Raffi Melkonian @RMFifthCircuit Twitter profile

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

8 years

Hey #appellatetwitter : I collected all our verbal crutches in a google drive document. Let me know of others.

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Last Seen Profiles

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@bubup

Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

Re-reading the Trump PA case just now, I’m struck that perhaps never has a man lost so many cases so quickly. It’s not just the volume of losses, but how fast and total they are. I’m a little impressed.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 months

“Put me in a cell with my client” is the story everyone will tell about this guy forever.

Anthony Michael Kreis

@AnthonyMKreis

4 months

Brian Steel requests that he be jailed with his client.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 months

You're telling me there was a US v. Canada football game where you played American rules in the first half and Canadian in the second and the trophy was a small teapot and we STOPPED PLAYING IT?

Morgan Cameron Ross

@Morgan_C_Ross

7 months

A football match between Canadians and Americans in London, England during WWII in 1944. The game, known as the “Tea Bowl”, drew over 30,000 spectators just months before D-Day. Canada would win 16-6.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

3 years

There's a strange thread circulating about how food was more healthy in the 1980s. I just want to say, as someone who grew up then, it was *much* worse. Comically worse. In almost every way.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

5 years

What??

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

Non-lawyer followers: this litigation (in all the states) is truly blowing my mind. It's as if you're playing chess and your opponent lets off a whoopie cushion, throws a Zebra Cake on the board, and then runs off without pants and says they won. I don't know what else to say.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

2 years

OK, I'm going to live-tweet the Twitter-Musk merger agreement, which just dropped. No judgment, just explaining. For new followers, I was a corporate lawyer at a Fancy Firm a long time ago, and have forgotten a lot! So hopefully that helps me be clear

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

The country needs to come together to completely blow him away. No narrow wins, people. It has to be completely overwhelming. He has to become Mondale. It's the only way.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

1 year

Every time there’s another one of these appalling shooting, I think about what the public policy reaction would be if there were a low-grade terror campaign by a foreign enemy that, every week or so, had suicide attackers assault schools, religious institutions, and malls.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

The perennial lawyering question is a chicken v egg scenario. Did they lose so badly because their lawyers are had or because they’re bringing nonsense claims. Well, the claims. But otoh good lawyers wouldn’t lose those cases because they wouldn’t have brought them.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

Guys, an actual filing in federal court is asking for the court to establish the Stewardship of Gondor in the absence of Aragorn. No, I'm not joking. h.t @questauthority

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

6 years

This is a hobby horse of mine, so apologies. But - most NFL players aren't rich. They make less than a fancy lawyer for 3-4 years - maybe 10 if they're incredibly lucky - then they're left with injured bodies and a gap in their lives while they figure out what to do.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

My mini-thread on the Pennsylvania decision is here. Bottom line: a completely expected but humiliating and harshly worded defeat for Trump. The judge pours calumny on Rudy’s head civilly but brutally.

Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

I’m reading now. But the judge is… not amused.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

The people challenging the drive-through voting procedure here in Houston (Republican operatives) haven't gotten what they wanted from the Texas courts (although one case is still outstanding), so they ran away to federal court. Pathetic. Let's destroy them on Tuesday.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

Ok, here is my complete thread on today’s hearing in PA. Takeaways: I think the Judge was very skeptical of Trump’s claims. I’d expect him to dismiss the case on Friday. Rudy Giuliani … did not do a good job.

Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

OK, I am theoretically in this MD Pa. motion to dismiss hearing conference call. Right now we've got some snappy hold music. But if I'm in, I will live-tweet.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

1 year

Lol

Robert Dunham

@RDunhamDP

1 year

UK Legal Scholars Track Down 17th Century Murder Case, Prove Justice Alito's Version of Framers' Original Intent on Double Jeopardy—Adopted by SCOTUS in Gamble v. United States—is Wrong. @lawdotcom @TheNLJ @JimmyHooverDC

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

Getting creamed on the merits on appeal in 2 days is some kind of land speed record. Not just a motion for stay! A full merits affirmance!

