sergeant dick lips the third @TeahLhompson Twitter profile

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@defntdiv

sergeant dick lips the third

@TeahLhompson

5 years

fuck it whole apple in the bowl

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@TeahLhompson

4 years

please stop retweeting the video of the man with the incredible legs doing a flip wearing heels and then turning into a pile of ahi tuna it made me scream out loud in starbucks by myself and people stared at me

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@TeahLhompson

7 years

My ideal sleeping position? Side sleeping, Left leg straight out right leg 90 degree angle hiked up. One arm under the pillow one arm over. Multiple blankets fan on high NyQuil coursing though my bloodstream. Obama is there.

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

I put my height in my tinder bio and 6 men unmatched with me.....i’m gonna break into y’alls houses and put all the remotes on top of the fridge

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@TeahLhompson

1 year

I genuinely think this image could stop the heart of someone on shrooms

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@TeahLhompson

6 years

can’t believe it’s this crazy girls birthday in just 21 days!

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

is this the intro to john mulaney’s next netflix special

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@TeahLhompson

7 years

Going out to dinner in your hometown means the hostess went to your grade school, a girl you hate is at the booth next to you, your hs friends mom is washing her hands in the bathroom and a boy you used to like is coming in the door when you’re leaving

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@TeahLhompson

3 years

so what we all just gave up on these? we all just said we aren’t going to actively eat the most delicious food in the world anymore?

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

thinking about how my friend couldn’t remember a guys name yesterday so I said text him and say “how do u spell ur name so I can enter it in my phone”and he goes “....is there any other way to spell paul” and she panics and goes “pawl”

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@TeahLhompson

1 year

imagine a southwest employee on the verge of a panic attack with tears in their eyes just restarting their computer over and over and from the crowd a woman approaches the bench and says hello I follow erika she’s a lawyer who reads the fine prin-

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@TeahLhompson

2 years

when julia fox releases her book I am going to read it with a highlighter as if it were the old testament

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

hey now that your incest dragon show is over can you text me back

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

i’ve never talked about my weight loss on this site bc people are mean as shit and i was always scared of mfs being like “you look the same” but I lost 75 pounds and that’s really cool of me isn’t it

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

why would I go to my high school’s five year reunion when I can go to any local bar on any given weekend, see all of them for 20 minutes, hyperventilate, and leave

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@TeahLhompson

1 year

would do anything for those to be the ankles of tom brady

Jeffree Star

@JeffreeStar

1 year

Goodbye LA, time to spend time with my #NFL boo in Wyoming 🏈

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

I went to my crotch wax appt blazed out of my brain and I got on the table with all my clothes on & just laid there in butterfly pose and the girl turned around to me with the wax in hand and was like ????? take your pants off??? and so that’s why i’m not going to go high anymore

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

nyquil pills -could drive a car 1 hour after taking them -are as powerful as baby aspirin -absolutely fucking suck nyquil liquid -laced with crack cocaine -could make you sleep through a house fire - you will dream of a nice horse -is god’s holy nectar fuck those pills so hard

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@TeahLhompson

6 years

next time a guy touches the small of my back/butt for no reason when he’s trying to walk by me i’m turning around and cupping him straight on the sack i’m over this shit ladies it’s cupping szn

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

i would fuck the that’s my chocolate milk guy on his principles alone

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

to be “good” at twitter you must have either an absolutely smashing vocabulary or a complete lack of one and there is no in between, everyone on this site is either a scholar or illiterate

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@TeahLhompson

2 years

can snapchat please stop notifying me that my deceased friend has joined snapchat it is killing my vibe

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@TeahLhompson

2 years

the call is coming from inside the house

Kyle Rittenhouse

@ThisIsKyleR

2 years

People need to start being held accountable.

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@TeahLhompson

2 years

I am in hell

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@TeahLhompson

2 years

polar express is way too stressful need a cigarette after watching

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@TeahLhompson

6 months

saltburn? sorry can’t right now. busy watching stray cat feast day 91

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

just remembered my kindergarten teacher used to have to wipe my ass because I couldn’t figure out how and if there were any signs that I was bound to drop out of college that would be a billboard

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@TeahLhompson

1 year

you go girlfriend

Jeremy Renner

@JeremyRenner

1 year

Back on the bus today !!

