Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸 @SmalltimeJones Twitter profile

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

3 years

management just sent out an email banning all board games during breaks and i'm like what is this, yahtzee germany?

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

3 months

accidentally discovered edible dirt etsy and what the fuck is happening

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

7 months

my librarian friend just sent me this. love the classics

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@SmalltimeJones

11 months

kyle rittenhouse is trending because he drowned after getting his balls stuck in a jacuzzi jet. dude just filled up with water, balls first, craziest fuckin thing man

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

2 months

@TyphinaRex i usually pop in these stores just to do a lil farting

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

2 months

one of my favorite little bits of lore is that 8 years ago darigold confirmed that yes, milkwalker was in fact a real design used on their cartons, but also they have no record of who created milkwalker. milkwalker simply is and always has been.

Darigold

@darigold

8 years

@strutting We appreciate the enthusiasm of the fans! Milkwalker was used in a safety campaign on Darigold milk cartons. Designer is unknown.

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

13 days

my wife was doing an als walk thing in norfolk with her mom this weekend so me and her dad sat in the park to wait. i started talking about nebraska ufo sightings and he looks me dead in the eye and quietly said "i saw a ufo" 1/

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

3 months

google photos just sent me a reminder of when i went to the best convenience store i ever visited, starvin' sam's in ferndale washington. it was just after my mom died and holy shit it was exactly the weirdo fucking store i needed at that moment. 🧵1/5

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

3 months

just a weird lil community of dirt snobs, lol the world is so great. except for the guy who took dirt to a work potluck

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

11 months

hearing reports that it was just one ball and a penis stuck. huge if true

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

14 days

Skelbton The Wizard

@skelbthree

14 days

Ok so he just makes this face whenever he meets a president I guess

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

10 months

it's gonna suck if it gets released and it's all financial guys i've never heard of. i want it to be funny and it won't be if i don't know who they are

Rolling Stone

@RollingStone

10 months

Jeffrey Epstein’s Associates Will Be Named After Judge Orders Documents Unsealed More:

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

2 months

"bears don't raid beehives for honey, their main goal is to eat the bees and larvae for easy protein. i know this isn't an opinion, but i just learned it and it's fuckin wild. anyway, sorry for interrupting the meeting"

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

9 months

her: you better not be driving the dipshitmobile up my stairs when i get there me:

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@archillect

9 months

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

13 days

that was a hard stop for him. i don't know if i'll ever get more information out of him, but holy shit, what a goddamn day. /end

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

3 months

just remembered the orange juice i bought there had mold growing under the cap. love you, starvin' sam's, miss you so much

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

3 months

i stopped to get an orange juice but what i found was heaven. first, they had bootleg corduroy hats for a basketball team that hasn't existed in 16 years 2/5

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

6 years

@washingtonpost I hate myself for thinking it, but fake moos

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@SmalltimeJones

10 months

"i think jacket pockets are the best place to put your magazine"

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@SmalltimeJones

6 months

thinkin bout becoming a fine arts collector

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@SmalltimeJones

3 months

brand new vhs tapes for sale from the 1980s and 90s on the same shelf as ashtrays and surely out of date collector tins of cookies 3/5

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@SmalltimeJones

3 months

and finally the back corner was where to go for all your propane tank, glove, soccer ball and porno magazine needs 5/5

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

13 days

my father in law is a stoic farmer with a firm handshake and a quiet demeanor and isn't a flouncy boy with a love of whimsy like myself, so i knew this was gonna be a good story. "when?" i asked. "70s. i was a kid. maybe 14, 15" then he looked embarrassed 2/

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

5 months

this man has singlehandedly set the oafish galoot community back several decades. gentle giants do not accept him

Sunrise Movement 🌅

@sunrisemvmt

5 months

Last week, Fetterman got on Fox News to criticize Biden's liquified gas export pause. In 2018, he had joined Sunrise and @RepDanielle to rally against fracked gas pipelines. When a constituent asked why he flipped, he mocked her, then walked into a member-only elevator.

