Viola Fontaine @VFontaineAuthor Twitter profile

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

Hiking 8 miles. Sex. Lunch. Kayaking. Sex. Winery. He’s asleep in a flower field right beside me now. I’m listening to Elton John’s “Your Song” and it’s so appropriate. “How wonderful life is now you’re in the world.”

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

4 months

If anyone needs closure… I had a son. My husband and I are not open in any sense. I quit my job because what we did was unethical and half my staff followed me. We started a nonprofit. We have enough funding for at least two years from a funder who just simply believes in me.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

I guess it’s cool to say this because it’s an anonymous account, but I’m not dying. The opposite… My husband figured out I’m pregnant before I did. Three days ago actually.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

4 months

Goodbye my beautiful friends. This has me a bit emotional. I think I’ll go fuck my husband now.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

I literally did everything “right.” I gained weight, ate perfectly, worked out in the right ways, took vitamins… I didn’t drink or smoke. And she’s still gone. I still had a miscarriage.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

My husband’s response to my grief over my ex dying should actually be the thing people write about in fairytales. “You can literally do anything you need to right now to feel better, but I’m coming with you.”

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

My ex girlfriend was brilliant, creative, and kind. Even after we broke up, I was always a bright spot in her life, and she was a bright spot in mine. There won’t be a funeral, but I’m sending her every ounce of peace in my soul as I say goodbye.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

2 years

I was very broke when I was younger and I’m American which means I didn’t have healthcare. Most of my friends were in my socioeconomic class, and I feel like no one talks about the amount of “small inconveniences” that come from not having healthcare. 🧵

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

2 months

*We went to my husband’s reunion* Me: You don’t seem that into bragging. Husband: I got you. *He has a PhD. He’s on TV and radio. He’s brilliant. He’s handsome. He’s fucking great.* He got me. That’s what he talks about. He loves me so much.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

11 months

Alright, my interns are definitely fucking and I’m here for it.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

For the record, I realize this is my last tweet for a while. I loved you until the day you died. As it turns out, you were my best friend

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 month

“I fed the baby and now I’d really like to eat you out.” The sexiest words my husband has ever spoken. JFC.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

4 months

And I love you all. Take care, take in every piece of grace the universe sends you, and never forget that you are true and worthy of love.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

2 years

Even if you’ve never interacted with me online, I really, really love and appreciate every single one of my followers. Y’all are cool AF and exceptionally kind to me. That’s pretty rare for an internet slut. Lol.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

*watching Legally Blonde* Husband: what’d you get on the LSAT? Me: Same as her. Husband: You were one point away from perfect. Me: Yes. I got a 179. I changed an answer last minute and it haunts me to this day.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

My sister: What is he doing? Me: He meal preps for me when he goes out of town so I don’t live off chicken nuggets. Sister: I don’t understand your powers. Me: I give a lot of head. Sister: I know you’re kidding but you’re disgusting. Me: Kidding?

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

22 days

Me: I’m leaving. Husband: [Baby] is down. Can I fuck you against the wall real quick? Me: … Dude idk what is up with us lately. We fuck so much. Several times a day.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

2 years

I’m still the most popular writer on r/gonewildstories, a Reddit sub known for being pretty toxic. No one was more surprised than me when a goofy queer feminist gained a following there, but thanks everyone:)

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

Grandpa: I find it very weak to leave your hometown. You’ve always been so weak. Husband: I find picking on your granddaughter very weak. This is kind of a pathetic way to grieve. How about you go find somewhere else to be while V plans and pays for your wife’s funeral.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

7 months

My husband just tore of his shirt and started doing push-ups. There was no warning.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

2 months

My husband and I have 38 hours of childcare and a cabin. He just won an award. We just took LSD. Wish us luck.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

2 years

Y’all are very sweet to me. I’m alive and working on being well. Thank you all!

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

One of my best friends has been like my sister since we were literally around seven. She’s been engaged for two hours and that bitch hasn’t asked me to be a bridesmaid.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

2 months

Me: Our son looks me. Husband: I get to fall in love with your face all over again. I cannot possibly live up to his compliments.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

I’m going to playing a game where I suck my husband’s dick every time someone on Reddit calls me a ruined woman. We can’t let the misogynists win!!!

