Statler and Waldorf @StatlerWaldorf Twitter profile

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

Most days we’re disgruntled, annoyed, frustrated, and peeved – so imagine our thrill when we met someone else who is too! Congratulations to our new favorite grump @brettgoldstein on his second #Emmys win in a row!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

3 years

Twitter reminds us a lot of The Muppet Show. There are 280 characters, constant nonsense going on, and no matter how much we want to, we can't bring ourselves to leave!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

3 years

Some folks are surprised to find out that we're performers ourselves. You think we just heckle performances because we're snobs? No! It's because we know we could do it better!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

7 months

It's nice to go outside and get away from the annoyances of the internet for a while... and get annoyed by all the stuff going on outside instead!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

How can it possibly be the 30th anniversary of The Muppet Christmas Carol today? We look so much more alive now than we did back then! Doh-ho-ho-ho!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

We may like the day after Christmas more than the day itself. There are no carols, there's no work to do, and there's no family left in the house – those are the greatest gifts of all!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

4 years

It's terrible! Just awful! The worst news you've ever heard! All five seasons of The Muppet Show are coming to #DisneyPlus TOMORROW! Lock yourselves away so you can't watch it – trust us!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

Soak up that last bit of summer sun before the fall weather comes. If you think we're grumpy now, just wait until we get chilly!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

4 years

S: Oh, no! It's horrible! Starting February 19, all five seasons of The Muppet Show will be on @DisneyPlus ! W: We don't deserve this!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

5 years

…….We both hate how much we like this tweet.

Jennifer Wright

@JenAshleyWright

5 years

Statler and Waldorf’s friendship is beautiful. Don’t underestimate the power of hating the exact same things.

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

This year, we made a resolution not to heckle anyone. We made it about 37 seconds past midnight before we started heckling the performers on TV. Maybe next year!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

Have you ever had one of those days when every little thing annoys you? If so, congratulations: You're on your way to becoming a certified curmudgeon. Furrow your brow, shake your head, and get ready to start booing!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

1 year

Even hecklers aren't immune to heckling. So go ahead, badger us, pester us, and give us the old what for! If you've really got the curmudgeonly spirit... we'll heckle you back! Doh-ho-ho-ho!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

3 years

It's been 45 years since #TheMuppetShow first debuted on TV! More importantly, it's been 40 years since it ended. Let's celebrate that instead!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

6 years

It's the anniversary of The Muppet Christmas Carol! Looks like we're doomed for all-time to celebrate it every year.

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

8 months

The internet brought about a golden age of heckling! Now, all we need is a computer to heckle anyone, anywhere. Well, a computer and some young whippersnapper to show us how to use it.

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

3 years

Heckling @TheMuppets is a full-time job. But unlike most full-time jobs, this one has absolutely no benefits!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

5 years

Happy December! We've gotten into the holiday spirit... literally! If only the bear had material as funny as ours!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

3 years

We're Marley and Marley! Haunting Scrooge was such a treat for us — we still call @themichaelcaine every Christmas Eve to heckle him! Doh-ho-ho-ho!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

3 years

Instead of throwing tomatoes onstage, this year we're going to throw wet sponges. Maybe that'll help the Muppets clean up their act! Doh-ho-ho-ho!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

Did you know that @TheMuppets ' theater is rigged with trap doors? It's true – every door that lets you in the building is a trap! Get out while you still can!!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

3 years

They say no one can be in a bad mood when they're at the beach... We say: Have you met us?! We've got sand in our loafers and the sun in our eyes! Boo! Hiss! Take us back to the air conditioning!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

3 years

Finally, we won’t be the only ones shouting “Boo!!” #MuppetsHauntedMansion , an Original Special, starts streaming October 8 only on @DisneyPlus . #Hallowstream

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

We've been around long enough to know that some things are timeless. That's why we never bother to learn anything about fashion — if you wait long enough, even denim jackets will be back in style!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

This year, we're only asking Santa for one thing on our Christmas list: All of @TheMuppets to move as far away from us as possible! We'd also settle for earplugs and blindfolds.

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

4 years

Don't talk to us before we've had our morning coffee. In fact, don't talk to us after either... actually, just don't talk to us, period!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

3 years

Folks say that we heckle, ridicule, and mock everything. If that’s true, then we’ve been pioneering social media since before there was electricity.

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

6 years

Always be yourself. We're gonna heckle you no matter who you are.

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

4 years

In our day, you used to write your complaints down on paper and send them to people! These days, you can just tweet them out to the entire world! Kids today have it so easy...

