Selena Coppock @SelenaCoppock Twitter profile

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

Living this one, precious, wild life with a heart full of tenderness and a head full of curiosity ***AS A BIT***

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Last Seen Profiles

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

5 years

@saturnineba @lacymjohnson It is truly INSANE. I can’t believe that any of this is legal.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

5 years

Did anyone else simply NEVER envision what adulthood would be like? I never did. I just wanted to get the F out of my hometown and go to college but I pictured NOTHING beyond that. Anyone else?

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

@calebsaysthings Stuff like that right there is why I and so many women quit improv. I'll take standup any day over an art form where I'm expected to "yes and" guys endowing me as a dumb cunt or a slut or being unnecessarily physical with me onstage time and time again.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

5 years

I hate roast comedy + prank comedy—jokes that are rooted in cruelty. I dig silly, playful comedy where the comedian pulls the audience into a shared joke, builds a bridge, where comedian mocks her/himself, if anyone. The world is harsh enough—gimme silly, playful comedy.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

6 years

As many people head back to hometowns, see extended family for Thanksgiving, a friendly reminder that you don't owe anyone an update or a story if it's upsetting to retell and revisit. It's OK to say, "I don't feel like talking about it" and move on. Boundaries, baby!

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

10 years

This computer's mouse is so sensitive it's like, what are you, a white straight guy being asked to admit that the system benefits you?

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

@ThePlaylist Why are male directors absolutely OBSESSED with making their shoots a nightmarish experience?

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

5 years

Meghan Markle isn't the Yoko Ono of the Royal Family because Yoko Ono didn't split up the Beatles. Grown men decided they were sick of working together after 13+ years and their shitbird fans needed to blame it on a woman, so Yoko Ono took the heat.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

8 years

FYI many women cannot take the birth control pill (bad 4 circulation), many can't have IUDs. This stuff is complex & not same 4 every lady.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

9 years

Those "Who Wore It Best?" photos should just be called "Which One Is Younger and More Famous?"

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

7 years

WHY AM I NOT SEEING MORE TWEETS TODAY REFERENCING THAT WE'RE 99 DAYS IN + "I GOT 99 PROBLEMS"?? TIME IS RUNNING OUT FOR THOSE JOKES!!

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

So let me get this straight--Kamala Harris wearing shoes is... pandering????

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

5 years

@eehouls I get what you mean, but how about we leave the kiddos alone? Signed, a girl who lived through many years with a bowl cut and a face I had to WORK not to loathe.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

@LUXXURYYamiyaah @bigboinoise @GETMEBODlED @themisstoto @cmcoving Here's the full story. She seems like a lovely person, for real.

How Christian Girl Autumn Became a Gay Twitter Meme

You've seen her, the avatar of basicness, on your feed. But where did she come from?

www.wmagazine.com

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

8 years

Santa can be any color you want him to be & Ghostbusters can be any gender. It's all fantasy. We done here?

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

6 years

12 years ago yesterday was the night I was mugged on Newbury Street in Boston. I was in heels + I chased the guy down, ran alongside him, punched him in the chest + knocked him off his bike, jumped over the fallen bike + got my purse back. That night feels like my origin story.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

8 years

So many HOT VETS this season. USA USA USA! #TheBachelorette

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

5 years

Also, he thinks this is harmless fun FOR HIM. He, and so many, give NO THOUGHT to how this might feel FOR HER. So many men see women as simply conduits to their own enjoyment, satisfaction. We exist so that they can tell a “funny story” to their buddies.

CBS Mornings

@CBSMornings

5 years

The man accused of slapping @wsavalexb 's backside while she was on the air is telling his side of the story. In an interview with @InsideEdition , 43-year-old Tommy Callaway says he went to wave to the camera and got caught up in the moment.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

@Phil_Mattingly @emilynussbaum Another person who RUINED his own legacy and career to appease a failed casino owner/reality TV host. Bye bitch.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

7 years

Grifters gonna Grift

The Hill

@thehill

7 years

Jared Kushner's company accused of illegally inflating rent

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

9 years

I wonder what that Planned Parenthood terrorist/shooter burst in on: An HPV vaccine being given? Free condoms being given? Prenatal care?

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

5 years

Representation matters and if you roll your eyes at this you have likely seen representations of yourself in positions of power for your entire life.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

5 years

@arayyay The casting of men on that show was an abomination. Esp early seasons.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

5 years

@svershbow My ex reached out to me during that time and I was really impressed by how much he GOT IT, ya know? I was touched by his reaction + thoughtfulness of how I must be doing in light of it all.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

5 years

No design trend has aged worse than the “freestanding bowl as a sink on a table” bathroom one.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

What It's Like to Be a Female Standup Comedian in 1 Act: 2006. My first open mic in NYC after 2 years of standup in Boston. I am the only woman. Host gets onstage and makes a "joke" that they should lock the door and each guy have their way with me. Le fin.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

6 years

@MikeDrucker Using a $200 phone to “reserve” a bike? Now THERE is a man who is just ITCHING to get robbed.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

@rachsyme "I can't have a baby! I could barely find time to schedule this abortion!"

