Hey folks. Sorry, I've been away from Twitter for a couple of months. It's a bit of an angry hell-site. Hope you're all having a nice weekend! Having a lazy Sunday here, with a fat Frenchie who demands attention.
Dear "grace" who signed up to Netflix using my email. You know I can just take the account and change the password, right? Also using you own phone number in the registration was a bad plan. I hope you like texts from sex hotlines. I've been trolling much longer than you have.
Lulu is SO done with the rain. She got drenched and was grumpy the entire walk. Now she's dug a pillow cave behind the stacked cushions. And is snorting at me for exposing her to that bullshit.
Today is Lulu's 3rd birthday. Where once was a yappy and unsure thing, there is now a cheese-loving cuddlebug who means the world to me. She got lots of affection today. And soon she'll get some tuna - her all time favourite food.
Lulu is back from the vets having just been spayed. The surgery went smoothly and she's recovering from the sedative. She's VERY stoned. Just staring off into empty space. High as a fucking kite, folks.
I decided I was going to have two slices of pizza for lunch. "Two slices" turned into the ENTIRE thing. Stuffed crust. Now I'm bloated and my clothes were chafing, so me and my fat belly are editing in the nude. Lulu looks shocked and disappointed.
Today is this little rascal's birthday. Two years ago today, Lulu entered the world and found it to be full of cheese to eat and squirrels to chase. She's loving it. Happy Birthday Lulu!
Let me tell you, the parks in Brighton & Hove have so many squirrels. Really fearless too, they come right up to you. I saw six this afternoon. Tails look a bit thin. Actually, what sort of squirrel is this anyway?
On a late night dog walk Lulu bumped into this really fat hedgehog. She's never seen a hedgehog before. It pressed its head against the floor and stuck out its spines. She just sniffed it for a while before looking at me like "explain this spiky bastard!?!"
I've put a pair of my socks on Lulu's back legs because she keeps scratching a sore on her face, preventing it from healing. Now she thinks I'm punishing her for something.
Took the day off to go fishing. Loved it! Spent the afternoon in the beautiful outdoors, surrounded by grazing sheep. Caught six carp. Today was a good day.
Lulu is flopped next to me and is grunting in an irritated fashion. Because she wants me to stop what I'm doing and rub her belly. Even though what I'm doing is TRYING TO SLEEP, LULU!! FUCK!
Today at a family gathering I was given the task of entertaining my 5 year old cousin. In short order we had constructed the "pillow-fort of invisibility" and we were running raids to the food table for chocolate biscuits. Also half the time I was a climbing frame. I'm knackered.
Just went to the supermarket. Introducing the new 'Thin & Crispy, 14 Inch "oh shit-fuck I accidentally dropped it in the car park and ran it over with my own trolley" pizza range, from Asda:
I did go for that night drive after all. I ended up parked outside a petrol station with Lulu riding shotgun. Me with a strawberry yogurt and Lulu with a packet of chicken treats. Both of us just hanging out, listening to music. Chilling.
I'm taking a 'me' day today. I'm alongside a beautiful riverbank, fishing for carp. Just hooked a monster one but it wiggled free. Hell of a good fight though. Exciting!
And it's happened. At 4am I decided to wake up and check my phone, because I simply decided...MID dream, that..."right, this dream is boring as shit, I'm gonna do something else". My own dreams are becoming trite.
Sunday lunch with the family. I built a pillow fort for my 6 year old cousin. She styled herself princess. Her 3 year old sister then entered the fort and also styled herself princess. They immediately started fighting over ownership of the fort. I caused a succession crisis.
Lulu was cold and soggy after her walk in the rain. So I gave her some tuna flakes to lift her spirits. She's now squished between the sofa cushions, warm and cosy.
I don't care if it's opt out. Having Windows 10 constantly display "hints" about how you should install Edge instead of Chrome is the most pathetic and desperate thing I have ever seen in an OS. What the hell were you even thinking?
@Microsoft
This time instead of building a pillow fort, my five year old cousin has invited me to her "imaginary picnic". Introducing all of her toys in excruciating detail along with their specific dietary requirements. Please send help...
In D&D last night our DM had to cut the adventure shorter because we were supposed to spend that evening repairing a derelict manor. But in the market on the way there we blew most of our gold on glass baubles, a donkey and a set of bag-pipes.
2nd vaccine dropped me into a fever. Today my computer chair has been an amorphous duvet blob. With no sign of intelligent life if it weren't for it meekly feeding on a Cornetto.
Today I went carp fishing with Lulu. It was nice! Very peaceful. No carp though, but I did land two nice Bream. Or the same Bream that was just being really accommodating.
I mentioned it stream this morning, but had yet to do a proper announcement. This week I sat and passed my driving test. I'd been sneaking away for lessons once a week since February. Time to buy a car, woooo!!
Hobbies? I rather like sitting next to lakes and rivers. Catching and releasing fish. Enjoying the look of shock and shame as they realise I was the one who caught them.
For those interested, the latest bullshittery is ready. An older stream I thought lost due to deletion, but successfully recovered. Random Gang Beasts Bullshittery -
Lulu is so weird. She just tried to 'bury' a half-eaten dog chew in the pile of clothes I'd just removed, going to bed. Gingerly patting down the non-existent soil with her cheeks. Then looking at me as if to say "for later".
I ordered a couple of those taster boxes of foreign sweeties, just out of pure curiosity. The American one arrived first. I plan to spend this afternoon in a corn-syrup and sugar induced coma...
My cousins bought me a packet of these little boiled sweeties that I'm fond of. And despite being 33 I'm still utterly incapable of eating them without spilling half the box into my lap like a 6 year old.