karl anthony townes van zandt @SamAsItEverWas Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

3 years

If I found out my dad blew my college fund on a bunch of monkey pictures, I would never be able to respect him.

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@SamAsItEverWas

3 years

The Braum’s Bag of Burgers is no longer 5 dollars. This is Joe Biden’s America.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

9 months

This guy called me an idiot last Tuesday so naturally I sent him the case number for his pending DUI case and he hasn’t tweeted or interacted with any tweets in over a week.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

3 years

Uhhhhhh

Abigail Ogle📝

@KOCOAbigail

3 years

Moore police officers step in as substitutes.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

Laugh at USC Al you want, but Lincoln Riley will be back next year with a deeper and more experienced crew of grown men who stand on the sideline and wave their towels around any time a play goes for more than 5 yards.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

Monday: We just can't figure out why major companies wouldn't want to relocate to Oklahoma. Tuesday: Teachers should be allowed to hit kids with special needs bc the Word of the Lord says it's fine.

John Waldron

@waldron4ok

2 years

On cue, Rep. Olsen quotes the Bible to argue for hitting children. /2

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

7 months

Chaya and Walters love to play dumb when you insist that there might be some connections with their actions and harm to queer students, but it’s very clear that their goal is to make schools less safe and welcoming to queer students and they’ve been successful at that.

Chaya Raichik

@ChayaRaichik10

7 months

The media is blaming me for a nonbinary student being k*lled at school because 2 years ago I happened to post a tiktok from a teacher in that school. The victim was a sophmore. She wasn't even attending the school when I posted the tiktok.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

Considering that OK Dems ran a slate of moderate candidates statewide against relatively vulnerable Republicans and still got wiped, I think we should focus less of attracting “moderate” republicans and start running candidates that inspire typical non voters to vote.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

4 years

The fact that several armed counterprotestors showed up to intimidate a peaceful Native sit in by the Land Run monument is a good sign that Oklahoma education fetishizes the Land Run without teaching it accurately.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

6 years

So, yeah, I misspelled Capitol. But I've spent the past 16 years in Oklahoma public education so I really feel like I'm helping the teachers' argument here.

karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

7 years

Teachers from Edmond Memorial putting on a "Class at at the Capital" demonstration by giving walkthroughs of AP Language test prompts #oklahomateacherwalkout

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

3 years

Trying to find a good place to get fried okra and the second pic for this place seems promising.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

6 years

Kennedy was considered the “moderate” justice on the court bc he would occasionally rule against incredibly discriminatory laws and there’s a 99 percent chance that Trump will replace him with the guy who runs the Cloyd Rivers account.

The Associated Press

@AP

6 years

BREAKING: Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy says he's retiring; Trump to get 2nd high-court pick .

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

1 year

@ettingermentum One of the unintended consequences of the pandemic is that there’ll be a marginal block of conservatives whose main political grievance is that lockdowns canceled their 8th grade spring fling.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

7 months

Damn it’s almost like kids have been doing weird stuff to raise money for charities for years and no one ever thought it was sexual until you freaks started whipping people into a frenzy about grooming.

Libs of TikTok

@libsoftiktok

7 months

UNBELIEVABLE. @EdmondSchools has been holding feet licking and armpit licking events for years where students lick chocolate and peanut butter off of staff. After video surfaced last week of another school in Oklahoma holding a feet licking event, these videos were uncovered.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

6 years

Total nerd James Lankford urges Oklahomans to stop flushing his head in the toilet, return his underwear to its pre-wedgie condition.

koconews

@koconews

6 years

Sen. James Lankford urges Oklahomans to vote against SQ 788

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

7 years

Post Malone's bus was about to exit on to HWY 51 when he heard it was called Still Litty and bailed.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

7 months

I've had the libsoftiktok tweet muted since this morning but a lot of Chaya's fans are very upset with me and by some strange coincidence, a handful of them are racist.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

10 months

RIP to a project that bravely asked “What if we opened a bar that faced the sunrise, named it Sunset, and turned midtown into a place where shootings regularly happened?”

Greg Horton

@winerev

10 months

Sunset Patio Bar last service tomorrow night.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

5 years

Braum’s would never sell out.

