.

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@YesMissMurphy

7 months

Heard yer ma’s given her body up to science

Metro

@MetroUK

7 months

BREAKING: Scientist’s gaping ring changes what we know about the universe They say the structure – which measures 1.3 billion light years in diameter – is so big it theoretically shouldn’t exist.

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@YesMissMurphy

4 years

I once sent a series of embarrassing DMs and I panicked and asked my friend for advice and he told me to copy and paste an entire Shakespeare play into the chat because the other person would never be arsed to scroll back that far. I did. It worked.

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

Devastating: worst person you can think of says things you agree with etc.

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@YesMissMurphy

3 months

BBC News (UK)

@BBCNews

3 months

Eamonn Holmes and Ruth Langsford announce divorce

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@YesMissMurphy

4 years

That banning TikTok is at the top of Trump’s priorities is really funny. Anyway, here’s that ‘control the virus’ TikTok again.

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@YesMissMurphy

3 years

Has anyone, ever, in the history of capitalism, had their CV “kept in the database for future consideration” and been contacted 3 years later with a “we rummaged around in our CV drawer and think yours would be good” email?

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@YesMissMurphy

3 years

Final stages of lockdown and they’re protesting against lockdown in a way that would reverse the getting out of lockdown plan. Smartypants, they are not.

BBC News (UK)

@BBCNews

3 years

Protesters opposed to coronavirus lockdown marching from Hyde Park to Westminster as part of demonstrations in central London

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@YesMissMurphy

3 years

I can’t stop laughing at this

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

Good morning. If you aim for anything today, aim low 🥰

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@YesMissMurphy

5 years

(Plane lands) The lesser beings: jump up immediately and stand around in awkward positions for 20 minutes while they organise the plane door thing. Me, an intellectual: Wait, seated.

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@YesMissMurphy

1 year

Just saw someone call Rishi Sunak Prime Miniature and I’m gone at that

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@YesMissMurphy

7 years

@fuhkofff More and more people are not having kids because they simply don't want them.

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@YesMissMurphy

3 years

GUYS I’M IN THE SAME RESTAURANT AS OLIVIA COLEMAN. I’m 7 feet away from her. I’m genuinely having a (very classy) meltdown.

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@YesMissMurphy

4 years

Who made this

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@YesMissMurphy

21 days

It’s selfish and it’s stupid and it’s achieving nothing. I really hate to imagine that maybe a family of one of those little girls is in there, or one of them is home and trying to recover. Absolute disgusting sewer rats of people.

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@YesMissMurphy

4 years

Thanks I hate it

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spag

@YesMissMurphy

8 months

They only cause pain.

steven Klopp

@stevenKloppLFC2

8 months

@BBCNews Never understand that bread of dog. Why do people bother buying that bread when they know it’s a vicious bread of dog.

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@YesMissMurphy

5 years

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@YesMissMurphy

3 years

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@YesMissMurphy

4 years

She asked me if I wanted a photo with my bag of blood but it looks like I’ve just received it as a sacrifice.

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@YesMissMurphy

21 days

@DeanCook008 Wouldn’t have been needed if there weren’t any men doing any of this.

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spag

@YesMissMurphy

2 years

Tory leadership candidates as taxidermy 2: Electric Boogaloo 🧵

spag

@YesMissMurphy

5 years

Tory leadership candidates as taxidermy: a thread.

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

My work is making us go back in twice a week. £120 a month that I haven’t had to think about. It’s not progressive at all and most people live 1.5 hours out. They’re going to lose people and don’t see an issue. Really very annoying times. Bring back lockdown.

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@YesMissMurphy

5 years

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@YesMissMurphy

1 month

I beg jobs to start posting their salary? You want me to jump through hoops just to tell me the maximum salary you’re offering will be 15% less than I was on? It’s okay if you can’t afford my CV, but just be honest.

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spag

@YesMissMurphy

3 years

I have linked my twitter account to a job application for innocent so my header is going to be unusual for a while

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@YesMissMurphy

4 years

Me waking up every morning

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@YesMissMurphy

4 years

@Daniel_Jenks “He’s recovering from a stroke”

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@YesMissMurphy

3 years

Time to play everyone’s favourite game “resignation or lockdown”

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@YesMissMurphy

5 months

Right okay look we’ve all gone mental in the GC, but that isn’t Kate Middleton at the farm shop. If anything it looks like Rose Hanbury 💀💀💀

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@YesMissMurphy

20 days

@basboon007 Are you scared of women?

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@YesMissMurphy

15 days

The court hearings should have fixtures and be put on in pubs like the Euros.

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

@alexrjsmith

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@YesMissMurphy

4 years

This is the best photo I’ve ever seen

Dimitar Bechev

@DimitarBechev

4 years

Seagull stealing a meatball. Bulgaria’s Black Sea coast. Photo: Alexander Ivanov Masteral

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@YesMissMurphy

11 months

Without doubt slurring all over Harrison Ford and waking up to this picture in my camera roll

Joey

@gothamhiphop

11 months

What’s your favorite interaction you’ve had with a celebrity?

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

@cmsdrums @JaidevRamya @BritishGas @alexhilton On the end of this account is a social media manager doing his/her job. I used to do that job and you don’t have any control over it, and there are usually guidelines of how you are meant to respond. Take your fury out at BG, but this isn’t the channel to do it.