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

10 months

My husband hides his codependency well but I watched that man pay an extra $100 today to sit next to me on a flight.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

Me: The best day of third grade was when I read more books than anyone in my state and “Joe” the janitor ate pizza with me. Husband: Where were your parents? Me: I was in a foster home that year. H: …If we have a kid we’ll show up the day she outreads the state.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

7 months

Being bisexual is so awkward sometimes. My friend is going off about how awful her body is and isn’t taking my reassurances seriously because I’m not a man. There’s no way for me to remind her I’m attracted to women and would totally fuck her if I was single.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

7 months

My husband doesn’t like football but he’s watching for me. It’s sweet. I’m going to fuck him in the third quarter but he doesn’t know that yet. I’m trying to create a Pavlov-like association.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 month

I was in the foster system which means statically I’m supposed to be dead. Instead I have friends, a husband, a house, and a really flourishing career. Life is very long. Hang in there.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

7 months

Me: First dates are not a time to prank. Husband: You told me you were a Republican when we met. Me: Did I? Surely you didn’t believe me Husband: You quoted Ayn Rand from memory. It freaked me out.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 month

Then he made me breakfast so we fucked again. Bro. I cannot in good conscience recommend a threesome but in this very specific instance it really worked for us.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

I think I have to go off the grid for a bit. It’s too painful. The love for my exes don’t “die.” They become part of my being and soul. And there will always, ALWAYS be a piece of me that loves her like family. RIP, you little piece of chaos. You were pure stardust.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

When people (specifically men) complain about their girlfriend’s having a high body count… Why? Your dick won! She took SO MANY dicks and yours was her favorite. Is it a magic dick? I don’t know. Maybe. Likely even. Enjoy that magic dick that beat out all others.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 month

It is not lost on me that I spent years in therapy for an eating disorder while simultaneously only fucking curvy women because I found them attractive. My psychiatrist gets paid a lot to help me unpack why I used to find every curvy body worthy of love except my own.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

11 months

Me: Theoretically what would you think if you found out I had a “secret” bank account? Husband: Ok, honestly? I’d think you impulsively opened it and your ADHD brain forgot to tell me. I’d just ask you for the info for our records. Me: That’s… Ok, yeah.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

Me: He’s a very famous football player. My husband: Have I ever, in the 8 years you’ve known me, known who a football player was? Me: Even people who don’t know football know him. My husband: All I’m saying is that no one found out who Taylor Swift was this week.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

16 days

K: Why do you keep trying to set me up? Me: I want you to happy. K: I am. Me: Fucking random girls. living in my basement. Taking care of my kid. Brewing beer with my husband? K: Say that back to yourself.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

2 years

I won the GWS December story! I realize this is silly, but I’m so happy about it!

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

11 days

This was supposed to be the worst week of my career. If you watch Madmen, I got McCanned. But honestly? My work isn’t my life. I have such a great marriage, kid, friends, and home.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

My grandmother bought a house next to my parents (twice) to keep me out of foster care. She made me work, but she also paid for every standardize test I took. I literally owe my life to her, and she died questioning if she had made a difference.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

2 months

What is wrong with me? At this point I keep fucking my husband several times a day. I am fucking insatiable. It’s him. He keep saying he’s more into me after I had his baby. He licks my c-section scar. I lick any part of him.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

Me: Roads? Where we're going we don't need roads. Husband: Huh? Me: Back to the Future H: Is that a religious thing. Me: It’s a cultural phenomenon thing. Are you fucking with me? H: Was it a show? Me: … BACK TO THE FUTURE. What?

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 month

I am super excited to explain to my OB at my 6 month check in that we had a threesome after the whole baby thing.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

Me: Her family isn’t having a funeral. Dad: We can spread her ashes here and invite all your friends. Me: She was my girlfriend. Dad: Honey… Of course. I already knew that.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

I woke up at 4:00am to cry. My husband woke up and proclaimed he would hold me for “as long as it takes” and not fall back asleep until I did. He made it 2 minutes, but I appreciate the effort.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

My husband did not know I was on camera and just walked in to grab my face and kiss me. I introduced him as my pool boy.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 month

God, I love fucking my husband.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

7 months

For context, I have a “what would make you stay” section. Most people write what policies or culture changes they want. She wants a juice machine. This girl brought in close 15% of our revenue this year. This feels like a fair ask. I fucking love managing Gen Z.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

2 months

I hope everyone experiences the pure joy of watching the person you’ll love until you die watch you with pure joy. Sometimes I can’t tell if I was never loved before or if it really is this rare. I sound like a broken record. I’m just in love with him.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