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

3 years

Let me start with Judge Smith's dissent. It is hard to convey the ferocity of it on here. He disagrees in every possible respect. This passage is representative. /4

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

3 years

W....ow. The Fifth Circuit's just held that United Airlines employees might suffer irreparable injury from the company's vaccine mandate. I will tweet the decision here. *Bias alert: I have 0 sympathy for these employees and their claims. So keep that in mind. 1/

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

“What standard of review should I apply?” Rudy: “The normal one.” I can hear the judge’s befuddlement from here. The normal one is not the answer. He wanted “strict scrutiny” or intermediate scrutiny.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

There’s a Sikh man who lives near me takes his very aged father for a long walk, hand in hand, every single morning – whether it’s 100 degrees or 32, and every time I see him I feel better about things. Just the duty and love of it.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

2 years

I've a strong view, formed over many years of litigation, that you should probably not broadcast pictures of the judge you're currently litigating in front of with lasers coming out of her eyes.

Ron Filipkowski

@RonFilipkowski

2 years

On cross-examination today, Alex Jones is confronted on cross that he has been calling the judge (sitting next to him) a “tyrant” on his show during the trial, while showing lasers coming out of her eyes.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

5 months

Imagine your job is to get qualified immunity here

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

No standing for plaintiffs! The case is over.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

1 year

A devoted Rastafarian wanted to keep his locks while imprisoned, and TOOK a copy of the Fifth Circuit's opinion saying he could with him to intake. The guards threw it away and forcibly shaved him. However, he loses his case for damages under circuit precedent. Link coming.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

2 years

I cannot imagine a legitimate scenario where a trial judge hugs one side's lawyers on camera, in public. That's ... bad in every way.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

Right. Again, this is hilarious. Gohmert asked for the appeal to be sped up, with briefing today and tomorrow and reply briefs and amici. The Fifth Circuit said, yeah, never mind, you lose.

Stephanie Douglas

@Steph_A_Douglas

4 years

@RMFifthCircuit This is amazing. I've never seen a ruling so fast it moots the motion to expedite.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

2 years

There’s a lot of confusion on my timeline about whether Elon has a right to walk from the Twitter deal for $1bn. No. He would write that check right this second if he could walk away. The agreement allows Twitter to try to make him buy the company at the price he agreed. 1/

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

At some point it’s just pathetic.

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

4 years

700,000 ballots were not allowed to be viewed in Philadelphia and Pittsburgh which means, based on our great Constitution, we win the State of Pennsylvania!

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

2 years

Even non-lawyers should read Gorsuch in Patel v. Garland for a sense of how impossible our immigration laws are. Patel tried to apply for a Green Card. He checked the wrong box on the form. Immigration authorities said he was lying. 1/

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

Just a reminder, Trump walked through recently deployed tear gas to give a speech with a bible he's never opened. But people are occupying the Capitol, he loves them. Yeah, I'm a little hot right now.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

3 years

All government agencies should be in the shape of what they do.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

I went into a store this PM, and for the first time ran into someone who had printed out a "mask waiver" from facebook. They told her they wouldn't serve her. She put her stuff on the conveyor belt and said "ring me up." Cashier: "Oh I can wait all day for you to leave honey"

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

Every lawyer who signed any of those briefs should be treated with total disdain. I’m sorry. I am not a harsh person. But this litigation was so far beyond the pale, so outrageous, so disloyal to the Constitution. Incredible.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

3 years

We bought a faucet recently, and the salesperson asked us if we wanted it to be wifi capable. No? What?

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

5 years

@nycsouthpaw Did he… send a drone out to take this picture to put on the internet? Because that’s another layer of bananas.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

Jenna Ellis’s fake Roosevelt quote just captures so many perfect things about the Trump legal team.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

2 years

This is genuinely an unbelievable thing to tweet when you’re in serious legal and business jeopardy. It is a masterpiece. The Mona Lisa.