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@TeahLhompson

6 years

I was sad about a boy then I saw he was in flip flops at a bar and I think i’m okay now

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

you could point to any tan petite bald man in a pair of jeans on the street and say “that’s kenny chesney” and I would say “ok that’s kenny chesney”

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@TeahLhompson

4 months

niece went to build a bear and named her cat blender

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

you’re not god or my father or my boss

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@TeahLhompson

9 months

this is what I think I look like every second of every day

doomer

@uncledoomer

9 months

absolutely stanced up

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

a waterbed but instead of the water it’s applesauce and there’s a little tube on the side where you can suckle some a sauce if you’re feeling peckish

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

on my third coffee of the day

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

going to make business cards to quietly hand to the waitress before my family enters a restaurant that says “I am so sorry for what is about to conspire. I have no idea why they are like this. I am screaming inside”

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

me every time a guy holds eye contact with me in public for longer than three seconds

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

this is a fossilized piece of shit pulled out of the butthole of 2010 tumblr

ℳaʀʟʙᴏʀø

@nnarlboro

5 years

Every smoker has a story so before you tell them smoking kills, I want you to know that something is already killing them.💔

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

my life can be summed up into two chapters, before and after I first saw this fit

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

simpler times.....wish I could experience such a splendor

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

i am 5’9 and a half please stop asking

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

are you in the right headspace to have a little salami

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@TeahLhompson

6 years

new boot goofin

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

what I think I look like when i’m high vs what I actually look like

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@TeahLhompson

2 years

taking an edible, showering (face oil, hair mask, body scrub, etc) doing extensive skincare, ordering food and getting in bed at 6 pm so when the goomay kicks in you’re as ready for her as you’ll ever be

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@TeahLhompson

6 years

got yelled at for telling someone merry christmas so it’s happy honda days from here on out who wants a fuel efficient 4 door sedan up their ass

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

if I was pretzel goldfish I would simply try to taste better

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

me- uuuuuniverse may I have a crumb of a break pls uwu 🥺 universe- what if we gave her tonsillitis, pink eye in both eyes, and let her fall down the stairs at a restaurant and sprain her ankle all in three days what do we think about that

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

me coming in my moms room to tell her I accidentally just took 1,600 mg of acetaminophen

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

is this a d3 baseball roster

Audrey Morgan

@auddgee

5 years

Hop in the car with me & you’ll hear: 1. Morgan Wallen 2. Cody Johnson 3. Luke Combs 4. Cody Jinks 5. Riley Green 6. Jon Langston Everytime

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@TeahLhompson

4 years

inside you are two wolves

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@TeahLhompson

1 year

runner ups…

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@TeahLhompson

2 years

@kalirox44 connie 🤞🤞🤞🤞

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@TeahLhompson

7 years

Also, really love the quirky city girls quoting it saying “ummm what kind of podunk town do u live in” sorry we all don’t live in the ~Big Apple~ Isabella Italian last name

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

is this foolish? yes. but does this person make good plant based recipes that harm zero animals? also yes. in conclusion we’ve decided to stan

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

everyone who chose merlin the wizard as their microsoft office assistant is depressed now

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@TeahLhompson

1 year

forgot about her…..

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@TeahLhompson

2 years

you’re not ugly it’s just winter you’re not ugly it’s just winter you’re not ugly it’s just winter!!!!

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@TeahLhompson

7 years

Applebee’s is not where I find solace after coming home from college. Applebee’s is where I go once a year with old relatives so I get put in their will when they die

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@TeahLhompson

2 years

he also told me this information on the date

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

hello i’d like to announce I am now the proud owner of a job 🤝

sergeant dick lips the third

@TeahLhompson

5 years

I have a job interview in an hour everyone say good luck idiot

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

me when i’m flame broiled high looking in the mirror trying to make myself look sober before family dinner

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@TeahLhompson

3 years

mat george is someone who deserved to be a household name and today, however wrong the circumstances, he is. I think he would have loved to know the amount of people mourning the loss of such a life (and calling him skinny) ❤️

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

“I have christmas lights because they’re easier to manage” is sending me

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@TeahLhompson

2 years

losing my mind if i’m swimming in the ocean and some broad’s umbilical cord gets tangled in my toes

Michelle

@primalwomanhood

2 years

obsessed with this women who recently freebirthed in the ocean

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@TeahLhompson

7 years

Applebee’s is where you go when your little league team wins the big game. It’s also 2007 and that’s why you’re at Applebee’s.