Austin 360

@austin360

5 years

BREAKING: Texas chain Whataburger sold to Chicago investment firm

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

1 year

@gossipbabies

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

Gonna start calling the intersection of 32nd & Classen that has Lee’s, Neptune’s, and Subway “The Sandwich District”

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

6 years

Defending @cornydawgy ’s honor in the comment section of Buzzfeed’s Facebook page

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

3 years

Starting a new bit where I refer to Tulsa as a suburb of OKC.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

1 year

Really hard to overstate how bad this is.

Superintendent Ryan Walters

@RyanWaltersSupt

1 year

I'm excited to announce this initiative with PragerU Kids today. These additional resources will help ensure quality instruction in American history and values, and will enrich educational opportunities for our students

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

3 years

Delmar wanted to be Josh Giddey for Halloween because he also gets tons of compliments on his hair, has elite passing ability for a teenager, and is a top candidate for ROY (Retriever of the Year).

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

3 years

I am teaching your children Critical Race Theory and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

📍N Classen Blvd

Chat Pile

@ChatPileBand

2 years

The two main types of people who live in OKC are stomp-clap mega church yuppies and people who regularly crash their car into the side of a house.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

My favorite part about driving through Woodard is the dual purpose dinosaur/ 10 Commandments monument.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

1 year

@The_Law_Boy My theory on the Doge guys is that they have all of their savings tied up in Dogecoin and have to appeal to Musk in a desperate attempt to get him to pump the price of it.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

Righteous Gemstones is a documentary,

Musical Instruments with Chaotic Auras

@MusicalChaotic

2 years

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

9 months

@CampbellJoshsu I certainly didn’t need it but I do think it’s really funny.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

@EsqTim Idk how I missed this heater back in July.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

3 years

People always act like Abraham Lincoln teaching himself how to be a lawyer is super impressive even though he only had to know like 3 SCOTUS cases and 6 laws in the 1830s. Big deal.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

6 months

A rare instance of NYC being ten years behind Oklahoma on culture because I saw this tweet exact tweet three or four times a month on Oklahoma Twitter in 2011-2012.

evelyn website

@evelynwebsite

6 months

We will rebuild

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

7 months

The National Weather Service just called to say that your boyfriend’s coming into town.

NWS Norman

@NWSNorman

7 months

Accordingly, a Red Flag Warning is in effect not only for a large portion of our area, but also across much of the nearby region. Use caution! #okwx #texomawx

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

The most common argument against this in the comment section is “yeah but the liberal-run cities in the state are responsible for all of the crime.” There literally isn’t a city run by liberals in Oklahoma!

No Lie with Brian Tyler Cohen

@NoLieWithBTC

2 years

Finally. A Democratic candidate just correctly pointed out that red states like Oklahoma have HIGHER crime rates than New York and California. The Republican candidate and moderator refused to believe it.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

3 years

Nobody in this town knows how to open a dang pdf.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

3 years

Captain Balls Cut Off

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

My best friend in the whole wide world has crossed the rainbow bridge. I could probably write a couple thousand more words about how good of a dog he was but my cat was getting concerned about me bawling while looking at my phone so I’ll leave it to 1 notes app screenshot for now

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

5 years

@of_rude Falling to my knees and weeping in the meat section of Walmart.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

1 year

Did he not run this by anyone in his office who could’ve told him that “finding common ground with Timothy McVeigh” was maybe not the best message for the moment

Mayor David Holt

@davidfholt

1 year

We cannot stamp out those with whom we disagree. We must put in the hard work of finding common ground, of compromising, and reaching an outcome that may not be our ideal, but that we can both accept.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

6 months

The takeaway here should be that the owner of a prominent local bbq chain that was making millions of dollars in state contracts is a white supremacist but “Call me about brisket” has been stuck in my head for hours now.

Graycen Wheeler

@GraycenWheeler

6 months

Everybody peep this subpoenaed text conversation from the Oklahoma v. Swadley's BBQ lawsuit. The accidental comedic timing here has been getting me all morning Brent Swadley on left, co-defendant Curtis Ray Breuklander on the right

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

7 years

My favorite criticism of Millennials is when old people critique us for not fighting in WWII.