SBF

@SBF_FTX

2 years

21) NOT ADVICE, OF ANY KIND, IN ANY WAY I WAS NOT VERY CAREFUL WITH MY WORDS HERE, AND DO NOT MEAN ANY OF THEM IN A TECHNICAL OR LEGAL SENSE; I MAY WELL HAVE NOT DESCRIBED THINGS RIGHT though I'm trying to be transparent. I'M NOT A GOOD DEV AND PROBABLY MISDESCRIBED SOMETHING.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

Ok, y’all are amazing. Was this you @jodyssanders ?

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

3 years

This is not the first we've heard of this story, but again: the prosector secretly wrote the opinions in his own cases. Just sit with that for a bit.

The Marshall Project

@MarshallProj

3 years

For years, a Texas prosecutor moonlighted as a paid clerk for judges and at times ghostwrote opinions on his own cases, reports @jessica_priest :

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

3 months

Getting a late start today because I was looking for the constitutional text that says you can't use evidence of immune official acts to prosecute non-immune non-official acts.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

2 years

The Fifth Circuit reverses and grants judgment *for* a judge who does a prayer ceremony in his courtroom before hearing cases. Judge Jolly dissents in relevant part. His description of what the scene in Court is like is below. 1/

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

3 years

1: why is there LSAT score discourse on my TL??? 2: oh no.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

Rudy has no idea what levels of scrutiny are. Like he hasn’t heard of them.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

Rudy was unable to express a single clear answer to anything the judge asked; he hardly understood the questions; and then desperately sought to amend his complaint again but didn’t know you needed to file a motion for leave.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

3 years

There were fewer options in every single category, the meat was bad, the veggies were bad, the fruit was bad, the cereals were bad, the restaurants were much worse. I'm talking about person in regular urban or suburban middle class. If you raised your own beef, ok.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

"If I thought plaintiffs had standing, I would deny the injunction as to votes that have already taken place. " So he's making this bullet proof.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

You.... can't make something true by ... just saying it in a Rule 41 Notice of Dismissal. Otherwise all y'all lawyers whose Rule 41s say something other than "We are dismissing this case because we have won and opponents owe us Eleventy Billion Dollars" are doing it wrong.

John Kruzel

@johnkruzel

4 years

🚨BREAKING: The Trump campaign just told a federal judge in MICHIGAN that because the Wayne Co board of canvassers have "declined to certify the results of the presidential election" it will no longer press a lawsuit seeking a judicial order blocking certification

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

2 years

Every lawyer in America laughing to the tune of the rule against perpetuities.

Reid Wilson

@PoliticsReid

2 years

The day before Florida lawmakers voted to create a new board overseeing Disney, the Disney-aligned old board passed an agreement basically neutering the new one, to be in effect until 21 years after the death of the last survivor of King Charles (?!?)

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

The life cycle of a frivolous appeal. Filed, 11:31 am. Motion to expedite filed 1:54 PM. Affirmed, 7:21 PM. Mandate issued 7:33 PM. It’s the mayfly of appeals, except it didn’t even last a day. Ok, I’ll stop making fun of them now. Enough.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

This is such total nonsense, I am in pain.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

2 years

Oh man this is amazing. No random public announcements (that's normal) except Elon Musk is allowed to tweet about the deal (lol) but not if he insults Twitter. I'll get back to the previous topic in a second, but this was too delightful to ignore. /9

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

I would hide in a cave with only a parrot for a friend if I lost cases like this.

Zoe Tillman

@ZoeTillman

4 years

New: Another GOP election challenge loss — 11th Circuit rejected L. Lin Wood's effort to stop Georgia from certifying. The 3-0 opinion, written by Judge Bill Pryor, agreed with the district judge that Wood lacked standing, and concluded it was moot

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

I’m seeing comments like this from the Trumpy right. Just to make this clear for everyone: you always lay out the goods before you show up in court. That’s… how it works. This idea that you go to court and then you drive in a clown car of surprise witnesses is Lionel Hutz stuff.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

3 years

Also, since I can't leave well enough alone, especially when it comes to history, the notion that there was some golden age before the 80s is, alas, not true. The early 20th century especially was a nightmarescape of adulterated foods and weird chemicals that killed.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

“If I conclude that rational basis applies, why don’t they satisfy that standard?” Rudy: “how is this rational?” That isn’t the answer Rudy.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

Rudy says he is “aggrieved” by having been made fun of. Join the club, Rudy. We are all aggrieved by you.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

Imagine you’re the person who decided to cover up that floor.