8 months

Me: I got hit on today. Husband: That’s so sweet. By a man or woman? Me: You know, a lesser wife might be mad you don’t seem to care. Husband: I can go beat someone up if you’d like, but you just look so cute today.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

2 years

The fact that I’ve fucked more women than my husband is the ultimate power move

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

8 months

A few days ago my husband found out that couples go through each others’ phones and I said going through his would be a “boring endeavor.” Since then he has shown me “cool stuff” on his phone. So far this has included a grocery list and cool facts about mushrooms.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

8 months

I woke up to my ex and husband disassembling my dishwasher. I am going back to bed.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

8 months

My husband just put on “Masters of the Air,” even though we’re watching it with friends later. Husband: I have to watch it first with you so you tell me all the weird military facts so I look educated when we watch it again later with people. Sound logic.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

7 months

Update: I just used our surplus to buy new kitchen stuff and a snack subscription. I have never felt like a millennial more than I do today. Granola bars? In this economy? And yes, we got a mother fucking juice machine.

Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

7 months

I let my employees give me a performance review every year. It’s supposed to be anonymous but we’re so small I usually can guess origin. A young woman on my team said she wants a juice machine in the office. I was not expecting that and I’m inclined to just do it.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

6 months

Husband: My wife loves crypto because she thinks the online community is cute. New friend: What a weird secret internet presence. Husband: You really have no idea.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

4 months

Being “good at sex” is actually really easy. Put on “Shine on You Crazy Diamond…” don’t penetrate until the words start. Every “new” key is where you put your tongue.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

Husband: Oh! I found my AirPod. *Me with his dick in my mouth*

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

My former coworker seriously left our toxic law firm and her abusive boyfriend randomly out of the blue. She got an online job, married a woman, and has been traveling around and camping for over two years.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

So yeah. Fucking Mel. Mel. Mel: Love of my life. Sun to my moon. Beat to my heart. I hope there’s an afterlife you can go fuck yourself in because I’ll never get over you.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

I used to love with three men and that was a trip. They made pancakes every Saturday morning and would always set the table for whomever I had been fucking the night before. I miss those guys.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

11 months

My interns are “secretly” dating. I found out yesterday when they didn’t realize I had access to their chat. It’s been the absolute best day at work. They’re so awkward.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

2 years

The only other very liberal person in my family is my grandmother who is what you would call a “hell raiser.” She’s dying and apparently said, “I can’t die before V gets here because you assholes will try to hold my funeral in a church.”

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

Husband: That girl is so cute. Me: Awwww, she IS! I find it so adorable when you admit other women are hot. Husband: … A less secure man might find this emasculating, V. Me: Well then I’m lucky.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

My doctor told me I had to gain weight (spec. muscle) to have a chance of getting pregnant. I always did cardio until I felt like fucking passing out. For the past four months I’ve just done strength training. I LOVE my body recently. I have gained weight and I don’t care.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

8 months

Husband: I wouldn’t do well in an open marriage. I would miss you too much if I went on dates. Me: So the having sex with other women part doesn’t bother you? Husband: I didn’t get that far in my brain.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

6 months

My husband took a gummy and made me tea to be nice. Then he forgot me made me tea and just brought me a second cup. I don’t have the heart to tell him.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 month

My husband: Please don’t take this the wrong way because I LOVED watching you fuck another woman. Me: Me too! I loved the three of us. It was great. So hot. Husband: Me too… But I’d rather just fuck you. Me: Me too…

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

11 months

Me: How was your flight? Husband: Really nice! I got bumped up to business class again. This happens about 25% of the time. He does not realize normal looking people don’t just get “bumped up.” He doesn’t believe me.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

Husband: Call out of work. Me: Yeah right. Husband: We can have sex and then we can go book shopping. I’ll buy you as many books as you want. Me: …Am I dying? What is happening?