Joe Scarborough

@JoeNBC

7 years

Young men in the 1940s liberated Europe from Nazism and the Pacific from the Japanese Empire. Today, too many stay home playing video games.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

3 years

Lmao I’m gonna be an attorney.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

9 months

I may be an idiot but I know how to work OSCN.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

6 months

@wildforcongress This logic is how we got a 6-3 court in the first place.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

4 years

If I end up fighting for my life with COVID and one of my friends says that’s fine because I’m in the 2-4 percent, I will fight to survive just to kick their ass.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

@kept_simple They clearly just asked a lawyer friend the best way to get out of jury duty and followed those directions to a t.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

5 years

Met a girl from Spain last night who asked if I was dumbing down my English to make it easy for her to understand and I had to clarify that I am just very dumb.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

7 years

FYI, Mike Gundy comes into Aspen, fills up a mug from home with coffee, then drives with a full mug to the stadium. This man knows no fear.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

5 years

Well look who came crawling back

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

Wiping my hands with this situation before I make any legally-actionable comments.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

6 years

@DownToDunk “I’m about to start.”

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

3 years

Gas is free at the 7-11 on Classen! Thank you Brandon!

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

5 years

To all of my friends graduating tomorrow and freaking out about leaving college: All of your feelings about the end of the best time in your life are correct and your life is only going downhill from here. Every time you decided not to go out was a wasted opportunity, you idiot.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

Gotta say I don’t enjoy the experience of going through a mental list of all my friends in Tulsa and assuring myself they wouldn’t have any reason to be at that hospital.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

Very cool that Oklahoma is trying to outsource every state function to private companies and it pretty much immediately turns to fraud every time.

Carmen Forman

@CarmenMForman

2 years

INBOX: “Due to suspected fraudulent activity and questionable business practices,” the Oklahoma Department of Tourism and Recreation has terminated its contracts with Swadley’s to operate Foggy Bottom Kitchens in some state parks.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

11 months

@DeanBlevins Very interesting point Dean. Have you considered crying about it?

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

4 years

As the doctor injects me with the vaccine, everything fades to black. I wake up on a lounge chair at White Water Bay. It is 2006 and Heaven by Los Lonely Boys is playing for the 6th time of the day. The past 14 years were all a dream and I have sun poisoning.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

4 years

Imagine being willing to put yourselves and others at risk for Kong’s Tavern of all places.

Cameron Spradling, Attorney & Counselor at Law

@CamSpradling

4 years

Wednesday, May 5th, 8:36 p.m. Kong’s Tavern Midtown OKC. Bustin’ this thing wide-open, let’s just see where it takes all of us!

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

I refuse to let myself stake any hope on a statewide election in Oklahoma but if Stitt loses I’m gonna be spiking the football in Carly’s mentions until I get blocked or suspended.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

11 years

Just got an interview with KOCO at 4 o'clock to give memorial's side of the story! #keepthedaresalive

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

4 years

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Acyn

@Acyn

4 years

Pence says Oklahoma has flattened the curve

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@SamAsItEverWas

7 months

While weird high school charity week dares are a point of discussion on OKC Twitter, I will use this opportunity to share a picture of me eating a tub of butter my Junior year.

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@SamAsItEverWas

6 years

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

6 years

I left a box of leftover enchiladas labeled “dog poop- do NOT eat!!” at an Airbnb and now the owner thinks we had pets and is trying to charge us for the cleanup.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

3 years

There’s a dude doing laps around OKCPD headquarters with a Thin Blue Line flag.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

6 years

My favorite memory from OSU will always be when Mary Fallin was recognized at the Texas game my Junior year and half of the stadium booed.

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@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

I’m an extremely petty OSU fan so my natural reaction would be to root for USC bc it would piss off OU fans but I was going for Utah bc I’ve sincerely hated Lincoln Riley for years now and those towel guys are what put me over the edge.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

4 years

ORU students are gonna be drinking every Diet Coke in the Tulsa metro area if they can pull off this upset.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

I think an ordinance to de-annex Robert & Carol Hefner's home out of the city would receive broad public support.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

3 years

Thank you to the woman working at today’s ceremony for taking this v dramatic photo of me signing the roll of attorneys.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

Pool Manager Says Lifeguards Were Reluctant to Save Drowning Victim Because ‘They Could’ve Drowned’

Mediaite

@Mediaite

2 years

Texas Police Lieutenant Says Cops Were Reluctant to Engage Gunman Because ‘They Could’ve Been Shot’

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@SamAsItEverWas

3 years

I know I'm critical of OU as a matter of habit, but Jeff Lebby shouldn't have a job anywhere.

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@SamAsItEverWas

1 year

You heard it here first, folks. The homelessness crisis has been solved. We can all go home now.

