Flight attendant: Is there a doctor onboard?
Dad: *nudging me* I hope that person’s okay
Me: Me too, Dad
Dad: Unrelated, I’m proud of your untraditional career path
Me: Thanks, Dad. Glad you know I had no interest in being a doctor
Dad: So how do I download your “podcast”?
THE WEDDING PHOTOS ARE HERE! I’ll be posting a bunch in themed sets, and here’s my first look at Kelly! We had a small, Catholic ceremony earlier in the day before the bigger ceremony/reception. I immediately teared up once she entered the chapel, as all my groomsmen bet I would.
Our journey to Texas to spend time with family has been an eye-opener. The difference between how New York is responding to COVID vs the South is astounding. A man in Alabama scoffed at me for wearing a mask. He was wearing flip flops and cargo shorts, yet I'm the ridiculous one.
As far as I’m concerned, the Harry Potter fandom’s continued strength is due to the fans. Yes JK created it, but what has she done recently to contribute to its culture? Fan-made content from music to fanfic to plays to podcasts to conventions is what fosters this community.
I am baffled that the woman who created such a loving, welcoming, and accepting community can be openly transphobic. I don’t understand how you can write 7 books about acceptance but then not accept everyone. It’s truly disappointing.
Happy birthday to this gorgeous goober that I now have the honor of calling MY WIFE. Didn’t expect to add “coworking space partner” as well, but we’re making it work 🤓 Happy to have you as my partner for life, and thankful to have such a wonderful quarantine buddy. Love you, B!
If Simone Biles dropped out due to a sprained ankle, there would be no criticism. Dropping out for mental health reasons should be received no differently.
There are so many great photos in the engagement shoot Danielle Salerno did for us, but it’s hard to top the one that looks like a poster for an upcoming Disney Channel Original Movie.
New Yorkers may begin to see our officers with black mourning bands across their shields—and across their hearts. We wear these in quiet commemoration of our 27 brothers and sisters we’ve lost to
#COVID
.
Another way we honor our vow to
#NeverForget
.
Over three years ago, I started reading Harry Potter partially to start a podcast and partially to impress a girl. Today’s ep of the pod (now my job) covers the end of the 7th book and features that same girl, whom I will soon marry. Wild.
@VoteForMeKellyB
I already find it astounding how much work must go into just getting into the required shape for those Marvel movies. Can you imagine all the effort needed while also battling colon cancer on top of that for four years?! RIP, Chadwick. This is awful.
#JKR
: *makes a 3,000 word transphobic blog post*
@rickriordan
: *writes a 1,000 word blog post condemning racists upset with the PJO series casting*
The new job certainly has its perks.
Hello,
@hankgreen
! This is me shamelessly shooting my shot to see if you'd care to be a guest on
@MeddlingAdults
. I know that you listen to the show because you were kind enough to shout it out on a podcast before, so... want to put the pedal to meddle and guest on the podcast?
Biden pausing student loan repayments and shipping out free COVID tests is proof that bullying the gov't works and we should be doing more of it. Great place to start is taking both of these policies to the next step by cancelling loan debt and reinstating unemployment benefits.
Happy to announce the name of my new podcast covering my first ever read-through of the Percy Jackson series: The Newest Olympian! Starting in September, I’ll be posting weekly episodes of
@NewestOlympian
rather than
@PotterlessPod
(though I’ll post there sporadically) SO STOKED!
Apple in 2017: removes headphone jack from iPhone
Apple in 2019: removes credit card number from credit cards
Apple in 2021: removes Earth from orbit
#AppleEvent
The internet is dope because sometimes you bump into people in the bathroom of museums in Italy that ask, “Wait, are you Mike from
@PotterlessPod
?” and then everyone else in line looks VERY CONFUSED.
BLM: We're protesting for equality and an end to the needless killing of Black people.
COPS: We can't let you do that.
MAGA: We don't like this election result so we're going to trespass the Capitol.
COPS: Right this way.
I will be leaving the great Walter Reed Medical Center today at 6:30 P.M. Feeling really good! Don’t be afraid of Covid. Don’t let it dominate your life. We have developed, under the Trump Administration, some really great drugs & knowledge. I feel better than I did 20 years ago!
A reminder to talk to your parents and family members about
#BlackLivesMatter
. What started as conversations with my parents led to them attending a George Floyd memorial in their neighborhood and eventually led to my mom dunking on the people who posted excuses for not attending
After 4 years of moving about and pretending to be an engineer, I'm headed to New York City to work in digital marketing for podcasts! To my NYC friends, let's hang out and watch the Yankees win, watch the Knicks lose, and eat scrumptious Italian food.
SISTER: Let’s play What Do You Meme?
ME: 🙄🙄🙄
SISTER: *reads rules* The player with the most Instagram followers is the judge first.
ME: *bangs gavel* I’m back in, BAYBEE!
