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@NotAtticusSmith

844
Followers
392
Following
156
Media
803
Statuses

Love my country. Love my Guns. Still love my ex-gf. Parody.

Joined September 2023
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
3 months
Chick I’m on a date with just ordered an angel shot, hell yeah let’s get drunk!
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
5 months
Thanks AT&T, because of your shitty network I was late for work because my mom wasn’t able to call me and wake me up (25 yo male)
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
3 months
Salute the flag when you walk in
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
Commenting “hit it first” on my one night stand’s wedding post
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
3 months
She sent a picture of her horse, back to the drawing board
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
3 months
Met a cool chick, time to delete
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
Goaltending
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
1 month
Watching CNN not because I’m a stupid lib, rather because I’m stupid horny
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
And to think I probably drove home this night
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
1 month
“This is the most important election of your life” Oh I’m sorry, is one of them going to legalize cocaine?
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
5 months
@slothy_420 She’s not allowed to do that anymore after the Fortnite porn incident
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
6 months
Breakfast
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
5 months
Driving home from the bar
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
Just saw a black man crying at the doctor with a heavy set white woman, one can only assume she just got prescribed ozempic
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
5 months
The far left can’t fathom that this is all I need to survive
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
Did I stutter
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
W
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
Saying zyn’s last one hour is like saying I last 5 minutes in bed
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
Bad day to be my digestive system
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
Next question
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
@CasualburnerAfc A very pretty lady who probably bear witness to the greatest beer burp of all time
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
@murrayhillmike No beer unit shaming
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
1 month
@Youhappentohear Would I get blocked if I posted shaft (circumcised) and balls?
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
1 month
Yes, two gargantuans please
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
6 months
Peed white in my sleep again
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
2 months
My digital footprint will haunt me forever
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
5 months
@RLHoitzII The 6 year old working the cash register when you come in yelling demanding answers
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
@blueyedcole 3/4 is good but 4/4 would’ve been great
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
15 days
@NicholasSwag69 If you don’t want bottom one lmk I can make a trade
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
3 months
Who let my 14 year old brother cook this hard
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
6 months
Doing a little bit of research
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
3 months
@sacks70214 She’s got birthing shoulders
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
3 months
Met a cool chick, time to delete
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
3 months
Try kneeling for this and see what happens, pal
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@NotAtticusSmith
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4 months
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
6 months
“License and registration please” Me:
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
Yeah that’s an automatic purchase for my crib
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@TRHLofficial
The Redheaded libertarian
4 months
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
5 months
One of those chill in your car and eat half a dozen deviled eggs kinda night
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, so I watch the Master’s on company time
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
6 months
Well my ex canceled the Spotify premium I was using which unfortunately means I am revoking her Dads access to my Disney +. Good guy. Hate to see him caught in the crossfire
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
6 months
I tried out pizza’ing the hut
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
3 months
If you can balance a beer on a urinal you can pass a field sobriety test
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
Good morning
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
3 months
I need every picture of Sydney Sweeney please
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
When I get drafted for WW3
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
@local_hooperr Only OG’s
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
You clearly don’t know me
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
Back to the drawing board😈
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
STD results coming in today, Doctor has the chance to play the funniest April fools joke of all time
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
3 months
Going to reach for my wallet really fast to save him some time
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
6 months
Friendly neighborhood Mr. Patel
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@wiseconnector
W 𝗜 𝗦 𝗘 𝗖 𝗢 𝗡 𝗡 𝗘 𝗖 𝗧 𝗢 𝗥 ™ 💬
6 months
What would you do with this space?
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
5 months
Lunch
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
Unemployed friend at 2:30PM on a Monday
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
5 months
Always that one roommate
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
3 months
Incredible Hinge Juggernaut
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
3 months
Sexting in the Uber isn’t illegal but it is frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
15 days
@NicholasSwag69 I can offer a 1st but they have locker room problems (baggage) or two 2nd’s that have both been but they’re a little older and could be worn out (ran through)
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
3 months
“Do you want my number or my snap?” Well, do you plan on sending nudes over text?
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
12 days
Real snap I just sent
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
1 month
Add this to your bag (had sex last night)
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
5 months
Sending this to my boy’s in Canada so they can use it as a hockey puck
@LincolnRiley
Lincoln Riley
3 years
Happy Easter‼️ 👨‍🍳
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@NotAtticusSmith
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5 months
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
6 months
Tits guy in an ass world
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
5 months
With the looming fear of these cyber attacks, I may have to change my password from “Password1” to “Password123”
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
14 days
Just made a sex joke to my sexy coworker and now I’m filling out a sheet that says “HR” which I can can only assume stands for “horny retard”
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
3 months
My b
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
Setting my homies up with my cousin so that we can finally be Eskimo bros
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
3 months
Breaking the ice with a chick from tinder after getting the snap by immediately sending a nut vid with sound
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
3 months
Oh you liked my Instagram story? That’s a body
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
1 month
Tried to take another piss vid to make it go viral again but it’s just me screaming in agony because it burns so bad
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
22 days
@bellesreelsbae Respectfully, the international space station can probably see you
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
@DUDEwipes get here
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
17 days
Ignoring all texts like this because of new NCAA football #NCAA25
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
6 months
@OTD2point0 I bet he saluted that first anthem
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
1 month
Honestly just reactivated because I needed to access all of the porn I had in my bookmarks so I could screenrecord it
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
Gym crushes come and go, but the thrill of following each one to their car will always stay the same
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
5 months
The coolest thing I ever did was eat 13 $1 hot dogs in one sitting
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
5 months
How do you make a girl organism
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
Just watched a family of 4 drive over this and crash and die
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
5 months
The only thing that would cure this hangover
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
11 days
Getting pretty full, all proceeds go to end of year kegger
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
Chat is this a good response?
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
Instagram rizz masterclass
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
6 months
So many local hot single milf’s in my area that want to have sex with me
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
3 months
I’m a serial Instagram story liker
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
Alternating between spearmint and wintergreen zyns like a bisexual trying to decide if they like penis or vagina
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
5 months
Yeah I sometimes sit when I pee who hasn’t
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
@yellohatman People don’t slobber like they used to
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
5 months
Yo can someone bring me some toilet paper
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@NotAtticusSmith
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3 months
Cause im tryna get in those draws
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
16 days
Searching “hinge” on my phone to show my date I don’t have the app anymore and 47 contacts with “hinge” in their contact name pop up
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
1 month
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
5 months
Who’s gonna carry the boats
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
6 months
Just cried watching Dune, not because of the plot but because it reminded me of her
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
About to take a massive they/them dump
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
4 months
If you ever feel the want to self inflict depression and/or suicidal tendencies, just go get your haircut at Sports Clips
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@NotAtticusSmith
Atticus
6 months
She said are you rich rich
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