Steven Fulop

@StevenFulop

4 years

We used Covid-19 shutdown to do projects that would’ve been inconvenient for residents regularly (street paving, park renovations etc). One project was ripping up the 1960s vinyl floor at city hall. We thought we’d find garbage but instead we found the original from 100 yrs ago

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

Look, If you ever think, gee I’m tired I’m not gonna do my work, Justice Ginsburg is here to shame you utterly.

Steven Mazie

@stevenmazie

4 years

New from SCOTUS: Justice Ginsburg is in the hospital with a gallbladder condition. She has undergone a successful procedure and will participate in oral arguments tomorrow morning from her hospital room

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

2 years

I don’t know what’s really happening with this website, but there’s a real Four Seasons Total Landscaping vibe at the moment.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

It is genuinely heartwarming to me that my TL is split between being outraged at how stupid this is, and outraged at the complete misunderstanding of LOTR. Abandoned Gondor! The Kings did not abandon Gondor!

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

3 years

And fast casual? Basically not a thing. Literally the best place to go with friends around me was pizza hut. You can make fun of assembly line burrito places, but they're *much* better than what we had.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

@gtconway3d In a sense, he got it. Surely the competent lawyers he approached told him his claims were frivolous.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

3 years

I wanted to note something about Texas SB8 that's been my hobbyhorse since this law was proposed, and should give pause *even* to people who want abortion banned. Look at the text of the bill. 1/

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

2 years

Elon *really* doesn't know how far the law goes, because otherwise there is going to be some pretty sick stuff on here.

Elon Musk

@elonmusk

2 years

By “free speech”, I simply mean that which matches the law. I am against censorship that goes far beyond the law. If people want less free speech, they will ask government to pass laws to that effect. Therefore, going beyond the law is contrary to the will of the people.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

3 years

Like if you're unsure why FDA regulates the amount of insects and rodent excretae there is in your flour, I have your answer.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

I've tragic news. My wife's first cousin, Hilda, died from COVID-19 this week. She was a lovely person, the maid of honor at our wedding. Our family is utterly crushed. There's a gofundme. Not asking you to donate - I'm linking so you can see her.

Hilda Grigorian, organized by Henry Grigorian

On April 14, 2020, we lost our beloved Hilda Grigorian to COVID-19. Hilda was a daughter, sister, sis… Henry Grigorian needs your support for Hilda Grigorian

www.gofundme.com

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

This Alito order … does literally nothing to help Trump.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

5 years

Sorry about being hyperbolic in tweets above but I am honestly flabbergasted that DOJ has to get in front of a federal judge and admit they don't really know what the President means but everything they told the judge the other day was not true.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

I’m reading now. But the judge is… not amused.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

2 years

You could have quite a good podcast that was nothing but explaining, with no thumb on the scale, crazy making aspects of criminal law and a no lawyer would be the guest and they’d say “wait are you sure” and the lawyer would say “yes” and that’s the show.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

3 months

What a nightmare this opinion is. Oof.

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@RMFifthCircuit

1 year

In case you don’t read to the end of the abstract, @WilliamBaude and Professor Paulsen say that Donald Trump is, right now, disqualified from being President.