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

6 years

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!!!!

The Hill

@thehill

6 years

CIA report: North Korea won't give up nuclear weapons, but could open burger chain as favor to Trump

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

9 years

Saved By The Bell Curve #ScientificTVShows @midnight

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

@AlisonBing @inLaurasWords Yuuup. At the wedding of my literary agent, a guy rolled his eyes when I told him I'm a writer. AT THE WEDDING OF MY LITERARY AGENT.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

5 years

@AmandaRosenberg I hold my goddamn lunch bag tighter.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

6 years

Austin bomber says that since women get "free abortions" (WHERE?), men should get free condoms. Hey dumb shit--MEN DO. Free condoms are ALL OVER THE PLACE.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

8 years

If you can't handle me at me "meeerreemmeeere" you don't get to have me at my "bink beep beep" -a robot who KNOWS HER WORTH

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

Hillary said that Trump would burn the house down before he left and so many MFers were like, "her voice is shrill! Nice pantsuit, bitch!" Fuck all of you.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

1 year

What Bill Maher + Drew are doing is classic strike-breaking. First only THIS show is back, then THAT show is back--incrementally break the will of the union + force a return to normal + before ya know it, writing for TV isn't a job anymore! It's just a hobby for rich people!

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

5 years

@misstrionics I hope that his estate hits Di Paolo with a cease + desist. He should NOT be using Moye's likeness.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

6 years

@MikeDrucker I bet he is a guy who has never been robbed or punched. People like that float through the world on a cloud of delusion and fake safety.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

5 years

@ParkerMolloy I will never understand the assumption that all women WANT to be mothers. Truly the ONLY thing that i have known my ENTIRE life is that I would loathe having children.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

5 years

CLEVELAND is getting some shine on #TheBachelor and I love it!

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

I started the week a blonde Managing Editor and I'm ending it, a redhead Director of Editorial. Change feels nice :)

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

My boyfriend has been unemployed since 3/16 when his bar closed + today he got hired to a new job!

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

5 years

@suddenlybrad @JenKirkman Hey @lou_cappetta this is a great example of what we were just talking about, as far as a "reply guy" being a person who doesn't get the joke, is a tiresome know-it-all.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

8 years

"There was only 1 set of Segway tracks in the sand because that was when I let you ride on my back on MY Segway" -God

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

7 years

It wouldn't be an open floor plan office if there wasn't someone repeatedly sighing at the top of her lungs.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

5 years

@hellolanemoore Yeah I am SUPER impressed by Meghan and Harry in their ability to set healthy boundaries and pursue happiness on their own terms. Bravo to them!

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

I asked my landlord for a rent decrease + she granted it. Huzzah!

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

@notcapnamerica Why would Obama endorse a woman who BOOED his longtime Sec of State?

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

12 years

Paul Ryan likes Rage Against the Machine AND Ayn Rand!? Guys, he's the coolest dude in our 9th grade class!!

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

7 months ago tomorrow my now-BF and I went on our 1st real date: dinner (no drinks) at Simon & the Whale (I was doing Dry January + he was being supportive) then watched John Mulaney's Sack Lunch Bunch. A totally sober, G rated start to the best relationship of my life ❤️

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

@BluegrassPundit @justinjm1 Fuck you. You are a disgrace.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

2 years

@notcapnamerica Naw--this is a joke but I really dislike stuff like that where it's presented, visually, in a way that doesn't look like a joke. Just seems unnecessary and that it adds to the confusion of what's fake news etc.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

6 years

Sure, funny is funny is funny and as a standup comedian, you just gotta do the work, put your head down, write jokes. But it’s OK to admit that the experience of being a female standup is profoundly different than the experience of being a male standup.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

8 years

Spoken like a sexual predator. Oh wait, yeah.

Judd Legum

@JuddLegum

8 years

1. Trump just said that people should to stop saying "Resist" because it's slowing down his agenda

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

2 years

@svershbow Agree completely. And we are taught it from such a young age and that is SO destructive--to live your entire life being told "eventually YOU will have to change your identity in a major way and HE will not."

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

2 years

For my entire adult life I have put "S. Coppock" on my mailbox so strangers won't know I'm a woman. Every woman I know does the same and I'm always shocked by men who are shocked by that.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

7 years

Breitbart says birth control makes women unattractive and crazy, but you know what it actually does? Keeps you dependent-free, clears up your skin + makes your boobs grow, oftentimes. These guys are morons.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

3 years

@nobodyhere23 @surlybassey @ChrisLedf He was the person heading up + approving about 2 dozen city planning departments at a time, so all approvals went back to him. Read up on his legacy--it's easy. POWER BROKER to start. Then Moses vs Jacobs.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

I brag this story all the time, but I had the good fortune 2 meet @BarackObama 2x in 2006-2007. On 1st meeting, I told him I had just moved to NYC and was seeking a job in publishing. 6 months later, I shook his hand again + he asked, "you found that job yet?" HBD, Mr. President.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

We're living through a terrifying hellscape BUT in happy news, my BF and I are moving in together and just got approval to move into our dream apartment! (Yes, it backs up to the BQE--I dream small!)