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@SmalltimeJones

13 days

"i haven't talked about it for 50 years," he said. i told him i needed to know more and he asked if i'd ever heard of the cattle mutilation outbreak in the 1970s at which time i almost passed out with delight. it's like my favorite thing to talk about 3/

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

3 months

they also had carpet sample "area rugs". small area rugs were $3.99 but small area rugs were $5.99. also they had a lot of union 76 stuff for sale considering it was a chevron 4/5

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

3 months

@Rens_Revenge_ you don't ask questions at starvin' sam's

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@SmalltimeJones

11 months

@CY0R3 if it makes you feel better it made a fun sloshy sound

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

13 days

he stopped again, his lip quivered a little bit. "i don't know what it is but it's always in the same spot," he said, hesitating. "i can feel when it's there." 21/

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

13 days

they all went home to sleep because apparently that's what you did when it was the 70s and shit was all fucked up. the next day they were back out in the same pasture, fixing some fencing until late at night. the lights came back. 10/

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

13 days

he was working for a local rancher over the summer in high school when the rancher came fishtailing up the gravel road, kicking up rocks and pounding the side of the pickup, hollering for help. 4/

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

13 days

"he found one of the cattle with no eyes," he said. "just dead, no eyes." him and other the farmhands hopped in the truck bed and raced out there. sure enough, dead cow. still warm. maybe dead for an hour or two. eyes missing with no incision marks 5/

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

3 months

@TofuEatingCat is there any health benefit to it? i'm gonna be a judgy lil shit either way, but just curious

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

2 years

@nytimes "forced to act" is a weird way of saying "we showed up 50 guys deep as an intimidation tactic and then escalated on purpose"

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

13 days

time seems to have calmed everyone down. nobody even mentioned it anymore, especially him. he only told my mother in law about it in the 90s. then his daughter married a dumb guy who likes aliens and shit 18/

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

13 days

they kept coming back to that spot every night, and the lights came too. every night for three weeks. over those three weeks, four more cattle died suspiciously, all of them missing something. "those fuckers liked eyes i think," my father in law said. 12/

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

3 years

@Reuters the future is here and it has a traumatic brain injury

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

10 months

just realized i spent the passing of the new year sitting on the toilet taking pictures of my cat being a lil fat guy

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

13 days

at this point i was like no fuckin way and grabbed my phone and started recording. they went back to the farm to call the vet who showed up later, just after dark. the farmboys were all huddled around the vet and watching him work. then one of them pointed up 6/

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

2 years

@Preetzer1 @misstessowen guess who has sole access to that video

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

13 days

they got to around where the light had been and saw it. "another one. dead cow with the jaw missing. tongue was hanging out." the vet said it had been alive until just a few minutes before. 9/

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

8 months

@BadMedicalTakes brb treating my syphilis with dandelions and apricot pits because it's too late my brain is already swiss cheese

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

11 months

@SkylordAwesome lol i don't know why this picked up steam but it's pretty fun so far

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@SmalltimeJones

1 year

@bad2sentence the ol' raw dog reverseroo

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

13 days

he said he thought it might be a police helicopter at first. those were a new thing and he'd just seen one on tv. but then, "they were all hovering and then zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, they all took off. one after another" they hopped in the pickup to see what happened 8/

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

13 days

lights. a bunch of them. one light pivoted and shined on the ground about a quarter mile in front of them. it so bright they could see their hands on a moonless night in rural nebraska. i asked him what he thought it was 7/

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

13 days

it didn't go the way they'd hoped. everyone in town made fun of them. for months. when school started up again in the fall his classmates were relentless. "that's why i went to college in lincoln," he told me, "to get away from it." 16/

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

2 years

@ampol_moment pretending to be someone else online to boost your street cred is lame as hell. take it from me, famous hollywood celebrity gary sinese

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

13 days

"there's this light," he said. "still see it sometimes, right there." he pointed southwest in the sky. "not all the time, but once in a while." i asked him if it was a planet or maybe a satellite. his face got serious and looked me in the eye again. "no" 20/