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

Husband: Why are you crying? Me: because I needed someone else to tell me it was crazy. This is crazy. Husband: I’ve known you eight years and never fully understood why you hated coming home. They’re SO mean to you. You’d be so pissed if I let someone treats me like this.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

11 months

Idk who needs to hear this today, but you probably mean a lot more to folks in your life than you realize.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

We’re home and my husband is clutching me as I’m falling asleep. I wish I had never been pregnant. I wish I didn’t have to live through this. I’m glad I have my husband. Life sucks and you’re supposed to find someone who loves you this much.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

2 years

22 year old who works for me: Can you look over my resume? There’s this job I want to apply for. Me: Honey… You work for me. And thus began the most accidental power play of my career. I think I have to give her a raise to keep her… What a fucking baller.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

Me: You know you’re fucking weird. You’re just so attractive that people don’t notice. Husband: I think most people sing to their stove when no one is around.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 month

When you finally have a threesome and it’s perfect…

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

My husband made me breakfast and wrote me an apology note. Being married to an adult is so refreshing

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

8 months

Husband: Does one become a MILF when the baby is born or during pregnancy? Me: If you figure it out, inform the abortion debate.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

I hid that from him for so long. Tell your family who you are. They might surprise you

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

Onetime when I was hiring someone I asked if they had trial experience and he said he’s faced a lot of trials throughout his life. I think about this every day like it’s my Roman Empire.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

I once hooked up with a guy at a wedding because his friends were making fun of him. I regret nothing.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

2 years

I’ve decided that the next person who sends me an unsolicited dick pic will get a screenshot of the last guy in my inbox who sent me his dick. I will continue this pattern until I die.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

2 years

Update in case you watched my hallucination fever spiral last night. My husband and I got a rare virus traveling but it’s actually very easy to treat. We’re both sore but much better and about to be released from ER. 105 is A TRIP. I saw things, man.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

8 months

After our wedding my husband took his suit to the dry cleaner. The woman who took it in commented on the red streaks around the collar and crotch. I wore red lipstick.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

Me: I’m sorry you were bullied. That really sucks. Husband: It’s cool. In the end I got the hot wife. I like it when he says stuff like this because he’s not even doing it to charm me.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

2 years

I set my double Eskimo sister up with a guy I used to fuck. They’ve both texted me during their date. I don’t say this lightly, they’re going to get married.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

My grandpa: V, If we didn’t get along it’s just because you always reminded me of all the parts of her I never felt good enough for… Her brains and passion. I’m simple. Me: You loved her. Grandpa: I did. But she always loved you more. Me: That could have saved me therapy.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 month

This is such a vulnerable post. I remember meeting my husband and being absolutely terrified about losing him. Now I have a baby. Do people just live their lives terrified of losing the people they love? My psychiatrist says I need to accept this reality. How?

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

This remains my most popular story and I must say I love my audience.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

I don’t know how to describe it, but I just want to fuck my husband. I’m so high.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

3 months

My husband and I play a game where we see how many times he can get me off before he comes. We both win every time we play.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

Husband: Don’t get up. Me: You know the rules. I have to read and workout. Husband: V. I haven’t seen you. Please stay and cuddle. Just this once. I’m being vulnerable and asking us both to sleep in. Me: Well then… Yeah. Ok. Husband: And I want to be the little spoon.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

About half of my husband’s close circle of friends are women. It is one of my favorite things about him because he sees women as human beings. The bar is low for men.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

For MONTHS I have theorized that my husband’s best friend is fucking my best friend, and my husband thought I was crazy. We just caught them on a date. I paid for their bottle of wine.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

4 months

Oh and when she “begs” for it. Make her describe what she’s been thinking about. Lol. That’s when you make her beg. Harder. Pull her hair gently. Wait for it. Play. And then. Yeah. Fuck her. She’s yours. You’re welcome.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

11 months

Alright. I’m going to rant. My East Coast friends sincerely have no perception of the opioid crisis or what “kinds of people” get on drugs. Normal fucking people. There is nothing inherently broken or weak in opioid addicts.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

Me: I should go after him. Husband: Sit down and let’s divide up the calls. Then I’m paying for the finest motel in this town and we’re getting out of crazy house. And we’re never going to pretend it’s normal for them to talk to you like this again. My husband:)

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

11 months

Husband: I don’t really see the point of role playing. Me: it’s for the thrill of pretending to have sex with someone else. It could be fun. Husband: I only want to have sex with you though. That makes no sense. He’s too pure for this world.

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Viola Fontaine

@VFontaineAuthor

1 year

Old boyfriend: You’re a big shot lawyer. Me: I’m not practicing. I’m the CEO of [my company]. Him: Like the real CEO? Like you’re the boss of some people there. Me: I’m the boss of everyone there. I’m the CEO. Today I learned my old BF doesn’t know what a CEO is.

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