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

3 years

@sarahsolfails Then right after that will be Concert Attendance As a Personality.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

I am voting for Biden no matter who he picks for VP b/c I don't have a death wish and I would like my parents to stay alive. Simple as that.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

6 years

NO ONE OWES ANYONE ELSE A SMILE AND A WAVE. NO.

Okayplayer

@okayplayer

6 years

UPDATE: The owner of the Airbnb says the situation could have been avoided “if the kids had simply smiled at (my neighbor) and waved back..."

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

7 years

Strange how some people seem to find such nobility & grace in poor families hardship & struggle BUT ONLY IN THEIR GRANDPARENTS' GENERATION.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

7 years

Steve Wynn proves that even a glob of burned Play Doh can sexually harass employees.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

7 years

Sometimes you cut a guy out of your life, have half a dozen relapses, then you are REALLY done with him.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

As usual, @cmclymer puts it perfectly.

There Must Be Consequences

This was always coming. It's not going away unless we act.

charlotteclymer.substack.com

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

9 years

Guns are the problem. Guns are the problem. Guns are the problem. Guns are the problem. Guns are the problem. Guns are the problem.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

5 years

Hearing thousands of people boo President Trump and chant "LOCK HIM UP" is a bop.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

6 years

Gonna need those jokes by EOD, Dennis. Or stop by my desk and let's discuss a way we could shift some priorities so that you can hit your deadlines. Thnx.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

8 years

Ya know when guys are like, "now that I have a daughter I care about women's issues"? I always wonder what their moms think of that.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

1 year

@tiredofit10 Agree 100%. She has horrible instincts--political and personal. She can feel free to WRITE A BILL to deal with the student debt crisis if she wants.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

6 years

Fuck this article. All work is noble.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

5 years

Can a woman beat Trump? Yeah, she already fucking did.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

Chris D'Elia had been a talentless shitbag for SO MANY DECADES and I am glad that brave women are speaking out. He is the son of a Powerful Guy (his dad--google it) so he had a career in spite of the rumors but #TimesUp motherfucker! Eat shit, choke on my chank, etc.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

2 years

Keep thinking about how Hillary said back in 2015 that Trump would NOT leave the White House peacefully.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

6 years

@thenoahkinsey Balsalmic Does Standup Comedy

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

6 years

One man’s “drunken antics in HS” is another woman’s “the most terrifying thing I ever endured.”

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

7 years

. @pettyblackgirI @riotglasses I've been doing standup 10+ years. A guy who had done 3 mics once gave me unsolicited comedy advice.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

It's interesting to talk about all of this standup stuff because I'm pretty sure I'm done with it. It was fun to run around Boston and NYC telling jokes from ages 23-40 and now I think I'm ready to step away and spend more time with my candles.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

10 years

Dudes pissed that men will be secondary/tertiary characters in the #Ghostbusters reboot: Welcome to what it's like to be a woman.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

11 years

How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days #mysexlifeinmovietitles

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

9 years

I'm glad to have these elderly, white men deciding what I can do w/ my body. Sometimes I get the vapors & can't think straight! #GOPdebate

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

8 years

As ever, the trust fund kid with zero experience gets the job that he doesn't even want over the qualified, experienced woman.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

I'll be fascinated to see how people react to Harvard moving online for all of 2020-2021 after so many people treated DeVry University (and other online educational institutions) as a complete joke. Mental Gymnastics HERE WE GO!!!

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

8 years

Kalief Browder was jailed for 3 YEARS for backpack he didn't steal & this Stanford swimmer gets 6 months for RAPE?

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

Any labor attorney will tell you that this is blatant, willful miscategorization of employees as "contractors." And now it's legal. Workers are doomed. The "gig economy" is a cancer and it is everywhere.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

6 years

Come on, White House staff--if you do NOT want Trump to call his BFF Putin, you gotta write "OBAMA SAID TO CONGRATULATE."

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

5 years

@NYAnna22 @ewarren @HillaryClinton I like her a LOT but THIS is the only thing that holds me back from being all-in.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

Wooooow illegal, indoor comedy shows are trying to book newbies to bring people. Bringers in a pandemic!! Truly the absolute saddest thing ever, ever, of all time, ever.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

5 years

I do Dry January because I also do Sopping Wet + Self Destructive December.

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Selena Coppock

@SelenaCoppock

4 years

That asshole who coughed on people at the bagel shop in Astoria a few weeks back had JUST moved into my friend's building and now she's moving out. She lasted roughly 6 weeks in NYC. Hahhaha. Bye, bitch.

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