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

S: Every year during the Big Game, the commercials make me want to buy something. W: Really? What? S: Earplugs and a blindfold! They really put the "ad" in "BAD!" Doh-ho-ho-ho!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

4 years

We've been reading the positive comments from people watching #TheMuppetShow on @DisneyPlus , and we just have one thing to say to all of you: What are you thinking?!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

They say that with age, comes wisdom... and we're finally ready to share some of ours! Got a question for us? Go on, ask it! We might reply with some good advice – but we'll definitely reply with some great heckling!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

6 years

The worst acts you've ever seen seem a whole lot better with your best friend by your side. Happy #NationalBestFriendsDay !

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

Oh, darn! We lost the remote again! Guess we can't watch anything that will annoy us, disappoint us, or drive us crazy! What a shame.

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

We've never been fans of small talk... or big talk... or even medium-sized talk. Just keep your mouth shut around us and we'll get along fine!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

5 years

Waldorf usually handles all the typing for our tweets. He's much faster (and meaner).

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

If at first you don't succeed, try try again... We still won't like it, but we sure do enjoy seeing you struggle.

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

4 years

Anyone who says they "can't complain" when you ask them how things are is certainly no friend of ours! If you can't figure out something to complain about, then you're just not paying attention!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

5 years

As Marley & Marley, we proved a curmudgeon's work is never done! If your jokes are abnormally bad, you'll be haunted by heckles forever!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

This may surprise you, but when it comes to @TheMuppets we're optimists! We believe their best is yet to come... because everything they've done so far has been terrible. Doh-ho-ho-ho!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

3 years

Have you ever played chess with a heckler? Don't do it unless you've got thick skin! We're sore losers... and we're even worse when we win! Doh-ho-ho-ho!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

Sure, we heckle @TheMuppets because their performances are terrible, they're not funny, and they couldn't put on a good show to save their lives... but also because the chairs in that balcony are very uncomfortable!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

Why haven't we retired from heckling? Well, if you love what you do, you never work a day in your life – and there's nothing we love more than haranguing, pestering, badgering, and taunting! Everything else, we can't stand!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

Once a heckler, always a heckler. Eating salads are tough….. Once you get used to viewing tomatoes as projectiles instead of food, it's hard to go back!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

5 years

It's a lovely day for a stroll in the park….if you don't mind being heckled. We'll be the ones heckling all you strollers. Come for the fresh air, stay for the fresh insults!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

6 years

Table for two hecklers, please. Close to the kitchen so we can criticize the chef!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

3 years

Nobody's perfect. And if you don't believe it, stick with us: we'll tell you what's wrong with anyone and everyone!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

3 years

Our New Year's resolutions are the same this year as they are every year: Heckle more, boo louder, and come up with insults that are newer than @FozzieBear 's jokes. (That last one is easy.)

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

You may not realize it, but it takes a lot of courage to be a heckler! Don't believe us? See if you're brave enough to say half the things we do to anybody you know!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

4 years

S: Oh no, this Muppet announcement is terrible. W: What's the Muppet announcement? S: I have no idea, but if it involves @TheMuppets , it’s sure to be terrible! Doh-ho-ho-ho!

The Muppets

@TheMuppets

4 years

Calling all Muppet fans! Get ready for a major and important Muppet announcement coming soon. What is it? We have no idea.

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

3 years

It takes more muscles to frown than to smile. So if anybody asks why you're always such a grump, just tell them you're working out!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

9 months

Remember: If it's not broke, don't fix it! The opposite is true for our hearing aids... if they're broke, please don't fix 'em. We don't want to hear what @TheMuppets are doing!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

3 years

You can do anything you set your mind to — as long as you don't do it around us. Do it near us and we'll definitely heckle you 'til you stop.

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

You may have heard that comedy is subjective. It's true: We've been subjected to @FozzieBear 's comedy for decades and there's no end in sight! Doh-ho-ho-ho!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

Careful which of @TheMuppets you heckle! Sure, they're all terrible, but some of them are giant, hungry monsters who haven't had lunch yet!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

4 years

Where are Statler & Waldorf? As far away from #MuppetsNow as we can get!

Russell

@Rustybobs

4 years

#MuppetsNow was fun but where were Statler and Waldorf? We need their insightful critiques on the sketches.

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

6 years

Hey, you! Yeah, you! Ever wanted to ask us some questions? Now’s your chance! Ask us whatever you want. Don’t mess it up… or we might heckle you! (Actually, we’ll do that no matter what.)