William Baude

@WilliamBaude

1 year

New Article: The Sweep and Force of Section Three, by Michael Stokes Paulsen and me, forthcoming @PennLRev

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@RMFifthCircuit

1 year

Holy Moly - CA5 holds that Mississippi's law disenfranchising various felons for life violates the Eighth Amendment! Vote is 2-1, Jones dissenting 1/

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

14 days

OK if you have some kind of public confession tonight is the night.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

OK, I am theoretically in this MD Pa. motion to dismiss hearing conference call. Right now we've got some snappy hold music. But if I'm in, I will live-tweet.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

I see there's some discussion about whether Aronchik is being too harsh on Rudy. It's harsh, but I don't think it crosses a line. Someone has to say on that side this is crazy.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

Wow - Sotomayor contrasts the Court’s reliance on Cuomo’s allegedly anti-religious comments here with Trump’s on the Muslim ban.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

I could never have imagined the President of the United States would litigate like this. It's impossible that this is happening. And yet.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

3 years

Oh, bread. My supermarket now has a bakery where it bakes decent bread with a real crust twice a day at least. It's not *amazing* but it's very good. That bread would have been at the fancy French bakery when I was a kid you'd go to 2x a year.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

2 years

OK, here we are! Very first thing, confirming that indeed, Twitter is asking that the Court force Musk to buy Twitter at the contract price. Again, this case is *NOT* about a $1 billion termination fee. 1/

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

Thank you all for the encouragement. I am pooped. And have actual work (I'm like a lawyer or some such). One last note: mighty lawyering from everyone involving on the side of voters, especially @ChristinaA_Ford . Y'all make me proud.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

1 year

Beckham missed out on a career as a trial lawyer.

AFC GLEN

@AFC_GLEN

1 year

Hahahaha David Beckham wasn’t having Victoria as coming from a working class family.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

2 years

Ah, my favorite Westlaw result, a yellow flag on a supreme court opinion caused by a trial court casting doubt on the case.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

He showed up in Court with a bunch of pictures but they're not in the complaint and he hasn't shared them with anyone and he's trying to hand them to the judge (no).

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

3 years

Judge Smith calls for en banc reconsideration, even though the case is unpublished, because, in his view, the opinion overturns well-established Fifth Circuit precedent. "The Good Ship Fifth Circuit is on fire" he says. /5

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

2 years

Lawyers: Listen, Elon, you were defrauded by this bot situation, you understand, and you relied on those frauds to buy twitter. We wrote that all down. Elon: Absolutely, like you said I'll go online and say I wasn't tricked. Lawyers: No, the opposite of that. Elon: Got it.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

History side-note moment: I read this 1776 report. I'll leave to others the various errors and whatnot. But it is a singularly bad piece of writing. Like how I wrote as a first year college student, but before my teacher told me to try again.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 months

@BroyleTim I don't really know what's going on in the case more generally. But basically, the defense lawyer found out the judge had been pressuring a witness to testify with the DA but without defense counsel. The Judge told him to say how he found out. Counsel refused, and the judge 1/

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

A note: there is no actual answer to this, but the Trump non-Rudy lawyer is saying some words, but they are not in an order I totally understand.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

I’ve sketched out the sources of American law as I now understand them.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

"I also do not find the voting to be illegal. These are registered voters who gave their ID."

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

This is, to be clear, completely insane.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

The Trump brief is now late. Again, probably nothing will happen to them. But it’s late.

Matthew Stiegler

@MatthewStiegler

4 years

THEY BLEW THE DEADLINE. AGAIN.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

This may be obvious to everyone, but in case it needs to be said, SCOTUS needs to shut this mess (the Paxton lawsuit) down today. Asap.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

"We're trying to disenfranchise up to 1.5 million people, not 6 million" is not the ace they think it is.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

4 years

Was just presented this chart of my performance as a father.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

3 years

The quoted email here is just shocking. Not that we didn’t know Trump was pressing DOJ to bring these claims. Of course he was. But in black and white.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

8 months

@JohnJHarwood @gtconway3d @JoyceWhiteVance @AWeissmann_ He has 30 days after judgment, which is not yet, to bond the judgment or put the money somewhere safe, pending appeal. Otherwise enforcement can begin. But often plaintiffs will reach some sort of agreement with the defendant about bonding pending appeal.

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Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit

2 years

I'm 43 years old. 'm an appellate lawyer who has litigated dozens of cases. This is my routine.