Wendy Suares📺

@wsuares

1 year

❗️COUNCIL DISSOLVED- @GovStitt is ending the Governor’s Interagency Council on Homelessless. The council, since 1995, was filled with Oklahomans who’ve worked to end homelessness. Members tell me the removing of collaboration and info sharing couldn’t come at a worse time for OK.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

4 years

The cure can’t be worse than the disease itself.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

3 years

Nope.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

6 years

I never listened to XXXTentacion bc I didn’t know about him until the news of abuse came out and I didn’t want him making a cent off me streaming him but I just listened and WOW. It turns out that even an awful person can actually be an awful musician too.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

4 years

No one talks about how Baja Blast complements every item on the Taco Bell menu.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

4 years

Add a new lane to I-35 that only I can use.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

1 year

I learned OKC traded James Harden like two minutes after my friend tried to do the cinnamon challenge and when we told him, he spent the next 15 minutes crying while coughing.

WILDEST DREAMS HAHA 🧣

@taylors1989vs

1 year

outside of 9/11, what's a major historical event you lived through that you'll never forget where you were when it happened?

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@SamAsItEverWas

3 years

I’m done with law school, buckaroos.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

Me, an OG&E customer:

Damon Lane

@KOCOdamonlane

2 years

Wind Update for Western and Central Oklahoma: Winds may reach as high as 110mph

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@SamAsItEverWas

1 year

I’m mad about this again.

karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

1 year

This is a Waffle House desert.

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@SamAsItEverWas

6 years

Oh no.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

I think we’d be much healthier as a society if local news stations were constrained to only covering stories in their market instead of every sensational crime story that happens 1000 miles away from them.

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@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

The Thunder are giving out packs of cigarettes to its fans tonight! Thank you @okcthunder !

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@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

If Tulsa has better food than OKC why has Guy Fieri never done a DDD segment in Tulsa when he's been to 13 restaurants in the OKC metro

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

5 years

@JordanUhl Saying that this hose could fit in a pocket is all the evidence I need to conclude that all Fox News viewers wear cargo shorts.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

4 years

A lot of people have forgotten that this will Stitt’s second COVID day of prayer proclamation since this all started. We just weren’t praying hard enough last time.

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@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

Ⓜ️ert

@mertcentury

2 years

Which buildings/landmarks near you are you confident will still be standing/partially intact in 1000 years

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@SamAsItEverWas

10 months

The stadium vote is the first election I’ve ever had some sort of internal conflict on up until the day of voting but I voted No out of principle so I get to feel morally clear while also continuing to watch my favorite basketball team in OKC. Dream Scenario, baby.

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@SamAsItEverWas

1 year

@jakeowen @JasonIsbell If you don’t write your own songs, you are less of an artist.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

6 months

@NCState85 @waitmanb Even if he was actually laying down suppressing fire, it would still be wildly unserious for him to be doing that one handed while smoking a cig and filming a TiKTok.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

5 years

Spotify calling this genre-fluid is the musical equivalent of a white guy calling himself a POC because he’s 1/4 Italian and 1/8th Irish.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

3 years

Righteous Gemstones deserves the amount of discourse on the timeline that Euphoria gets.

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@SamAsItEverWas

3 years

It’s cool that OG&E is a monopoly with no competition but still spends millions to make sure you see an OG&E commercial during every ad break. Wouldn’t want that going toward anything frivolous like maintaining power lines so they don’t go down when it gets a little windy.

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@SamAsItEverWas

1 year

Conservatives had to scramble to find an answer to Tyler Childers going woke so naturally they found a guy who looks like Tyler Childers if his dad owned an RV dealership in a Richmond suburb and had JD Vance ghostwrite his first big hit.

Matt Walsh

@MattWalshBlog

1 year

The main reason this song resonates with so many people isn’t political. It’s because the song is raw and authentic. We are suffocated by artificiality. Everything around us is fake. A guy in the woods pouring his heart over his guitar is real.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

2 years

Cornett’s campaign is pretty much a project of wealthy suburban donors trying to trick Oklahoma City voters into voting out one of the few voices on the council who isn’t willing to be a rubber stamp for their real estate projects.

Michael Downes

@downesphoto

2 years

The amount of hard-right money pouring in from Edmond for an OKC council seat is ridiculous.

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karl anthony townes van zandt

@SamAsItEverWas

3 years

I hit an important milestone in my career today (pissed off a cop by telling her my client wasn’t going to meet with her)

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