TEXAS, PLEASE. IF YOU PULL THIS OFF, I WILL TAKE BACK EVERY MEAN THING I HAVE EVER SAID ABOUT YOU. I WON'T LAUGH OUT LOUD WHEN SPORTING EVENTS PLAY "DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS." I'LL SAY THAT LOUISIANA DRIVERS ARE WORSE THAN YOU. I'LL SAY YOUR PIZZA ISN'T *TOO* TERRIBLE. I'LL SA-
BAE SHOWED UP THIS MORNING WITH BIRTHDAY KOLACHES, A HONEY BUTTER CHICKEN BISCUIT (ADD A FRIED EGG), AND CHOCOLATE MILK. GONNA HAVE TO MARRY THIS GIRL PRONTO.
To all my fellow podcasters out there having to explain podcasts to your relatives, I’ve found success with this analogy: Podcasting is to radio like Netflix is to television.
It’s the same type of thing, but you listen on demand across many devices.
Running into 2020 like...
(Shoutout to Danielle Salerno for taking incredible engagement photos of me and
@VoteForMeKellyB
! If you don’t want to see pictures of us being cute, unfollow me now bc I’ll be posting a bunch of these leading up to the wedding and I’m not sorry 💁♂️)
This engagement photo is one of my favs because of
@VoteForMeKellyB
’s expression. The classic “I have something up my sleeve” Kelly smile. Whether it’s putting her freezing hands on me to keep warm or... actually, it’s usually that. I’m excited for a lifetime of these faces 💖
This could be me becoming an old man or just how desperate I am for good news right now, but my Brussels sprouts just rang up for $1 less than the label stated on the package at the grocery and I FEEL ALIVE.
Hey remember last year when we collectively decided to just not do April Fool's Day? That was bliss; can we do it again this year? And every year forever until the end of time?
After years of thinking I wasn't Italian, I was just from central Jersey, my mom's DNA test came back and said she's 26% Italian. My official statement on this news:
ME IN 2016: I think I'll end up making 30ish episodes of this Harry Potter podcast and I hope people enjoy it.
ME IN 2021: Here's episode ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY-SIX with guests OLIVER PHELPS AND JAMES PHELPS.
“I don’t know how to make a meringue... never made one...” YOU ARE ON THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF. DID YOU NOT FUCKING PRACTICE?! YOU KNEW YOU’D HAVE TO MAKE IT AT SOME POINT.
My thoughts on turning 30 are best summarized by the description of a wine we bought here: “[I am] still very young, nevertheless [I am] of excellent pleasantness.” Thanks to everyone for the kind wishes, and thanks to Kelly for taking this photo and juicing an orange for it.
MSG JUST HAD ME ON THE DANCE CAM DANCING TO RAGGAETON FOR LIKE A FULL MINUTE. I FEEL ALIVE. (shoutout to my friend Nick from elementary school being at the game and taking photos)
Hello, Twitter mutuals. Just curious, completely apropos of nothing, for no particular reason, have any of you read the main Percy Jackson books before?
Biden saying “We do not celebrate a candidate, but a cause. The cause of democracy.” actually sums it up pretty well. I didn’t want to vote for you, but I basically had to. Please prove me wrong, Joe.
You, a simpleton: *Googles "quid pro quo" because you're unsure what it means*
Me, someone who took Latin in high school: "IT'S FINALLY PAYING OFF, BABY!"
I'm a straight white male. Society has given me a lot of privilege. It's not fair, and I hate that it's not fair. I don't want to sit comfortably, I want the system to change. I've been reading and listening so I can educate myself and use my voice for good.
#BlackLivesMatter
Fun fact: I turned “I took Latin in high school” into a recurring
@PotterlessPod
bit because someone messaged me telling me to stop saying it so much. It eventually became my BRAND. Excited to do the same for
@NewestOlympian
.
Imagine if he just wore a mask in public earlier. I can't help but think his base would've been more okay with them and tons of lives would've been saved. It's so sad.
At the movie theater seeing Knives Out and the poster for Cats says “YOU WILL BELIEVE.” Believe in what? Cats? Are we not all on the same page here about cats? Are there cat-truthers among us?
Beer pong is the golf of drinking games:
· takes up a lot of room
· lasts forever
· is boring to watch
· only a few people can play at a time
· white dudes are convinced they're better at it when drunk
Just when you think the video of the old man being pushed down can't get any worse, THE COPS JUST WALK PAST HIM. Arrest the cops who pushed him, fire everyone who just left him on the ground bleeding.
I don't know what to say, but I am furious that angry white dudes keep killing innocent people with guns and nothing changes and it just keeps happening over and over and over again. WHEN WILL THIS END. My heart is with you El Paso; I hope our government gets its act together.
My parents and wife insisted we sit in the living room and listen to the first episode of
@ModernMuck
together like a family back in the day listening to the radio :’)
THEY FREAKING APPLAUDED WHEN IT WAS OVER 😭😭😭
Life is good right now ❤️
This next set of photos from our wedding is hugs because I miss them so dearly. Here’s hoping we can return to a hug-filled world soon enough ❤️
#mikeandkellytaketheleap
Like a contestant on The Bachelor, Danielle asked if she could steal
@VoteForMeKellyB
and I for a minute from the dancefloor because she had set up a special photo opportunity. I’ll admit, not-dancing was very low on my to-do list, but boy was this photo worth it 💖