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@YesMissMurphy

3 years

When they run a zoom mental health session at work

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

@eliminat0r85 @alexgmurd It’s the “privileged dialogue for sure” for me.

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@YesMissMurphy

5 years

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@YesMissMurphy

1 year

This is absolutely hilarious. Just a room full of the people least equipped emotionally, mentally, physically to deal with orange powder have to now deal with orange powder.

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

Economically sound if you ask me

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@YesMissMurphy

5 years

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@YesMissMurphy

2 months

Most people have a picture of their mum and dad

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

“Beetlejuice”

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

I have discovered the buttons of the universe in the entrance to my flat.

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@YesMissMurphy

21 days

The men who just got home from throwing bins at the police have found my tweet. In for a big day of being told to get in the kitchen etc.

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@YesMissMurphy

3 years

Has there ever been a bigger cunt than our current Prime Minister?

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@YesMissMurphy

5 years

Interviewer: do you have any special skills? Me: I see MPs as Chicken Run characters

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

Guys, I’ve adopted a dog by accident. This is not my dog. I don’t know whose dog it is. I came on a little Minibreak due to all the stress, then this dog just… invaded my life?

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

Laptop handed in (good luck with that mess lol) mobile handed in, double G&T in hand, week off between jobs, I fucking love that for me.

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@YesMissMurphy

3 years

Me, looking at the application form for my own job they want me to reapply for: WHAT DELIGHTFULLY LOVELY AND WELL-PRESENTED APPLICATION FORMS THAT I DESIGNED! Oh you want to see my examples of work? *gestures wildly to everywhere*

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

And here it comes! The Tories are trying to ban abortion.

spag

@YesMissMurphy

2 years

If anyone was wondering how it “won’t come here”

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@YesMissMurphy

4 years

What happenedeer is

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

Watching Boris Johnson getting dragged out of number 10 today would be the easiest wank ever

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@YesMissMurphy

4 years

Same same, but different? #Tier5

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

The role I started today has marked another milestone in my own personal measurement of success. I’m here against all the odds, and I am extremely proud of myself. The imposter syndrome is very, very real. But I’ll enjoy each moment. That’s all 🥴

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@YesMissMurphy

5 years

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

Dear god. I just woke up to this 💀 my heart is still racing 😩

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@YesMissMurphy

4 years

Serious question to everyone born before 1985: when you were 30, what were the biggest things on your mind?

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@YesMissMurphy

6 months

And reduced my broadband from £42 to £30 a month. So excited to spend those extra GBPs on more council tax 🫶🏼

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@YesMissMurphy

6 months

Ps I don’t go abroad anymore stop asking me about roaming charges, I’m not EE and this is not a help desk

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@YesMissMurphy

5 years

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@YesMissMurphy

8 years

And the award goes to... @lilyallen trolling with perfect sentence finishing. 🔥

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@YesMissMurphy

6 months

Sitting there like her mortgage has just gone up to 5.25%

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@YesMissMurphy

4 years

Have had a busy day filling out new starter admin. Pleased to appoint Keith Kettle as Head of Accounts, and Lindsay McPherson as our Senior Relationship Manager. #workingfromhome

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@YesMissMurphy

4 years

When a half an hour press conference could be condensed into a tiktok

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

Dirty trickesies. Stitcheses from the naughty hobbitses 😡

Rt Hon Nadine Dorries

@NadineDorries

2 years

This is dirty tricks/a stitch up/dark arts. Take your pick. Team Rishi want the candidate they know they can definitely beat in the final two and that is @Jeremy_Hunt

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@YesMissMurphy

5 years

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@YesMissMurphy

2 months

I literally do not care what anybody says, I’ve had half my life under a Tory government. Boris. Liz. Rishi. Keir looks like a prime minister. I actually feel hopeful for the first time in 14 years.

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@YesMissMurphy

3 years

“I used to follow you for your hilarious tweets” WELL now you can follow me for my hot as fuck takes on systemic abuse of women, ethnic minorities, and children, you low down piece of shit.

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@YesMissMurphy

3 years

He made me stand on a step to socially distance for PR reasons.

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

I’ve heard Nadine Dorries is waiting at the seaside to become a pier

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@YesMissMurphy

3 years

Imagine training for 150 million years in law school and suddenly you're defending a caterpillar cake.

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@YesMissMurphy

5 years

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

@DannyDutch Rocky Horror Picture Show, 1979 American Gothic, Grant Wood, 1930

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

Just get a cake mate

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

The World Cup being held in Qatar is a joke and an insult to basic human rights and you shouldn’t be watching any of it, pass it on. Xoxo

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@YesMissMurphy

5 years

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@YesMissMurphy

4 years

Since this has blown up, please share this tweet. More time at home means more time for domestic violence. If you are suffering, there is a way out. People will help you. For those not suffering, listen to your neighbours. If you hear or feel that things are amiss, intervene.

Rachel Williams

@Rachel_SUTDA

4 years

For any1 wanting to leave an abuser please make the call You’ll be found a safe place to stay, police are still operating & responding to domestic abuse calls. Please reach out, the services are there to help. National Domestic Abuse 0808 2000 247 Live Fear Free 0808 80 10 800

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@YesMissMurphy

2 years

Hiya lads, me again. I’ve just heard that in Barbados, an apple pie is $2.45, in Jamaica, a raspberry pie is $2.38, and in the Bahamas, a blueberry pie is $3.45! And those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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