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

1 year

There's nothing quite like experiencing live entertainment with an audience. At our age, it's good to be around anything live! Doh-ho-ho-ho!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

If we had our way, Twitter wouldn't have a like button. We've never had a need for it – there's hardly anything to like around here… or anywhere for that matter!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

4 years

Some fans of @TheMuppets call us The Comeback Kings. Now we have to figure out if it's because we have great comebacks or because we keep coming back to watch The Muppets despite the agony!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

6 years

We're angling for the Least Supportive Hecklers award this year (and every year). #Oscars

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

5 years

A best friend is someone who can get you through the worst times... and the worst Muppet performances! Doh-ho-ho-ho! #BestFriendsDay

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

Thanksgiving is one of the few times we try not to heckle someone. Never be cantankerous with someone making your food – we've been burned before!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

3 years

If at first you don't succeed... take the hint and get off the stage! We're trying to sleep up here!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

3 years

Heckling is a universal language. With enough loud complaining, you can drive acts off the stage anywhere in the world!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

If you want to be a heckler, never listen to anyone who tells you to keep your opinions to yourself. You've got a gift to share – so commence the haranguing and hurl those tomatoes!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

Everybody's a critic, but only the biggest curmudgeons can be hecklers. You've got to wake up perturbed and go to bed incensed! You can't settle for road rage, you've got to get freeway fury! Forget pet peeves – you need irreconcilable indignation!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

6 years

We exchanged Christmas gifts a few days early this year. We like to have a few days of complaining about a gift if we don't like it.

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

Age is not just a number – when you're as old as we are, birthday candles also make age a fire hazard!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

Never take free tickets from a frog.

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

3 years

There's one type of person we rarely heckle: Photographers! If you want them to get your good side, you don't want them on your bad side.

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

5 years

There's something to be said about a movie's impact lasting 40 years... and that something is "BOO!!" Doh-ho-ho-ho! #TheMuppetMovie40th

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

We're expert multitaskers. Who else do you know that can heckle, sneer, jeer, jab, snipe, badger, hound, pester, taunt, bully, and tease all at the same time!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

4 years

If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Yep. Nothing at all.

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

Getting older means never apologizing for anything. In fact, the two of us have been old for so long, we invented the phrase "Sorry, not sorry!"

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

6 years

When you're a heckler, you have to make sure you never wear an outfit that the comedian you're making fun of can ridicule. Like these outfits... nothing funny about them!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

7 years

Remember, if you can’t find something nice to say about someone, you’ve got reserved seating next to us.

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

7 years

They say, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." We say, "Old habits die hard." Hope you like tomatoes, Twitter! 🍅🍅🍅

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

5 years

With age, comes wisdom. With age also comes earlier dinner time and more midday naps. What's not to love?

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

4 years

Who says ghosts are just for Christmas? Marley & Marley are haunted hecklers all year round!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

5 years

Another year is almost over... and we couldn't be more thrilled! 2019 has more than overstayed its welcome! Boo! Hiss! Get off the calendar!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

5 years

We tried that new #FaceApp filter on Waldorf’s phone, but instead of making us look older, it melted the phone… This happen to anyone else?

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

7 years

Roses are red, Violets are blue, #ValentinesDay makes us grumpy, But every other day does too!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

6 years

S: Do you hear #Yanny or #Laurel ? W: Neither! I turned my hearing aid off. S: What? W: I turned my hearing aid off. S: What? I can’t hear you, I turned my hearing aid off. W: You can say that again, #Yanny .

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

3 years

Happy Thanksgiving! Getting together for the holiday is tough on curmudgeons, so remember the sooner you eat, the sooner you can take a nap in front of the TV!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

6 years

If you don’t have anything nice to say... we may be related.

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

3 years

No one holds a grudge like the two of us. Years ago, we had a disagreement with our neighbors. Haven’t talked to them in years… and boy are they grateful.

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

5 years

S: Well, it's another new year, Waldorf. W: 2020... can you believe it? S: Hardly! Did you ever think we'd see it? W: Nope... and now that I have, I wish I hadn't! Doh-ho-ho-ho!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

2 years

Once a heckler, always a heckler. You can try to change your curmudgeonly ways, but folks don't tend to forget who threw tomatoes at them.

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

6 years

Saturdays are for sitting, commiserating, and heckling pigeons who think they're too good for your breadcrumbs!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

3 years

As a curmudgeon, sometimes the greatest gift you can give is keeping quiet and not criticizing. ...Unfortunately, we're not that generous! We're the gift that keeps on giving, like it or not.

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

3 years

Halloween is a great time for hecklers like us. Usually when we shout "Boo!" folks get mad at us — now they just think we're in the holiday spirit! Boooooo!!!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

6 years

S: I'm sick of 2018! Bring on the new year! W: How is that different from any other year? S: Well... this year I have Twitter and can complain about it to thousands of people! W: The future really IS amazing!

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf

3 years

A heckler's job is never done! Remember: If you're not heckling them, somebody else might say something nice.

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Statler and Waldorf

@StatlerWaldorf