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

13 days

i asked him what he thought it was and he kind of sheepishly said, "i don't know, maybe it was the government, maybe it was just a reflection." he kind of squinted. he was feeling embarrassed about telling the story and got quiet for a minute 13/

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

13 days

"we got in the truck but we couldn't drive fast enough to keep up with them." the lights, probably six to eight of them, sped off in different directions. he said they couldn't figure out how big they were or how far away they were in the sky. 11/

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

13 days

i asked him if he ever saw anything again. "nah," he said. "well, maybe." i'd have to pry it out of him. i kept digging. finally i got it out. 19/

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

13 days

i didn't want to but i kind of changed the subject to those astronauts who were stuck on the iss, trying to get us back on track. we talked about space junk and satellites and lights in the sky when he blurted out "it was in the paper" 14/

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

13 days

"local paper sent out a guy to talk to us." this was after the lights stopped showing up and before the encounters were the talk of the town. they interviewed him and quoted him in the story. it ran with a picture of him and another friend pointing at the sky 15/

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

13 days

he was about three hours away from cedar county and no one knew him there. no one knew he'd seen something or that he'd been the weirdo in the paper. he earned his farm management degree, met a girl he married and moved back to his hometown to start a farm business 17/

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@SmalltimeJones

2 years

@bigturtle56 @ampol_moment it's hard to explain, but basically he's just like you but in a costume and doesn't cram his index finger inside his own penis hole at walgreens

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

2 years

@ampol_moment note how she follows etiquette of the time and stands back and to the left of him

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@SmalltimeJones

6 months

@JerryTurin @pleasuresystems do you think iran would have been justified in destroying entire israeli towns in retaliation for bombing their embassy?

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

4 months

i'm not like a historian or whatever, but this memorial in my wife's home town seems off. i'm like 100 percent sure that's not who said this

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

7 months

ur timeline has been blessed by reuben. to feel his grace say "good morning breakfast boy" and he will grant your wish

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

2 years

they should bring out two popes, one regular pope and one made of cake and let people guess which one is which

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

2 years

@BasedByAccident

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

2 years

@GatorsDaily gators are just like dogs but they don't bark at you while you're fuckin

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

4 years

@ViolateGeneva thank you for not cluster bombing the lions, putt-putt

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

4 years

just learned hank aaron died from the iron sheik's twitter. it's also how i learned sean connery and alex trebek died. this is how i prefer to have bad news broken to me, to make me humble

The Iron Sheik

@the_ironsheik

4 years

HANK AARON IT BREAK MY HEART TO SAY GOODBYE. YOU WERE THE HOME RUN KING ON THE FIELD AND GENTLEMAN KING OFF THE FIELD. MANY GOOD TIMES WHEN WE SEE YOU IN THE ATLANTA THANK YOU FOR THE MEMORIES BUBBA

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

1 year

@cutienataliaa @PicturesFoIder i mean, all social media influencers in a nutshell. painting a picture of an alternate reality you don't exist in. style over substance

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

2 years

@HardDriveMag like i don't feel sorry for elon musk, but man this is sad

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

1 year

@depthsofwiki i knew undertaker could beat hitler

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

2 years

@BasedByAccident greetings comrade mitt

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

2 years

@GravelInstitute man maybe it's time to reconsider guillotine

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@SmalltimeJones

2 years

@ampol_moment

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

11 months

i feel like most of the people involved in the hostage klonopin discourse have never actually taken klonopin

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

2 years

@depthsofwiki gerber singles seems like the perfect thing to eat while sitting on the toilet and weeping in your studio apartment

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

1 month

ok, i was doing some research into make and model of the pager and battery, from this photo it appears to be an apollo gold xp rechargable pager like the one here 1/

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

2 years

@Chinchillazllla the cops had to have shot some of those kids, right? that's what this is leading to, they're just easing us into it

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

9 months

coworker just walked up and was like "you like books like this, right" and handed me a copy of barlowe's guide to extraterrestrials. holy shit i've wanted this for years

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

10 months

@CantEverDie if i was dave chapelle i would simply enjoy my millions of dollars and try jerking off in dozens of fun and exciting locations around the world

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@SmalltimeJones

8 months

there's a dude selling an original 1978 space invaders cocktail arcade cabinet for $200 and my wife is going to murder me because i think i have to buy it. the side panel is in japanese! it's in maybe working condition! it probably needs a lot of work!