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

the duality of man

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

@daddykyIa ? oatmeal is good

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@TeahLhompson

7 years

If one more person says the world “applebees” in reference to this I will scream. There are no better restaurants??? Is everything ok at home???

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

just thinking about the time I was having s*x with a boy and he knocked my bong over, spilling dirty b water all over my dads childhood photos on my dresser and he tried to clean it up ass naked and I just laughed and said leave my house please as fast as you can

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

how i look without makeup- fine, childlike, boyish, nothing to write home about how i look when Ive just taken my makeup off- disease ridden. in need of medical attention. fallen member of the oregon trail, likely due to cholera. rabies. colonial child corpse.

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

are any starbucks baristas available to pour boiling hot coffee all over my soft shitty body,,looking to feel something

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

goodnight everyone! I hope jason momoa cracks me open like a walnut in my dreams tonight

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@TeahLhompson

1 year

yeah happy women’s day sooooooo glad I have to work every day of my life instead of knitting by the seaside

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@TeahLhompson

7 years

Did everyone on Twitter have the same ass childhood because I played on a wooden castle set that got changed into that bullshit too

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

unemployed twitter it’s 1 pm what we havin for breakfast hustlers hashtag reply tweet

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@TeahLhompson

2 years

when ben platt emerges in pitch perfect during the finale performance and sings i’ve got the magic in me I literally get ASMR like my head starts tingling they should play that for people in ketamine clinics

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

cheers to the boomer that was horrified by my cleavage at a beer garden and loudly yelled “oh my god ugh those boobs are out” yeah they are you old decrepit woman relish in my giant breasts before your inevitable death

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

just found out there’s a bangs setting on faceapp and i’m about to start throwing bangs on everybody

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

thinking about the women tonight that walked into the theatre 20 minutes into Us, comes up to me & says “ur in my seats” I said “you are incorrect ma’am” she then decides to stand there huffing & puffing at me until finally she goes “wait this isn’t dumbo” and leaves

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@TeahLhompson

1 year

@TamingMyImpala it’s like he took her gums off and put them on top of his……

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@TeahLhompson

2 years

thanks i’m sad now

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@TeahLhompson

3 years

they popped some heels on the little fella!

asa 🇸🇦

@mjscurl

3 years

zendaya and tom holland 💌

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@TeahLhompson

1 year

bros rock hard happy birthday legend

BNO News Live

@BNODesk

1 year

Bobi, the oldest dog in history, turned 31 today

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

going to go sit on the toilet display at lowe’s and just think for a while

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sergeant dick lips the third

@TeahLhompson

5 years

what do you guys think of my ben shapiro impression

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@TeahLhompson

2 years

oh and this is the only date i’ve ever been on with a stranger in my life 👍🏻 love being memorable

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sergeant dick lips the third

@TeahLhompson

5 years

it is time

sergeant dick lips the third

@TeahLhompson

6 years

can’t believe it’s this crazy girls birthday in just 21 days!

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

I made out with a 21 year old last night i think that’s a felony guard lock me up I deserve it

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

@cant_w82bking love this energy

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

hmmmm perhaps georgies teef not the only thing made of wood

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@TeahLhompson

6 years

gunman: any last words? me: *spits on ground* liking The Office isn’t a personality trait gunman: *shoots 7 times*

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

love that quirky little thing I do when I mindlessly keep hitting my dab pen way too many times then look up from my phone and my room is dancing and my brain is made of papaya and oh is that brendan fraser? hey brendan fra

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

today at work i was helping this lady & she asked my name bc “i was so nice & helpful” we got along swimmingly! after she left I went to clear her fitting room & she stole a $195 pair of jeans & ripped a gaping hole in a sweater trying to take a sensor off cheers guys love my job

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

oh my god wow I absolutely,,,,,,,hate this,,,,,,

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@TeahLhompson

1 year

@JackWilliamRtF $1,000 bucks the moms a nurse

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@TeahLhompson

1 year

why do they put this on his shoulders? who is he to bear such a cross

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@TeahLhompson

1 year

when you are mean to me this is who you’re hurting btw

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@TeahLhompson

5 years

woke up rolling around in saltine crumbs queen of exfoliation

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@TeahLhompson

7 years

Me again, its come to my attention that many of you are quoting this and saying "This is so Dennys!" .....I....I....I cant even process that, if you eat at Dennys block me

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