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@SmalltimeJones

10 months

@bad2sentence the capital "l" leads me to believe it was the detroit lions

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

2 years

@RegionalUSFood calling them disco fries and not topping them with a little bit of quaaludes seems wrong

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@SmalltimeJones

5 months

i regret to inform you that i just purchased a very good plate

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@SmalltimeJones

11 months

@Nuggets_Nation no one deserves to get their balls stuck in a jacuzzi jet and then slowly fill with water to the point where the skin is so stretched and translucent it looks like a skeleton in a goldfish bowl

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

2 years

@Chinchillazllla my grandma used to say she was "taking the burps out" when she deseeded her tomatoes but she also pulled a gun on me once when i was 10 so take that with a grain of salt

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@SmalltimeJones

5 months

@BadMedicalTakes constantly being on the lookout for imaginary weiners must be such an exhausting life

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@SmalltimeJones

9 months

@allahliker honestly just so glad she hasn't fallen off a scaffolding and into a running tubgrinder. thank god that's never happened. mulched to goo. hard to imagine

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@SmalltimeJones

2 months

@bad2sentence holy shit, one of these that doesn't end like "it turns out those baby back ribs were made from my own baby's back". good stuff

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@SmalltimeJones

11 months

@SkelligRainey please have some respect, a man died because his balls got stuck in a jacuzzi jet and then his body filled with water which made him drown

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@SmalltimeJones

3 months

@TofuEatingCat i feel like these are things i learned in high school or college but they've been replaced by facts about facts about 18th century whaling tools and wild theories and ideas about the tv show northern exposure

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@SmalltimeJones

2 years

@JohnHinckley20 let john hinkley play the astrodome

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@SmalltimeJones

7 months

just finished reading it, spoiler, the king who came sharts, did

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@SmalltimeJones

1 year

@_mrpussy we had to stop buying cat food with a picture of the kibble on it because the cat literally ate the picture off the bag and had to go to the emergency vet

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

2 years

@ampol_moment the minigame the biden team offered where you had to circumcise waluigi and help him lose his virginity seemed like the final straw for nintendo

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

2 years

@ampol_moment a rumpled trans flag is the only flag i'll stand for. also, the only cross i'll kneel for is motocross

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@SmalltimeJones

2 years

@bad2sentence why didn't she just stop reading after the first couple of pages?

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@SmalltimeJones

1 year

@depthsofwiki i mean, crashing two trains into each other is objectively cool as hell and i would have absolutely gone to this

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

8 months

father in law got trapped in silage a few years ago, luckily someone grabbed him before he went all the way under. they cut the grain bin open to get him out and life flighted him. went to see him at the hospital and the first thing he said to us was "i got corn in my asshole"

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@Rainmaker1973

8 months

Grain silos are extremely dangerous places for farmers of all ages. The Grain Weevil was built to save lives. The auger-style robot levels grain in the bin to help break up crusts and bridges, avoid entrapments, and improve grain quality.

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@SmalltimeJones

3 months

@Pebphiz gary, please don't bring dirt again

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@SmalltimeJones

5 months

asked my aunt to bring me some good tortillas from tucson and she delivered. if the packaging is just a picture of the owner in a baseball cap you know that's the good shit

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@SmalltimeJones

7 months

@bad2sentence elderly man sitting alone at a table with a birthday hat on and a single cupcake with a candle in it, weeping because god didn't come to his party

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@SmalltimeJones

5 years

@AP_Oddities “Boring rich people house now hella metal” would be a better headline

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Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸

@SmalltimeJones

2 years

@NotABigJerk this is the official clothing of riding a bike because of a dui. you lose your license and one appears in your closet

2

4

304